RAIN

I have done it again. Every word has gone and I am feeling dumber and dumbier.

This will be shorter. We drove into town on an extremely rainy day yesterday. The heaviest rain in years. The streets were alive with umbrellas which made them very colourful. Dad had a good visit with the eye doctor but couln't find his hat as he went to leave. I rescued it from a small garbage pail.

Obama has decreed that the Iraq combat mission is over and it is time for them to take responsibility for their own people. I would not want my sons fighting in any war and was proud of Canada when it had a role as peace keepers.

Stephen and Shawna arrived last night by a jet plane and will be busy shopping and talking and visiting even if it is raining. Surprise surprise it is not raining this morning and I had my rain pants all ready to put on for my walk.

Lots of hugs and fun over the next few days as one by one family gathers.

DARKNESS

It is dark now in the morning when I wake up and this morning it is raining. Which is good because I will have to worry about watering the garden. It is time I got in gear and started to do some inside cleaning. Today dad goes into town to see the eye doctor but we leave at 10 so that is a reasonable time.

I learned over the last few days some very tragic experiences that others are going through. The mind takes it in during the day but the heart and soul feel it during the night. I woke up and couldn't sleep feeling such deep sadness.

Sometimes in life one second can make a difference and we wonder if only. And we wonder why? Most of our problems and worries in life are really about minor problems.
Most of these we can really handle on our own but there comes a time in our lives when tragedy brings such a heaviness that it is so heavy a burden we cannot carry it alone. This is when I have sought out the real presence of God knowing that it is only Him that can help me through the darkness that lasts not just for a morning but for a long time.

EXCITMENT

I was very excited when I discovered this tiny white flower hidden among all the tall wild growth that surrounds it.

I am well rested up after a quiet week-end ready and excited to await the arrival of family coming to celebrate Sandra's 50 birthday. It is funny we can go along trying to keep our age a secret when all of a sudden we want the whole world to know!

It will be so good to see Shawna and Stephen and hear about all the changes in their young lives. We will meet Cameron's new fiance Shandel and we are so happy for them both. Mary and Michael John come from further away than Edmonton from way back East in Kingston. Young people live such exciting lives now a days, travelling and experiencing new adventures. Rick will join us from Kamloops and Theresa and her family from Chilliwack. We have not seen Tasha over the summer so it will be good to see her and Justice. We have been so happy now that Leah and Craig are able to be a part of our family celebrations. Christopher is making his famous salad and even though he lives close he is busy working and still looking for the right girl-friend.
Carol and Panteli still live close and we are hopeful Oliver will join us. I am sure we will be skipping with Ken and Melina seeing how their children are growing, very active and full of life.

We are all getting caught up in the excitement and as a mother I know what a joy it is to have all your children come home.

I have had time to catch up on some reading and seeing the eyes through a nun who worked with Mother Teresa is seeing the mass suffering and evil in the world. She had to learn the hard lesson of taking time to take care of her needs, physically and spiritually, recognizing that there would always be more on their doorstep in the morning; so desperate, so sick, so hungry. This would cause even Mother Teresa to doubt and seek spiritual council. There would be many problems that would not be addressed or shared because of the vows they had made to obey without questioning.
Yes, I agree that blind obedience and submission to established creeds may not ring true and there can be within us a hunger for spiritual freedom and eyes to see beyond what is humanly created.

Yes I believe that there is a shadow side to spirituality abd as we question and learn from one another we let in more light.
So many unanswered questions and yet we do find meaning and purpose that gives us a reason to live.

I am thankful that faith has brought beauty that I experience as I look at nature, listen to music, laugh at my mistakes and enjoy being with my family.

To live truthfully and with compassion is the only way to try and cope with suffering. I look at my children and my great grandchildren and see they have accomplished many amazing things. The road we all have travelled has not always been easy but my deepest joy is being together.

WHOLENESS

Wholeness is fitting the pieces together when life is unpredictable and challenging.
Connecting with myself, with God and with others at a deeper level.

Jesus said: "I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly".

These words take on deeper meaning when I let them into my soul to bring healing peace and faith that is real even in the times of darkness. I am now getting up when it is still dark in the morning and it is harder to do when the light is not there to waken your spirit.

The abundant life is the gift of recovering a sense of well-being in myself and being aware of the needs of others.

Douglas Todd in the Vancouver Sun writes about three new books
"Jesus the Village Psychiatrist" by Donald Capps
"Jesus and Psychology" by Fraser Watts
"Spiritual Emotions: A Psychology of Christian Virtues" by Robert C. Roberts.

"Capps turns upside down the traditional understanding of the New Testament miracle stories, in which Jesus is said to have healed the blind, the hemorrhaging, and the paralyzed".

I believe that anytime we experience God's grace it is a miracle. I believe that Jesus calls us out of the anxiety of life into a place of trust and faith. I think that trust is one of the most important values in all our relationships. Since we all our imperfect we can only try to love others as we would be loved. There is value in being honest about our weaknesses, recognizing that only then can we experience the joy of wholeness and gratitude.

The words of an old hymn captures the mystical and sacred wholeness that hungers inside of us: "In all of life thou livest, the true life of all."

I have felt at times that I am out in my small boat drifting along with deep currents wanting to carry me along in what others say I need to believe. I am seeing that I must take up my paddle and choose to trust God will reveal to me that although life is a daily struggle for me battling fatigue that by surrendering myself more completely to the spirit of goodness I will find health that energizes me because there is a Love that will not let me go!

I am reading about a nun working with Mother Theresa in Calcutta. She struggles with wanting to do more amongest so much poverty and suffering. I feel guilty as I walk by a man sitting with a sign on the sidewalk. I could have asked if I could buy him a sandwich or a drink.

We had plans to go to church but both of us feel sick, upset stomacks. I may go to the store to get us something. I feel bad knowing it is Randy's last Sunday here but I am sure there will be a good turn-out.

THE EXTROANDARY ORDINARY

I was once again impressed by the extraordinary kindness and thoughtfulness as I was at the hospital C.T.Scan area. An ordinary group of people that really seem to like their jobs and treat everyone with a gentleness and concern that is so calming. I felt confident in their knowledge and skill.

Life is mostly made up of very ordinary days but I have met so many extraordinary people that have really touched my heart and life. It is the simple acts of kindness that make each one of us feel special.

I came home yesterday very exhausted but very happy. I went for a short walk and it was so good to walk in the fresh air, so clean and refreshing after a bit of rain.
I have finished and completed the tests that were planned for me. There is always the stress of the unknown in all these appointments.

I love the way the book of Genesis starts with God looking at all that has been created and He declares it to be good, complete and finished. His work was finished and ours has just begun. We are the ones who have to create peace in our own world and who have to try to help the helpless with caring compassion.

When we read the book of the gospel of John we see that John draws a picture of Jesus that lifts him above an ordinary human being to one in whom the very glory of God dwells. The words that John remembers at the death of Jesus are "It is finished".

I find that I finish one task only to have new ones waiting for me each day. Everything I do has a part in helping me become who I am. If one reads the gospel of John as Spong suggests through the eyes of a mystic one can see the divine potential in each one of our ordinary lives.

"Jesus is alive with the holy" Fully human with the divine potential fulfilled.

APPRECIATION

So far so good. My picture is on and so are the words. I am reminded this morning how precious life is and how much I have to be thankful for. Every single day a gift. I will be completing my last test today and I feel reassured by my good results so far. Dad will be having breakfast and reading the newspaper.

I will be floating in my mind to peaceful and beautiful spots.

P.S. Interesting there was a thunderstorm last night. Maybe God read my blog! lol

Home again. All went well. But I was so cold and so grateful when they brought me a warm blanket. I had a good Mary Higgins Clark mystery to read so that was good.
I am going to make some blueberry muffins, gluten-free, of course. But first I am putting on my long underwear, two sweaters and my warm sweaters.

My sense of direction did fail me as I got lost coming out and of course miss dad going in to get me. Should have taken my phone.

GOD

It is easy to see God as living up in the sky causing the wind to blow, the thunder and lightning to frighten us, or the rainbow to calm our fears. We often bow our heads to express our words of prayer hoping these words will fly out into space and be heard and answered.

This is a child's view of God and we find as we become mature and intellectually wise that our experiences of life do not match up with our expectations of the Sky God who controls the heavens and the earth.

I am just beginning this and will finish it later. I am trying to forget how nauseated I feel after taking my awful tasting and even worse smelling medicine [you think rotten eggs smell bad but try smelling this]. I am aloud to take gravol so that is a help. This is to protect my kidneys for my test to-morrow. A 2 hour C. T. Scan. Trying to stay on a wheat-free diet is very hard to do and the doctors are not really much help.

This is my last test and I am having it because the other C.T. Scan showed a shadow that they were not sure of on the Colon. And yes we are very fortunate to have the medical care that we have and to also choose alternative medicine to help us.

I planned to have a quiet day reading but dad and I were invited to meet Sandra in White Rock at Milestones. She had good news of some burglars being apprehended in her neighborhood so hopefully that is the same bad guys who came to her home.

"When the traditional notion of God ceases to have meaning, many of us begin to embrace a God as a boundless reality unlimited by time, place or gender".

Is God a life-giving force that moves in and through creation? God does not prevent bad things happening in our lives so we must change our view as God as a protector or the one who gives us victory over evil. But the strength of His Love empowers us to overcome our difficulties. I am learning to value the sacredness of life and what that means in developing me to become a better person.

THE MYSTICAL

There is a mystical beauty that expresses itself in nature.

I have a great love for the mystical writings of both the Jewish and the Christian faith. I do not know about other faiths.

I was watching a T.V. show where two men where climbing to the very top of a high mountain. It was a strenuous and exhausting task, but as they stood at the top the view took their breath away. Most of us will never have that experience we all can have moments when we feel alive within ourselves as our soul is filled with pure joy and wonder. I am looking back at some of my old writings where I have expressed some of these feelings.

I am happy that John Spong is now writing about the mystics in this chapter. To understand Jesus, this is my aside, I think we hear his humanity shine with mystical wisdom that is so simple and yet so life-changing.

I believe, like Spong, that the "essence of yesterday's religion can be transformed into to-morrow's spiritual understanding". Religion has never been nor will it ever be enclosed or imprisoned by creeds, forms, doctrines and dogmas. I was drawn as a child to a love that I could experience deep within myself.

I know that as I love myself and accept who I am I am experiencing the love of the Holy Mystical Infinite. I simply believe what I believe as it has just become a part of me. I know that I need to feel loved with a sense of security in that love. I am a person that commits my life to what I believe and I try to live out the love that has been given me.

I know that I get cranky if I get over-tired and hungry and I often regret the miserable me that takes over. I am as human as every-one else and I know I need to be able to receive and to give forgiveness.

WHO AM I?

I am tired. Off to the dentist again today. Couldn't sleep trying to figure out the intellectual route to faith. My brain must be wired differently.

So all human life has a common DNA. The same dust that makes up the stars of our Universe constitutes the substance of my human body. I am star dust. I can still dream and imagine there is more to this life than scientific knowledge is aware of.
I am my past and I am my future and this is what makes up my present moment.

It is so sad when people sneak into your house and rob you of your most precious possession your peace and security.

This picture is the entrance to the peace garden and it is so beautiful and quiet and does restore the soul.

I am reading "Eternal Life: A New Vision" by John S. Spong and I know he makes good sense and that he agrees with a lot of the critical writing of today. He admits that over the years he has changed and I am trying to change some of my thinking.

I cannot rewrite what I already wrote.

I went visiting at the Nursing Home yesterday and was disappointed to find people had gone out for lunch. I was happy for them. I carried on to visit Shirley and it was good we did because her daughter has a cold and two of her friends are sick and cannot come so she welcomed us with enthusiasm.

So many sad and tragic thinks happening in our world today, the floods in Pakistan, miners trapped deep below the surface waiting to be rescued, and the list of people on our prayer chain facing painful illness. At least I will be able to pray at the dentist.

INTELLECTUALLY

Everything is lost that I have written. I will try and find it.

ATTRACTION

I am very fortunate although I live in the city there are places like this pond and there are many parks and places of quiet beauty that I find attractive. No, I have not found my secret pond again but then I have not been looking for awhile.

I have been getting some answers as I go to the dentist and go through various tests and now after all the exploring of what is working well there comes the final C.T.Scan on Friday. This will be the test to end all tests. I have met so many nice people, so many attractive people, and I think they must be glad to be doing the work that they are doing. They are cheerful and patiently explain what is going to happen and even when I do something wrong like breath in instead of out the attitude is okay we will just do that again.

I have been reading John Shelby Spong and been going through the past history of religion and the church. A lot of what I have been taught and what attracted me to faith has now been challenged. So I am taking a deep breath and hopefully will find a doorway that will continue to give my life meaning and purpose. I was attracted to the church because of the beauty of the building, the grand music, the love and acceptance that I was given. I will always remember the great joy of being able to sing in the children's choir after being shut out of the school choir year after year. I remember the excitement of putting on the choir robe to sing in the adult choir, a huge group of very talented people. I am glad my voice was drowned out because I sang very quietly but there I was in the midst of all these wonderful voices and my heart was beating with excitement.

I was the youngest one there and very inexperienced but no one was more thrilled than I was!

After reading all that is and has been wrong with religion I am happy to see that I can trust what I have felt was a loving presence within me. The past wisdom has been a starting point and I will always believe in the power of faith to transform our hearts and lives as we discover how lovable we are.

The young people at church who gave their testimonies found love that had become real and trustworthy and it melted the hardness and bitterness within that had prevented love from entering. They have just begun a journey but I hope they will never forget what they experienced so passionately and joyously.

SURPRISE

Looking through old photo's I was reminded of the times we spent down at Boundary Bay Beach and the fun we had as a family.  Often it takes a great effort to pack up a lunch and extra clothes and towels but once we arrived everyone would be off happily playing.  It was especially good when your dad could come too!

 So, oft to church we go where the young people, 14 & 16 spoke about their lives and about what they had gained over the summer by helping and serving others. They were very young and shy about speaking but very open and honest. One never knew his dad at all and one was adopted into a white family and he was coloured; it was interesting to hear them talk about childhood experiences. I had tears in my eyes listening. They had helped out at the food bank, and had given out water and roses at the park and their message was telling people that their lives had value and meaning. Just a simple message which reminds me of what St. Francis of Assisi said: "preach the gospel always, if necessary, use words."

We all have our story of disappointments but once we realize our story is part of a bigger story I believe that we can use our experiences to help us reach out to others. Most children love a good story and they seem to especially like stories of strange creatures and fantasy. We like their to be a hero who wins in the end. At some point in life we all find some one we look up to and who has influenced our lives. As parents we try to be good role models but I am thankful for others who have influenced the lives of my children.

The story you believe and the hero's that touch your life will begin to shape and mold you into who you are. I was so surprised to hear these young people talk about just what I had written about that morning.

I believe in the presence of a loving God who touches our lives in many ways so that we can help one another.

The weather had been uncertain in the morning before our beach party. I find that more and more people seem to be tired when we get together. Carol had lots of good food put on a table for us and games were planned but it was grandpa and I who ended up playing volley-ball with Ben. Sandra and Randy had not arrived. I found it very hard to judge where the ball was going and trying to run in the sand was hard. But grandpa and I had a fun time.

Carol and Panteli invited us back to their new apartment for some chili. Just Sandra and Randy and Grandpa and I went as Oliver left to go on the ferry and the Alexanders left to drive back to Chilliwack.

MY HERO

My hero loves holding babies and telling stories and yes making dramatic rescues and doing impossible things. I have not had many opportunities to perform courageous acts but I did have four babies. We had decided three were enough but were thrilled when Kenny completed our little family; joining Rick, Carol and Sandra.

What a blessing for each one of them to have a loving daddy who was a good role model too!

We disagree about a lot of things, especially about religion. We argue at times about who is right. He fixes things and I am good at breaking them. He is learning to find things which is important in this home where things get put in different places regularly. He is a sleepy head while I am an early riser and if we go for a walk I like to walk at a fast pace and he goes slower. That is why walking in the woods is good because we have to walk crawling over tree stumps and rocks.

He loves maps but I find them confusing. We both can get a little lost on the big water-shed trails.

We now have our different health problems. He has skin cancer, numbness in his feet, and eye problems which I am so thankful I do not have.

We both like to write but he can be very serious about social problems or he can tell funny unbelievable stories. He has trouble believing them himself!

Our family are the most important love of our lives. I had the idea of putting this picture on not realizing his head was not there. He is holding Ava's baby. We miss our families that live far away from us but we are happy they are doing well.

We have faced tragedy and sickness together and given each other courage by our support. Life can be unpredictable so I am thankful we have each other. Our courage and our strengths come in different ways.

We have learned that somethings in life are beyond a quick fix. Happiness flows in and out of our daily lives. We have been influenced by our past mistakes but hopefully are taking more responsibility for our futures. This entales doctors and tests etc.

We can only change ourselves and that takes changing our attitudes and sometimes our re-actions.

We both like Engish mysteries so enjoy snuggling up to watch them. Neither one of us can remember ones we have seen before although dad often says I think we have seen this one. I always say no I don't think so. We take turns being right.

If I could chose one thing to believe about Jesus it would be his taking the children on his knee and welcoming them. Also the picture of him going looking for the lost sheep and carrying it on his shoulder is a powerful picture of love.
I have had times of great feelings of brokenness and loneliness which if I do not look into my soul and admit I am left with anger and bitterness.

Being a Christian does not mean that life will be free of worry and anxiety. Religion has promised us a false security and that is why people turn away from God and the church and faith. Well, it may be one reason. Our feelings reveal what is going on deep within us and often our dreams reveal what we have buried deep within us.

This is the beginning of our transformation; and without some pain in our lives we would never be willing to change and to grow.
Life gives us many things to laugh and joke about and many times of overwhelming happiness.

Today going to church gives me happiness as we sing and pray and spending time at the beach with the family also will give me great joy. I enjoy watching the young ones run and play and laugh. Somehow I believe God enjoys seeing us happy too!

Hero's are not perfect but they can be love able!

STUCK

I am amazed at how God, that mysterious undefinable spirit, continues to do so many good things in my life. The blessing of good friends and good books and new friends on my blog and new advice for me when I get stuck in misery; and best of all my very loving family!

We enjoyed a visit from Ava and Jasmine last week and young people are so full of ideas and dreams and we are so happy they share with us. Jasmine is home from the air force for a couple of weeks but always takes time to pop in to see us.

Our family was planning a day at the beach for to-day or to-morrow but the weather looks a little gloomy. I am hopeful it will brighten up a bit. Oliver will be here travelling from Edmonton to Victoria. We have a volley ball so a game at the beach would be great fun.

Today I am off to take a breathing test which should be a breeze and totally unnecessary but I will surprise them all!

I am taking my digestion pills, thanks Nancy. It is so helpful to have someone that understands because they have similar problems. Doctors are fine but often it is the practical advice that really helps us get unstuck.

I love the words of scripture that help lift my thoughts to a higher place. I know that all change takes serious work but as we help each other with prayer and encouragement life is good.

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them" This may be a quote from Albert Einstein.

Good health, good marriages, good friendships just don't happen they require effort.

RESTORATION

Carol and I take a picture of a mirror set in the secret garden a place of beauty and restfulness.

I have needed more rests and longer ones these lasts few days. I get very annoyed with myself because there are things I have planned to do and even though I try to think positive thoughts I cannot shake the nausea and tiredness. I wonder if I have eaten something I should not have and right now I am changing my bread. There is so much available now that it is amazing.

I am so thankful that I now am feeling the benefit of those long afternoon naps.
The world has carried on quite fine without me and it is very normal for me to go through times when I just run down: but it frustrates me. I have to learn to find happiness in just being not doing.

There are so many needs that I see in my world and I realize that there is a time when you have to just set some time aside to meditate, to find time to restore the energy that you are missing, and then you can see more clearly what part you are being called to play.

I think about what is most important in my life and that begins with dad and with my children and grand children and the greats too. As I regain a thankful spirit I find that my soul rsponds and strength returns.

ROMANCE

The beach can be a very romantic place with the right person! !

I was looking at some of the pictures Theresa has put on from her wedding photo's.
Wondering if dad starts using his weights [maybe that is the secret reason he does not want to part with them] he could carry me over the threshold but I guess our romance will have to be more wine and music and looking at the beautiful view of the ocean; or even juice and a sandwich picnic at the Water-shed park. I am reminded again how fortunate we are to have one another although we can drive each other a little crazy at times.

I am reminded that it is the inner beauty that counts and that as joy and concerns are woven into our lives it is up to use to weave a little romance into it too.

I was very happy with the dentist I went to yesterday and need some minor work done before I make any big decisions. Jane also joined the group "going to the dentist".

We drove into Tsawwassen to have fish and chips at the beach with Carol. She likes her new apartment and loves taking her bike to the beach and the peace garden. It is so beautiful there. Our family may have a gathering there on Sat. because Oliver is visiting and we can play volley-ball or have a swim. It will depend on the weather.

I am reminded this morning how it is in the simple ways we can influence others in our lives. Look for romance in the enjoyment of quiet moments with thankful hearts and many, many memories. We enjoyed so many family times at this beach.

WELL

Well. . .Well. . . .Hmm..That is about all I could say. At times life sucks and Sandra did not need all the bad news from the dentist. Two bad infections that should have been treated with antibiotics at her first visit. Leaves you doubting your dentist and not wanting to go back. There is nothing much worse than being told there is nothing wrong when you know there is.

Anyway other than saying well...well.. we told her some of our experiences. I have always tried to shield my children from pain but it cannot be done. At least I had some mashed potatoes to offer her with some soft fish and green beans. Much better for the kidneys than spinach and beer or coffee. I have to believe that adversity has the potential to make us stronger and better people. But everything is not fine and all I should do is listen and be sympathetic.

It had not been a good day for me I was feeling very tired and did not accomplish half of what I set out to do. I know in my mind I was telling myself I am just to plain tired. Trying to get rid of junk drains you of energy. We do get attached to things and there is always the thought in the back of your mind well maybe one day I will need it. Yah and on the day you need it you will not be able to find it.

Dad finished making supper for me when I admitted I was too tired. That was good. I lost the car keys in the garden when I started to bring them in and got distracted pulling weeds and through keys and weeds in the compost. I walked around and around looking for where I may have dropped them and it was getting dusk and I was going to have to tell dad the bad news. I had already written two cheques on the wrong bank so I had done enough damage for one day. The good news was I found them just as I was going in the house.

I love the quiet morning when the day is new and I try to be open to the Spirit, that energy force that comes from a place beyond ourselves. I have to declutter my mind as well as my cupboards.

Everything takes time; especially healing. I have to face my new dentist today and I am expecting bad news but once you know you deal with it.

DOUBTS

I wondered why I had trouble seeing today until I just discovered right this moment one of the lenses is out of my glasses. I read the paper and I see so much darkness ahead and doubts can easily come into your mind.

There is so much wrong in our world today
injustice,
cruelty.
pain and suffering,
dishonesty and corruption
world disasters
cruelty in religion as well as in government.

I joined the church hoping that there would be answers and reassurances. Religion is like a boat that is leaking and us older people do not have the energy to keep bailing out the water. Do not get me wrong I believe that there has been great good done and will continue to be done if we can inspire the young people to create a better world.

I realize that most of us are fighting to survive and pleasure is our goal. This is human nature. We do need joy in our lives and I have found that spiritually there can be joy even when we have doubts. Yet, we need to be aware of the interdependence of survival.

"I am amazed both by the capacity of living things to survive in the harshest and most demanding of environments" John Shelby Spong.

Animals find safety in herds and only those who become separated and isolated are vulnerable to the predator. Religion was born out of a need to cope and to conquer.
The God that we have created has to be replaced by a God who drives us out to the wilderness to face reality. From an early age we have been aware of death as we have seen our parents grieving over the death of their loved ones. We have seen pets die and felt that the pain would never go away. Dad says the church is dying; but I do not agree. Somehow out of pain and death new life continues. We are told we become stronger through facing diversity.

Can the church survive in this modern world?

Salvation is finding that within us there is strength and courage to fight for what is good and to resist evil. There will always be groups of people who help in times of disaster. How can I help those who are helping others? Am I doing enough? I try in a small way to feed the hungry through World Vision and through donations to those who are feeding the poor in Vancouver. I try to visit the lonely and I try to pray for the sick but always I think I should do more.

We know that we have helped one family through poverty and difficult times. Seeing these five girls thrive and learn to survive; all so different in their values and approaches to life.

We see in our children their willingness to help others; that is carried on in their children, and in their love and care for one another. I love when our family gets together and it is a great source of happiness. They in their own way are making the world a better place and I am cheering them all on.
Carry on! You are wonderful!

MAYBE

Maybe this is a better picture of Carol, then the one I finally put on yesterday, but maybe Sandra won't like it. Actually I think they both look cute. This was a farewell lunch with Kim and no it was not at the White Spot but at Earle's. Kim's choice.

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

I caught two naughty raccoons trying to ripe up the hose that goes to our pond. I carefully shooed them away. One good reason to be up early in the cool of the morning. Another hot day which I find drain me of energy but I am so thankful not to be having to work out in the hot sun. Our neighbor Cathy has been cutting down a huge amount of overgrown trees; and it was so Nice this morning to see all the big branches loaded in her neighbor's truck ready to be taken away.

There was a good meeting at church as we were informed about the new minister coming in November and meet the minister who will be filling in till he comes. I am excited he sounds excellent and also we will be sharing our building with another church group that will meet in the afternoon. Things are looking good. I hope we will be challenged in our faith and maybe even bring some of those who have left back and attract new younger people.

Humility is the secret of greatness. This is the message in Mark 9, Matthew 18:1 and Luke 9:46. Humility is a hard lesson to learn but once you know the secret to life you know how you can try to live it. Problems need to be caught early and dwelt with as a community open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, willing to follow Jesus, and filled with grace and love.

The message mentioned yesterday about how the wounded and help one another and yes we have all been wounded in life and for some the scars have not healed. Hopefully we will be a sensitive healing place for all who come.

DIRECTIONS

Ben discovered this perfect tree climbing spot in the shady deck! ! !


I am the last person on earth, the very last, that you should ask for directions. Just as I am coming home by 64th an elderly East Indian man asked directions on how to get to 66. That was easy as I point down the street and carried on home very hot and thirsty. But I started to feel guilty and decided to hurry back to walk with him. I sighed a sigh of relief as I saw him walking with another East Indian man and I knew all was well.He would never know that some one he did not know cared about him that day.

There is a lovely little story that tells of a young girl who rescues a fairy disguised as a small butterfly. The angel asks her what she would wish for. Happiness is her reply. The angel then told her a secret to happiness, "Everyone no matter how secure they may seem, have need of you."

My greatest wish is that in some small way I can show the way to the heart of God, a big heart of love. Sometimes as I write I feel God smiling as if we are sharing a secret. When I try to read books by some great writer I find myself getting lost in the long sentences and although I would wish to become more profound and deeper in what I write I know it is the simple "fairy tales" that touch me.

I know where I am at this moment in time and I do not know where I will find myself going in the future but I want to carry my faith with me and I hope that there will be a trail that I leave behind for others to discover.

EARLY

I open the doors and windows to let the early morning coolness in. If I go for a walk on my own it will be very early because it gets to0 hot early these mornings. Last night we sat out in our shade deck, hidden under the tree, hoping to catch a breeze. Our neighbor Cathy joined us and we had a cold drink and sat and chatted until it got really dark. It would have been a good place to sleep instead of our bedroom which was pretty darn hot.

We have a meeting of our book group that is studying the new theology. They are on the edge of radical and I think we need to become more wild and free in regards to our faith. There is something in us that responds to walking deep into the forest, finding great masses of ferns, huge trees and many different paths. If you go with a child they take great delight in every bug, in every tiny stream, in every rock that they would like to bring home. Our spirits seem to come alive and our hearts respond with a Yes! Yes we were birthed from the dust of the earth and began our journey of life wild and free in a beautiful garden and we could hear God speaking to us. Now our own thoughts and the noise of everyday life can so easily crowd out the inner voice.

Our we born with a reverence for the natural world of forest, lakes and mountains?

Jesus I think loved climbing high above the crowds to a sacred place of prayer free of the demands and needs of so many. I am sure he wished he could cure them all or at least transform their lives so that they could see beauty in the eyes of their children and in each other.

Jesus also loved to get into boats and sail off to a distant shore. These are the stories that bring life into my faith. Others can make the huge decisions about the life and the work of the church; and the role of religion.

I want a faith that demands a passion for all of life.

CONTRADICTIONS

I"ve always admired people with lots of energy, that can work all day and dance all night. Not me. At least I can blame my tiredness on my all the years I have put in so far. I know that tiredness can be a problem at any age and when you have children you never get enough sleep. I was pretty darn tired after our visitors left yesterday even though I enjoyed every minute and did not feel tired when they were here. Dad was right I made too much food and we sat outside so why did I vacuum before they came?

Contradictions.
Sure the Bible is full of contradictions. Have you never contradicted yourself? I have and I have others do it too. Yet deep inside us is a longing for something that is real, something that could change our lives forever. We have so much scientific knowledge in the world today but one day you read that something is good for you and a week later you may read the opposite.

I have to come to the conclusions there are no expects, in law or politics or religion or even in science with all it's discoveries. I know what I believe today that gives me strength and peace and that is enough for today. Words are powerful yet even words are not the answer.

We are choosing a new minister, or others are I am not involved, and I hope he or she will be able to invite us into their world of faith and still continue to encourage us to search for ours. I pray that as a community we will welcome others into the mystery of faith and the power of forgiveness.

The world is not black and white but is colored with many colors! A rainbow can remind us of this. A small butterfly flitting from flower to flower can cause us to stop and wonder!

WELCOME

We found this little sign hidden in the water-shed park.

Such a little word that can mean so very much especially if you have ever been in a place where you feel unwelcomed. This is a rare experience for most of us. When I read the Bible I have noticed how welcoming Jesus was to all who came to him. Today I often feel causious before I welcome anyone into my home. It is sad not to be able to trust people. I had left over buns that I would have like to given to some poor people but I may not be welcomed in their midst.

Did Jesus really say that we will be held accountable for every careless word that we utter. Words can bring joy, happiness, rebuke, disappointment, judgment and many words I say are careless. Yes, think before you speak and now think before you post on-line. I have often wanted to delete.
We welcome one another with words and yet we remember the unkind words long after they have been spoken. Words are so powerful they can haunt us until the day we die.

"Words have consequences; writing is a moral act." Philip Zaleski

I have never thought of this before.

FRIENDSHIP

What an amazing view we had as I spent the day with my new friend visiting her apartment in New Westminster. The view was spectacular and the furniture extremely expensive but it was the colourful plastic flowers she added everywhere made it comfortable and enjoyable. The day was just right for riding the bus and I was even able to stop at the bakery and buy two loaves of glutin free bread. She is trying to decide whether to live here in Delta in a nice home near her family, who do not visit her often enough; or stay in her apartment where she has some friends. She has bad knees so walking is hard for her. Her English is a little hard to understand so she does not make friends easily. Like many who come from the Old Country her and her husband sought out many Italian friends. She has lost touch with many of these and she is very lonely.

As I travel into the big city I see many people on their own and I think many people look unhappy; as they rush by us two old women strolling along.

I value my friendships and consider myself very blessed to have many caring people in my life. Today we will be visited by four of the five girls are family befriend years ago. One is now married and will bring her hubby along, one has a baby and will bring the baby along. The other two are still in school full of great ideas and plans for their future. Life has not been easy for this family but they have a gift of imagination that brightens their lives and they know they have to try hard to get ahead in this world.

I will not be doing my Newton Home visiting unless they are coming this morning. I think I ate something wrong, some cold meat, so had a bad attack in the night. Poor dad having to listen to me being sick. It seems like a simple thing to not eat wheat or oats or barley etc. but this darn stuff is hidden in so many foods.

I am especially thankful that Jesus is my friend who walked and talked and experience the joys and sorrows of friendships. He needed friends and so do we all.

MY TRUE NATURE

On the way home we stopped for lunch at the Old Surrey place mall. There is a trendy restaurant there and we shared a salad. Very slow eating for me now as my tooth is bothering me. I picked up some straws which will help with eating cold things like a drink of mild, ice cream etc. Why did I not think of this before.
Anyway the Mall has a university attached to it and inside the entrance there is this amazing upturned boat. The light coming through was beautiful and seeing all the young students sitting around the outdoor square gave my spirits a lift.

Came home and had a rest and then went out to see the pond dads is working on. Just standing there not near a flower or anything a wasp came and stung me in the hand. It was so painful and even hurts a bit this morning to type.

The good thing was that dad stopped his work to get something from the store and realized how sore his knee was getting. So there we sat with ice on his knee and me trying ice on my hand but it made it worse.

I am trying to find a new series of mystery stories but old=fashioned me has trouble with nasty words, I do not like. I think if I read them I am going to end up saying them. I do not like hearing them either but I do as I pass by people on the street.

Somehow even in this day of contradictions where my cranky tired self found everything an effort I could still believe that my true nature held a desire to be loving and kind. "Be still and Know that I am God" Again I am drawn to that inner stillness where I have never based my faith on dogma or religious practices or even a need to please the God I believe in. I have always believed He believes in me and somehow He will love me enough to allow my true nature to be restored. A faith built on unconditional love can be so hard to find if we are too busy justifying and working hard at being some one else.

The real holiness comes through in the small acts of kindness and in the faith that each new day is like a new beginning. Today I am taking a bus ride with my new friend Roseanna to New Westminster to see her high-rise apartment. I think it will be lovely as everything in her home is perfect/ But perfection has a boredom about it don't you think. I am busy making messes with my goal not being perfection but simplicity. Once I get everything in it's right place around me maybe it will also bring peace within me.

FEARLESS

I felt sick when I heard that our daughter Sandra's house had been broken into and her valuables stolen while she and her hubby Randy were sleeping. Now that are doing everything they can to make their home a safe place and her attitude has been amazingly calm and she is thankful as we are all are that no animal or person was hurt. Everything that was taken can be replaced but it was sad they took the purse her daughter Mary had given her.

I would like to believe that we can live fearless in this world of ours and at the very least wrongdoing would be punished and good deeds rewarded. Fear has driven some into the loving arms of God but often there is a turning away.

The question has always been Why does God, a good God, allow evil?

My question is why do good people allow evil and our focus cannot be on blaming but on being willing to take action and stand up for the weak and vulnerable. Fear, does shake our view of human nature and yet we have been chosen to live life to the fullest facing new challenges day by day.

Yesterday I saw a miracle. I had an eco-gram and saw my heart beating away so powerfully and could even listen to the noise it was making. I am so thankful for all the parts of me that keep me alive, breathing and moving. I did not feel this test was necessary but it is good to have a caring husband who has been worried about me because I went through a period of being short of breath. I have two more tests; a C.T. scan the end of August on Theresa's birthday and a test to see how hard I can blow.

There are powerful truths that come to us in the times of uncertainty and trial. My life started with a simple childlike faith and went through times of testing and re-examination but the simple truth is that faith's strength is that it requires belief without proof.

"God is not a function of natural law, but of something greater and thus unqualifiable, unpredictable, and beyond reason-which is everything God should be."
Faith Interrupted by Eric Lax

I would love to say that I am fearless but I am not. I would like this world to be a truly safe place and especially for my children and grand children and yes great grandchildren, but it is not. I feel that I long for places that are safe and where the sacred can be experienced in a moment.

The most beautiful experiences happen when we are least expecting them and even when fear is mixed with faith, faith is what conquers and has the last word for me. I do not have to remind my heart to beat, or my lungs to breath and I do not have to remind God that I am here.

When I was first married and was so young and far away from my family and friends I wanted reassurance that I was loved and wanted to be told over and over again. Today I hear my children say I love you as the hang up the phone with a spouse or a child. We did not grow up hearing that we were loved and yet I had no doubt that I was when I look back on my childhood.

Love and faith are feelings that are not always expressed in words but are in the moments of silence and peace.

CHURCH

In the past on Sunday miring we use to hear the bells chiming from our church but right now they are not working. This is our church where we attended when our children were older and where we saw our grandchildren christened. We have attended many services with our families and have many rewarding memories.

Church is like a family in which there are many different personalities and lots of different opinions. I find at home as well as church that when my love of God and His love for me is secure I can work through disagreements and disappointments.
Sometimes it is as simple as letting go of expectations; of understanding how complex and compicated we all our and how we need to be treated respectly with gentleness. As I grow older I find myself doing stupid things and I find myself very unhappy with myself. I need wisdom and grace and forgiveness and above all patience! I would love to never have that feeling of annoyance rising within me but I am not there yet.

It is easy to be full of praise for God and life when we have many things to be thankful for but maturity comes when we realize we can be thankful for the messes we make, and for the weaknesses we have. We all have our responsibility's to work at being peacemakers in our homes and in our churches. We all have deep unmet needs and we help meet these needs by reaching out to love and comfort others. Laughing together is healing.

Inside of us there are deep undercurrents of anxiety, insecurity, anger and yes pain.
I have found healing in the church when I knelt at the feet of Jesus; and when I have been willing and honest about my imperfections.

I will find my special pool even if it takes someone else to show me the way.

SISTERS

I left my camera behind and all these strange pictures started appearing.
This is Kim and Theresa the day of my birthday out at the lake.
It was a perfect day and one of happy memories.

A WET MORNING

This was taken yesterday morning and everyone welcomed the rain, although the change in the weather can cause aches and pains to surface. Not for me but for dad and Sandra. Sandra drove us in to see Carol and Panteli after she helped me throw away some junk. I still have a box of cards and letters and pictures that I will take my time going through. I hope that others can use some of the stuff I gave away.

Dad is now watching the Lions play. His knees are bothering him and I hope he will go to the doctor or at least try some exercise to strengthen them. He used to be so strong but now we both have to work at keeping in shape.

Love
"It is only we, with our capacity to love [for me our capacity to love flows from God] that can give meaning to an indifferent [harsh and cruel] universe".
Woody Allen Crimes and Misdemeanors.

Hear we are in this boat called life with a certain group of people, some who have join us recently and others we have been with for what seems a life time. We can find that people at times can be hard to love; especially if you be not feel lovable yourself. I do not feel very loving with a sore mouth and the threat of major dental work hanging over my head. I admit I am cranky and wish I could just relax. We all ignore pain in our lives, or we try to ignore it, but usually it has to be faced. I am not alone in my dental problem as both Sandra and Randy also have infections and teeth that need repairing.

I am so thankful that my energy has returned and that I can go for my walks which help me feel so much better. I am looking forward to going to church today after taking time away during July. Even in that time away where I spent less time in worship and in prayer God has not been absent. Worship puts me into a different space, a place of expectant faith, that gives life to my inner being.

Life for me without a caring Creator would be very lonely. I need to be reassured that I am lovable even when I am most miserable!

WALKING ON A RAINY DAY

Very thankful for the rain but very miserable because my computer is refusing to work. I think I need to get junk off here just like I am trying to declutter our living spaces.

Every time I go to give some of my books away I start reading and I am stalled. I am rereading "Healing and the Jewish Imagination" edited by Rabbi William Cutter, PhD.
Jewish Ethics
There is much to commend the narrative approach to Jewish ethics. The Torah begins, after all, with the story of Creation and continues with the stories of the patriarchs and matriarchs, of the Exodus, of the giving of the law at Sinai, and even the ultimate redemption predicted by the prophets. Torah in it's most basic sense means :instruction:. Stories that add to the giving of the law with powerful reminders of the frailty of human nature. Stories are rich and ambiguous and subject to many translations. What does the creation story of Genesis teach us? Being created "in the image of God" teaches us that life is infinitely precious. This was very real to me when we had to accept the death of our beautiful, full of life, little granddaughter only three months old. There was a process of dealing with all our emotions and recommitting to treasure each day we are given. Genesis may simple tells us to value life as a gift of God!

Most modern Jews are looking at their scriptures differently even as Christian teachers are looking at the Bible differently. I have come to the conclusion that all scripture cannot be taken literally and yet I still believe in the inspiration that has helped us find faith and healing in the words that live on in our hearts and minds.

"The traditional notion that Jews are bound to a system of divinely ordained laws has been maintained only among a relatively small group of Orthodox Jews. Many Biblical stories emphasize first and foremost God's power to intervene in nature and to control the course of human history. If we [the Jews] believed those stories and made them a framework for our ethics, we would be advising Jews to rely on God's supernatural powers to save them from adversity, and we would be advocating the Jewish right to settle the whole land of Israel as a divine mandate-positions rejected by the very liberal Jews."

"Love your neighbor as yourself" speaks to us all to have compassion for others which is more important than ritual scarifies that we think make us holy.

"The Israelite community's behavior is to be a mirror that captures and reflects God's holiness".

Generosity, forgiveness honesty and fairness are some of the virtues along with love for our family and honoring the faith community to which we belong and still act respectably of other faiths.

PHILOSOPY

No this is not the right water place. The mystery has not been solved.

I was happy this morning to let the sun get up without me. I had hoped it would rain over night which would have done the all too dry earth a lot of good. There is a haze all around us from all the fires that are burning in the forest again this summer. Very sad that several water bombing pilots were killed when their airplane crashed.

I was happy that I went visiting yesterday and found my friend Kathleen had been removed very quickly by her niece from the home. She would have been unhappy and very nervous about the move. Dad and I will drive over to Burnaby to visit her today. I will write to her and we can keep in touch that way.

It is hard for us to imagine that people believed the earth was the center of the Universe not just one of many planets revolving around the sun. I am reading a critique of the book "The Critique of Pure Reason" which was written by Kant, a small man who lived all his life in a small area in Northern Germany. He appeared to do his travelling in his mind. We all see the world from the view that we ourselves can see and believe is knowable. We project our own knowledge and our own thoughts and create our world and our God. This critique was done by an atheist who was sure he would find justification in philosophy.

Kant believes that our knowledge will always be full of questions because we are limited by language as well as our intellect. It was great fun the other day hearing how people purposed marriage, which in our case I was sure I was going to be purposed to because we were in love. Right?

I found this reading to be speaking about consciousness and higher consciousness just as John Spong had been doing in his book. Just as love between two people is a mystery the love that is revealed in the stories of religion symbolizes the joy of the discovery of the amazing unconditional love of what I call God, the greatest mystery of all. On the radio they were talking about empathy where one is able to feel what another person is feeling. Although the scriptures disturb us when we read about violence and war we know that violence is a part of human nature.

Hidden among the stories and myths and the powerful message of Jesus, the Word, is the answer to our emotional and spiritual needs.

Just because I cannot find my water place because it is hidden down a path I had not gone down before and I cannot seem to find again; with so many paths to choose from and so many trees confusing me, it is still there waiting to be discovered.

That is the beauty of the presence of God, words cannot describe what has become a real awareness of who I am and the potential in me to give and to receive love.

WATER?

I wore dad out looking for water in the Water Shed Park. I could not find the place where the water came shooting up and there was a lovely little pool. I know it is there so I will find it.

I must be getting old having to take my teeth [tooth] out at night and put it in when I go out for the day. I find I am adjusting to having it out at night put I still panic every time I pull it out. I am praying I will not die in my sleep without my tooth in.

I had a wonderful time at our barbecue last night and was very loved and sent home with scones and strawberry jam and fruit salad. Lots of laughs during the catching up on the news of what everyone has been doing over the summer. I am reminded of the impact that our ordinary friends and neighbors have on our lives. We can get caught up in reality T.V. or the lives of the rich and famous but when it comes to my ordinary everyday life I try to be a help to those I can by listening or visiting or walking with them.

"A life well lived defines greatness" which to be means loving our family and enjoying being with them. Had a short talk with Mary before I left for the barbecue and she said she had been thinking of having a nice long bath when my relaxing bath salts came in the mail. Such a simple thing can bring happiness.

I have just noticed this year that the small barking dog next door is not barking every time I go out the back door. Actually I had gotten use to it and it did not bother me. I think he was just saying Hi.

So I will put my experience with the miserable dentist behind me and try the one that dad suggested. I just have to catch my breath. I would like to get my x-rays because they will not do him any good.

"A person is a person, no matter how small" Dr. Seus

Jesus redefined the meaning of greatness by his words that made the ordinary significant and saying "just you wait" the first will be last and those who serve our greater than those who think themselves high and mighty.

I hope that my life will leave some mark on the lives of my family and that they can remember and laugh about!

EXISTENCE

Do I really exist? Do I really know who I am? A butterfly gently appearing from no-where captures my attention and my heart. The wind blows and the tiny breeze feels good and as I breath in the warm air I feel alive and the discouragement of the day starts of lift.

I was treated like a no-body at the dentist today. After waiting nearly an hour and instead of getting a check-up and getting appointments to get my one tooth fixed securely I was quickly looked at and harshly told I had to take the tooth out and leave it out for a week because I had an infection. I felt like a stupid very old woman. Maybe if I had told him Hey I am willing to pay what ever it costs and I know I made a mistake I would have received better treatment.

I was starving by the time we got home and tried to eat some soft potato and broke off another piece of tooth. Yes, I felt miserable. I tell myself there are so many people worse off but I am too consumed with self-pity. This week was so full of plans I had planned to start visiting again after taking July off. We have a barbecue to go to to-night and I cannot go with a gaping hole in the front of my mouth. I promised my neighbor, Rosanna, I would ride the bus with her to see her New Westminster apartment. She is a lonely widow whose children are too busy to visit even though they have moved her closer to them. She has a lot of pain in her hips and her knees and like me does not feel like cooking and entertaining like she use to. She has no friends around her so she needs a friend.

It was good that Chris came for a visit and had some lunch with us. I wish his life was happier and that he could meet a nice girl.

This morning I was able to eat some french-toast and I am getting use to this huge hole in my mouth but I would just as soon keep my mouth closed. I just have to find a good dentist and find the courage to believe in myself.

THE MESSAGE

A day may begin with clouds yet the sun chases them away. I have been seeing the messages in some of the Old Tales like "The Ugly Duckling", The Thousand and One Nights", "De Profondis", Eichman and the Holocaust and even Dracula. Humanity seems to continually struggle and war with the darkness within and around us all. We want to blossom like the ugly duckling and find that inner beauty within our soul. We want life to be more than survival but to have meaning and purpose. Dracula shows us the risk of the loss of our humanity and Eichman could not face reality but believed he would find sympathy as he saw himself as a victim "everything was under an evil spell and fate prevented his good efforts". In "Lady Chatterly" we see the beauty of love and affection and the power of the earth to redeem a life and give us hope.

I have failed to see the inspiration of some of these tales, especially when the extreme despair of abandonment and rejection seem to reach out and grip my soul.
It is like reading the Bible where we see the worst possible evil often done by so called good people in the name of God. Yes, we are called to fight evil and deceit as we find our own path through life. We cannot change the past but we must face the future with courage and the awareness of the good in the world.

We are faced with the question of how much sorrow and grief has been created by man's ideas of God. The Beatles sang "there will be an answer, let it be" and somewhere and at sometime the answer comes to each one of us. Keeping love in my heart sometimes calls for me to reach out to the unlovable and find hope in a new day.

I have found the book "Inspiration" difficult in some ways to read even as i have found the Bible offensive. The message comes in the many stories we hear and we read in our lifetime.

Today I am off to face the dentist and will be faced with some decisions. I feel a sense of guilt because I have lost so many teeth and even now it will be so costly to replace even one. In the past the dentist just pulled your teeth and their was not the emphasis on saving them as there is today.

Maybe a message of salvation is good news!

RESTLESS

This is the view of where we enter the Water-shed Park which is full of many paths that wander through acres of land of forest, ferns. rocks and small streams. It is a delightful place to walk; and get lost in, away from the noisy road where cars continually drive to and fro.

No, I would not go in there alone because we live in a world where we have to be aware that there are dangerous people out there. So I am now so thankful that dad can now do some walking with me and also that Kenny and Hobey and Kim among others like my neighbor Cathy have walked with me.

There are times in my life when I do not know quite what to do with myself and the best thing is to go for a walk early in the morning when I have the most energy. I often feel restless on a Sunday afternoon because I do not feel like starting anything so then I read a bit and have a little rest and we drive to the hospital to visit our friend Shirley. We had gone out for lunch with a group of friends and had great fun telling how we were proposed to and their stories were hilarious. Shirley then shared how she had been proposed to when she was entering a grocery store. Well now a days these romantic moments are caught by camera and love is expressed in every pose and picture. Young or old love is amazing as we keep growing in learning how to express love and to live it out daily!

I have heard of the study Asking The Questions but have been involved in a group outside our church which is studying the New Theology which I believe is similar.
I think that we all want our lives to be meaningful but at times just feel a restless spirit that challenges us with the nagging thoughts that there must be more to life. Yesterday I left church with the desire to move deeper into my relationship with Jesus by inviting the spirit to breath new life into me.

I am reading Bishop Spong and as usual he stirs up some restlessness in me. I know that this is good and I appreciate the new honesty that is being expressed in the church and in the writings of many. The funny thing is we do not know what to call God, Creator? Rock and Deliverer? Source? Holy One? Spirit? Father/Mother? Healer? or friend? Words cannot take us into the mystery that is deeper and higher than any of our knowledge and yet in moments of silence there is a peace that floods the soul that does not need words but can be experienced.

EMOTIONS

There is an emotional longing; that I believed even as a child I felt, that I experience in the awareness of the sacred and the spiritual. As I read John Spong's words about the reason for the creation of religion. I find that I can become drawn into his words and ideas and I feel sadness because something is missing. All religions began when there was a need to understand the nature of the world and to find the security of knowing that the powerful force that appears to be controlling nature also has the power to meet our needs emotionally. Worship can seem to be a form of flattery as we sing "How Great Thou Art" or it can be praising our creator for all of creation.

Jesus said that we are to become childlike; believing with our hearts, to have a simple faith in the goodness of life. Yes, religions all have their rules the purpose of which can appear to be to win the divine favour and to find peace from our anxiety about this life and the life to come.

Yes, there is an emotional part of me that finds meaning in the words and life of Jesus; that cannot be explained or understood. Because I believe with an openness and an awareness; that like the day begins in the fog and slowly the sun shines through, there is a light that can penetrate our darkness and slowly the truth will be revealed. I believe that the ancient peoples wanted to express their gratefulness in building alters to remind themselves and others of their experiences.

Yes, they may have believed that their survival depended on having divine approval.
Yes, we have allowed others to translate and to impose rules that we are to believe have been revealed to those who seek to have authority over others.

The only words that Jesus wrote were blown away by the wind and it is the spirit that blows upon the soul that is free.

I have taken time to go for more walks in the woods and have had a rest from visiting, praying and even attending church. Now, I feel ready to start fresh.