ENCHANTMENT,

Enchantment is a smile in your heart and wonder at the beauty of life.
  Knowing there is a deeper mystery that I know my soul hungered for and I believe
is hidden within us all.

Yes before we became so scientifically minded the world was that of enchantment; rocks and trees, rivers and clouds all seemed wondrously alive and even seem to speak in mysterious ways.  I still remember the yellow rose that bloomed even  when the weather turned cold.  It was just after mom's death and yellow roses were her favorite.  God speaks into my life in many ways that fill me with wonder!

Enchantment has always been a part of my life of faith.

"The more we assert our will to control (the world and others), the more we enter the dark night in which the holy and creative power-to-be are pushed out of existence and our need to appreciate life is pushed aside.  God and spiritual experience are not only argued out of life, they become invisible and we become simply indifferent to them."  I m reading "A rumour of God"  by Robert C. Sibley

I seem to be caught up in a world of disenchantment.  Freud argued that any notion of nature's beauty and grandeur as the immanent manifestation of God is merely a psychological projection of man's infantile longings.

Science and technology has become the god that we bow down to because this is where the money and power is now.  Of course in a purely intelligent world we have become indifferent and alienated from the Creator.

I think God must laugh when we discover what he or she knew all along.

An old Jewish proverb teaches that words that come from the heart enter the heart!  Wow!
I find words enchanting as well as music and art and quiet walks in the early morning with the air so fresh and clean and the world so still.

Dad had a bike ride yesterday although  flat tire spoilt his plans but his nose is still running so it was probably good he did not got to far.  I did grocery shopping and went to the library.  It is amazing that I am the healthy one now!

Dad is actually feeling better this morning.  He is up making breakfast and I will go for a walk later!

CLEAN AND FREE!

Clean and free

So there  was hiding in the dark  corner by the Safeway and near the liquor store with my bottle clutched tightly in my hand.  Shaking with fear on the inside.  Looked around and took a swig.  Did I mention it was mouth wash?  I was on the way to the dentist and I wanted to be sure my breath smelt okay.  Yes I was getting my teeth cleaned.  Yes, I wanted to refuse treatment.

So my teeth are all clean now and I do not have to do anything unless I want the root removed and a new flipper that holds the one tooth in.  I am exhausted after coming clean with everything.  The worry about the expense and all the different appointments had been a cloud over me..  So now I have a choice to do nothing which I will do for now and maybe have the root dug out later.

It is so good to be free of worry.

I was thankful that I was free  to take  the rest of the day to just relax and read.
 Dad went off to do his walk and we talked about going out but decided not to
 but to just enjoy a quiet day.  I admit I was feeling miserable with an upset stomach.

I somehow think we want inner freedom and do not realize we have it. 

Today we have a few things to plan.  Dad is sneezing non-stop!  So maybe I will just leave him at home!

OOPS! !

Oops!  It only takes a small rock to trip me up these days.  When you are small you love to jump and fall and jump right back up again; but now it is hard to get turned around and get back on your feet, even with dad's help.  I certainly blend right in don't I?  lol

Besides posing for pictures and my daily trip to the store the morning went by quickly and before I knew it was time to head down to the church for our Bible Study.  We were a quieter group, happy to celebrate Lee's birthday but knowing she is still very very sad at the passing of her mom. 

 Again I am reminded how precious each one of our lives really is,

Very windy during the day and really blustery in the night.  Not the kind of night you want to lose your key and with your dad away in Edmonton find you are locked out.  Sound like Leah.  Oh yeah
Fortunately Craig has a brother in Kamloops.

Falling over my rock reminds me of the old saying "to fall from grace."
 Christians make just as many mistakes as non-Christians.  We are not saints yet! 

We try to live out our daily lives in relationship with our "Higher Power" guiding us we can only hope that our character is gradually growing and changing.

I realize many intellectual people take a stand against Christianity because of personal disappointment with Christians or with churches.  If you have either been influenced by the behavior of nominal Christians who do not practice what they say they believe or with self-righteous fanatics who think they are better than others then you will find fault with much that is said and done in the name of religion.

Yes, the church is filled with immature and broken people who still have a long way to go emotionally, morally and spiritually.  For those of us who have come from stable family
 back-grounds we can be very thankful.  The truth is that all of us have been hurt along the way.

Dad likes this picture the best,

Today I am going to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned and tell him I do not want to proceed with anything more at this time.

Not sure about visiting.

CONSEQUENCES

A young boy about 12 tears ago ran across in the middle of the road on a wet and dark evening.  He is still remembered with love by family and friends.  Very sad.

It annoys me as I still see people, especially, elderly people crossing the road in the middle of the street when the signal lights are not that far ahead.

I can ignore the left-overs piling up in the frig. for several weeks and end up with a smelly mess.  Why do I keep left-overs that I probably won't use.

When I am up very early, even earlier than usual, the thought crosses my mind I could go back to bed and to be honest I have a few times; but I know the walk will make me feel better if I do it.

I can choose to worry and be anxious and not take time to pray, I know that prayer does help calm me and that I should pray more and worry less.

It seems so much easier to eat cookies than to make a salad, then wonder why I feel tired.

If I do not do my Bible study for our meeting today I will not get as much out of the study as I would if I do and think about my own answers first before I go.

We do not always agree with the answers to the questions but there is freedom to express opinions that are received with charity and warmth.  I understand that evangelical churches believe in the deity of Christ, the infallibility of the Bible and the importance of spiritual commitment and rebirth.

Yet I am responsible for what I believe and for the moral standards necessary for being fully human.  I believe that when it is our choice any restrictions I may feel are in fact liberating.  The young man who dashed across the road made a costly error.  I have made many unwise choices and I am thankful for the power of mercy and forgiveness.

We can say that every person has the right to define right and wrong.  We are then forced to admit that we see some people making some very disturbing choices that not only affect themselves but others.

I believe that when I say I love some one enough to marry them then I will loose some of my Independence in order to gain greater intimacy, security and an awareness of the needs of another.

Love anything (or anybody or any animal) and there is a risk that you will be hurt and maybe taken advantage of.  Jesus Christ became a limited human being, vulnerable to suffering and death so that the love of God could take on human form.  Jesus lived with love in his heart but also with truth which can be tough love.

The other day I had another fall in the garden and felt so foolish and must have looked like a real geek trying to get up again.  I should learn not to argue with big rocks.  Today will b e raining again and the grass will keep growing and growing.

WHAT IF

What if I had been born to other parents in another place and time?

What if I had not gone skating that day when I was  shoved into the boards by dad, who became the love of my life?  Did he think he was playing hockey?

What if my parents had not moved in the middle of my grade 12 year to Regina away from Saskatoon, from my friends and the school I wanted to graduate from?

What if  I had not believed as a child with a very strong faith?

What if I had not changed and learned more about what I should or should not believe?

What if I had not listened to the voice in my head telling me to go to Dr. Horan who diagnosed me as celiac?

What if dad and I had not gone to that wild and crazy emotional Vineyard Church with the up beat music and the laying on of hands prayer?

We would not have helped in the nursery where we met Tavia and her mom and eventually became good friends with each one of the children.  I helped Cathy with Gracelyn from the day she brought her home.  With Sandra and her family gone to Edmonton and Carol and I having a few relationship problems I was glad to help.

What if I had not met Carolyn through dad introducing me to her and then it was through her I was able to get in to be a patient of Dr. Nolte?  Who insisted I needed a complete check up and discovered the Cancer in my lung before it had spread.

What if instead of finding love and freedom I had found that Christianity stifled my creativity and growth?  My life needed a sense of purpose and help in finding the real me.

What if we had not worked through some difficult issues in our marriage? 

What if I had not found such great friends at Colebrook Church who always have believed in me?

A lot of what ifs have made me me! !

BRIGHTNESS

This is a picture of the sun that was shining so bright as I walked all I could see was darkness.

I think this is a metaphor for the light that God is shing down upon us while all I see is darkness until I look at the light that is shing all around me.  The message at church today was all about seeing God in a relationship of love and beating in all of creation.

The Old Covenant which was a strict set of rules that separated those who obeyed and were then called good from those who were disobedient and lived in darkness.  In the prophet Jeremiah he wanted everyone to see that God desires a heart to heart relationship.  A life lived in joy and freedom.

Saturday dad and I were at Sandra and Randy's for a happy feast.

As I said good bye I decided to take a few pictures.  Sandra was still in her gardening clothes as she had had a very busy day.

This is Craig with "everybody" as Leah is called by Craig's niece when she says good night and forgets her name so says good night everybody.

  
This is Gracelyn with her four sisters at her graduation party.  Yes they phoned to make sure that we had the roght day and time.

Each one of these girls has brightened up our lives and made life fun!

Gracelyn is reading our card and sharing it with her mom Cathy and sister Deserae.

The very essence of that love is shining  even in the darkness and even if we do not sense it.
I think everyone looked beautiful and I enjoy the memories of every picture!

SPRING

Felt like spring arrived yesterday with the lovely warm sunshine and what a surprise to find this little pansy blooming in among the bushes.

I like to think of spring as a time of new hope and new life.

Reading the news of the children being sexually abused in Cambodia just sickens me.  I am glad that some are being rescued but others are living lives of heartbreaking cruelty.  Greed must be one of the worst sins. What is the deep pain within those who commit this acts?

I wish this world could be free of all pain and suffering, whether it is physical, emotional or spiritual;
.this was the burden that Jesus carried to the cross freely dying a bloody death so that others would be free.
I was tempted to buy the book "The Hunger Games" but did not.  I am not sure just what it is about but cruelty seems to be apart of the games.  Fighting to the death?   It is I believe about others giving their lives for others,

 I think it is about teen-age angst but the thing is that angst is apart of all the stages of our lives.

Then I think how lucky I am to live in by neighborhood where children are out playing and riding bikes and neighbors are chatting as they wash cars and cut the lawn and work in the yard.  Life seems so normal the way it should be.

I am lucky to have a daughter, Sandra, who delight people at work dancing with ribbons!

Dad and I enjoyed a delicious dinner cooked by Sandra and Randy and having a visit with Leah and Craig.  Our world needs more music so keep playing Craig!  We admired the beatiful paintings by Nancy-Lou and the awesome chocolate cake Randy made.  Receipe from Mandy!

Today is church, rest, graduation tea, rest and discussion group.

All the young people in our family are amazing!

DOUBTFUL

I have no doubts that I will be safe when I go out in the dark.  Although now that it is lighter in the morning that only happens if I wake up extremely early.  I wish that I could sleep longer but that seems doubtful.  It is amazing by the time I walk through the park the light is dawning.  It felt so much warmer yesterday and it must be spring because my eyes are itchy and my sinus a little plugged.

Came home yesterday and worked in the garden most of the morning.  Have to decide what to put in my window boxes.  Dad has a big job to fix the pump on both are ponds; they get clogged with stuff.
Yes, dad did go for a bike ride and after came home and we had lunch outside.

Then I had a nap and he worked on getting our blogs published.  I hope some one in the family will want one.  Shirley, the lady that Chris stayed with loves to read our blogs.  She is a real character and very talkative.

It is wonderful to see the first flowers blooming.  It is too early to tell which plants will not bloom because the winter has killed them.  With a garden there is always some thing to do.  Today I will cut the grass when dad goes out to lunch with the men to White Spot.

Dad and I went for a walk in the woods about 5 and the sun looked lovely shining through the trees.
I love the pattern the gap in the trees with the sun shining through create.  There were still some puddles and squishy grass we walked through. 

No dogs running around on the greens but the eagles were flying over head.

The growth of our churches has been looking doubtful but with our new minister we are seeing new faces which is good.  I believe that "Spirit" that refers to the breathe of life is what gives religion it's meaning and purpose.  The role of church is often to articulate with words and art and music the struggle to find ways to express our faith.

For me this helps make sense of a world in which there are so many cruel and senseless acts

I continue to say my prayers and find comfort in scripture and inspiration on my walks and attending church.  I do not need to have answers to the doubts that arise because I trust that God is somehow at work in all our lives..  I want to believe in the power of hope and the redeeming quality of love!

STYLE

Too cold to be out walking near the water.  Too cold to worry about style.

Nancy-Lou you are one classy lady, a woman of generosity and kindness.
Thank you for sharing and caring.
Your kind words are always appreciated!
I am not a very style conscious  person; but my daughters and grand daughters and even great grandchildren are!

I have to admit I like being comfortable in old clothing.  These days I am wearing long underwear, warm sweaters, mitts and scarfs.  Most of the ladies at Colebrook will be involved in putting on and hosting the fashion show this afternoon.  I know that they have great fun.  This year we have another invitation to a graduation tea to attend, whoops it is Sunday not Saturday.  I was sure Sat. was the 25th.

Dad has been invited to the men's gathering at the White Spot where the men whoses wifes are busy at the fashion show will have a get together.  Maybe I go go that in disquise,

I am more like Barbara in the Lynly Detective Stories than some of the more attractive women he meets and falls for.  I keep hoping he will see Barbara Havers for who she really is.

I am also looking for a style of writing that can hold my attention and be worth reading.

These are four I just got from the library.

The style today when it comes to religion is to be critical and skeptical.  A part of this is what we are becoming socially conditioned to because we are influenced by people we admire and want to have a presence in our lives.  All religions are not the same and have very different doctrines and beliefs. 

Judaism, Christianity and Islam believe in a God who holds people accountable for their beliefs and practices, and God attributes can not be reduced to pure love.  Buddhism does not believe in a personal God at all.  I went to visit Jim yesterday and it is sad his heart is full of anger and he told me not to bother and come any more. I  wish prayer would help him.  I would like to go and take both his hands and pray for peace in his soul as his life is leaving him.  Maybe I will and say good-bye but first I may just pass by and say a quick hello and carry on visiting others.

Long ago in "my day" going to church was an important part of most people's lives although even at that time people were drifting away and become more scientifically sophisticated and felt more in control of their own destinies.

Religion has created intolerance by insisting that their religious path is the true one.  Religious people are easy to stereotype and caricature as any one who watches T.V. or movies or reads will find out.  This is the style in today's worldview.

There is truth in all the negativity but I will continue to weigh and try to find a balance.

"Skeptics believe that any exclusive claims to a superior knowledge of spiritual reality cannot be true.
But this objection is itself a religious belief that assumes that God is unknowable, or that God is loving but not wrathful, or that God is an impersonal force rather than a person who speaks through scripture.
All these are unprovable faith assumptions."
"The Reason For God"  by Timothy Keller.

I want to respect what others believe but be firm in what I choose to believe.  Religion is nor going away and is growing stronger in other countries like Africa and China and Korea.  What they believe is a robust super naturalist kind of faith, with belief in miracles, Scriptural authority and personal conversion.

Doubt and faith are learned responses and I wonder why atheists are also proselytizers?

Actually turning out warm today so may shed my long underwear.  Dad may go for a bike ride.
How great is that! !

VARIETY

We drove through a great variety of weather yesterday.

After dad's mad speeding dash to the ferry it seemed so lovely and sunny at home here; but I could feel the chill in the air, dad suggested we drive into the Sylvia.  We had really enjoyed the visit with our great grand kids they are a lot of fun and so is their mom!

We left home in the sunshine for a nice calm drive downtown.  On my left I could see a big gray cloud which arrived at the Sylvia the same time we did.  A group of ladies were just leaving, evidently nurses, retired, that get together there once a year or so.  They looked much the same as the group I had been with on Tuesdays which was a variety of sizes and dress but all very happy and chatting as they were leaving.

There were less people out walking and we did not go on our walk about either.  I am finding I feel the cold and their was a bit to the wind that could chill the bones.  My bones anyway.  On the way home it started to snow and the traffic was really slow although there should have been no reason that we could see.

We stopped off at the library I wanted to find a good mystery to really get into.  I brought home some new authors to try.  I am a bit old fashioned in my reading and have to get used to some of the "language".  I don't mind a dead body but do not want gory details or to be drawn into the crazed mind of the killer.

Language is an important part of what shapes us into who we are and when I think of our family or of groups I have belonged to how different we all are.  The joys of being part of a family are equally balanced with frustrations and differences.  This becomes part of our need to process beyond our own needs and understandings into a world where there are many varieties of people.

When I read the gospels I am happy that the disciples of Jesus were all so very different.

Language today stresses self-development and expression that liberates us to grow beyond our early teachings and come to our own self-realization.

Pictures of Theresa'a visit were put on last night.  Did anyone see them?

Canucks loss last night very sad especially sad when Daniel Sadin was hurt.

A QUICK VISIT

We were very happy to have Theresa, Ben and Morgan drop in for a visit on the way to the ferry for Salt Springs.  Just time for blueberry muffin and coffee and a short visit,
.
I quickly tired to capture this on camera.

 

Dad and Ben share the same book and compare notes

Morgan has time to draw a picture.

Then we realized what time it was and a hasty departure and a speedy drive to the ferry with dad  at the wheel saved the day and they managed to board minutes before it pulled out.

BELONGING

A journey into the past for me.

Nearly 100 ladies from about 12 churches gathered to share stories and memories of the last 50 years when our group became the United Church Women.  When my mother attended years earlier it had been a missionary group who helped make meals and serve food at special events and also helped with the cleaning.

I have found it such a great blessing to belong to our group of close friends who share your joys and sorrows.  There was lots of laughter as one after another shared some of their favorite memories.  An offering was taken to help the Morogoro Women's Centre in Tanzania, Africa.

For me it was like being hugged by my mom who had belonged for so many years.  I knew that she valued the friendship of all her dearest friends.  As a child I did not realize how important these gatherings were to and would some times wished she had stayed at home.  And yes there were the cookies baked not for us but for the church.

We do not choose our families, but the experiences of growing up in them mark us for life.

Today Theresa, Ben and Morgan are dropping by to visit us on the way to Salt Spring Island to visit Grandpa Ron and Grama Donna.  They will have great fun there in the farm like atmosphere with baby lambs and chicks.

After this gathering we would share the experience of saying good-bye at the graveside of one of our faithful members.  Mary loved to knit and I have gives many of her little sweaters to new babies.

UNPREDICTABLE

Unpredictable Little snowdrops early in the morning yesterday.

Unpredictable mood swings with me.  Took on a big job clearing out dishes etc. from the dining room when I was really not feeling up to it.  Of course once you get started you have a big mess.  It took much longer than I had thought it would.  We have a rummage sale coming up at the church in April so that is a good way to pass things on.

Thankfully dad did some shopping for supper which was a tremendous help. He found lots of gluten-free food at M @ M's so that means there are some new things for us to try.

 He also went for his walk in the park.  He enjoys meeting dogs with their people..

Life seems to be full of unpredictable moments that can surprise us with joy or can frustrate us because what we thought we knew and believed is now changing.  Clearing out the old is important but so is having a solid foundation upon which to build.

The unpredictable is that it is only when we see how flawed and needy we really are, and that change is part of the process, then  we then take the next step on the road to faith. 

"Faith journeys are never simply intellectual exercises/"  

Jesus says to his disciples; "Keep awake." I think he meant that we must not be mislead but be alive and pay attention.

This morning is a United Church Women's conference starting at 9 and then a grave side funeral for a very dear old friend who turned 100 this year.  A busy day.

NO RUSHING

This is one of the last bulbs I saw on the bush.  It was in no RUSH to bloom.

I find that this defines my life right now.

I woke up this morning and heard the birds singing and saw it was still dark and I felt in no to rush and get up.  I find that I am much slower doing a lot of things and I am okay with this.

I took these pictures yesterday as I took my time on my walk about.  This is a wonderful time of the year although the weather is still very cool.  The sun that shines during the day brings some warmth.

Yesterday we had a visit from Sandra who looked lovely even though she too is having shoulder and hip pain.  Both dad and I know how frustrating it can be to get help from the doctors about chronic pain. I believe that it is important to ask for a referral if it is possible some other doctor can help. She left taking some of our stuff that I am clearing out to the Thrift Shop. A good help for me.
I am slowing going through things because the less stuff you have I think it makes life easier.

You would think that a person who stayed in their pj's all day would be sitting around but not our daughter she was out cutting both front and back grass.  Huge job especially with the grass still a bit wet and growing higher by the minute.

She came back to deliver a sweater jacket to dad and then rushed away..  The reason Pat and John had dropped in for a visit.  I brought out our fancy tea cups for a change.  Silly to have things you do not use.

I had gone to church and the atmosphere was very happy and uplifting.  Several people asked about dad  and mentioned that I should tell him he was missed.  I was given some delicious cookies made by a baker in our church.  I know you can make some good gluten-free food if I really tried.

I was reminded at church that the religious or spiritual life requires both the mind and the heart and the will.  The church has been used to creating a language all it's own which leaves people lost and builds a barrier instead of being open.  And although it is true religion has it's own specialised language it can be and needs to be translated into everyday terms.  It is so true that academic philosophers and professional thinker use different words that they are comfortable with but the rest of us are not.

But sad to say the church is in no haste to change.

"Religious practice is a human response to the profound mysteries that surround us and inhabit human life; the mysteries of life and death, and suffering and evil, and meaning and; above all existence itself."  Ralf Heintzman.

I have met many people who express their faith in different words but who are extremely loving and caring and who have taught me that in all our certainties there is uncertainty but sharing helps us to search together and learn from each other.

FIRE

I thought if I did not go for my walk dad and I would go together but working out in the garden made his hip hurt so we came in to read our books and have supper.

"The overwhelming scientific consensus suggests all humanity lived in Africa some 6000 years ago.  Gradually small bands of people left this area looking for food and  a better life."

Going back in time and place we find a group of people who never left this area which was to have been the center of civilization.  According to Wade Davies in the "Wayfinders" they are called the San people.  They think of them selves primarily as hunters and their life is very harsh as they lived in a very dry area of droughts and little food.  They are tormented by flies and by the sun, not a source of life but of death.

They have what they call the sacred fire which symbolizes life, the unity of the people and the survival of the family.  The gift of meat formalizes the betrothal of a woman, divorce is finalized when she returns to the family fire.  A mother gives birth in the darkness and then brings the baby into the circle around the fire.

An elder too old to travel is left behind to die, protected from hyenas by a circle of thorn bushes and a fire at his feet ti show him his Way into the next world.

To ward off the evil God of the west, a source of negativity and darkness they dance around the fire until they enter into a form of a trance; where the warriors tease the fire by putting their own heads in the burning coals.  This is called a healing dance.

I am trying to understand what Jesus meant when he said in Mark's gospel "everyone must be salted with fire."  Fire stood for purification and judgement and since none would escape it did this mean that God's protection would not put out the fires of dread that evil torments us with because if we are on a journey of faith, this journey will contain joy and sorrow, pain and peacefulness, conflict and doubt.

It is hard to understand what was meant thousands of years ago because the listeners would have different pictures in their minds.  Trials and tribulations seem part of the Christian path.

"Wisdom can travel only through error, difficult though that is, and we must forgive ourselves the many errors that are  our good teachers,  The goal will be reached at great cost, for this is the place where we discover our level of commitment and our true willingness to rely on God's grace."
"The Hidden Power of the Gospels" by Alexander J. Shaia with Michelle Gaugy.

I am amazed at every time I read the Bible different things disturb me and make me think.  I am glad that we continue to  that we are evolving in our ways of thinking about the sacred because the sceptical secular culture like we like in today demands a reasonable explanation for everything and there just ain't no thing.  Where does the atheist thinker get his ideas from?

We are still dancing around a fire searching for light but it is great fun and very healing!

Dad will not be going to church today as his ears have the skin burning ointment on them that eat away the bad cells and he looks a bloody mess.  So glad we did not have to go anywhere today.

THE WAY

Dad is better and went for a walk yesterday.  He needs to take an aspirin before going.  He also uses one of those walking poles and I have one too to use in the park  It is very helpful..

I think dad over does it and then  his hip is bothering him.  It was good he took a day off to rest and yesterday went for a shorter walk.  It is not always east to judge where you are in the park and how  far back you have to go.  Dad also likes going on new trails.

I also like to stop and take pictures when I am alone or with dad.

I went for a shorter walk as it felt darn cold to me.  Then we went to check out books at the library and I came home with some heavy tomes. 

Sandra phoned early in the morning because she heard on the news that a pedestrian had been hit on the corner of 64 and Scott.  No need to plan my funeral yet it was not me although I did hear the sirens.

We went to the Green Lettuce for supper and have lots for tonight.  We have to shop for a grad. present for Gracelyn.  I was wondering about some beauty products but I guess we will get some ideas when we go out.

I went to mail a letter last evening and the sky was beautiful so I went back for my camera and it was already changing.  I am pleased it is lighter out in the evenings.

Well; Nancy-Lou there are some excellent books available.

Two Quakers have written a book called "If God Is Love" which I liked.

There is a book called "Belief" by Francis S. Collins in which he has different people expressing their views.  Then there is "Speaking of Faith" by Krista Tippet and Amazing grace by "Kathleen Norris."

The authors I like are Henry Nouwen, Phillip Yancy, Jean Vainer, Brian Mclaren, and Jewish writers like Rabbi Harold Kushner and Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi.

I want to read "The Reason for God" by Timothy Keller which I believe is now out in paperback.   am going to check the library too.  He offers a rational reason why we should believe in God and is compared to C.S. Lewis who writes very good books.

Good luck there is lots to choose from.

I nearly went to the graduatio p.arty on the wrong day and the wrong time.  I am thamkful it is next week-end at 2 o'clock.  It would have not been the first time we have gone on the wrong day or the wrong time.  Yes it is written down but I have to remember to look at it.  I feel very foolish.

ANCIENT WISDOM

"One of the intense pleasures of travel is the opportunity to live amongst people who have not forgotten the old ways, who still feel their past in the rain, taste it in the bitter leaves of plants.  In the Amazon , Jaguar shaman still journey beyond the milky Way, that the myths of the Inuit elders still resonate with meaning. that the Buddhists in Tibet still pursue the breath of the Dharma is to remember the central revelation of anthropology: the idea that the social world in which we live does not exist in some absolute sense, but is simply one model of reality, the consequence of one set of intellectual and spiritual choices that our particular cultural lineage made, however successfully, many generations ago.
"The Way finders"  by Wade Davis

The four of us, with Jane at the controls, set off in the pouring rain for the funeral of a dear sweet old lady.  I have had the pleasure of visiting her and getting to know her.  What changes she has seen in the over ninety years of her life.  It is not easy this growing older but she did it with grace and style.
We were amazed at how the sun came out and shone down through the windows upon us all.  After the service outside we walked to the grave and I felt chilled but very pleased the heavy rain had stopped.

I have been going through my books trying to decide which ones to give away; but it never fails I get reading many of them again.  One of these books is "The Wayfinder" which reminds me that all of our thoughts, and intuitions, myths and beliefs, ideas and inspiration have helped shape us today.  He stresses the importance of language that we have been given to pass on our wisdom. 

"Each one of us is born as a unique combination of the genetic endowment of our parents and the human potential we all possess."  Yet as we look at our world today which is suppose to be civilized we hear again again savagery coming to destroy the good and fuel more  wars and killing.  Nation to nation we have ignored the mythic ancestral claims and have turned to political power to control and manipulate.

Many questions where asked of Jesus.

Why are you speaking like this?
Where does the wisdom and authority with which you speak come from?
Who are you?
Can anything good come from Nazareth?
Why are you behaving unlawfully?
Are you the king of the Jews?
Or are you the Messiah?

Jesus us fulfilling his own words about going the second mile, loving and praying for your enemies and for this he will be nailed to the cross.  He entered into Jerusalem on a donkey with his heart broken and tears in his eyes.  In Mark 13 he speaks words of a coming judgment brought on by their own corruption, oppression and greed.  The temple has become dishonored by the greed of those in authority.  Jesus is angered by what he sees.

"Jesus burst the boundaries of all expectations" and becomes a prophet of doom like the old testament.
Disturbing wisdom that holds a warning for those who would hear.

Returning from the funeral there was dad sitting in the warmth of the front porch and I thought he looked very happy and content; but he had had a bad morning with pain in his hip.  Very discouraging.

I rushed in and out to go visit Jim who I know would be expecting me.  He had been very sick all night as had another lady with what sounds like the stomach flu.  Do hope I do not get it.

Raining hard this morning so I will wait and see how it is when it is time for my walk.

UNAWARE

Yesterday was cold and windy and light wet snow.  This is an old picture taken a few weeks back in New Westminster but it could have been yesterday.

Dad and I had planned after our seniors breakfast with Jane and Geof that we would go shopping for groceries.  It is a funny thing that going shopping when you are very hungry is not good neither is it when you feel full and a little tired.  So we put it off until after he had his walk in the forest.  At least the weather in among those big trees can be calmer and much more relaxing than walking along the side walk where I go daily.  And there certainly are some big trees!

Although some big trees in Stanley Park had been blown down in the big wind storm it did not seem to affect our park.  Yesterday dad had to be very aware of where he was walking because there were so many wet streams.

Can ignorance be a blessing?

I was certainly unaware of the negative opinions about religion when I was growing up.  I am trying to become more aware of what the critics are saying.  I realize that there is much value in what is being said and written.  I always believed that God heard my prayers and would help me when I asked; even when I went through some tough times.

I have been made aware of the negative feelings that people today have towards both the church and the Holy Bible.  Is the church out of touch with the rest of the world?  Is the church full  of hypocrites?

Many are resisting what they feel is the oppressive authority of the church.

"Is there any wonder there are atheists when the church behaves so abominably?"  -Voltaire

"Infantile neurosis in God as a delusion based on a need for a father-figure?"   Freud

Well I am now aware of the debate that has reached new heights with authors like Christopher  Hitchens, Sam Harris,  and Richard Dawkins to name a few.

I am well aware of the lack of absolute proof of God's existence but I still think there are many good reasons to believe the church has much to offer us and challenge us if questions are always encouraged. 

I say let's leave the door open to the Holy Spirit!

I am going to a funeral this morning for a friend's mom; it is in Burnaby am I thankful Jane is driving
Yes!

REDISCOVERY

A cold morning walk which took extra effort on my part, the trees are bare and disolute looking, but there are always pictures that capture my heart and reward me for my effort.  So my mood changes from one of disenchantment to wonder.

These flowers are bravely blooming on this cold spring morning.  I am feeling brighter already.

I love the color of these little crocuses.
As I kneel to take this picture I rediscover wonder and delight.
All these plants have been lying dormant all winter long.
They know it is time to wake up and bloom.   Delightful.

I  am reading in Mark where Jesus is trying to tell his disciples about his giving up of his life as a ransom.  They refuse to hear his words and the cross is a very difficult reality for us to face and understand.

Remember Lily Potter, the mother of Harry Potter?  The evil Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry but cannot touch him.  Why Harry asks Dumbledore?  "Your mother died to save you.......love as powerful as your mother's love for you leaves its own mark.  Not a scar, no visible sign.....but to be loved so deeply.....will give us protection forever."
From "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone by J. K. Rowling

We know from experience that sacrifice is at the heart of real love.

Off for a walk with Gundy and then to Zeller's to have coffee with Jane and Geof.

GOALS

When I took this first picture of the grand children I had a goal of doing it every year but that did not happen  I remember the day Sandra and I took the children to Sears to have this picture taken..  The other picture is of me with my grandmother who I do not remember and that is too bad.  I remember when she died and how very sad my mom was.

Dad and  am pleased that Leah (who is in this picture with Stephen and Oliver) is now in Kamloops staying with her dad and going back to school.  I am praying that she will continue to heal from the pain of her two car accidents as well as emotional problems that she has had to face.

Stephan has a good job but is out of town a lot which is tough for Shawna as they plan for marriage and children.  Oliver, I believe, has moved to Clinton and has a good job with the oil company as well.

I will mention the ones not in the picture.
Tasha lives in Vancouver has one son and is a bus driver.

Theresa and Mickie are married and have two children, Ben and Morgan.  Theresa is fulfilling her goal as a photographer. 

Mary and Michael John were the next to be married and appear to be settling down in Kirchner and are reaching new goals all the time.

Cameron and Shandel married and happily living in Edmonton.  Shandel is an awesome  yogi instructor and Cam works with his dad.

Chris is still single and has a goal I think to find a new girlfriend.  I am praying that his health will improve.

Tyler, Brittany and Hobie live down-under.  They now have new brothers and sisters, Ashley,Jessie, Mathew and Jasmine.  Six children keep Ken and Melina busy as well as both working.

Kim has moved to the Grand Cayman to follow her bliss.  Carol, her mom now works there too and is married to Panteli.

My goal in writing was to say my goals and ask others what are your goals.  I did not mean to write about all this.  But now it is done.

My goals are to enjoy life by walking and reading, spending time with friends and family
I believe that energy comes from my faith and my desire to continue to grow in knowledge and understanding.
I want to be both optimistic but realistic about my health and physical energy.
I am trying to declutter and keep life simple.
I will keep taking my pictures and doing my blog as long as it gives me a sense of purpose and  pleasure.Enjoy life by putting energy into staying positive and helping others.

My goals seem to be to continue to do what I am doing, taking a more critical view of religion but not a judgmental stance. 
Keep a sense of humor and learn from my mistakes.
Appreciate what I have, a wonderful husband and loving family.
Marriage and bringing up children is very hard, exhausting and demanding.
Dad and  I have to continue to work at it.
Definitely to pray more and worry less.
Some goals you reach but others you do not obtain but it is still good to make plans and have goals!

What are your goals

TENDERLY

Evidence of all the rain we had the day before.  I love the raindrops on the leaves.

Yes it is very good dad is doing some walking nearly every day.
We went yesterday afternoon after my stomach felt better.  Sorry to hear Randy also had problems.
It is amazing all the different shades of green in the forest with the new buds coming out.

Earlier in the morning I had tried a short walk and this is what I found.  It took my breath away I couldn't believe it.

The cover was right off the drain at the side of the road and would be dangerous for cars driving or for anyone walking especially when the light is not good.  Or children could fall in.

So I went home to get a piece of wood to cover it.

Went back later in the car and it had been fixed.

Was this an act of prayer?  Brother Lawrence would think so as he washed his dishes prayerfully.
I was very disappointed not to be  going to church, where I would have just spent the time in the bathroom anyway.  I look forward to hearing Daniel our minister speak.

When we were sitting on the bench we gazed up at the eagles enjoying their flights up so high. The tops of the trees were blowing with the wind but we felt only a gently breeze.  The fresh air felt so good and it came to my mind how gently and tenderly the spirit could breath on us and through us without an effort on our part. 

God was present!
So one does not have to be in church or reading religious books for one to feel the presence of something awesome.

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling
Calling to you and to me
As I sat more daydreaming than praying the words of this old hymn came into my mind.

I understand that some people cannot believe in God or the mystical mysteries of life.
I cannot stop believing even as I cannot stop breathing.  Each breath I breath in love and mercy.
I believe in goodness that lives in any heart that seeks it.
I am so thankful for grace and forgiveness and the freedom to believe.

Reiki writes in "Letters to a Ypoung Poet" to have patience with everything unresloved in your heart and to try and love the questions themselves. . . .The point is to live everything.
I also want to do some rethinking of religious truth.  Reiki also says " to believe in everything that has not yet been said." 

Jesus told his disciples that they would do greater things than he did.

Dad spent some of the day redriving one of our road trips.  Good to have good memories.

We watched "Cider House Rules and a little of the Don Cherry thing.

Yesterday was one of those day when it took an effort to pray or to go for a walk.

This morning it is very windy and all is well here!  Winds at 76 k's some power is already out and ferries not running.

THE VIEW

Dad enjoys the view

I enjoy taking pictures

Bike riders do some very dangerous unbelieveable stunts

Dad took me on his long walk to places I had never seen before.

He thinks he is walking a bit better.

Saturday I was on my computer when a transformer made a huge bang and the power went off.  I took a walk around to see if there had been any accidents but appeared not.

Then there was a nice surprise when Sandra phoned to invite us out to a classie restaurant for dinner.  We were celebrating Randy's good news.  Sandra had looked up all the gluten free things at the place so I had lots to choose from.  A very enjoyable evening and Sandra looked especially beautiful and Randy was in good form too.  It was fun to dress up a bit and do something different.

I read a bit more from "Losing My Religion" and I think he did a great job exposing some of the disgusting and dishonest things done in the name of religion.  I do not know how these people live with themselves. 

I will always believe in the power of prayer that unless you have felt the comfort of people praying for you it may be hard to see what good it does.  Trying to prove or disprove is tricky.

I started out my Christian life very hopeful, excited and wide eyed.  I would soon find out that faith may appear to promise happiness but this only happens with hard work and painful self-examination.

It takes courage to learn how to be happy and how to live a Christian life-style.

Religion should be about love as Jesus said in  Mark 12

I should not have a stomach ache on Sunday morning but I do.