HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROL

Her dad and I are very proud of our daughter, Carol, who is following a dream and enjoying adventure in the Grand Caymen.  Have a grand birthday dear we are very proud of you.  All our love mom and dad.

MELTING

I can't believe how quickly the snow has melted.  I certainly enjoyed it while it lasted,

Today we had planned to meet one of our old friend's from the Chapters writing group.  That was great fun , with very interesting people, while it lasted.  One girl was writing about her life in a motorcycle gang.  Pretty hot stuff!  Another guy wrote wried science fiction. Another very political stuff.  Dad's were the funniest and best I thought.  I looked at books and only once shared some experiences in my life.  Every Monday night off we would go for about two or three years and then it too just melted away.

The years seem to be flying by so quickly as our daughter Carol celebrates her birthday doing some exciting things exploring the Grand Cayman with her daughter Kim.  We hope we can skype her and actually see and hear her.

I was reading and thinking about the childhood of Jesus.  Some writers and investigators have discovered evidence that Jesus was treated as an outcast because of the uncertainty of who his father may have been; he would always be considered a child of doubtful fatherhood.  Because of this he would not be allowed to enter the local synagogue, because your ability to trace your lineage back to ancient Israel was of over whelming importance, in a time when they were occupied by foreigners.

It was decided, maybe by Mary, that she wanted to travel to the great temple of Jerusalem; this was considered the dwelling place of the Most High God; filled with the divine energy of God.  This was done accompanied by a large group of people who travelled about five days or more on this pilgrimage from Galilee to Jerusalem.To enter one first had to be cleansed in a pool outside the gate.

Jesus entered with his family into this Holy place and this would be a most powerful experience for him.  He knew the importance of seeking answers to his questions from the experts in religious law.  His questions and deep thoughts raised him to be an equal with them.  Children can often see things clearer than adults.  It may have been at this time he realized a lot of the sadness he carried in his own heart, the sadness of not being allowed to enter the snyagogue in his own home town.

There are myths and stories about the childhood of Jesus performing miracles but really most of his early years are a mystery, and out of the mystery flowed myths.  Jesus, would later seek out John the Baptist, to continue to learn the way of living in a covenant relationship with Israel.

Did Jesus have a rebellious, venturesome spirit that came to life that day in the Temple?  The kingdom of  God became his passion and out of this passion came wisdom and a charismatic personality.  The light that was on John the Baptist would fade away as Jesus became the brighter more brilliant light.  He brought with his teaching a compassion, that being an outcast among his young peers, had taught him.  This would also explain why he was rejected when he would later return to Nazareth.

Jesus would drift away from his family to find his own identity and to discover what it felt like to have a soul alive to his Heavenly Father and to learn about life and love and friendship.

FEELINGS

Walking in the snow makes me feel like a child again.

We did not make it to church today.  Larry's eyes are very sore and I had to buy some food for Sandra and Randy when they come over.  I also had to clean up our bathrooms and make sure they have clean towels.
Took a card to my other neighbor who is still missing.  I pick up the papers that are piling up.  Maybe someone will come and get her mail and give me a call.

PATTERNS

  I start to think about the patterns in our lives and how often we do the same things over and over again, making the same type of mistakes.  I believe  that even  in these repetitions that our like circles that bring us again and again to a familiar place there is transformation at work.  Sometimes we have to see the need for change or to use a biblical term repentance.  The ego fights against this because within us all there is a woundedness and a fear of change. 

I like the way the scripture describes Jesus' experience after his baptism where a dove came and rested gently upon him and spoke affirmation to him.  Again I think of the humanness within Jesus that long to know the assurance of a father.  "Beloved Son, the voice said I am well plesed with you!"

The dove that brought the branch of new life to Noah continues the pattern.

Change can happen in our lives like this with the gentle nudge of loving voice within us.  I am not alone and I am loved.

Yesterday was a happy day as I had a short walk in the light snow fall and happen to meet my dear neighbor, Gunta, spreading salt on her path.  She lost her husband of many years in December.  I invited her down to our house and she said she would come some day but not to day. 

Then Kenny phoned to say he would slype us about two.  I used what little snow there was to make a snow-ball but this did not impress Matthew who would have no idea of what it was or felt like.  Matthew was having a great time making dinner on the new oven that belonged to Jasmine and they both were enjoying it together.  They are very bright and cute children and I know Melina and Kenny are very proud of them.  It was so good to be able to be right in the room with them.  We saw Mathew riding his scooter across the hall and heard Jasmine saying her A  B  C's.

We were still on skype when Gunta came walking down the street and I was so happy to see her too.  She has had a very interesting life coming here from Germany.  Her son had an airplane at Boundary Bay airport just like dad's.  Well a Cessna.

We enjoyed her visit and when she left the snow had started to fall again.  I fed the raccoon last night as he walked by our front yard. and today I will feed the birds again. This morning the world is so beautiful and white so I must be off to take some pictures and take a walk before dad decides it is too dangerous.  I do not think it is slippery.  Anyway he will get to try out his car when we go to church.

Randy and Sandra are coming to have a shower because they are demolishing their bathroom.  What a Job!

My snow ball with a face and hat!  I should have thought of this before!

BARRIERS.

Barriers are a good thing when they are put up to keep us safe.  On a windy day walking by the ocean at White Rock I had to fight to keep from being blown away.  The tide was a way out so there were no crashing waves which I was hoping to see.  What a powerful source of energy in the wind and in the waves.

"I look now and then at the sea
and the reflection of myself is there.
Restless sometimes, or calm , or angry,
Or even uncaring.
Lines from O. A. Manning's poetry

Some brave souls walk right out onto the end of the pier but it is far too cold and blustery for me.  I am glad of the tiny fence that guards me from the huge rocks that have built a barrier from the water to the land.

When we are told we have to believe certain things to enter into the kingdom that Jesus proclaimed was a new kingdom; one of love and compassion and mercy where the spirit dwells in freedom blowing where it will.  Love one another sounds so simple and yet our emotions can build up barriers that shut others out.

Gossip is another enemy of love as it spreads half-truths about others.  Thumper's mom was so wise when she told Thumper: If you can't say something nice do not say anything at all."

Constantine made Christianity one of the permitted religions; but then the dogmatic disputes started and they continue to this day.  Lost is the sense of amazement and excitement that comes in a defining moment that Jesus is alive and his spirit burns within us.

Yes

WAITING

We stop outside a small store to gaze at the lovely little display almost wishing we needed something or had room for another treasure to be placed in a special spot.

Waiting for answers is hard because I know I like to have the answers come quickly.  We hurry through life from one task to another.  I take time to pray but then do not wait for answers.  I am thankful for all the different stages that been apart of my faith.  I have always felt drawn to be a part of a worshipping community although often it has been the inner promptings when I have been alone and quiet that there has come an authentication that is strong and real.

The words of scripture carry a personnel meaning to those they have been spoken to, and this is true of the words of Jesus.  Problems that affect all our lives never seem to change as we face times of family changes and an insecure world that keeps us wanting answers.

I shiver in the cold and dark of the morning thankful for my warm coffee and toast and waiting for the day's activities to begin.  A day for long underwear and layers of sweaters to keep me warm; especially as I start out for my walk.

Only a few brave souls waiting at the bus stop as I walk quickly past with no other walkers in sight.

I know that waiting has a potential that allows me to rethink and renew and find reassurance in the fact that I am still a child of God, no matter what happens in my future.  I do not believe that I deserve more attention from God than anyone else. 

Is God more attentive and caring than any early father?  Jesus addresses God as abba' daddy.  One only has to look upon innocent suffering to find that we are questioning.  We find Jesus more human and I for one do not believe in a God who punishes us by making others suffer or even ourselves.

Did Adam question why was he created insufficient to make obedient choices?  Does obedience promise freedom from pain and suffering?  I have rebelled in my own ways against what I knew was right and I faced the consequences; but I was not being punished as some have thought in the past.  Salvation was the promise of a better life because sin is generic not a curse under which I live.  There have been times when the words of Jesus calling for repentance have spoken to me loud and clear.  Forgiveness is indeed healing.

God is Love so does He suffer when we suffer?  Somehow I think we have to be human to suffer and that in the end it is suffering that kills us.  We know that Jesus suffered.  As a child did he suffer because he was illegitimate and deep down inside his soul did he yearn for a real father.  As a boy only about twelve Jesus, who has been missing for three days, is rude to his mother by saying "I must be about my father's busness".  In the garden of Gethesame, he pleads for abba to take away the suffering sacrifice that is being asked of him.  His agong will deepen even more when he feels the painful rejection of a loving father and cries out like any one of us "My God  My God why have you forsaken me?"  There is no doubt that Jesus was human and knew the depth of pain and anquish.

 

Is it true what poets like Aeschyus have hymned that humankind can only advance through suffering

 

"It is God's law he who learns must suffer.

And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget, falls drop by drop, upon the heart,

and in our own despite, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.

-From the book "Letter To A Man In the Fire"  by Reynolds Price.

 

A friend once described to me why her marriage ended by saying she was dying inside. 

 Death of a marriage must be an extremely painful reality

Waiting for God to change our circumstances when we know the answer is "No" has to be accepted

like Jesus accepted with courage and determination.

ICE

I was surprised to see how the ice had formed on our little water-fall.

Dad and I drove down to White Rock together on this cold and windy day.  We found a nice restraurnt with a little fireplace and lots of interesting people.  We both really enjoyed our lunch as we sat by the window with the sun streaming in and the ocean sparkling right across from us.  We enjoy these times together and after took a short walk after along the beach.  It was surprising the amount of people walking even with the cold wind blowing.  The birds really seem to enjoy the wind as their wings carry them up and down.

SPLENDOR

See the splendor of all of creation capture in the simple beauty of candles and flowers.  The gift of life is given with no promises of a life,  free of pain or sorrow,  but encourages us to use our suffering to heal others.

If we are willing to put aside our self-absorbed questions;  and choose to follow the path that God seems to open up before us,  there will be a relishing of our expectations on this journey so that  wherever it takes us and how ever long it lasts, we will perserve. 

I am reading about an author Reyolds Price's response to a young man dying of cancer who questions that God exists and If He does, does He care?  Reyonds had writen a book, A Whole New Life, that told us his ordeal with spinal cancer.  He felt it was an honor to reply to this young man who had found himself in a stark abyss of emotional and physical pain.

"I want to believe in a God who cares. . . . because I may meet Him sooner than I expected.  I think I am at the point where I can accept the existence of God {otherwise I can't explain the origin of the universe}, but I can't believe He cares about us."  The young man writes in his letter.

Reyonds describes some of his experiences of the manifestations of the Creator's  "breaking in upon his consciousness" with moments of awe and calm awareness that could best be described as harmony of one heart touching another.  He has had four experiences in his entire life but the most memorable and visual when "Jesus washed my cancer wound" and when the pain grew unbearable "I asked how much more pain must i suffer, and a voice answered More".  When he has shared these in earlier writings he received many letters from people who have shared similar experiences.

He has found information in Hebrew and Christian scripture but also in the writings of poets, painters, and composers.  His earliest experience was at six years old and has stayed with him always.  For those who have never had a transcendental experience he encourages the seeker to pray words from the heart even when there is only stillness, the face of silence.

I know from my own experience with being told I had lung cancer that at first I did not believe it and then I felt overwhelmed by fear.  Cancer changes your world and you have to look at what is important to you and how your life can still be meaningful.

God comes close to people in different ways and I am thankful for the faith I had that carried me through; and the love of my family!   My heart goes out to the people I know who are facing cancer.  There are many chronic illness that in some ways I think are worse.  Courage comes as we take it a day at a time.

GOGGLE EARTH

Dad and I do seem to have trouble finding each other.  Yes. if I had drawn a map for dad maybe that would have been helpful. Dad loves maps and finds them helpful. 
He reads a book and he has to goggle where the place is on a map of goggle earth. Up and down the streets he can go and find out exactly what a place looks like.  Now  he is checking out London, Ontario where Mary and Michael John may move.

 He certainly has been all over the world in his goggle travels.

Maps do not help me but just confuse me.  I am not a good map reader and only feel more lost than ever.I do not like feeling lost in anyway; nor losing some one.  It can give you a feeling of insignificance and even panic; especially when you lose a child.

  I would be lost without an assurance of being loved; especially when I can be so unlovable.  I think that no matter what hard outer core people may put on underneath they are sensitive caring people.  We give each other little pieces of papers, awards of achievement, that become important because I know I like to feel appreciated and needed.

I can lose all sense of time when I get carried away with something I am concentrating on. 

The very most difficult thing for me is when I lose the sense of God's presence and I am aware of the emptiness within me.  I find it helpful when I cannot pray to be comforted by a word of scripture or read a prayer that some one else has written.  It is when I am lost that I see the need of salvation, not in terms of forgiveness, but a sense of worthiness.  The rare moments when I am able to feel that in some strange way attuned to something greater than myself

On these very cold days and nights I think about those poor souls lost on the streets of our big cities.  Everyone should have a warm blanket and a place to rest and yet many do not.  I am thankful for those who provide this comfort for our street people.

I can feel lost in the sadness and injustice of the world all around me.  Some have believed that God maps out a plan for our lives and this was called predestination.  There is no explanation for some who live lives of suffering and hopelessness but sin may be  part of the answer. 

I am having trouble with the Old Testament and wonder why God promises land to Abran and why he promises to bless him and curse those who curse him.No one deserves to be cursed so I think what God was saying to Abram was I will curse those who curse you because when we curse others we bring that curse back on ourselves.  Yes, I want God to be Good and to be Fair.

When I am lost in sickness and pain I want to feel the healing touch that can take it all away.  Strange though it may seem what I may need is forgiveness.  At times I find myself standing way back in the crowd that surrounds Jesus and yet in some mysterious way he sees me, and it is like no one else matters. He does not speak but he sees me.  Miracles still happen in unexpected ways and remind me that God is God;  and that He is still creating good, that if I search for I will find as a unifying force that is not whimsical or inconsistent but is real and alive among us all. 

I do not know if I have made sense so I will end this here. 

SNOW ON THE ROOF

YES.

SUNRISE

This is from yesterday.  Not one of our better days.  The plan was simple to meet at the dollar store and I thought I said the dollar store in Scottsdale; but when I was not there dad tried to think like me and walked over to the old dollar store by London Drugs.  He had walked down, which is unusual, so his feet where getting sore and he was cold waiting outside the wrong store and feeling emotionally stressed.  A small critical moment for him while I was happy looking around the dollar store.  Why do we keep making these same mistakes?

Well the best laid plans of mice and men off go astray.

The hockey game is on and I am sure Michael John will cheer for Montreal.

It seems to me that there are more and more disasters in our world.  Another earthquake in New Zealand and unrest and revolutions, prices of Hydro and gas threatening to go up.  The list of people I know getting cancer continues to grow and I have less faith in giving to those who say they are helping to find solutions.

How can we stay calm and how can we keep our hearts open and be optimistic?

Today I am off to my study at Colebrook Church and enjoy the friendship there. 

Life is full of absurdities and we have to learn to live with them.

"I believe because it is absurd."   Tertulliam in the second century.

SIMPLE

There are moments when life becomes calm and the noise of the street near by is hushed by the many trees.  The sun shines through the branches and I feel so very small at the foot of these big trees.

A simple still moment.

Yesterday was a quiet day for me, time to catch up on some reading and do some reflecting.  I am thankful that I know that people will be lifting me up in prayer as I do the same for them.

Everyday we can choose to allow the stillness to penetrate deep within.

I am struggling to find the spiritual in the Old Testament.  What voice did Abraham hear when he believed the land was promised to him?  Was it the same voice that came to Mary and Joseph guiding their lives upon a difficult path?

Trying to capture snow on the roofs.

MEMORIES

Memories bring the past to life again and means more and more to us as we get older.

We had a memorable party at Sandra and Randy's to celebrate dad's birthday.  It seems like face book is good to make some plans but there is nothing like a phone call to straighten things up about where and when!  We could have had it at our house but I did not know this was discussed and I am still not sure.

Dad really appreciated getting together with everyone and it is good to actually see one another.  Kim and Carol skyped from the Island but we could not hear them.  Anyway they could hear us and the dogs, Kim's dog and Leah's two had fun looking at each other.  Dad has one more party coming up in March where a group of people who have birthdays in February will be getting together.

We may be taking the bus and sky train to the airport to have a quick visit with Rick but that has not been confirmed, either by face book or by phone.  But we do know Rick is planning a business trip to ?  the name to be filled in later because I cannot remember where right now.  O I think I remember it is Terrace.

I am off to Chapters to order my book for the Lenten series which will be lead by our minister Daniel starting soon.  Talking about books I always take a book with me when I am waiting somewhere and a lot of the time I am asked what are you reading.  If it is a novel, like one of Grisham's they comment that  it should be good but if it is a religious book they do not know what to say.

I have this feeling that within me the soul remembers past spiritual experiences, a reality beyond what the mind can see and understand.  Somewhere deep inside me lies the truth of possible inner illumination.  This cannot be expressed in any dogma or creed but challenges us to become true to all we where meant to be.

I have never read the book "The Varities of Religous Experience" by William James but I find it quoted again in the book I am reading.  James compares a religion of the helthy mined to those of the sick-souled; which he judges to be the more profound spiritual instinct.  It is centered on crisis, division and deliverance.  This to means presents a picture of my inner self, that house with many rooms, through which one passes drawn to the room that is full of light.

I acknowledge that as a fully human human being I can be lead astray but I will always believe in the mystery of the sacred that comes in moments of silence that somehow separates me from the worldly world.  This allows me to want to see the goodness in others; to rise above any hurt feelings that sicken my soul and bring separation.

My memories take me back to the years when we listened to the news of the war on the radio every day and grew our own vegtables and did without sugar, butter and meat to help the was effort.  We still live in a fearful reality that our standard of living is on the brink of change and although the rick always seem to get richer there are more and more people becoming poor.

I walk by people who stand at the corner of the street walking back and forth advertising pizza.  For this they are paid with a pizza.  I wonder about the different ones I see and how they have come to be where they are.  What are their memories?

SOUL BEAUTY

The mountains are splendid

White with fresh snow the mountains sparkle in the sunshine and dad and I enjoy our drive to visit our friend Shirley and celebrate a life well lived and a new future for her in a new place.

I think of my life and where I am now.  I think of it as being three-quarters up the mountain where I am stopping and resting and enjoying the view.  I can look down and see all the way I have come and all the ways I have been blessed this far; and as I look upward I know that new experiences wait to be explored hopefully with grace and humor.

I feel that it is a good place to be!

I feel comfortable with myself and free from a lot of life's demands that made my life so busy in the past,

 free from trying to be like others who are much more intellectual and materialistic than I.

As a child one is allowed to cry and then be comforted but as we mature we suppress our feelings because "big girls don't cry" as the song repeats over and over again.  I think as we mature we find the freedom to let our feelings be expressed.  Over the years I have had many questions:

Will my parents be proud of me?

Am I ready for the commitment of marriage?

Can  I be a good mother?

It all comes down to the willingness to try, to make mistakes, to get up when you stumble and reach out to help others on their journey.  Willingness is preparing the ground to plant the seed that can produce new possibilities.  As a child I loved fairy stories and I loved happy endings; now I am thankful for all my memories and for the ways I have followed dreams that were more than I had ever thought possible.

My faith has been the hand that has always been able to lift me up.  Like the seed that responds to the warmth of the sun and the refreshing rain my soul has been restored by the beauty of life, the beauty of love and grace that feeds my heart with unconditional love.

Beauty awakens the soul!

HI

My shortest blog ever; because my key-board was not working and neither was my brain until I figured  out first it was not the computer acting up but the key board which needed new batteries!  We are driving to Burnaby.

COLDNESS

The early morning reveal ice on our little back yard pond.  I got busy putting out bird food for the little flock that seems to hang around our yard.  It felt good to have a brisk walk in the sunny cold air but no one else seemed to think so as I had a solitary walk.  One starts to think what if you were the only person alive and it has been said that aloneness is terrifying unless one is comfortable with being alone all by yourself.  Maybe I need to reword that to express the value of being alone and being comfortable.  We have all been with people who seem to drift off into a world of their own thoughts and we are then shut out.

I sometimes meet people on my walk who give me an icy stare and I wonder if there heart is also cold.

Driving into Burnaby to take Shirley out to lunch brought the mountains so bright and clear and majestic.  Some of the people she has met have been nice but one rude lady really upset her.  She is making such an effort to adjust to this small space and all the different rules and regulations.  Sit here not there, sign in and out, etc. etc.

CHANGE

HOW DO WE FACE CHANGE?

Sometimes doing what you feel is right brings with it a sense of reward but not always. Today I took a card over to my neighbor who is not well and by mistake took dad's birthday card.  I discovered the mistake in time and was able to exchange the cards.  I have had one of those days when I felt that all my thoughts where just the same old things going round and round.  I have had trouble with this computer going off for no reason.  Maybe it just feels old like I do when I make plans and am not able to carry them out.

I have been discovering ancient philosophy and how it is woven into education and religion.

"It is the nature of desire not to be satisfied."  Aristotle.

This is what drives us to keep on searching and looking for the truth. 

I have been reading about a new way to read scripture and finding new life in the old familiar words.  As we read we find questions coming into our minds and that is the whole purpose not to find answers but to keep finding questions.  What is it that inevitably draws us back into the same old way of thinking and acting ?When there awaits for us a potential that may seem like a dream, but can become a reality when we are free of the past and ready to move on.

The gospelswhere written to a conquered people who had lost their temple and the very sacred traditions of their worship.  The words of Jesus would come back to them to show them the way back to their God through their own inner resources, particularly those of self-honesty self-compassion in the face of loss, and a new deeper trust in the Holy.  They could now enjoy spiritual freedom if they were willing to change their beliefs.

The God of the sky had become the God of the temple and now he became the God of the fields and forests, streams and rocky cliffs.

Matthew starts his gospel not to prove who Jesus was but to remind the reader of all the long line of people who had suffered tremendous loss and yet prevailed..  They were unique, and the vision that had begun with Abraham leaving behind the worship of idols, would become a vision that each one could carry in their own hearts.

Jesus was a priest that walked among us with ordinary clothes and the same needs of daily living we all face.  The face of God became human, strong yet tender; untameable and free, an unquenchable fire that burns in the spoken word so that it can penetrate deep into our hearts.

We all have a history of different people coming into our lives and having either a positive or negative influence on us.  What I believe is important to me just as what you believe is important to you.  We can learn from each other. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART

Larry is the one underneath the car with his dad.

HIDDEN

I take so much for granted in life; like the simple act of turning on a light, knowing the heat will come on automatically, that the store will have food in it. that water will come from my tap, etc. etc.

I have faith that I will have light and food and heat everyday.

I have been reading about the early years of Christianity and finding the circumstances in which the words of the gospel were written helps make sense of some of the things I have struggled  with understanding.  The person who wrote these words  chosen to be gospels and letters had no idea that I would be reading them  centuries later.  My world would be beyond their comprehension, as theirs is to mine.  I believe that Jesus holds the key that opens the door to a spiritual reality that transcends time.  This will be continued later.

Christianity grew out of the roots of Judaism, a religion that believed in One God whose name they would not say, to whom they sacrificed animals and for whom they built a temple.  God's very presence was in the Holy of Holies.  After the destruction of this temple it was like they had been left deserted, powerless in a world that prided itself on its power and might.

MEMORIES FROM SASKATOON WHEN WE WERE YOUNG

THIS IS A VIEW FROM THE ROOF OF ST.PAULS HOSPITAL IN SASKATOON - THE EXACT LOCATION LARRY AND ANOTHER PATIENT SPENT SEVERAL HOURS LATE THE NIGHT BEFORE LARRY WAS TO HAVE AN OPERATION - AMAZING FINDING THIS PHOTO ON THE INTERNET. ( THAT LITTLE SPOT IN THE FAR DISTANT MIDDLE IS THE FAMOUS BESBOROUGH HOTEL

 THIS IS A PHOTO OF THE BEAUTIFUL LAWN BEHIND THE SASKATOON SANITORIUM - LARRY AND HIS FRIENDS USED TO PLAY TOUCH FOOTBALL THERE EVERY SUNDAY FOR SEVERAL WEEKS. THE MANGEMENT TOLD THEM TO LEAVE AN NOT COME BACK. A FEW WEEKS LATER LARRY WAS CALLED TO THE PRINCIPLE'S OFFICE AT SCHOOL AND ASKED IF HE WAS ONE OF THE BOY THAT USED TO PLAY BEHIND THE SAN. WHEN HE SAID HE WAS THE PRINCIPLE ADVISED HIM THE MANAGER OF THE HOSPITAL HAD CALLED AND MENTIONED THE PATIENTS COMPLAINED THAT THE BOYS WERE NOT COMING ANYMORE - COULD THEY RETURN PLEASE?

ERRORS

My computer seems to be happy continually making errors.  But then errors are a part of life.  There are many things in life we do not have control over and so be it.  We do not choose our parents or the position  we are in the family.  Where or how we where raised was beyond our control.  Disease happens to us even when we do our best to be healthy.  Some people just seem to have bad luck and are often in the wrong place at the wrong time.  But I believe that we all have times when we are blessed with the unexpected.  I have to learn to use both the negative and the positive to create a life that is worth living. 

My computer has shut itself off three times this morning and leaves me staring at a dark bad screen.  It then tells me an error has been made and I have to try and rethink my thoughts.

I enjoy this time each morning on my computer so I put up with its behavior, over which at this time I have no control.  It is important to accept our limitations and admit our errors.  Life can at times seem like we are fighting against the wind and yet I keep believing that the wind can change and become a powerful force for good.

I choose to make the best of it and carry on; restarting and restarting.  This is very similar to my life when often I have to restart from right where I am because I love life, I love learning, I know it is up to me to take responsibility to enjoy the good things and shake off the misery.  Each day is a new day to look for new possibilities and to decide to climb higher on my path until one day I will reach the stars and know that I have arrived where I was meant to be.

Taking all the advantage of the goodness of life gives me the courage, faith and determination to persevere.  I visited Jim in the Nursing Home and he really feels he has nothing to live for and yet he appreciates my visits and the cookies I bring.  This last time as we sat outside in the cold and damp air while he smoked a group of young people surrounded us and wanted to know about him.  He became the center of attention for a few moments.

"When a person quietly reconciles himself to all the contradictions that life offers, and can comfortably ride out or flow between the banks of pleasure and pain, expressing them both, but getting stuck in neither, then he has achieved freedom."  -Deprak Chopra  Do we have the courage to accept the things we cannot change and find meaning in a life that seems meaningless.

Growing old is facing your limitations and being willing and gracious to those who walk with us.

GENEROSITY

Life is so full of good and beautiful things.  I feel so much better after two nights of sleeping well and knowing my test is done.  Today I am not nauseated and that too is a great relief.  I know that I am healthy but it is the little discomforts that seem to drain your energy and make you realize that yes you are getting older.  Then I also wonder what am I doing wrong that may be causing my indigestion.   I am so thankful that I have a granddaughter to share symptoms with and she is so good about giving advice.  Sandra and Carol where also good at listening and helping me with ideas. 

  I walk freely with my camera around peaceful streets, stopping to take pictures here and there.  I smile at those I meet and  am some times given a smile in return.  I try to see the goodness in others and make the best of disappointments and discouragements.  Doing good in some small way seems to help me find a happiness and a contentment,  I do not take on the big problems of the world because that is not my gift.

We have all heard the expression I can't complain but it seems I did the right thing when I complain about how miserable I really was feeling.  I feel guilty if I do not have a plan for the day, forgetting that relaxing is good for the soul, to enjoy the beauty that I can see and appreciate.  I need to let go of the feelings of being dissatisfied, restless and anxious.

I am slowing down and now I have to learn to be patient with this.  Taking time just to dream and enjoy the moments that are like poetry to be read slowly and each word has depth and meaning.

Today dad will be taking our friend's daughter and then bringing her here for a visit if she wants to come.  I want to make some cookies and visit Jim at the Nursing home.  Then we will celebrate Jeff's and Larry's birthday by going out for dinner. 

"The soul, our immaterial essence, grows when we do less with a greater sense of appreciation, a gentler manner and a sweeter disposition."  Alexandra Stoddard.  When you are not feel well it is so easy to become impatient because even every word you say or thought you try to think takes too much energy.
I want to be wonderfully healthy which for me can be different from someone else. 

I am reading a book called the "Hidden Power of the Gospel" which looks at each gospel; from the point of view that each has a different message and theme and they are meant to be read as a progression.  The first Matthew is all about change.  Question will arise in each gospel and the answers will come as we keep reading and searching.

"Life and the grace available to it, is rarely linear and well defined."  Alexander J. Shaia

NO WAY

No way I was going to come back again for the gastrosophy wjen the couldn'd find my name listed for the day surgery.  This ws after being sent down to adminsions which is now called I think inquiries.  My headache which had started in the night was now pounding and I said to dad okay we are going to cancel it altogether.  But I was put in and became the first one the Dr. Donaldson did.  Yes I am glad it is over and I kmow it was hard on dad too.  His legs were feeling weak when we got home.  Which makes me think we both need to keep healthy because it is harder for one to care for the other.

I have not always made wise choices and have usually had to live with the consequences.
No is a powerful word that can be used wisely and honestly.  The more we learn when is the right time to say "no" the happier we will be and the more confident.  I have made mistakes and one is saying "yes" instead of "no".  I am learning to value integrity in others and in myself.

To-morrow dad and I hope to visit our sick friend which may mean saying no to the U.C.W. meeting.

Wednesday.
Very slow this morning but totally enjoying my coffee and toast.  Very thankful that yesterday is over and I guess time will tell is I made the right choice.  The more we know the better we can find the inner resources to live with the courage of truth and knowledge.  I will take my digestion pills and give up milk and see how I improve!  I am also taking something called Tu Zen which is suppose to help the gas bloating and pain. 

GASTROSCOPY

The wind came in great gusts yesterday and as we sat eating lunch out we were watching people nearly get blown away. The ride down to White Rock on the freeway was nearly pushing the car over as the rain smashed against the window.

We had been to a movie The Eagle and had really enjoyed a different day.  I knew that today I would be having my gastroscopy which had been moved up because of a cancellation.  This whole thing has not gone according to plan, which was I wouldn't even get into the specialist for months.  Had a great sleep last night with a little help from a pill but have woken up with a monster headache.  The good news is that it is at 11:30 not 2:30.  I remind myself that this is the route I choose to go and I think it is just a matter of elimination to see what is upsetting my body.

I guess that is true of a lot of things in life when we have to take a moment to discover what is stressing us out.  Some things just cannot be avoided.  But since we are all so different and unique it is different for each one of us.  I think we just want to live our lives doing what we enjoy, helping others and feeling healthy.  This can take effort and make us face some challenges.

.,Dad will be having a busy day taking the young girl to get her meds, then driving me to Peach Arch Hospital and then off to Surrey to visit another friend who is having major surgery and has problems because he is on blood thinners.  Then he will come back and pick me up.

Had time to walk around the block and take pictures.  The sun is actually shining.  It seem like the minutes actually dragged by waiting to go to the hospital.

CHOOSING

Happy Valentine's Day!

I choose to get up early this morning mainly because I was feeling so restless in bed I could not sleep.  I was reminded in church that it is important to choose life.  It is important for me to look for beauty and goodness and to take pleasure in what I am doing.  I remind myself that there is a world of unconditional love that allows for laughter and creativity, even at 4:45 in the morning.

There are many sources of inspiration for me in my life that include family and friends and books and music.
There is an older man who I meet on my walks occasionally who always asks me when I smile at him how old I am.  I met him again yesterday and when I told him he said I was too young for him because he is an old 74.  So there you go I am too young for somebody!
The last two Sundays I have found money on the road just lying there waiting to be picked up; so I give it to the church and I laugh to myself, although I am sorry they have lost it, it will help the outreach in our church.

Finding inspiration in life is important for me and sometimes demands that I let go of preconceived notions and accept life as a precious blessing.   Information is helpful but inspiration is more enlightening; in the sense that it is awakening to the good and the sacred in ourselves.

Inspiration is the energy that comes with saying yes to life and being open to the breath of the spirit.  A gentle breeze can blow away the clouds of worry and create energy in an unexpected way.  I laugh every time I see a car drive by with a dog hanging out the window enjoying the wind on it's face.  I used to get car sick as a child and the only thing that helped was to sit by an open window.  I am reminded again and again to breathe deeply and feel happy.

"Inspiration and vision was then, and now is, and I hope will always be, my element,
  my eternal dwelling place."  William Blake.

Love bears all things\

Believes all things

Endures all things

Love never ends

1 Corinthians

Valentine's day, a day to be inspired, to express love with a full heart.

OWLS

Very wise looking and reminds me that I am thankful that we have a few wise old birds around!

Dad and I where exhausted after visiting Ken, and Matthew and Jasmine on skype.  What a lot of energy!

I am amazed at some of the questions our great-grandchildren ask us.  Often I do not know the answer.
As I read different books on the definitions of religion and of what is a Christian there are so many different points of view.  I would agree with the Saintly Sri Ramakrishna, who saw good in all religions.  I also agree with writer Graham Fuller, a very wise man, who believes religion is not the cause of our middle East problems.  But that there is political and cultural frictions, land and oil interests, power rivalries and Propaganda.  He is from Simon Fraser and has written a book   "The World Without Islam."

"Life to the Wise is not a burden to endure, but a precious blessing, a challenging adventure, to grow through."    Alexandra Stoddard.

There is a lot of knowledge to be gained in life but it is good only when used wisely!  

FAMILY UPDATE

Nice to get an e-mail from Carol, her new job will be a challenge and she is enjoying the time with Kim and walking the dog Haiti.
Sandra has been diagnosed with a disintegrating nerve problem in her neck which causes some pain and numbness.  Treatment to be decided.
No news from Ken and Rick.  Both very busy I am sure.

Mary and Michael John are planning to move to London, Ontario and that is good news although moving here would be even better.

The weather has been cold or windy or rainy so dad has not been on his bike a lot.  He is in good spirits.
I am having a scope on March the 8th but should probably have my head examined instead!

STORIES

I have never been a good dancer but I have been a good dreamer and I love to watch others dance and your heart just dances along with them.  It is hard once you believe something about yourself to let it go.
I use to put the Vineyard worship tapes on and dance around my living room when I was home alone.  I love music and yet I often forget to listen. 

In the beginning the good book says there was the Word but people were not listening.  So God, who is much wiser then us, decided I will send a story teller.  We all love a good story, some like telling them and others like listening.  Both are important.  We remember the story long after we have heard it.  I love to hear the stories that old people tell and it brings life back into their voice again.

"May I wake up ready for that daily, yet the greatest gift of all, a fresh start".  wisdom from another Gama.

I have met people who tell you the same sad story over and over again and it seems like they are trapped in their grief.  Others I have met create an illusion of happiness and so it comes as a surprise when you hear what they have been through.  Sometimes I look back and see what I could have done differently but the older I get the less it matters.  Maybe I am here to accomplish certain things and like another wise person said : "I am so far behind I will never die". 

We had a good visit from Sandra while she was waiting for her car to be repair but instead they decided it could not be done by them.  A leaky roof in rainy B.C. is not good!  We compared notes about our health issues and I was given some suggestions.  Seeing the humor in life always helps and makes for a good story.
With your dad around he always has a good tale or two. 

Stories that are full of courage and hope and determination remind us of the goodness in the simple things of life.  We take our freedom for granted until we see the people in Cairo willing to die for it.  They are happy to see this chapter of their lives come to an end and we can only hope that the future will benefit those who have been abused and mistreated. 

The key to a happy life is knowing when to listen and when to voice an opinion.  It is helping others until you do not notice your own needs anymore.  Stories add color and beauty to our lives!  Jesus knew he was doing his Father's will every time he told a story.  A lost sheep, a seed that falls on rocky ground, a father who waits for a son to come home, a woman who searches for a lost coin that meant so much to her so she sweeps her house clean!

 

THE BALLET STAR

Children are so intent on what they are doing.

Taking this ballet class looked like a lot of fun

There are so many activities for children today and it is also a good way for moms to meet other moms.

I have many happy childhood memories.  Mom never went with me or took me to dancing or swimming or any sports because kids did not get driven anywhere.  Of course we had no car also.

One was that praying was so simple it just meant talking to Jesus.  I never asked for anything.  This comes to mind today as I read this story about a poor little girl who was overheard asking God for a toy for Christmas.  A skeptical friend asked after Christmas, "Well did you get a present?" 

  No she replied.  " Well I guess God didn't  answer your prayers was the other one"s comment.

"I'm sure God told someone to bring me a gift, but I guess they forgot", was her reply.

SOFTNESS

I realize how awesome it is to be a great-grandmother and what matters most is not the wrinkles of time on my face but what matters is loving and being loved for a very long time.  Bringing joy to some one else whether they are young like Morgan or old like the two widows that live near me. 

Purpose is still woven into the simple acts of kindness that bring me joy and joy to others.  Within each of us is a soft spot, a tender heart, a soul.  As a child it was easy for me to believe that the world was full of God's love.  I was brought us not to question adults and I am amazed at the questions children have today.  One of the messages of Jesus was to keep questioning life and in our seeking we will discover what is real and what is false.

I never looked forward to my Aunt Susie visiting us.  She was my dad's Aunt who had taken him in when he came to Canada.  She was the sister of his real aunt, Aunt Polly who was kind and gentle.  Aunt Susie never had children and was very strict and critical.  She called me a silly child when I said I wanted to write stories.

Jesus was and still is the gentle spirit that encourages me.  Blessed are the poor in spirit, the soul that hungers for love and acceptance and the freedom to express itself.

ON THE WAY

This was some frozen water we sped by on our way to catch Morgan at her ballet class.  There was frost on the car first thing in the morning but it turned out to be a cold but wonderfully sunny day.  Disappointed in my pictures especially of the mountains so breath taking and clear.

I love capturing the light.
Yes, so the night before I was jogging back and forth to the bathroom and of course slept in when we should have been up bright and early.  We made excellent time on our drive to Theresa's house and Morgan came running out to meet us.  She was so happy and excited and I completely forgot how tired and drained I had been feeling.

Enjoyed seeing her get ready and watching her in her class.  They are all so adorable!  Reminds me of my own little ballet girls.  I was so proud of them both.  I think Sandra stayed in ballet longer then Carol and then both became great swimmers.

Hoping for a good night's sleep to-night so I feel a little more human to-morrow.