WOW

I went for a really big walk today and was so full of energy it was awesome. I also had three people, two strangers, one an old friend say nice things to me as I was walking. A bicycle rider wheezed by me and said have a nice day, a lady watering her garden told me I had a bright spirit as I smiled as I walked by and then an old friend waiting at the lights rolled down his window and said how good it was to see me! I was surprised and pleased.

Came home and did some watering, some grass cutting, and some laundry and then had a big nap. Now I am reading Spong and finding he makes a lot of sense. "To state that religion is revealed truth is to invest it with power, to compel conformity, to enable non-conformists to be effectively silenced."

Even saying that I cannot deny that the knowledge one gains by reading the Bible has a powerful message, the life of the spirit still lives for me in it's words. We translate it to better understand it and I believe that within the pages there are insights into our humanity with all it's neediness and frailty.

TIME

You wait and plan for something to happen and then the time is gone and I feel the emptiness that I felt as each child left home. Now, our grand daughter is flying back to Grand Cayman Island where she has a busy life working and enjoying walking her dog and being with friends.

It is hard to imagine how old our earth is and the time that happened before us and that will go on when we are gone. Our lives began in the womb of water that protected us and surrounded us. The world must seem a strange place to a newborn babe. I find at times in my life the world seems like a strange place to me but I am happy being strange. Like the little girl in the story "The Inside Out Girl" who marches through life being very different has a sense of her own worth. She fights to wear what she wants to wear, mismatched and colorful and even inside out if she feels like it. She does not fit in in school but she lives in her own world most of the time. Society decides what is normal and we can make others feel awkward when they are different. It has taken years of struggle and pain for us to accept gay people but now that is slowly changing.

I think it is strange for a president to appear on T.V. talk shows because there is serious work he should be doing. I was taught you did your work first before you were allowed to play. Time change and things get better but memories still live with us. It was sad for us to leave our old house on the hill where all our the children have great memories but the time had come for us to find a smaller house closer to the stores etc.

Time for me to be an Inside Out grama and be a liitle rebellious; deciding I do not want to be told what to do, or think, or believe or yes even eat!

EARTH, WATER, FIRE, AND AIR.

The earth as seen in the water-shed park!

"The ancients believed that all things-visible and invisible-were composed of four different substances, uncreated and imperishable; Earth, Water, Air and Fire. It's important to stress that these elements were not simply considered in their material form-they were in fact considered symbolically. The attributes of each element then corresponded to a specific spiritual, mental or physical dimension."
Paulo Coelho writes in Inspirations.

I have more to add to his thoughts but I am off to become radio active for a a picture of the tissues of my lungs. I am not certain of the procedure so I am a little nervous. I am now back and after breathing some stuff into my lungs with a nose plug on [reminds me when we use to wear them swimming] and being injected with dye for pictures I am happy to be home. The tecknicians was extremely confident that all looked good and if there was any problem I would be phoned later in the day. Basically they were looking for blood clots.

But I think the more we know about ourselves, our bodies, our thoughts, our personality, our weaknesses and our stengths it can only be for our good.

I am so thankful to be able to breath normally and the fresh air is wonderful.
I did not sleep well last night worried about going into that machine but I am getting good at it. Evidently I did well.

Back to the Ancients for whom the mateial was symbolic of a more complex reality.
God was the one who stirred the wind to blow gently upon us; or to cause great thunder storms that shook the earth and caused fear in the unknown. How could then make this God of thunder and lightning happy? They saw the rain as bring life to the earth and producing, actually birthing, new creations. Out of the mist the rainbow would appear and powerful story telling began.

Religion first began in the belief in "spirit". Spirit that was alive in nature as well as in animals and human beings. There was a "good spirit" and a "bad spirit".
The story of the Garden of Eden tells of the awareness of the good and evil that came as they became self-conscious and felt their was a difference between them and the complete goodness that love produced spiritually.

I am tired so I will quit. Comments are welcomed.

FRIENDSHIP

Friendships weave a special Happiness into our lives as we share our lives an our concerns. Cathy has a bad cold right now so we are not walking together. I have not been in the Watershed for a week and it was on the street I had a talk with the stranger.

Over the years of visiting Kay at the Nursing Home we had developed a friendship in which we really cared about each other. I was thankful that the card saying she had moved came in the mail before I visited her empty room because that is always a shock. I was hurt that I had not been told by phone that she was leaving as I would have gone to say good-bye and it would have been sad but it would have been the way to end our visits together. I have sent her card that I meant to take over for her birthday but visiting her now she has moved to Burnaby will be difficult and next to impossible. I do not like driving and that would be too far for me now. If it was easier for her this way then it is okay.

I have taken July off from visiting the Newton Nursing Home because of family visiting and my own need just to rest up and catch my breath. I felt and I still do that it was the right thing to do.

"Abandon the fruitless search for reason and logic and discover the mystical laws of grace and be free from the ordinary thought working process." Caroline Myss. I had written this down several weeks ago in my journal and now find it helpful. I need to learn from all my experiences the grace of compassion and the grace of acceptance.

"Grace filled moments come unexpectedly into all our lives". But at other times they have to be invited into the soul allowing peace and tranquility to replace the questioning of life.

QUESTIONS

There is a time and a place where you should ask questions; like in the doctor's office for instant. After being listened to me breath and blow into a machine the very serious doctor suggested I have three tests. Two for my lung capacity which may just be the best it can be and one for the heart. Where these just routine tests or was there a reason he was advocating them? And what exactly where they?
Of course hours later I start questioning! !

Yesterday as I was walking at 7:30 a young man caught up to me. He wanted to show me his Kobo Reader and started talking about all the books he had read and now he would be able to read them on his reader. We talked about some books, the classics and the modern ones like Harry Potter and Dan Brown. When I said I did not really like Dan Brown he started to question me. I was amazed at this young man with all his questions, very deep and thoughtful. I often find young people today do not know how to ask questions even in conversation. When we parted he gave me his phone number and said he would like to have coffee, but I found when I got home I had lost it.

It is not often you meet someone so young and so well read and so full of questions.

Life is full of questions especially about suffering and good and evil and why does God not do something. Of course we know that we are the ones that have been called to make this world a better and more peaceful place.

Jesus answered each question very simply because he knew the questions behind the questions. Who are you they wanted to know? What can I do to save my life from the mess I am in? Can I be healthy? Are you like the real God or is God like you?

There are moments in my day when my mind becomes quiet and the questions do not matter and I exist in the flow of love that surrounds me. Questions can be painful and to regain my peace and inner strength I disengage myself from that inner voice that doubts and questions continually.

CHANGING

I love to look at the sky in the evening and especially seeing the changes in the moon. It is funny but I often feel like it is winking at me wanting to share some joke that is just between us two. But as the moon gets fuller I am reminded of how much the image of light and dark has penetrated our thinking and our experiences of life. There is a time to laugh and enjoy and have fun that is an important part of our lives. I have tended to be more serious and task orientated. Now, I want to enjoy laughter and being a little crazy, just a little. Yes, the moon winks at me and the flowers talk to me and I see God working in my life in mysterious ways, through my experiences, my family, my friends, and even through my dreams.

Years ago I would have said I was at peace with my religion but I find that you need to keep growing and learning. I was reading in my new birthday book, thanks Jane, about how the ancients did not revere the book-the written word as we do. "Rather, they saw in the written word a sort of imprisonment of the spirit, of oral teachings. Indeed to write a message down transforms it; and it no longer dwells in the space between the speaker and the listener. The message becomes "heavier", acquires a body of ink and paper (or clay in ancient times) and its suppose to live longer than the person who wrote it."

I know I cannot believe everything I read so I have to choose the words and thoughts that bring light into my life. I value the gift of imagination and seeing the world through the eyes of a child. I showed Morgan, my little birthday angel,that changes color and she said baby Jesus would like that. We were sitting under the table at that time. I was amazed because our family is not what you would call religious but the children are learning songs in school about Jesus, God and Love.

Many wise teachers have written beautifully and many have not left any written word at all. Our human nature longs for a love of life that can awaken the magic and the mystical that surrounds us.

THE ANSWERS

It was a wonderful place to spend my birthday, a gorgeous home with a walk right below to the beach. It was so good to be there with my family have fun and watch others enjoying the sun and water. I tried to walk to the swing but developed a bad headache and shortness of breath. Gosh darn I was feeling like a young thing! I enjoy seeing the children etc. enjoying the day so that was excellent. Thanks Rick for making the long drive from Chase B.C. Hope your term paper is finished and in the mail.

Today I have to have answers for the internist, I am the one with the questions how can I answer his? I never remember dates and right now I am feeling so good I wish I did not have to go. Dad is insisting on answers so I am going along with the process. We will probably both feel better when the answers are you are just fine and your age is catching up with you.

One answer I have found is that you cannot compare yourself to others.

I am getting more forgetful as I forgot my purse and my camera and my change of clothes at the beach house. I like the new bag dad bought me but I needed a huge bag to put everything in or else I need some one to question me and ask me "Mom, do you have your purse?"
Have you forgotten something?"

So guys it is your turn to question me. Can you remember?

TOO EXCITED

Too excited to sleep, which is a good sign for some one turning 73. Life is still exciting and I am so looking forward to our day away at the lake. It will be a fun day and I know the girls have had fun planning it.

I had a picture of a chopped tree with all the rings showing which I was tempted to put on my blog this morning. Every time we go in the forest i am amazed at how grand and tall the trees are. There are huge trunks left standing, I am glad this is a family place, a dog place and a bike riding place, a space that is well travelled.

I decided to go with a colorful picture of my neighbors handing basket. The world is so full of color and beauty that fills our senses with the joy of living. I am sure my parents where excited when I was born and pleased to have a girl after Brian had arrived first. Babies do change your life and they all grow up too quickly.

I appreciated the article Douglas Todd wrote in the Sun on Saturday on three of the types of Christians. There are the Conservatives and the Liberals and the Moderate.
I started out liberal with a strong faith that was very real; before I drifted into conservative where I was attracted to the openness of people to share their faith and their commitment to the Bible. Now I am more moderate I take the Bible "seriously but not literally" and I believe in the Resurrection which I think is what our faith is built on. I believe a virgin birth may be possible but like the story of creation it has a mythical quality about it. Myths are powerful and impact our lives with truth that is everlasting.

Just like their are many colors and many paths I respect what others believe and I want my faith that is so important to me to be respected too. In this life there will be joy and sorrow and my faith in the love of God has helped me in the stormy times.

WATERSHED PARK

We are walking more together

AWESOME

Kim, one of our awesome grandchildren, spends some time with dad and I. She has made wonderful plans to go to a cabin up by Hope where I will be celebrating my birthday. The day should be perfectly awesome because of the beautiful place and it has special memories of us as that is one of the first lakes we discovered in B.C. We stayed in a very rustic cabin and since it was in the fall it was very cold at night. It was a great adventure for us as we wandered around the lake, the only people there ao it was very quiet. Dad saw the rushing river with all the stones and thought one day he would go looking for gold. And yes, in later years, he staked a claim but I think it had already been panned.

Yesterday, dad and I set off to the Watershed parks, which is acres of land with many, many paths running through. It was good we took some drinks with us as in stead of losing each other we ended up getting completely lost. We had a cell phone but how would we tell anyone where we where when we had no idea ourselves. We had wandered off onto the bike paths and nearly got run over by speeding bikers, so young and intent on their daring rides across logs and over jumps. Amazing!

I am off with Murphy and Cathy this morning so between her and the dog we will not get lost. I spent the evening in the shade deck reading as dad watched football. There was a gentle breeze and since it is right in the tree it is very private.

I am reading the chapter "Beyond the Hollow Mind:The Idea of God."
"The idea of God apparently so simple [or is it?] was brought to humanity-who knows by whom-in order to guide human beings through the vast tunnels and labrinths of individual and communal life." It is so easy to get lost in the busy distractions of life and not take time to meditate on the meaning of life, of death, of birthdays, of family, of friends of nature and sickness and health. All of us have the need to love and to be loved.

We sing the song "They will know we are Christians by our love" but even those of us with good intentions can be so darn unlovable at times. The idea of God as we trace it through the scriptures embraces all of life, the good and the bad. We will continue to learn about God as we stumble upon the path of life and we will continue to learn about ourselves. They mystery is that as we discover the love of God for us we also discover the power of His love to restore and revive us.

I put my book down as I am reading in the shade deck and get out my journal as I want to write down my own thoughts. Yes, the very word "God" can have different meanings for each one of us, and in fact can mean just about anything one wants it to mean. Over the years the study of philosophy and the study of science have helped us in this journey of the mind. Faith calls us to open our hearts and to fill the hollow emptiness with love.

ROMANCE

Even in the forest full of trees, tall and stately, surrounding us the light shines through and fills our souls with awe. Romance is seeing the light in the forest of our lives and creating time to enjoy being with some one you love.


Romance fills the world with beauty and awe. We all need romance in our lives, even when we get old and gray. As I look at the pictures of weddings that Theresa has taken and look at the pictures of Jane's wedding it takes me back to the days when you fall in love with love and all things seem possible. We are willing to become vulnerable and place our lives in the hands of another. We come with our dreams of being cherished and loved in the way we see as loving. But the dreams fade and the moments of feeling cherished and loved are taken captive by the harsh reality that is life. They may vanish completely and become unreal even as the presence of God seems to have left us alone and lost. Losing the comfort of faith and the promise of happiness is very difficult, and yet in the place of emptiness we can now discover a new strength growing in us.

I am glad I married someone with a romantic heart because life gets so full of stress, frustration, disappointments and failures. Romance now becomes a little kiss or holding hands or sitting close to watch a D.V.D. or walking in the forest and seeing beauty together.

The Sufis describe "Three Journeys of the Spiritual Path". the journey from God, the journey to God and the journey in God. Like our journey through life we leave the security of home to start a fairy tale life that will meet all your needs. You turn to finding satisfaction in work or raising your children or obtaining things of material value. The trouble is that we can lose who we really are and we lose our passion for life and happiness. This is a difficult place to be in because we do not want to face either our unhappiness or are need to change. We question our old beliefs and face our disappointment with the presence we call God. We are all vulnerable.

The miracle is that we can then be open to amazing life-changing moments.

HOPE

A colourful mushroom grows on the side of this old fallen log and gives beauty deep in the heart of the forest. Dad and I stop to admire it; at this time we are actually together.

Today I woke up feeling especially good and full of hope. The morning is dull and even though I got these new sateen, cotton sheets that are suppose to help with your body temperature while you are sleeping, I still found I was either hot or cold during the night.

I also bought the book "Women, Food and God" now that is a crazy title. Evidently it is very popular and having Oprah recommend it is a big plus. I have just read a few lines but am amazed how similar we all are. We may have different reasons for the crazy things we do but food becomes a comfort or a way to control our lives.

Sometimes I get so tired of reading all the labels and being so careful about every crumb I eat. Yesterday along with my sheets I bought some yummy food that I can snack on. I turned to God early in life without a lot of expectations. I did not then or now expect to find happiness in the answers to my prayers. Today it is like a parent or a teacher that says I have taught you what you need to learn; now go and learn how to do it yourself.

There have been times when I have felt hopeless and yet there are the times when I am able to find a quiet calmness within from which hope grows like the mushroom that found the right log to feed off of and be apart of. I am glad there is a book that is full of honest humor that addresses some of the issues that we all need to work on.

Today I am walking in "my" woods with Murphy, the dog, and Cathy. Since her husband has been released from hospital we have not had a walk together. It will be a good time to talk and catch up on how they both are doing. There were times when they both felt so hopeless and even now the recovery is so slow. But now there is HOPE.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

I have had many blessings in this life and one that is especially meaningful to me was that I was able to hold little baby Madeline. She was such a beautiful and precious little one who lived only a few short months.

I am so thankful for our children and grandchildren and these great-grandchildren in this picture. I still have many questions about "why" things happen the way they do and about human nature.

Reading someone else's thoughts and ideas helps me to still my own thoughts. I like hearing about what is happening in other people's lives and I try to be a good friend.

I missed going to school when we were married and started our family. I had enjoyed learning and then the church gave me the opportunity to join groups and learn and study with others, I jumped right in. I started out with a Baptist group who were very strong in their faith and how to live it and share it. I was very silent for the first year because I heard so many different ideas and I felt a little out of my depth. We became good friends and it was a good experience for me.

I like our study groups where we discuss where we are in our learning process. I still have times when I wonder why I have done or said something that was stupid.

I think the study of philosophy and the whole questions of ethics and moral behavior and our inner motivation and outer acts lead to asking questions. Some of the greatest minds have wrestled not only with human behavior but with the question of God. Is there a God? Can we experience His presence? His love and His strength.

If only I had the power over my own deep inner emotional life then I would have the power to control the negative thoughts. Jesus says love your neighbor as yourself.
There seems to be this great hunger and need for love. Lives have been changed when the life has been captured by the love of Jesus and the desire to reach out to others.

Our life is drawing to a close and I would like to leave a few thoughts for my family. I am still getting to know each one knowing that we never really know another person.

Dad and i had a good walk through the big water-shed park and found new paths and I was lost most of the time. We took our cameras but should have had whistles or cell-phones because we did get separated from one another. One reason was that when I went ahead I would go on the wrong path. Cathy across the street wants to go with me and walk her dog in there. Murphy can be off the leash and he has a great time.
I am not sure what is planned for today except dad is working on the pond in the front yard. I very very hard job with heavy rocks and heavy pool liner. I am not needed to give my advice and I have tried to save a few plants so I guess I have a little gardening instinct in me.

We find our happiness in different ways and that is good.

COOL MORNING - WARM SLIPPERS

It is cool in the morning so I am glad I have these warm slippers to warm me up, they are part of a birthday present from Melina and Ken. It is cooler at our house as a breeze seems to blow right across our front door which is wonderful on warmer days and makes dad's shade deck a perfect place to sit.

Did some shopping yesterday and found just what I was looking for so that feels good. The drive into New Westminster to get some gluten-free bread was very calm. We have seen some near misses lately and some crazy drivers.

Dad's ankle is giving way at times so we will be phoning the doctor today. I will not take no for an answer. My old friend nausea is back and I seem to be super sensitive to any gluten even in rice chips that may contain flour. Rice chips should be okay one would think. Some things we just have to live with but we both have to do all we can to keep healthy. We are going to put on our running shoes and go through the water-shed park today. I will do a short early morning walk first before sleep-head wakes up.

Reading a very deep book about a Jewish philosopher who had become an atheist after bad childhood experiences and entering the academic world. He was forced to look into all religions as he was asked to teach a course on religion at a time when he needed a job. Words had become his god who he choose to believe did not exist. As he began reading at first nothing seem to touch his heart but he found himself asking questions about his old beliefs.

Starting with the Old Testament he found "it all so empty,
so fundamentally irrelevant
to the drama of living, suffering, loving, dying."

His first year of teaching he felt went dismally and it wasn't until he discovered a book called "Major Trends in Jewish Mysticism"

"Language in its purest form, that is Hebrew, according to the Kabbalists, reflects the spiritual nature of the world, in other words,it has a mystical value. Speech reaches God because it comes from Him."

God is speaking to us in nature and in our experiences and in our deepest inner thoughts.

We can be free from the moral demands of dogma, rituals and formulas to find freedom in the whole universe expressing "Reality and Goodness" "Truth and Love" as ancient teachers like Plato had discovered. I for years took the scriptures as literal but am now discovering a new way to the world of the soul that becomes as real as the material world we live and move and breath in.

I find the mystery and meaning of life colourful because although we desire love and peace we will always struggle with the darkness of failure, doubt, hate and betrayal, fear and death. Violence will not solve our problems but seeking to understand each other and realize that they are where they are because that is where they were meant to be. This I learned from Pearle. The mind has amazing ability to keep us questioning and seeking answers that are waiting for us to discover.

POWER

I love having church outside where you are aware of nature and feel comfortable with a small group of kind and gracious people. Jane and Geff hosted the gathering of the Unitarian Church at their home yesterday morning. This church has had a big influence on their lives and still does especially for Geff.

The message was given by Pearle Glenn, our friend who went visiting at Peace Arch Hospital with me for seven years after we had been trained as lay-chaplains together. We shared many good stories together and at the beginning we thought differently about what we believed we learned there was more we agreed upon and more we could appreciate in the faith of each other.

Christianity is practiced in many ways but the message is to be of service in this hurting world. By giving up our power and our desire to be in control we gain an inner strength that helps us over-come and keep positive. The message of Jesus is simple but it is also becomes real when we go beneath the surface of our culture's religious symbols and doctrines to practice humility and unconditional love. It was easy to feel at home with a group of caring and loving souls.

We all have had pain and sorrow along with joy touch our lives in unexpected and unwanted ways. Yet, as Pearle mentioned we carry within us a dream, which is the foundation of our spirituality. We have been influenced in many ways by the people who become apart of our experiences.

I at times feel very different and out of place even among my own family. I enjoy being around their energy and their enthusiasm for life and I feel loved when we are together.

Love is the strongest force that keeps our hearts beating
and if we are able to let go of the past and be forgiving daily
we can learn to soar freely.

We are reminded to love and accept ourselves and each other because we are all at the place where we are meant to be and as long as we are open to a deeper spirituality it will come to us.

IMAGINE

Down to the beach we head to enjoy the ocean breeze, the warm sand, the fish and chips and the holiday atmosphere. We are completely happy to spend this time together and just enjoy being with all the different groups of people, sunbathing or walking their dogs, or riding their bikes or just sitting on a bench enjoying the view. Our help is not needed at home so off we go. Our world is changing and we find that the biggest change for us is to accept the grace of old age. Yes, we miss the things we use to be able to do but can now enjoy watching others have fun.

Life is a pure gift, a gift from God, to be received with gratefulness. I come to realize that there is a lot to living and to loving; some beyond my understanding. I know for sure that it is never a good idea to compare your life with others. There will always be smarter, more talented, more gifted people. I have asked questions of life and now I find it is asking me the questions.

We are all just a tiny grain of sand in the huge beach that stretches endless before me. But each one is important to make a sand castle. As we join our lives with others we contribute what only we can give. Each one of us is important in our own way.

I enjoy this afternoon and the freedom of being happy and content because the joy and pleasure will go home with me.

Looking out at the great expanse of the ocean allows me to imagine many things. I love going to this old hotel and being aware of the many people who have come and enjoyed a day or a week just like I am doing.

We are temporal and yet we are eternal.
We are finite and yet we are infinite.
We are a part of something greater than ourselves.

EVERYDAY HEROS

This picture is of the biggest dogwood flower I have ever seen. It is huge! I have been waiting for it to bloom and finally it did.

I wrote yesterday morning about everyday hero's and this morning in the Sun there is an article about Nicola Aubre a psychologist who is training others to help people in the most poor and troubled areas of the world."She has shown remarkable leadership and courage; she is a pioneer in bringing psychological knowledge to countries dealing with conflict, war and natural disaster. She has analyzed enough people over the years-from police officers to convicted killers-to know how much we all crave acceptance." She was taught by her Christian mother, "When you give you find out that you receive much more, and it is so true."

She is being recognized by her peers for the work she is doing and which it appears had a strong calling on her life. I was thinking of the many average people who are living courageous lives in difficult circumstances. They do not expect recognition but those who love them cheer them on with admiration.

We all go through trials in our lives and we carry on the best we know how. We wish we could do more to help ease the suffering in the world. Mother Theresa said to just help those you can one by one.

In years past and even in some religions today people are promised a reward in the next life. There have also been harsh words about the judgment and punishment that await evil doers. I do not expect great rewards or harsh punishment even though reading the scriptures may seem to be teaching and confirming this reality.

God, has to be for me, a presence that welcomes into his love all the hurting and wounded people of this world. Maybe in heaven there will be a hospital for the soul where those who have been mistreated and have mistreated others will finally find peace and acceptance.

There is a dark energy that swirls all around us and we can be frustrated by the inaction of those who could help and yet act with stupidity and weakness. In this life we see victims and perpetrators and we cry for justice to be done.

One death on a cross seems like a worthless sacrifice; but the death of Jesus has stirred people and continues to motivate those who care to reach out to help. One death for the victims and for the perpetrators to bring light into the darkness of hate and violence.

We each do what we can in our daily lives to enrich the lives of others with the grace of kindness, patience, compassion, generosity and love.

I know that I need to turn to prayer to find inner peace that can be called a mystical experience not just mental brain power.

As I was watering the garden last night very frustrated by all the work that needs doing a young man with a baby said as he passed by "Your garden is awesome". Words of grace that lifted my spirits and helped me to experience a sense of joy.

KIM ARRRIVES

I try to stay awake to listen for Kim coming in after one o'clock and in my dreams I wake up to give her a hug. She looks amazing in the morning after her long journey and the kitchen fills up with our noisy boisterous family. This is when I wish our house was a bit bigger but it is just the right size for dad and I.

I go outside and come in with a strange bug on my back so we hunt around for the magnifying glass to look at it more closely. This starts Morgan on a bug hunt through the yard with the magnifying glass to help her on her very serious discovery.
Bees discourage her but she found lots of busy ants.

Dad and Ben go off to play lacrosse but our stumped when they come to a locked gate; until they discover an open door right beside it. We enjoy all the young people so much they bring so much life and laughter with them. As they head off to play tennis dad and I read and have naps.

FAMILY RESEMBLANCE
I see lots of family resemblance as we gather to-gether at Boston Pizza and their is even glutin-free pizza for us celiac's. Kim leaves to drive home with Mikie and Theresa, Ben and Morgan.

I was thinking about the family resemblance that we as Christians should see in each other. It is the acts of kindness, the cup of cold water, the blessing at our meals, an open door and an open mind that welcomes the lost stranger as well as family and friends.

There are things in our lives that people will remember about us and hopefully it is mostly the good or the funny things. We laugh at teen-age pranks that I remember their mother's and fathers doing. I started a journal at that time but those pages are all gone. It would have been interesting to read them again. If I remember rightly there were a lot of prayers for wisdom and strength.

A DAY BEHIND

I thought that Kim was arriving Thursday night but she is coming to-night. Theresa and Mikie will drop her off at about 1 or 2 and then come back in the morning. This will help Carol and Panteli who are in the middle of moving; bu they will be here in the morning too.

A beautiful day for walking this morning. Then good conversation with Jane and Geff out on their deck. The afternoon was lovely and warm with a gentle breeze. I had a lazy afternoon although I tried to read and kept falling asleep.

So the next while will be busy again with happy family times. I am reminded again and again how much we have to be thankful for.

FAIRNESS
All I would really like is for life to be fair. If we thought life was fair we would not be filled with feelings of anger and bitterness and jealousy, always wanting more and more. If we thought life was fair would it end all wars?

Why does one poor soul come to my door, to ask if I have any cans to give to him so he can cash them in for money. He is always grateful and cheerful as he limps away. I know he has health problems and alcohol problems but I do not know his story why he is living on the streets. I ask him if he would like a drink of water but he refuses. What part did fate or life's unfairness play in his life?

Has life been fair?

I decide that I am a very earth bound child of the Creator. Maybe others can shut the door on life's misfortunes but life would be much fairer if we all helped a little. Only angels are meant to fly above and look down upon us poor mortals.

No matter how one interrupts the words of Jesus his life-style spoke for him. No wonder he got angry at the cheating and unfairness that went on in the temple and his anger at the priests in their holy robes of piety and their blindness to the poverty and needs of the people made him furious.

We know life will never be fair and for some everything will go right and for others they will always have to struggle. As I hear the news reports and all the corruption among those in power and authority I realize that deep in their hearts they suffer from addictions and depression and weaknesses just like the rest of us.

Today I want to go to the dollar store to buy a few simple stickers for our child in Sri Lanka. She is four years old and so happy to go to pre school where she is learning to colour and dance and sing.

CHARACTERS

The morning sky seems to promise both sun and clouds. Always a good time for a walk.

As I returned home yesterday I was thinking of some of the characters or interesting people I meet. There is the elderly Russian lady at the bus stop who likes me to stop and talk to her as she is waiting for the bus. I now know all about her family, the death of her daughter and her husband and the son and daughter who have moved to the States to have successful carriers. The bus arrives and I will hear more the next time we meet.

Arriving home the young boy, 9 or 10, is riding on his scooter up and down the street talking away to himself. He is quite happy to ignore me but I wave at him anyway.

One of the twin boys is leaving for work. One is very friendly while the other is more reserved and I cannot tell them apart. Again I wave anyway.

Across from us lives an elderly couple and he is now in his nineties but he is extremely fit and knowable and offers to help when he sees us working on the house.
I wonder what we will be like at ninety? Or my children?

I love the title for God in the Old Testament "The Ancient of Days" where over the centuries they have searched for the true character of God. Jesus is like God and God is like Jesus but even with all the writings we have and the stories different characters have written about both Jesus and God there seem to be many different opinions. There is now new light being shed on the scriptures and hopefully there will be a clearer picture of the character and the holiness of God.

The character of God, seen in Jesus, is not violent and tribal and yet religion has lead to violence and ethnic cleansing, racism and homophia etc.

"Jesus hasn't sold the humble donkey he rode into Jerusalum upon on eBay and purchased tanks and land mines." Brian D. Mclaren writes in his book "A New Kind of Christianity".

Yet so many things are done in the name of God that allows the love of power to be stronger than the power of love.

NOT THINKING

WHY

Why are some people just down right nasty? Hurting people will distort the truth to make themselves look superior. Most people do not want to face the truth about themselves and consequently will never, never change. Both sides have to be willing to be honest and open but people get trapped into the manipulations of the people I guess they want to please and step upon those who they can abuse. People choose what they want to believe and find strength in their superiority. Grouped together they form a barrier against the rest of the world. We all function in our own narrow range of encounters and limited experiences.

We are all fragile human beings and I know that I can be easily hurt and others do not even realize what they are saying or doing is so hurtful. I have also done this to others and only by reflecting on it have realize how hurtful I have been.

I caught the end of Ophra yesterday where she was talking to a person who had written a book "Women Food And God" where the message was if you are not in touch with your own sacred self, the energy that flows from a divine source, life will eat you up. We all crave something when we feel misunderstood, rejected and wounded and food is one of the things that comfort us.

Why am I feeling hungry?

I know that I often say to myself am I eating because I am hungry or just because I crave something? I love my walk in the morning because the world looks so fresh and the day is full of promise. I plan what I want to get done but that does not always work out.

I had lots of energy yesterday morning but ended up having a huge afternoon nap, a Rip Van Winkle Nap, where I just could not wake up. Very unusual for me to sleep so deeply even at night.

Of course I should be happy I have a lot to be thankful for. I think that was part of what the author was talking about. Finding happiness in what you have and learning to be patient in the difficult times. It is hard to look at successful people, rich and famous, and realize that they too are searching for meaning in their lives.

When we were at the get together the where most people knew each other I noticed the business people gathered in a group and then the family where in a group and friends talked to friends I was tempted to just sit quietly and wait for someone to come and talk to me. I think of one of my friends who would have boldy gone right into the midst of any of the groups. I had to make an effort and in the end I did find several friendly people. One lady was a girlfriend of Lois's and actually remembered us.

Why did I feel so uncomfortable?

A beautiful setting, amongst beautiful people left me cold and I think a little angry. Did they care about the rest of the world?

The dandelion seeds blow away in the wind but find new places to grow and become strong.

I am trying to tell myself "why dwell on something that will make you unhappy". I cannot chance the past and I cannot control the future.

CONTRASTS

This is the view from Murray's Penthouse on the 39th floor. Murray is Maidie's son and he hosted a gathering in memory of his mom.

I am glad that yesterday is over because I was very nervous going to a posh apartment on top of the world with a million dollar view. We were greeted very graciously and meet some good family friends. I learned a lot more about Madie and she was certainly the most hospital person inviting people to Christmas dinners etc.
We met a lady, who is building a huge house in Mexico, whose husband works with Ron Ateah; now that is amazing.

I think that I would be very bored if I lived there so high above the real world. Madie was proud of her son and he was good to her and it was a wonderful idea to have this get together. On a small table there were some pictures and a letter written by her grandson. A very touching and personal letter written by a young lad who is finding his way in life hard.

I am glad that our feet are very much on the ground and that we can do things ourselves, with our own hands and our own imaginations. I am building a garden and a comfortable home while dad does his decks and his ponds. The garden and the pond are a real challenge but some one else does not design anything for us, so perfection is not to be our claim to fame.

I felt a little lost and I was glad to be home. I am so thankful that there are always so many things to do around here that keep me busy and happy. I like our neighbors and I like it when people stop and say they like my garden even though it needs a lot of rearranging but as long as there is colour I am happy.

SO YOUNG

A birthday party in a park amongst the trees with swings and even tennis courts. I wonder to myself as I arrive; and see a very happy and excited Morgan giving little gifts to those who are leaving, was I ever that young? They are all happy blowing their whistles and running this way and that. No one wants to leave. I was sorry we had got there so late but the day before I did not think I would have the energy to go; so changing plans through dad off although he should be use to it. The drive did seem long for both of us and dad does not enjoy freeway driving but neither do I.

Was I ever that young and confident? Was I ever carefree? I think I was more serious. My parties were simple and finding the nickle in the cake was the big surprise.

It was good to visit with Mikie's family as we now have got to know them over the many celebrations we have shared. Theresa did a wonderful job and everyone looked happy and relaxed. We sat around in the shade while the children played. Dad did a little tennis and we were amazed at how good Ben has become at playing tennis. Dad cannot play like he used to and this among many other aches and pains has us both feeling old.

Theresa the photographer had turned into mom, THE PARTY PLANNER, and forgot her camera.

Today we had planned to go to church and then downtown to join Lois and her brother Murray and family in remembering Madie Dunlop. He has a penthouse apartment high in the sky in the West End. We have not seen Murray in ages nor have we seen Madie's grandchildren. I will do my best to be friendly but am already feeling fatigue so church will be skipped. The good news is that my cough is better and I am thankful for that. Also the day is cooler so that is good too.

Exodus, the book in the Bible that tells us the story of Moses being chosen as a little baby to be the one who leads his people out of painful slavery into liberation. Does this story remind us that injustice must be fought and conquered.
We are too often passive about a lot of things.

It is difficult for me to look at scripture with a more open mind accepting the writers as human as they struggled with what to believe about who they were called to be and about who God was.

HOT, TIRED AND CRANKY

That is me. I nearly fall asleep again waiting for the computer to start. I am thankful it is a little cooler and I slept a lot better which is always a blessing. I think about our travellers and all the changes they have to endure in modern day transportation. Sandra and Randy will be back on the airplane today after what according to their pictures has been a great holiday.

Dad and I do not seem to know what to do with ourselves but the new deck was perfect for sitting out on. My problem is I start to read and I fall asleep. I know my library books are going to be due any day now and I have already renewed them twice.
Fighting a very nasty cough and cold does not help my disposition.

I start cleaning out cupboards and I am going around muttering we have too much stuff. Where does it all come from? Where can I give it away too and what should I throw away. I gave the portable playpen bed to Ava because Uri is now managing to sorta move and is not content to be in one place. She actually took him camping to Salt Spring where they build mud houses and sleep in tents. Unbelievable.

Today we may drive out to Chilliwack to the park where Morgan will be having a big party. Theresa was surprised that all the people she asked can actually come so she has been busy preparing. Carol is coming by to borrow our table.

To-morrow we go to a high rise in Vancouver for a family and friends get together to remember Maidie Dunlop. She was so good to us when we first moved here. It was a very lonely time for me as dad started work right away. I did learn how to ride the buses and did find a job. But it ended up my job was bringing up my children and looking after your dad.

Reading about the Old Testament which I do not take as literal because all the stories about gods at that time where very mixed up, I think it gives a good picture of our human nature and how weak and foolish we can be, but I do not think it reveals a true picture of the heart of God. Thankfully Jesus does that but then others come along to tell us what he really said and what he really meant.

In the Old Testament they were looking for the promised land and in the New Testament it is the Kingdom of God. Somewhere along the way Greek and Roman philosophy got involved in the picture and couldn't decided where the important thing is the material world or the immaterial. Plato and Aristotle.

I am a woman of faith none the less.


This picture is one of my favorite restaurants where we stopped after dropping off the boys.

UNLOCK

We become locked into what we believe and become comfortable.

The bad news is that one key to the lock for the shed has been lost but the good news is that there is another one.

You cannot open a lock if you have lost the keys. Spiritually there is a key that opens for us life in a deeper dimension. The key for Mary was to sit at the feet of Jesus and hunger for every word that would feed her soul.

Jesus comes to us when we invite his presence and he walks with us in our times of despair. Jesus is my key to life.

Religion has locked truth into a set of rules and dogma and if we have just listened to its teachers we will be laid astray. As I go through my books I see the influences that each one has had on my life. Now, is the time to unlock a new future that views the Bible and its teachings in a new light.

We went for a walk in the evening as I waited too long and it got too hot early in the morning. I feel the energy in the morning so that is the best time for me but by evening I feel tired and I have to talk myself into going. We went together and we were glad we did.

STILLNESS

We arrive at the hospital to be told at the desk that our dear old friend Madie Dunlop has slipped from this life to the next. We meet her daughter Lois and the grandchildren as they arrive to say good-bye. As I sit in our T.V. room in the stillness of the morning with only the soft bubbling of the water fall I think of birth and death. Today is Rick's birthday and the time has gone so fast since the warm day in July he arrived. What a happy and exciting day that was as my parents arrived by train just that morning.

Life is full of so many complex feelings that give it meaning and depth.

The morning stillness does not last as the garbage trucks start roaring past and the young boys jump on and off so hot and sweaty all ready. I am so thankful that they pick up our junk and take it away. Yesterday, I spent the day moving things back and forth and wonder to myself why do we have so much stuff that needs to have space.
I start going through my books only to start reading and finding it hard to let go of any of them. Today I will. Maybe.

BUGS AND BEASTIES

I am so thankful for the morning coolness and the energy to tackle some cleaning up.
There is always a lot to do before people come and after they leave. The important thing is to enjoy having them visit and not worry about unimportant things while they are here.

I was ever so thankful to have someone to walk with me
We last heard from Ken and Hobey they were still at the airport at 4 o.clock.
They were still hopeful of getting a plane to L.A. to catch the Qantas plane home.
Their visit has gone so quickly but we are thankful for any time they take away from their busy lives to come and visit us and the rest of the family.

Dad was looking forward to sitting out in his new shady area under the evergreen tree but found that lots of little bugs and beasts were joining him. The aunts among under insects were soon crawling all around and over him. It is so often the little things in life that we find so annoying.

How do we keep life simple and appreciate our experiences but do not let them define you. I think sharing your path with some one you trust is so important. For me Jesus is a teacher that understood the naturalness of life and taught us to be thankful. That does not mean that we will not be frustrated and disappointed with life. Honest about our feelings is important but being aware of the feelings of others is even more important.

None of us are saints.

THE DEPARTURE

All to soon it is time for our family to leave and I already feel the sadness. We have been very fortunate and thankful for the times we have spent together and with the others in the family. Carol and Panteli are home from China, still recovering from a mixed up sleep pattern, Sandra and Randy had a quick visit before leaving for Mexico where they will be attending Randy's daughter's wedding today on the beach. Craig took off for Manchester, so we missed him but Leah had several visits so that was great. She is still recovering from those nasty accidents and having treatment etc. Rick made the journey down from Chase for the day and was joined at our house by son Chris and daughter Leah. We had a visit with Theresa, Ben and Morgan at Carol's house and also with Oliver. Hobey was able to have a trip over to Van. Island to visit with Oliver and friends.

Our love for each one has been strengthened by our time together.

"When we bless others, we offer them refuge from an indifferent world."
My Grandfather's Blessings ---Rachael Naomi Remen

DETOUR

Faith is needed on our journey through difficult experiences; like having the plane land at Los Vegas on the route to Mexico and everyone stranded in a casino for the night. What a horrible disaster. Flying to their daughter's wedding and being forced to detour and be kept as prisoner's because they have not cleared U.S. customs.

Faith is needed to believe that we are on the right path and to keep our dreams alive and to have the courage to keep on going. A detour lasts only for a time and there are things in life we cannot control. This humbles the ego that wants to be always right and always in control.

Craig, Leah's boyfriend, had to travel to Salt Lake City and Paris to get to Manchester, London for his free concert. He will be coming home the same way.

Detours on the highway can be bad enough but this is unbelievable.

But we are thankful that everyone is safe!

TRAVELLERS

Our family is in various travelling spaces; as Craig flies home from Manchester London, Sandra and Randy fly to Mexico for a wedding of Randy's daughter, and Rick will be driving down from Kamploops to-morrow. Ken and Hobey will be here until Tues when they fly back to Australia.

I am travelling in my spiritual journey as I look into the words of Jesus again. I have no doubt that his most important words where for us to love one another. This is a great challenge in a world of unlovable people. "Love thy neighbor as thyself". So to begin with I have to be honest about my own faults and the baggage that I carry with me from my childhood that causes me to feel unlovable, or unworthy of being loved. I am reminded how great a gap there is between divine love and human love. The love of God is freely given unconditionally; which is a hard concept for us to grasp.

"To be is to be loved by God"

This truth is hard for us to grasp and unless we also grasp the truth of grace we will not travel in to a deeper understanding of love that transforms us from within.
We learn to love as we have experienced it and as we develope new relationships that challenge the strength of the love we treasure within us.

WILD AND CRAZY

We are having a wild and crazy time with our son Ken and our grandson Hobey. Lots of talking and catching up to do. They add sparkle to our family get together and bring out our funny sides. This is true of any times when the young people come to visit. The conversation is stimulating and interesting. We are very fortunate to know our grandchildren and to be a part of their lives. I enjoy their visits. Oliver came roaring up to our house on his motor-bike and then the young ones, including Ken went to Colerdale to enjoy some music and beaver tails; a delicious treat.

Dad and I had a nap so we would be able to stay up later at Sandra and Randy's house where we went for dinner.

I was thinking this morning about how vital the force of life is within us all. Even when we are limited and not able to participate as fully as we wish there can still be within us a intense love of life.