NOTHING

I had plans for a lazy day just spreading some bark mulch and doing some wedding.  Found out I did not have enough so off to Home Depot and bought a few extra plants while I was there.  Came home all excited and happy to plant them and after i had found the right spot which is a big decisions I tucked them into the dirt and stood back to admire them.  It was then I remembered I had forgot the bone meal so dug them up and replanted them; but by this time the plants looked very unhappy and I talked to them telling them life was not always easy.

It  would hit home to me in the evening with my tired body dressed by bed ready to watch a funny show when dad felt pain in his kidney.  I felt so bad seeing him in pain.  He drank some water and I got the heating pad for his back and got dressed and went to buy some cranberry juice.  They only had a few people working the tiles and the lines were all really long.  Meanwhile dad was worrying because I took so long.
He seemed better and has slept all night.

I talked to several neighbors while I worked in the garden and we talked about health problems.   every age has it's problems and there are things you just have to learn to live with.  But my advice is to take care of your health to the best of your ability while you are younger.

I do enjoy the warmth of the sun and the silent times outside.  A time to let my thoughts become quiet and my emotions calm..  I think about all the different changes in my life from marriage to babies to being a grandmother and great grandmother.  I think about the miracle of new growth and listen to hear the whisper that  reminds me to embrace my humanness aware of the unconditional love that surrounds us al

NOTHING is quite as comforting as a gentle snoring beside you.  All is well!

We are cancelling our plans to drive over to Burnaby to see Shirley.

SUNSHINE AT LAST

The sun finally decided to shine maybe the wind  blew the clouds away.

I came upon my friendly lady bug as I was pulling up the weeds.

Dad and I are going out together to the library and to get some paint at Home Depot.   I always come home with a pile of books that cover the end tables and my night table.  But  for today and t-morrow it will be "The Case For God" by Karen Armstrong.  This book goes into the ebb and flow of religious life that includes historical knowledge and insight. 

Yes, our ideas about God have been limited and often that is because of our experiences.
There are now two distinct paths, one fundamentalism and the other atheism.  Fundamentalism is known for taking the Bible as literal truth and this has to arguments which leads us away from the beauty and honesty portrayed in ordinary lives with all their weaknesses and vulnerability.

The Royal Wedding reminds us that we want to believe in love that can grow and enrich our lives and the lives of others.  Words, even the words of scripture, fail in expressing the transcendental reality in which the ordinary can take on the radiance of the mystica

"Religion is a practical discipline that teaches us to discover new capacities of mind and heart".

WILD GOOSE CHASE

Dad and his friend Gordon set off to the airport to find Bomber Joe's Book Store.  I thought they were go to see a bomber.  Like many things we remember from our past when we go back we find that they have changed or disappeared.  They had lunch at the place that was still there where dad would go occasionally when he was working.  The Flying Eagle?  Something like that.

It was too cold to do any work in the garden, the cold that seeps into your bones and makes you feel miserable.  I am cheered up as I see the flowers growing and decide to go for the second walk of the day.  I started out with a happy heart on a mission to pick things up at the dollar store.  I was annoyed at myself when I started to peter out; but at least I did get what I set out for.

Nice to be home and settle with a blanket and a piece of chocolate cake to read a book.  Only to keep falling asleep.  I have a chapter to read for our book discussion club on Sat. Night on faith and science.  It is not wildly exciting in any fashion.  Still I look forward to the discussion that it will provoke.

We both came alive after our naps, dad had one too, to watch the Montreal game.  Too bad Montreal lost but they had played a good game.

Dad is driving our friend to get meds. this morning.  They get along well and she wants to meet me so they may come back here after.  Looks like another cold gray day when you wish you where someplace else.

Dante expresses the opinion "In His Will is our peace."

I am not living a destiny imposed upon me but each day a day I have the freedom to make both wise and dumb choices; and still feel that I am supported by a loving reality.  I want to walk down to see the ducks so I do hope it stops raining.

UNBELIEVERS

I cannot believe my computer has gone blank three times.  It is annoying beyond belied

Most of us wanted to believe that the Canucks would win.  They are a good team and they put all their heart and strength into the game.  As I was drawn into the excitement I was wishing, and hoping and praying and I wanted to believe they could win.  Panteli came and joined us to cheer on the team.  So even though it is raining today our unbelief has disappeared and the rain seems to be beautiful because everything has changed for a time.  We are all winners and can share in the excitement of this moment.

During the past few weeks I have been drawn into the gospel stories and I honestly know that I read them with belief because I want to.  History is fascinating to us all as we read stories written about the past.  What we believe affects what we do.  Today we feel like winners.

The disciples who walked with Jesus felt like winners and the freedom he was promising was freedom from suffering and oppression.  They had been longing for a powerful leader, one who inspired faith by his words and his actions.  People where healed just by touching his robe, or by his putting spit on their eyes, or by his words.  Words that produced healing life.

Their hopes and dreams died as they ran and deserted him crushed by unbelief.

Jesus was leaving earthly time to enter into eternal time.  Unbelievable. 

His life lives on in all that is beautiful and even the sorrows of this life promise hope that is beyond our understanding but within the belief that each one of us carries about life's potential.

Yesterday I sat in the sunshine pulling weeds that I know will have grown again over night.  It is an on going battle.  Just like my battle with gluten that I can never ignore although some may think it is exaggerated.  It is certainly no fun having to check all the ingredients.  I am sure it was easier for Sandra to make a cake that was full of gluten than having to figure out what can be used and what cannot. 

I certainly appreciate her delicious chocolate cake.

This is what I need when checking labels.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN AND AGAIN

Saturday was very springlike and sunny.

Easter morning we picked up Morgan and Ben at Grama Robbie's house to drive to Theresa and Mikie's.  They where very happy and excited after already filling their baskets with Easter goodies.

We where all in a happy mood and the ride sped quickly by.  Signs of spring are all around as the trees are starting to turn that love shade of gentle spring green.  A cool day for driving but not actually raining.  The Easter Bunny had come again to their place so they excitedly looked for eggs everywhere imaginable.  This brings back memories of my own happy four on Easter morning.  Then to pass the time to wait for others coming the puzzle was set up.  After all the eggs had been found!

A puzzle of a thousand pieces will be a challenge

We waited for Rick to come with Sandra and also Leah and Craig.

Lots of good fun and laughter.

Then it was time to hit the road home to take Sandra home and listen to the hockey game.

It was not until we got home that we remembered we had to pick up Panteli's house keys that Theresa had used to get into the apartment to get the big table out.

Mikie was called out to work as a firetruck had a nail in their tire.  That was disappointing.

So we were on the road again to drive out to meet Theresa to exchange keys.  We meet three-quarters of the way and listened to good time music on the radio.

It seemed like we just got home when an up dated message came from Carol to say Panteli would be arriving at 7 not 8.  It was cloudy but a little bit of sun was shining.

Arriving at the airport we discovered the plane was to be nearly three hours late.

Too long for us oldies to wait at the airport and like dad said Panteli would not expect us to.  Sure enough he called when he arrived and was happy to take a taxi home.

We had plans for today to drive out to see our friend in Burnaby but sometimes plans have to change.  Dad is a good driver and likes to drive but not quite this much.  I know I feel worn out today. 

But I am off for a good brisk walk

Maybe do a little in the garden

Cancelled our drive to Burnaby

And read my books!

Thanks Theresa and Mikie



THE GIFTS

The gifts of love can be lost in the busyness of life.  They can be received by those who believe.

Easter has been a very busy time for me with the joy of being with my family, each one I love dearly.

I felt so bad when Rick dropped his I-phone in our pond but accidents happen so quickly and I am thankful it can be replaced.  I feel sad that Sandra had a miserable fall down her stairs and pulled a muscle and was in more pain.  Stairs can be tricky.  We all need to be careful!

Church did not grip me emotionally but I think that was the space I was in. 

The dinner at Theresa's was awesome and it was good to be with family.

The greatest fun for the children is finding the eggs that are hidden. 

We sometimes hide our emotions but they are still very real inside of us!

The minister reminded us to look with new eyes into the eyes of others, to appreciatted the feet of Jesus that walked the same earth upon which we walk, and that as we meet each other on our journey of life-not where we may want them to be-but accepting the place where they are and extend dignity to all.

Mystery appears unexpected in all our lives.

I wish that I had made more time to just sit and cuddle my children but there was always so much that needed to be done.

I have loved being a mom, a grandmom and now a great grandmom!

SPRINGTIME

It still feels cold especially in the morning and the sun is a welcome warmth that is bring new life into my garden.  The earth was looking so hard and barren but every day I notice new little flowers bursting forth.
Springtime and Easter are for us here a time of new life and rebirth.  The warmth of the sun and the falling rain brings the earth to life, just as the wind of the spirit awakens the soul within us all.

I am staying home from the services except for Easter morning, and just reading the scripture instead.  Whatever caused the painful bloating has left me tired and nauseated again.  I am being so careful making sure there is no wheat in anything.  I need to be like Sherlock Homes and use a spy glass to check all the ingredients listed
.

Today Ava is coming over with her little one year old so I had better move a few things out of reach.  Theresa is also dropping by to pick up the keys of her mom's place so she can get the big dining room table.
Rick is arriving sometime but at this point I do not know exactly when.  Then there is a little shopping that should be done.  It is amazing how the days seem to pass so quickly.

Good Friday reminds us that we live in a world where there will be suffering and that we are to share our suffering as we walk with one another.

Easter is all about a faith that redeems and the beauty of hope and the joy of celebration!

Peace be with you.     Happy Easter!

THE POWER OF LIGHT

Amazing.  Light always reminds me that there is more that is unseen than we realize.  God can see to be so hidden but suddenly our blind doubting can burst forth like light.  Sometimes it can happen at a point of near-hopelessness, when the road seems to hard and the way too dark.

But there is a moment when you believe that you can overcome and what has been hidden becomes so real.

Life is amazing and each day the dawn appears to shine upon us all!

DEFEATED

Surrounded by cheering and adoring fans the Canucks lost badly and where defeated by a better team.
Silent and depressed the crowd leaves wondering what went wrong and who is to blame.
Life can force us to accept what seems like defeat when all are hopes and dreams are dying.

The disciples feel defeated at the arrest of Jesus and cannot even bear to see him dying on the cross.
The way is open to God the Father by the death of the son who struggled with this, the will of His Father
who would bring victory out of this defeat.

    A magnificent act of trust and faith that reveals the compassion of love that forgives even when forgiveness is costly.

Sandra had packed the car with groceries but then it refused to start.  A lifeless car is no good to anyone.
Thankfully the battery was re-connected and the groceries that had been transferred into dad's car where loaded back into hers. 

As one grows older it can feel like you are defeated by a body that refuses to work. 
We know that we have to keep trying to find solutions that can help
I felt defeated yesterday when I could not move because of painful gas in my stomach.
There was no reason as I have been so ultra careful.  That is discouraging.

For those who believed in Jesus as their savior and future king all their faith was crushed with the death of Jesus on the cross.  Defeated his followers fled.  This is not how the story should end and the future was dark and the agony crushed the very life from their souls. 
We all have felt let down at times.  We all have felt unloved and unlovable.

"It will require a death
a humbling.
a leaving behind of the old mind,
and at times it will require an opening up,
losing our hold,
and letting go. so that we can receive, expand, find, hear, see and enjoy."
This is from "Love Wins" by Rob Bell.

We can choose to see that there is an open gate in front of us and believe that love never dies.

The good news has to be able to reach the prodigals who long to come home and yet feel they are unworthy.  The story does not end there but new life that can touch each one of us has the power to transform all our ugliness and bring beauty to our souls once again.

I will re write this but it is time for a walk!

HOLINESS

Take time to be holy let the light shine in!

 This week is called Holy Week with many different services and I would love to go to them all.
Last Sunday was palm Sunday when we walked down the aisle waving palm branches.  I believe that this was a time when everyone was spiritually alive with a new faith to believe in miracles.  I was thinking about the several people walking with crutches and canes in our community and it would be wonderful for them to be healed.

Dad's legs are very painful and getting weaker and I am trying to convince him to try everything even if others say it is no good.  He has started with his foot bath and tense that gives electric shocks I think.  When you are used to being active it is hard to realize you have to give up more and more things in your life that you used to do.

Good Friday, why good no one knows, except that as we enter the darkness and pain of this day God is with us and He is still good.  I am finding myself remembering some of sadness that my heart has experienced in the past.  I also realize that I was not always sensitive to the pain of others and this I regret.

As I read the scriptures that tell the Easter Story I realise that to understand the Jewish traditions and rituals is not an easy thing for us to do.  Jesus is the Holiness present in every dimension of creation and every moment in time.  He can be described as grace, peace, love, acceptance, healing,  and forgiveness.  The words of Jesus have been confrontational and his actions even more so.  Tax collectors and prostitutes, the poor and the sick outcasts have found hope and new life. 

Jesus said at the beginning of his ministry I have come to set the captives free! 

Jesus is with in and beyond all time and if we are willingto give up our disillusionment with life
 we will begin to see the holiness of the light breaking through.

MY GARDEN

One side of my garden.

Yes, I think I was the inspiration for Cathy to do her garden as she always commented on mine.  It makes me happy when people walk by and admire it.  Spiritual grow is all about sharing and caring.  Sharing what is important to us keeps relationships alive!

Today I have my walk then U.C.W. at the church where we are sharing our favorite quotes.  Friends that I have had for many years!  I am looking for quotes.  From the Bible I like it when Jesus says he is the vine and we are the branches.  The vine includes all the different branches into which his life can flow.

"Knowledge is like a garden, if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested".  African Proverb.

TIME

It took time and planning to create the first stages of my neighbor Cathy's garden.  The rocks were specially picked as was each plant.  My garden is wild and crazy as I have no idea or picture in my head of what I want to create.

I think that my life like a lot of peoples is so busy that I do not stop and think what am I trying to create with the time I have here in this crazy world; within myself and within my relationships.  What are my priorities, my talents, my joys?  I know I want to be able to keep active but also take time to rest when I need it.  I want to be near my family and enjoy hanging out with them.  I want to keep learning and laughing and helping. 

Yesterday I decided to phone my doctor about getting the medicine we both have been prescribed thinking there would be no opening so dad could phone his doctor.  But believe it or not there had been a cancellation and I was able to get right in.  It was good that I went and had the first good talk about celiac disease with my doctor.  I apologized for being miserable the last time I had been in but he said he realized that I was feeling miserable.  I am doing so much better now that I take the time to read the labels and make sure I am being as careful as I can.

We found the hospital in Maple Ridge in good time but finding our friend who was the patient was like taking all the wrong roads until we were actually given directions by some helpful people who were not staff.  They had no time to help us and just kept saying "no she is not here"

Trying to live what I believe is a challenge.

Lasting change takes time and effort.  I do not want to be distracted by the ways I think things should be or by what others say or think.  I think we all do have deeply ingrained belief systems that become more and more important to us as we get older.

Today we will be driving Panteli to the airport which take a little more time, than usual, as we wait for him to teach a class in Richmond at the college.  Time for us to have lunch.  His teaching schedule was set up before his plans to a short visit to see Carol in the Grand Cayman Islands where arranged.  First dad will be driving our friends daughter to get her meds.  I have to wake him up before my walk.

This is the Golden Ears Bridge on the way to Maple Ridge.

SUNSHINE

I love the warmth of the sunshine on my back as I putter around in my garden.  Seeing thinhgs start to grow is always amazing.  My neighbor Cathy has help planning and planting her front garden.  It looks so completely different now that all the big bushes are gone.  I will take a picture today on my walk with Gunty.

So good to see Jane in church yesterday even with her crutches.  Waiting for her knee to heal can be tough when you are used to be active.

Dad spent a very quiet day but is feeling better.  Dr. Donaldson suggested I take Pariet for my small hernia and dad takes the same pill.  I had stopped taking them and now I have been taking dads.  They really help him and he first tried mine before he got them from his doctor.  We are now running out and neither of us really want to go to the doctor.  You could see this as a healthy sign eh!

If dad feels up to it we will drive over to Maple Ridge to see our friend in hospital there.  If not I will have to clean up inside this house where I have managed to bring more dirt in than I scattered around outside.

It would have been wonderful to follow Jesus about and sit on the warm grass to listen to the words that would echo through the Universe.  Jesus is for me the One who holds the whole universe in his hands and he lived within time and without being limited by time.  We re-enact his triumphant ride into Jerusalem on two donkeys and our hearts want to sing with joy and expectation. 

I love watching the dancing I put on my face book from what some one else had down loaded.  I love it.

The sunshine calls new life to rise up from the earth and calls us to celebrate all that we have been given.

GETTING OLD

You only get old once so I will try and enjoy it.  The walk to the church seemed so much longer so I was grateful for a ride.  Selling the books at the book store at church I almost gave more money back than I should.  I bought two Teddy Bears and Dad bought two teddy bears.  We can show them to Mathew and Jasmine on skype.

I got lost driving to Cathy's house.  I left dad home with chicken soup and an upset stomach.  I have been there many times but I left late waiting for dad to wake up and to see if he would be feeling better.  I was in a hurry so went down two wrong streets.  There where two stainless steel little pitchers on the table and I thought the salad dressing was the gravie and then discovered the gravie in the other one.  So I pour it on too, so I have salad dressing on my meat and potatoes and gravie on my salad!   hoping no one noticed but they did.  I was exhausted after working at the church for several days so I guess that is my excuse.  I am the last one finishing eating I am just soooo slow but I cannot eat faster.  So there I am slowly eating while everyone else is finished. 

Cathy and Glen and the children are always so glad to see me and little guy is so cute.  He has a sign language and made a strange face when he tasted a strawberry.  Lots of laughter and fun.  They think I am great because I am on face book and I blog and skype.

I come home without getting lost but when I park the car I have to go back twice to make sure I have put the emergency brake on.  I panic at the store when I think I have lost my change purse but the chashier found it.

I am reminded that my prayer will always be "Okay God I can't do this alone" a goofy prayer but an admission that I am not smart enough not strong enough on my own.  I pray because I have hope that from some unknown mysterious source guidance will come.  Even being able to feel calm and not panic when I am lost helps a lot.

So I will drive to church, probably alone, and the car knows the way so that helps.  First I will go for a walk because I am up early again today.  Should be a good day.

BREATH

Mathew is very excited to open his Easter card and dad and I get to see the action on skype.  Jassy sings her A,B.C.s while he jumps on her bed.  Then it is time to dump all the toys out.  Just an ordinary morning in the home of Jassy and Mathew.  The last picture we see is Jassy falling asleep on her daddy's shoulder. as Ken answers a phone call from Melina.
Actually I had just had a nap myself  after being at the church all morning sorting books for the BIG SALE.  Dad is having problems with his face breaking out and it has to get worse before it gets better with the cream he applies.  He has been through this before and feels very self-conscious in public.  He would like to help but it will depend on how he looks and feels. 

I plan to walk over to the church early this morning which appears to be going to be an okay day.  Cathy has asked us over for a pre Easter dinner with some of the children to-night so no worries about supper.  I will be replaced at the sale about noon when a fresh crew come in and will do the packing up at the end. 

I think it is much harder for the church to survive in this age of reason and education.  Our philosophers, our writers and journalists, our media cast doubt on the foundations of faith.  There is even a sense of restlessness in our church communities as hypocrisy and imperfection that has brought about narrow-mindedness and an image of fear based and unloving religion.

God is (for me)
the breath of life
in nature
in the beat of the music
in the awesome presence of love
in our desires
in our laughter and our sorrow
in our past and in our future
in the hidden spring of water
in our delight and in our moments of wonder
in the air we breath
in the heart that beats and the lungs that breathe.
in every single particle of creation .

Because of the resurrection I know that my redeemer lives and lives within us all.  When Jesus is present, love breaths new life into us all,  His love encompasses all religions and his heart as big as the universe.

What a blessing to have had my children and grandchildren fall asleep in my arms.

The bible describes God as the everlasting arms that holds all of life together!

GOOD

Is God good?  Does He exist? We do not really know?  Do we want to know?

How do we define goodness? 

What makes a mother or a father good?

I thought when I got married and babies came along that doing the simple things my mother did would make me a good mother.  Yes, a good father helps make this a reality.  What happens is that we start living different lives so that each has to struggle to cope with difficult tasks. 

I read once that in life we find ourselves entangled in a giant ball of string.  Women have more choices in the world today and they have a determination to be able to control their lives and not be in a place of dependency.  Hopefully there are more sources of help for those caught in a web of deceit that is the doing of someone else.

Marriage is a huge risk especially when one of the people in the marriage is vulnerable and feels helpless and alone.  I have listened to friends who have shared their pain with me.  I have prayed for them.  I have tried to work through the mess of their unhappiness and the role of being a mother at a time when they had no energy to cope emotionally with their own lives as well as be a support for their children.

I have always said that a good husband makes a good father but it takes a very mature man to see that he needs to provide for his wife and children financially and emotionally.

A good parent will do all they can to protect their children from harm, from sickness and from grief.  This is impossible so you try to teach them how to deal with disappointment and unfairness that happens in all our lives.

God cannot protect us nor does he or she make us happy; even as we cannot do this for our children.

  It has to come from within.  Life has lessons to be learned and they are not easy.  It is like the little chicken that must makes it way out of the egg on its own strength. 

Goodness flows out of perfection which we will never experience here and now.  I believe there is a spirit of goodness that touches our lives in unexpected moments and gives us the strength and courage to do our best. 

I was happy sorting out the huge, gigantic pile of box after box of books.  I would have done it slowly and put the mysteries together, the cook books, the educational books etc. but then it was decided to get the books out of the boxes and on to the table in whatever order we unpacked them.  If I had my way I would sneak back and try to rearrange them which would make me happy but your dad would see it as stupid.  I will go to-morrow morning when there will be more boxes to sort through and the task is too great to do in the time set aside for it.  I just hope that all the people who gave us books will come and buy a boxful!  lol

I will be going back this morning to more and more books.  I wish it could be done in some orderly way which make me feel good but I doubt that is going to happen.

I want to believe that there is some one greater and more dynamic
more alive and creative that gives life order and meaning.

Goodness I can not explain or understand and I may be surprised one day when I find out what it really is.
I believe that God can see the goodness within me when I do not.

BUTTERFLIES

This is the first butterfly to come and rest in the tree in my butterfly garden.  Actually I saw it put out for garbage day.  I can hardly wait for the real ones to come and grace my butterfly garden; and I do not even doubt that they will.

I have already seen three lady bugs, although it could have been the same one.  I am happy lady bugs like my garden as they are good for it.

Yes, some days seem to be busy.  I had a visit with my neighbor who keeps busy going back and forth to New Westminister.  She was planting some flowers a very poitive sign.

Today we start setting up for the garage sale.  It is one way we reach out to the neighborhood as they love to give us their "good" junk.  I take stuff and always bring home something to.  I am working at the book place again but they put us out front which last year was a very cold place.  Dad and I will go over and help but with his sore feet it is hard for him.

I started reading dad's Kindle because he downloaded a Christian book. " Things you do not have to Believe and still be a Christian".  I did not doubt that dad would get it working although it was a long progress.  So Christians can be doubters in fact the book says that "doubt is not an enemy of faith but a part of authentic Christianity."  I am wondering if I should have doubted more.  I do not blame God for the mess this world is in, so I do not think of Him as taking young children or teen-agers or parents away to fulfill some strange purpose or because they are needed in heaven. 

God does and can bring good out of tragedy but He does not cause them.

Yes butterflies will come because Sandra planted plants that attract them.
 All I have to do is wait patiently and keep my eyes open.

COMPLAINTS

As I got up from sitting at the computer I felt my body complaining., a sore back, a sore knee my rewards from working so hard the day before.  Thankfully it wore off during the day with a little help from Avil.

Dad's Coho Reader was refusing to work so he took it back to Chapters.  They were very good listening to his complaints and gave him a new one.  Brought it home and it did not work.  Took it back and got another one.  He also ordered a new book reader on line that does wonderful things but he cannot get it to accept his code number. 

My computer has just gone dead on me again.    But for some reason everything did not disappear.  I am thinking it needs a check up.

Yesterday I drove to Langley to visit my friend Carolyn and we had a lot of catching up to do as we had not had a visit for a long time.  She has always encouraged me to write and was amazed at my journal book that I had printed.  I left it for her to read.  I know that I have made mistakes and I feel a little unsure about my imperfect ranblings.  I understand now why people need editors to check over their writing.  I do not like to reread anything I have writen; if I did I would just start all over again.

I got down my memory boxes stored in the cupboard because I want to get ride of my old journal books.  I also look through a box of cards again and will probably keep them.  The journals I wrote in the books Rick gave me I will keep for now.  The old has to go and the new take it place.  It is painful because the story of my life and my thoughts and my prayers have all been recorded but there are just too many.

I have continued this daily practice without the prayers on this computer.  My day has a rythem to it which includes this morning rambling, my prayers for others, and my walk. 

Easter is a time of death and rebirth for the individual soul but also for all of creation.  I look at the new blossoms the trees are wearing and I enjoy walking among the beautiful signs of apring.  Even though it is still a bit cool colors are returning and it is wonderful.

Easter is a time when imagination and memory flow together and an old story from history becomes new in my life again.  Death and rebirth is all around us.

Dad is reading a story that is a true story about a pilot shot down in the Second World War and the awful experiences he had in a Japanese concentration camp.  He survived the brutal treatment but the nightmares haunted his life even though he was now free.  He married and felt so much pain from the past he started drinking and his life hit bottom.  It was only when he really heard the message of death and rebirth and he became a Christian that he was able to forgive and find some inner peace. 

We can hear something many times over and not really hear it.  There is a part of us that likes to complain and it is so easy to get stuck in a rut.  I have read many countless stories of lives transformed and it still amazes me.  Bizarre, strange, weird, unexplainable yet the truth is revealed in their changed lives.

Is there a force or an energy blowing upon our lives that calls to us to remind us we are not alone and that somehow all will be well.  Plans may change but love never lets go.

Today I am off to Jetlag Bible Study.  We will miss Louise who is in hospital with a broken hip and a chest infection.  The story of her life is one of courage and faith and she is an inspiration to us all. 

DETERMINATION

It is the simple little things in life that can transform our day.  Sunshine, a cheerful walk with my neighbor, working with determination with dad as we clear out some of our junk, fresh dirt to spread around the garden and a good book to relax with.  I am reading Secret Daughter and it gives you insights into the customs of India and the hard life that many are faced to live.  Yes, we take so much for granted until we stop and count our blessings.  A good husband and good friends remind me of the goodness of life.

Very many spiritual paths understand that love is the answer and the only force powerful enough to overcome evil.  There is much to be admired in the Buddhist faith especially the sense of peace it creates.
Over two thousand years ago determination to live out his destiny with courage and compassion allowed a sinless and peaceful man to be put to death on a cross.  New life flowed from this sacrifice as death was conquered in the resurrection of His body and the gift of His holy spirit to redeem the lost, the lonely, the unlovable.  A religion that had been built around sacrificing animals to atone for sin was changed.  Because once there was fear of God and now the path of reconciliation was opened up.  The key was in the life of Jesus.

Life is and will always be a life and death mystery.  I am preparing the soil for the seeds that will die and produce new life.  Eternal life starts when we see how good the good news really is.

As I gather up the dead branches that have fallen off from the life giving source of which it was a part I am reminded of what Jesus said about the vine and the branches.  The vine includes all the branches and we can feel a new sense of worth in the stirring of the spirit within us that flows freely and continuously.

ROCKS

My very rocky garden waiting for warm weather to bring more and more plants to life!

Religion can fuel hatred and judgement that makes people take up rocks to stone those they see as sinners. 
Jesus asked who is without sin; let them cast the first rock.  Jesus had written in the dust and then let silence do its work as everyone had time to stop and think.  Jesus would have been the only one left to throw a rock but he wanted us all to know God does not throw rocks at us.  Instead he has come to set us free and turn the ashes of our lives into beauty.

I know that I would have dropped my rocks and gone away with a new understanding of the religion of grace and forgiveness.  I have been wounded by life and have wounded others but forgiveness is free and I can be released from the past so that I can dance into the future.

PASSAGES

This is my pond in the back yard.  So cold outside yesterday; cold and wet and windy.  My computer is making strange noises so it may pack it in any day.  So be it.  I can always go back to writing in my journals.
I am thankful for the time I have had on this old friend but I guess one day it will just refuse to work so I had better prepare for that.

Love calls us to be spiritual seekers through the many passages of our lives.  New life every spring is one reason I like the seasons of where we live.  Even as I stare out the window at the cold and miserable day outside I know that soon the warm weather will come to stay.

We go through school to learn what others have discovered.  We go through life as a child, an adult, a partner in marriage, a parent etc.  Each stage is a stage where we need to grow and be ready to pass on to the next.  The Christian life has stages or passages that are called baptism, confirmation, communion, prayer and the reading of scripture.

I can be changed and transformed if I feel the spirit that stirs up thankfulness and joy.

But for now I must get ready and go for my walk with my friend.  Nothing has worked well this morning.  Is it me or is it the computer?

PASSAGES

This is our pond.

EMOTIONA JUNK

The heart has been named the center of our emotions because that is where are feelings seem to come from.
My relationships with family and friends give me a sense of warmth and well being.  Dad felt good about building his gate and doing some painting in the kitchen while I am wandering around frustrated becasue it is junk week and Iwant to get rid of some of our junk.  Now dad and I disagree about what is junk and what we just maybe will need to use one day.  I think that means we are emotionally attached to our junk. 
I did not accomplish much in the garden and now I need to find a new place to move my evergreen bush.  I thought it would be okay in the front yard but I know I am not thinking how big it could grow.  I will take a picture when it finds a new home.  I am having second thoughts I may just leave there among the flowers for awhile.  This gardening takes some thought not just hard work.

Going out for lunch at the White Spot was a good break and Sandra joined us.  They are still making decisions and trips to the Home Depot for trimmings for their bathroom.  Work at home has slowed down since work at work has gotten busier.  This has been a learning experience for both of them and they will be very happy when it is completed.  They will now have a thoroughly Modern bathroom!

I had a bad nightmare which made me wonder where did all that fear come from?  Seeing pictures of disasters on the T.V. and reading about young boys who have become monsters with no conscience brings a lot of questions to my mind.  Fear can be a healthy or an unhealthy emotion, but the main thing is not to deny it.  Fear began way back in the garden of Eden with the loss of innocence and the beginning of mistrust.  And of course mistrust breeds fear and deceit.  Denial complicates matters.

I know I try to forget some of the horrible mistakes I have made in the past.  Usually my emotions got out of control and I would regret it later.  Over-tired and stressed will bring out the worst in us.

Jesus faced his fears in the Garden of Gethsemane and shamed his disciples when they failed to keep watch with him.  "I am deeply grieved, even to death, remain here and keep awake."  Mark 14:33-34.  They failed.
This story reveals the humanity of Jesus and although he felt he was to sacrifice his very life.  He had to face his fears and know what was God's will in order to have the courage to die.

Faith is a powerful emotion that can give us courage and strength.

Church can be an emotional experience for me when a word or a hymn or a child seems to touch something deep within me.  A prayer that expresses what I have felt during the week releases the spirit of forgiveness that I willingly accept.  Hugs of acceptance build me up and I feel new life returning.

I meant to write about the sacraments as signs of grace and signs of invisible realities something that you can touch and feel and see.  Bread and wine nourishes us, oil in the sign of the cross heals us with the laying on of hands, the breath of God in the word of God.

LENT

Life for me has always been a very spiritual journey. Maybe I seem a little strange to my children but it is just who I am.   One of the very important times in the Christian year are the 40 days of Lent.  I remember how we always had pancakes for supper on Ash Wednesday and then I would try to think of something I would give up for the next 40 days until Easter.  It would be more meaningful if you gave up something that you really loved. 

Jesus gave up his life, freely embracing the cross, transforming the meaning of suffering and brokenness into a miracle of new life.

In our natural world of our own imperfections and those of others we experience pain and sadness.  Everyday we are travelling through life to death, with these burdens weighing heavy up us.

Spiritually I believe that I am travelling from the death of innocence and darkness towards a dazzking light of a joyous life full of color and transforming grace!

I have not given up anything for Lent this year but I have tried to open my heart a little more
 to love with more compassion, to be a little more patient and kind.

THE NOISE

There are many different noises that we hear as we go through our day.  Early this morning the bird is drilling away at our chimney stack and making a very loud noise.  I have seen it doing it on other roof tops.  The birds have started singing and my heart smiles glad to hear their enjoying the spring-like weather.  Dad will be turning his radio on soon so I know he is waking up.  All is quiet on the street this early in the morning but soon the children's voices will be heard and cars coming and going.  You get use to the noises that you live with each day, even the noise of my computer as it hums away when I turn it on.  I like the noise of our little water-fall that is a happy yet gentle sound that waits for me as I open the back door. 

There are noises I miss.  I miss the church bells ringing out on Sunday morning.  Our church is now silent and I wonder if all churches have ceased ringing their bells.  I miss hearing some of the old favorite songs that I grew up listening to and enjoy it when the radio plays some of these golden oldies.

Today we will be off to home depot to check out dirt and fertilizer.  I want to plant the flower that is my picture today.  Theresa gave me a plant just like this many years ago and I have wanted to replace here in our new garden.

Yesterday I shared the sadness of my neighbor on our walk together and I am thankful for our friendship.  I also did my nursing home visiting and heard stories from the past.  I try to prepare myself with prayer.

Yes the world is a noisy place but I know I need to take time to listen with compassion.

SPRING

It is always exciting to see the little buds coming out.  The grass certainly is growing and will need to be cut today.  Dad wants to do some painting but it is still pretty cold out.  There is some in the house where it can use touching up.

After a visit with Jane who is recovering from knee surgery dad and I drove out to Fort Langley to enjoy a picnic and games with the great grandchildren while Theresa did a very special photo shoot.  Afterwards we had ice cream at a 60's cafe.  Very enjoyable.

I had a wonderful thoroughly enjoyable day  and feel blessed beyond words.  The sun was warm, the park had everything for the children to place upon along with lots of green grass to kick a soccer ball.  The warm sun had us taking off our coats at first until a cool wind found us.

Dad had a swing on the swings and I learned the frog dance with Morgan.  So one is never to old to learn a new dance step and just have plain fun.  It is one of those days you can say "lucky me".

Today may not be as full of freedom and fun and as I walk I share some of my new friends sadness; but she has an inner strength that I admire and I can learn a deeper appreciation of my life by listening to her troubles.  I like to think that Jesus walks with us and is listening too!

To be able to experience joy, to help someone who is suffering or creating beauty in the garden or with a simple meal are all the things that are worthwhile.  There is a missing of being able to do what I use to be able to do but I find I am not really missing it.  My life is too full.

SAFE

Driving into town today would have been better if it was not so sunny especially for driving home.  Yes, dad drove home although I am sure I would have got us home safely but at a much slower pace.  We stopped in a dark bar on the way home and two men came in and started talking about religion.  I would have liked to join in.  So we left and dad put on his sunglasses and continued to drive home.  The brightness hurt his eyes for the rest of the evening.
Anyway the good news is that his eyes are keeping about the same and just putting in the eye drops will continue to help.  A long appointment but it was good to have that encouraging news.  We had started out the door before we realized we did not know the doctors name we were to see.  Went back and to grab the paper I had written it on when they phoned to give us the information.  Dr. Mike Berg I wrote down.  Well there was no Dr. Berg on the bulletin board but we walked around and found a Dr. Mikelberg and who would have thought it was one word.

When we got ready to join our study group we opened the door to see snow falling.  My poor brave little flowers I though would they be safe?

We read the words of Jesus in our study and I was reminded that it would have been a risky business to be a follower of Jesus; especially for those who felt safe in their religion.  We become a part of his story when we allow his words to speak to us and awaken new desires in us to be open to the Holy Spirit and to shake us free from false religion.

Self-knowledge comes to us if we allow ourselves to leave the safety of what we thought was right and learn new truths.  To feel the security of Divine Love that never fails yet always allows us the freedom to choose.
To step into the boat with Jesus meant experiencing the stormy water that would make them afraid.

Am I safe?
Am I secure?
Am I willing to change? 

CEREALICIOUS

Had a great day yesterday starting with a good brisk walk in the not very spring-like morning.

Then dad and I enjoyed a visit to the Cerealicious Cafe.  It was so easy to find once you knew where to look.  I can't believe we missed it before.  What a happy young couple Jon and his wife are; and they make everything fresh and with so much skill and pride.  I had the best fruit salad and dad had excellent soup and sandwich.  We bought some of their coffee and some home made granola which they actually made special for dad and delivered it to us after work.  They are working hard and enjoying what they are doing.  Certainly a change from a nurse and a banker.  I forgot to take my camera so we will go again soon and take some pictures. 

Today we are off to the eye doctors at the Van. Hospital Eye Center.  Dad is seeing a new specialist for a two hour appointment.  It is good he is getting a real good check up.  We have our home group meeting to-night which we want to go and catch up with the news of everyone.  The last while i have been too tired to go out at night but I am sure with our naps we will be bright and bushy tailed.

I am reading about heaven in a chapter called "Here is the new now". 

"Paul believed that there is a dimension of creation, a place a space, a realm beyond the one we currently inhabit".  I think we do get glimpses of it here and the promise is that there will be a second kind of body that is imperishable (1 Cor.. 15).  There awaits for us a particular intensity of  experience that transcends time.  I think we all know how time can drag when we are bored and time seems to go so slowly. 

Heaven is a promise of time of eternal life that is quality and vitality that comes when we feel connected to the spiritual.  The powerful promises of Jesus invites us to believe in and experience is  a taste of heaven in the here and now.  There is healing of body and mind as we become aware of the close oneness of God.
This is called a "thin" place where we are free from worry and misery.

UNDECIDED

The first tree in our garden starts to bloom.  The cherry blossoms in the neighborhood look beautiful but the rain and the wind will soon be blowing them off the trees.  These will with stand the weather a little better.  We have a cherry tree in our back yard which is not in bloom just yet.

Dad's gate worked really well as he locked himself into the space beside the shed.  He had to climb over the fence wish I had seen that.  Once the weather gets warmer and sunnier he put the finishing touches on and paint it.

We where undecided about driving to Langley hospital to see our friend who we where not sure would still be there or moved to another place.  We know the move was being planned.  We where able to visit her just before she was taken to Maple Ridge.  There she will get the rehabilitation she needs.

I am now drinking Sea Salt water first thing in the morning but can't say I am enjoying it.  It is suppose to build up the adrenals.  Also taking Pentatonic acid so soon I will be like the grandmother on T.V. who challenges her grandchildren to play a game of hide and seek.  I remind myself how thankful that I am to be alive and able to get up for my early morning time.

Today is another rainy day so we are driving out to find Oliver's friend Jon's new restaurant  at Morgan Crossing.  We have the address so we should be successful in finding it this time.  Yes, we have driven out several times and not been able to find it.  It is a new idea and it is called Cereal, Espresso and Social Room.  They have a community library and a play corner for children.  They serve B.C.s Own 49th Parallel Coffee and Homemade treats.  Sounds like a neat place to visit.

BALANCE

It looked like spring on my walk yesterday but it was cold which was good because it made me walk faster.

We had our book study at our place last night and I actually made cornmeal muffins.  I am trusting it is just corn grounded up but although is says no additives it does not say gluten free.  I was not up in the night with gas pains so I think they must be okay.  This morning I do my slow walking and talking and may go visiting this afternoon if I feel up to it.

We were discussing faith and reason and which should come first.  Hearing other people's experiences is what makes this group a lot of fun.  One ides is that religion is basically female, a heart experience that often cannot be put into words, but in order for men to gain control they have made rules and dogma to try and contain and control religious feelings.  This has taken the life out of it for a lot of people. 

Wisdom in the Bible is called She.  I believe that the emotional wisdom that we as girls have is the gift we have to give to the males in our lives.  Yes, God is neither male or female but beyond our understanding but there is an emotional energy that comes from God that is very feminine.  I know I am valued as a woman and by giving of myself I am transformed.  The princess waits for the prince to rescue her but modern day women are finding they need to rescue themselves.

Everyone has a different experience that can begin with faith or with reason.  It is good when there is a balance.  We always have a good discussion.  I was very tired when they left and was glad dad did the cleaning up.  Also I had a nap in the afternoon while dad worked on his gate again.  I am really liking it.

UNKNOWN

Black candles on the alter represent dark days ahead.  The white candle is the Christ Candle which I think it would be great if it was never put out but that is not practical.

I saw the Witnesses drive by today while I was out walking and I am so glad I missed them.  I do not feel like talking about or thinking about what others believe.  I feel badly about writing about my religious struggles and expecting people will want to read it.

But for me there has to be a place for the sacred in my life, a sense of Holiness, that transcends the ordinary and takes your breath away. 

God really is and He is here and within and He is speaking through His creation in the kindness of strangers and in the still small voice within and in the love that connects us to one another.

Time to reflect and to still my own voice enables me to sense a Holy Presence and be aware that I dwell in a state of grace that is beyond my understanding.

The unknown mystery seems reasonable to my small mind.

Unknowing was not a source of frustration for Thomas Aquinas [1225 - 74] a theologian, a teacher and a writer.  Trust that there are signs that point the way and "trust that the capacity of the intellect to recognise the genuineness of the transcendent, to look beneath the surface of life and apprehend a sacred dimension that is as real as-indeed more real than- anything in our experience. 

Faith was the ability to appreciate and take delight in the non empirical realities that we glimpse in the world."

Music touches something deep within me and brings life to my soul.

The drive home from church feeling very peaceful.