EXISTENCE

Do I really exist? Do I really know who I am? A butterfly gently appearing from no-where captures my attention and my heart. The wind blows and the tiny breeze feels good and as I breath in the warm air I feel alive and the discouragement of the day starts of lift.

I was treated like a no-body at the dentist today. After waiting nearly an hour and instead of getting a check-up and getting appointments to get my one tooth fixed securely I was quickly looked at and harshly told I had to take the tooth out and leave it out for a week because I had an infection. I felt like a stupid very old woman. Maybe if I had told him Hey I am willing to pay what ever it costs and I know I made a mistake I would have received better treatment.

I was starving by the time we got home and tried to eat some soft potato and broke off another piece of tooth. Yes, I felt miserable. I tell myself there are so many people worse off but I am too consumed with self-pity. This week was so full of plans I had planned to start visiting again after taking July off. We have a barbecue to go to to-night and I cannot go with a gaping hole in the front of my mouth. I promised my neighbor, Rosanna, I would ride the bus with her to see her New Westminster apartment. She is a lonely widow whose children are too busy to visit even though they have moved her closer to them. She has a lot of pain in her hips and her knees and like me does not feel like cooking and entertaining like she use to. She has no friends around her so she needs a friend.

It was good that Chris came for a visit and had some lunch with us. I wish his life was happier and that he could meet a nice girl.

This morning I was able to eat some french-toast and I am getting use to this huge hole in my mouth but I would just as soon keep my mouth closed. I just have to find a good dentist and find the courage to believe in myself.