ALL OF LIFE IS EPHEMERAL

OUR SAD LITTLE TREE'S NAKED SEASON IS EPHEMERAL

IT IS NICE TO HAVE MY CUPBORDS ORGANIZED AND PRETTY

Does anyone know what ephemeral means?

Why do I keep continially losing things?

Some things are unimportant but mostly I lose what I value the most.

"We will lose what we love, but we will have loved."

One of the worst loss I had lately when I lost a tooth. There was this horrible gaping hole and no way was I going to smile. Fortunately this was fixed temporarily and I am reminded of how much of life is spent in trying to "fix" things.

Instead I am trying to learn to stop and be aware of my thoughts and emotions instead of getting frantic. Retracing your steps can be helpful. It is time to take a breath and to laugh. It is time to pray and to believe that if it is meant to be we will find it.

Sure enough my cell phone was found on the floor of the back seat of Dad's car!

COLOURS

MANY PRETTY CHRISTMAS COLOURS - MY CAMERA BOOK GIVES PAGES OF INSTRUCTIONS TO MAKE A SOFT FLOWING PICTURE LIKE THIS - GRAMA DOES IT ON THE FIRST TRY!!

Our lives are coloured and enriched byour many various experiences. Fortunately most of them are joyous and life affirming. But none of us escape moments of sadness and difficulty. We have been told that it is through the hard times we develope character and strength.

I think that it is important to remember that we are all very fragile and we do not always let on when we are hurting. I think it is important to share our feelings and to keep expecting things to get better.

There will be times when we just do not understand someone who we thought we knew so well. It is hard to see beauty in a world full of grayness and hopelessness. I believe that we are surrounded by a beautiful love and that it never disappears but will come again and again.

Today it is very hard for me to make another trip to the doctor but I tell myself that really I am healthy and have so much to be thankful for. My 100 year old friend named May said to me yesterday "Now dear, you go home and look after yourself and thank you so very much for coming to visit me!"

Larry drove me because he thought I was still wobbly from the pills I had taken. And he bought me a beautiful box of Valentine chocolates which I am enjoying. Came home and had a visit with Kim and later saw Mary in a beautiful bridal gown It seems like just yesterday we were admiring Theresa in her beautiful gown. And litttle Ben was so precious in his little suit.

. So yesterday had some colour and today I am feeling much better!

So the pills really made me depressed and dad insists I do not take them.

I am going out walking to see if I can find my cell phone. I did have a little slip and I wonder if it fell out. Janet phoned she had a nasty fall and hurt her tail-bone. We will walk together next week.

The news we heard from Kim is that Carol and Pantali may not go to China until May, very disappointing for Carol.

Not This one - but Grampa likes it!

Sandra and Mary traveled through a snow storm down to the US of A the other day to look at wedding dresses.

FORGIVENESS OPENS THE DOOR TO HAPPINESS

It is good to let the past go and let our souls rejoice in the goodness and faithfulness of God's love.

Yesterday was a good day. We got out of the house and had a great visit with Theresa and Kim. We were reminded in church the joy of the Lord is our strength and as we invite Jesus into our brokenness we are healed by His grace.

There is a time to let tje tears flow but then comes the time for healing.

When we arrived home there was a pot of chicken soup on the doorstep totally unexpected. jANE IS SUCH A GOOD FRIEND


To1day the snow has nearly all melted and it will be so frreeing to walk in the fresh air and enjoy the beauty of nature. Even a tree bare of all it's leaves has a beauty as it's branches reah up to the sky. aND WE KNOW THE LEAVES WILL RETURN.

Today I will be able to go visiting and I will be warmly received.

Today I want to write to our girl in the Congo. We have pictures of her as a small child now she is a lovely young gitl. They have a well to get clean water from and have all been given new shoes. Not a lot but at least we are making their lives a little better. HIV/AIDS are big problems. They also go to school. There is a health center for her to go to if she is sick.

We are looking forward to some of our family coming over on Sunday, especially Chris. It was good to hear the news from Ranu. And especially good to see smiling faces of
Brittany and Bryan safe back home even after losing their wallwt and camera

TOO MUCH

Writing too much can prove dangerous!

That is why a diary is probably better than a blog. You pour your heart out in page after page then you close the book and your secrets are safe. I am now going through some of my books and will be tossing them away. Not that I am ashamed of the pain I carry but I feel it needs to be private between the dear Lord and me. God has been my comforter and always will be; whichis because we have no secrets.

Anyway I will not take my pill today and cope with any pain the best I can. I still hope and pray it will vanish. Not because I pray for myself because I do not but others do and I am sure the good Lord hears there prayers.

I have been so very blessed this year with friends making me special cookies and friends clearly off our driveway and all the people who smile at me when I am walking. I am appreciating nature more as I look to see what would be a good picture.

My brother phoned yesterday concerned about Chris and no one prays like he does. So the answers are coming blowing on that wind and they will bring healing and hope and a new day!

WORDLESS FAITH

YESTERDAY cATHY CAME IN FOR TEA BRINGING mURPHY THE DOG WITH HER.
He had to explore every inch of our house. He chased the birds as they flew by the window.
He gobbled up the dog biscuits wagging his tail in thanks. Murphy is a big German shepherd.

This morning as I sit and say my morning prayers my mind wonders back to my childhood experience of church. I would feel so small in our huge church and the minister so powerful in his flowing robes.

My mind would wander to the stained glass windows. I would imagine myself climbing into the picture right upon the knee of Jesus. I knew his eyes had beckoned for me to come. I felt his strong arms and experienced the love that flowed like a glorious light into my being. I was delighted when the birds came to sit on his hand and amazed at the lion and the lamb lying together at his feet. One came with a sore paw that he put on his knee and it was healed.

To enter that picture was to enter into a place of awesome beauty and peace; a place of forgiveness and acceptance. I wanted to invite everyone to come. To come to a place where there where no words but the pure beauty of peace and stillness.

When I feel deeply sad and worried for one of my family I try to bring them with me into that healing light. I believe Jesus heals the wounds of our past and when we leave his presence we have been given new strength to cope with the ugliness that misunderstanding brings.

THE BOOTS

THESE BOOT WERE MADE FOR WALKING - AND HOPEFULLY SHOVELING SNOW

We drove all over town to get the right boots for dad. He has such trouble with his feet. We went to
Guildford and to Langley and many other places and finally found some at the store by White Spot. It will be a miracle if he can get out a bit more. I will go walking today the snow looks beautiful and I know it will soon be gone.

My heart is heavy worrying about Chris because I know the huge amount of pain he is carrying.
I was crying when I went up at church for prayer for him. I had a short talk with him on the phone but we are only grandparents and have to step back. He is exhausted from his work, I do not think his health is that great and now he is feeling emotional pain that comes and darkens the soul and all you want to do is to hide and sleep.

I phone Brian to have him say a prayer. He and Traudel are doing some cross country skiing but she can not ski the mountain like she use to. I asked him to pray for Chris. Right away he asked if he was having touble with his girlfriend and they had a big fight and if he was in the occult. He may be with his video games. He promised to pray and this is his life.

He has seen horrible things as a mountie that have driven many mounties to drink. God has done amazing things in his life and I love him because he is my brother. Yes, he can be too serious but he loves his family and offered to help Karl load his Buffalo as he is hoping to get rid of his herd. Karl and Mark are good kids. Larry has trouble understanding Brian but all God asks us to do is to love unconditionally. Dad now knows what it is like to not to be able to be a great skater or even to curl or clear the driveway without falling.

Chris could come and stay with us even for a weekend if that would help.

My prayer is that he will somehow be able to feel that he is loved because he is a good person who has had a difficult life.

Many great people have known depression and have been very creative. I know when I was depressed it was hard to find the way out. We weigh our soul down with our sadness and disappointment and pills may help but we have to work through the layers of grief one by one.
Even today the old grief still haunts me when I felt so alone and so vulnerable.

Cathy has returned this morning and there is more snow. Dad is inviting her in for tea.

A man from church wants bell center] to read some of my writing. I may email him some.
I can handle pain when I know the cause and I am hopeful this new pill will give me some relief if not I will just give up. I just feel so extremely sad, my whole heart aches for Christopher.

I have prayed non-stop for Leah and for Belinda and Kenny for Matthew so I have to believe that God will answer this prayer. I am crying again and I feel so hopeless.