SECOND THOUGHTS

                                               Yes I am having second thoughts.

                                               It is good we will have an another look at it.

                                               Dad does not know if he is remembering the right one.

                                              I would like to spend the summer here.

                                               Partly we are not ready to leave our home here,

                                              Wy did I feel happy when our offer was not accepted?

Today is Sunday and I am putting this decision out of my mind for today.  It is very cold but not nearly as cold as Edmonton.  It is sunny.  

Yesterday the day started for me with a burst of energy but after being outside I had a nasty asthma attack.  It really exhausts me.  We were happy when Carol and Panteli dropped by and we all went out to enjoy a meal at the White Spot.

The God who breathed like into me also gave me a mind to make choices carefully.  He is not the man upstairs who has all the ansers but He will be suffient and understanding.  He walks with me and holds me in His unconditional love.

I am free to make mistakes, I am free from the need to be perfect.  I am human who at times struggles with knowing what to do,

START

 Start  the day with Love and Thankfulness

For me I start the day reading from a book of devotions,

I take time to write down my thoughts and feelings++

This helps me to tune in to my inner voice

It helps if you have had a good nights sleep.

Write down your worries and concerns and pray about them.

That all sounds easy but I did not sleep well.  I got up and spilled my coffee and the water set out for dad's pills.

We were surprised when Sandra phoned to say our offer had been accepted.  We have another viewing on Monday.

I had put it in God's hands so now I will start rethinking.

-

CHOICES

 Always nice flowers for sale at the Safeway.  I am going to go over in the morning and choose a few.

Dad and I have made many choices in our lives together.  We have over the years moved away from Tawassen but we are now looking to move back.  

We put an offer on a place but did not agree on the price.  

Dad was having a dificult day.  I startedthi king and worrying maybe a move would not be good for him.  He seems to be more like himself to-night.  

Sandra and Rany leave in the morning by plane for Edmonton.  I hope they have a fun time seeing their families.  I wish we could go too.

My old church group met on Wed.  We had a fun time together.  We are not what you would call a serious group.  We are growing old together.  

We  drove into Ladner today.  We had a bite at an Italian place but did not know what a lot of things were.  Dad had a pizza and I had a salad.  Dad was up at 5 which is very unual and I joined him so we were both ready for a nap when we got home.

I was given a prayer card at our study.  Those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength,  They will soar on wings like the eagles.  Isaiah 40;31.  I felt encouraged and I felt loved.

Yes I wish God would make all my chgoices for me and they woukd be the right ones.  Instead he has given me a brain to figure out what seems right,  I like being able to make choices, 

ADVENTURE

 If I can start to think of this as an adventure moving to a town house would not be so difficult.  //sandra took me for another look on Sat.  Rick and Carol also had a look.  Rick saw the two places.  One that had furniture in it and the one just bare,  I liked the wood floors and the kitchen with room for a small table.  I would use the second bedroom for a den with the T.V. in it.  Dad could use it for his reading room too.

Sandra is taking dad for a l;ook on Tuesday morning.  If he likes it I think we should take it.  Nothing is perfect in life so taking a chance could turn out to be the best thing for us.  It would be nice to be near Rick, Carol and Panteli.  Also the libary and a small park.

Sunday I had a very restful day so lots to do today.  We enjoyed a delicious supper with Carol and Panteli and Rick. Fresh caught salmon.! 

"You have to leave room in your life to dream."

HARMONY

 HARMONY in a family is a sacred thing. Love yourself and accept and love each other.  We all need to be respected.   It calls emotional intellegence.

I realize now I did not know exactly what I wanted when we started looking at places to live.

Yesterday was a beautiful place with lots of activities etc but I do not feel that is for us,

Is the place that I felt was too big with the little room dad liked still available?

The mouse is back and I am ready to leave.

ANNOYING

 I really love little Spenser and I wnt him to love me.  The trouble is he can be very annoying.  I take him for his afternoon walk and we both come home tired and hungry.  So I feed him first and then go make myself a sandwich and I just want to sit and read my book.  .but Oh no he is not happy he wants some of my sandwich.  Next he decides he wants out again.  He barks at the door so I ask dad to take him out which he does.  He comes in and barks at the wall. 

I decide I just want to run upstairs to get away from him.  He follows me.  Finally he jumps on his bed and goes fast asleep.

I know I cannot change him but I have to learn to not let him annoy me.

Dad and Rick have been looking at old pictures of his ancestors.  Rick wants to know who they are and a little story about them.  He is writing this all down.

Today we were getting his pills and his appointmentas in order.  Hopefully we will not miss any appointments.  That is very annoying.

To-morrow we will drive to the bird store in White Rock.  Am I looking at the Senior's home with Sandra?

Our happiness may depend on my choices.

I want my family to be happy too.

MISTAKES

 We all make mistakes.  We have hada difficult getting dad's prescription refilled.  I made a mistakes not realizing he was done to his last dosages for the day.  Then the phjarmacy made the mistakes of thinking we needed a new prescription and promised to contact the dr.  We were waiting to hear,  Rick tried phoning the dr, and he was not avaiable.

They suggested we call the walk in clinic.  Rick did that and the pills will arrive at the drugstore at 3 this afternoon.  We appreciate all Rick is doing but we are concerned for his health.  He comes over and goes shopping for us and is very helpful.  

I am wondering if we should move into a Senior Center.  Sandra and I will look at one on Friday.  Dad is not happy and is not willing to go and look at places.  Of course he is not well.  His feet are painful and he gets tired quickly.

We just have to accept that our lives are going to change.

We have to be more aware of his medication needs.

This morning was very cold, windy and rainy.  Rick and Laura both came over.

Rick went over and talked to the pharmacist and everything is alright now.

Misunderstandings do happen but we all try to do our best.

I will take Spenser for a walk and then pick up the pills,

Life would be boring if we did not have problems hit us at times and knock us down.

We know that a new day will give us hope and courage,

STORMS

 Most of the trees in the park  are bare, they are beautiful in a different way.  This tree has survived  stormy weather, heavy rain and cruel winds.  It must be protected by the others who are baren.

My faith in the presence of a loving God has been my protection in times of difficulty.  Yes. I have had a good life and I trust that I will make good choices for our future together.  Learning to trust that light will pour into my dark times helps me to not be anxious.

"Over every mountain there is a path a path not seen from the valley.  -Theodore R.

The path that is just right for me.  I invite others to join me.  I hve learned to be patient and wait on God who gives me new strength and courage along the way.

'life is not a matter of milestones but of moments,":  -Rose Kennedy.

I had my hair cut but am not happy wirh it.  It will grow in and it does feeel better shorter.

Buffy Saint-Marie believes  it is important to keep dreaming.  I am trying to do that.

I believe that the spirit and pesence of Jesus as I read the promises will renew me day by day,

We all face storms at times in our lives and we all can be over comers.

Jesus saya to come and follow him as he knows the way.

HAPPY

                                                     A happy group all with full tumies.

                                 .

   It has  been a while since we saw Chris.  He looks good and enjoyed visiting us.  

Food madew with love always tasts the best.  The pancakes and bacon and sauages were great.  Carol was not there for brunch but came over later.  Another day.  I must get my hair cut,

I am still thinking about the last place and may want to see it again.  It does have potential.

FEELINGS

 IT was a day that had promise when Sandra took me to Chelse Gardens. to look at a place there.  I find getting in and out of the car trying so it takes an effort. but I was feeling hopefull.  Our cheerful Real Estate lady met us there.  We were a happy group as we walked down the hall to the right door.

As soon as I walked in the door I felt a sadness.  Had some one just died.  Christmas decorations were still up.  The furniture was dark and heavy.  The living room was where the dining room should have been.  The second bedroom was packed full of junk.

It did have potential and I continued to think about it when I got home.

I am trying to feel positive about moving.  

It is a live changing decision.

Today Rick and Christpher are arriving at 10 to make pancakes and bacon.  A real feast.  I will be happy to see Chris.  Pphelia and Astrid may come over.  I love seeing them too.  First I will go for my walk and then have a rest before they arrive.

Dad had another headache last night but it did not last.  I feel worried about these headasches but he seems not to be,

We take it a day at a time.  Walking in the freshness of the morning feels good!

I am grateful that I am able to wake up and get out of bed!

UNCERTAIN

                                             On my late aftewrnoon walk I managed to take a few pictures

Late afternoon walk took a few pictures.  It gets dark so early now.

I aways keep my eyes looking for something beautiful.

Yesterday dad woke up with a bad headache.  He slept all morning and again in the afternoon.  I was a bit worried.  Could it be a small stroke?  No other symtums occured,.

Laura was busy downsstairs while I cleaned bathrooms up stairs.  She cooked a meatloaf, an omlet and banana oatmeal cookies.  The house smelled wonderful.  Spenser's nose was enjoying the smell and he wanted a taste.

Pancakes on Sunday would be fine Rick. Dad and I are uncertain about the appraiser..  Dad believes stronmgly it has already been done.  I had the time wronmg.  We do not know when he is coming.

                                How do we feel about all this?  A little uncertain.

I am trying to image us moving.  My mind has it's limitations.

No matter what we are facing in life there will always be the unknown.  The uncertaionty of mystery

Mystery is larger than the mind,  Prayer helps me to accept  the mysterious and the miraculous.

At the very heart of spirit is mystery,  We can all enter into this deeper diminsion if we choose to pray and believe.

A open mind and a little imagination.

We will never know why certain people have to suffer but we know love is the best way to be supporting.

FOUND

                                                     You will never guess where?

I was up very early again yesterday to keep serching for dad's wallet.  Everything that is important is in our wallets.  I started searching in every possible place.  In the garbage, in the frig. in the papers that had been on the table, every pocket, every drawer. in the bed under the bed, in the chesterfield, every where.

Dad comes up to Rick and I and he has found it in his jogging pants pocket,  I had asked over and over again if it was in his pocket.  His answer was I never put it in my pocket.  We were happy but I was also annoyed.  I had wastewd so much time and energy,

Nice to have Rick here to take dad to get his stiches out.  No problem.  He went shopping instead of just waiting in the waiting room.  Good to have lots of food.  

He took the bird feeder down as the food was nearly all gone and the birds could get trapped in there.

Sounds like Ken and the gang are having a blast.  I hope Melina can relax.  Life can be tough.  There is no limit to the courage we can find hidden deep with in is.  It can be found when we need it.

I know whjat I felt when I was told I had lung cancer.  I was afraid, exhausted, confused and felt alone.

Looking at my beautiful and wonderful children always gives my hope.

Our love for each other gives us strength and hope.

I also found prayedr helped.

BEWILDERED

 Yes life has become mentally challenging.

We keep losing things.  Today it is dad's wallet.  It was sitting in the middle of the table when Sandra and Randy and dad and I were talking to the lady from the bank.  

We have looked everywhere,  In every crazy place.

Rickis here today so he is also looking.

I believe that it is important to be optimistic especially when it is very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Optimism is the Faith that leads to Achievment"  Helen Keller

IMPERFECT

 

Glad Kenny is off on his holiday now.

Yes Christmas is a difficult time for me.  I am tempted by all the goodies.

I wish my computer was workimng better.  Maybe it is me.

I remember when we would tell our kids just to try to taste somethig maybe you would like it.

Now our children are telling us to try a new life style.  Part of the problem is we are happy here.

Life never promises perfect happiness.

 No one wants to be told "no" you cannot eat that or do that.  We all know what it is like,  Dad is not allowed butter or cheese or anything fatty.  He had another bad day yesterday.  I will inform Laura and watch very carefully what he is eating.  

A sick body can cause a sick mind.  We want him to be as healthy as possible.  

Positive thinking is always good but cannot always heal us.

Yes our thoughts are important but there is something in us that is even greater.  It can traqnsend our humanness and it allows healing to enter our body and souls."  The spirit of God that is a mystery that can be at work in us and through us.

Yes it can take discipline to make the right choices.  Dad was not well enough to go look at the place but it was great that Carol joined us.  I like the size of the place but I did not like that it was on the thritd floor.  I am in no hurry.  We expect to be living there for years.

It was a real treat to go to Carol's and have gluten free goodies.

Now I must get ready and take Spenser out.

Laura is here and Rick is coming to look over to look at  his taxes.  This will be a help for Sandra.  

Carol is going to see the doctor.  Hope things are going well.

Hope dad is feeling better today.

LIFE

                                                      What do  think about life?

Life can be beautiful,

Life can be unfair.

Life can be joy and happiness.

Life can be pain and suffering.

Life can be emptiness

L ife can be having enough food and a roof over your head.

Life can be loving kindness.

Life can be boring.

Life can be fearful.

Life can be healing and rewarding.

Life can be new adventures.

Life can be family and friends.

Life is being grateful.

Life can be wonderful.

Every day is different for me,  Sandra and I are going to look at a new place this afternoon..  Dads is not well.  His stomach is upset. Life can be illness.  I did not get to church because of that and because I did not sleep well.  I am worried and afraid of this big change of moving and adjusting,

My prayer is help me Lord.  Lift this fear off of me and give me hope and faith.

Just heard from Ken that there has been a big fire at the home of Melina and her mom and the children.

Thankfully they got it out with firetrucks and an airoplane,

Life is being saved from danger,

FUTURE

                                                Laura has a new puppy.  Dad wanted her to bring him to our place.

He is very tiny and very cute.  Spenser paid no attention to him,  They both laid down and had a nap.

He  is being trained to go pee on that pad.

Sandra drove us out to see town houses in Tsawwassen.  Both dad and Sandra like the big and bright one.

It is hard for me to see myself anywhere else.  Yes I know we have to find a place.  Dad is failing.  He sits down and falls asleep.  He volunteered to take Spenser out but I was all dressed ready to go.  It was dark and raining.   We go around by the Safeway by  where it is dry,

We appreciate all the work and effort Sandra is doing to help us.  I feel very bad that I am awkward and slow.  

I will miss all my friends here.  I do not think Laura will come to help us when we move although she is not saying anything.  She wants to find a five day a week job so she can be home more for her grandson.  I think he is 6 or 7.  Her daughter looks after him and the puppy.  It is just one more chid for her,

Well the future is not for us to see.  I wish I could.  I am praying for wisdom nd God's guidance.  He knows our future and he will be with us.

Yes we are very worried about Melina.  Her life is alredy changed.  Our prayers and our love will go out to her.

Thanks Sandra!

We all live one day at a time.

MISSING

                                               Missing the sunshine.

                                               Missing the bright Christmas lights on our neighbors place.

                                               Dad and Rick are looking for a missing letter.  It should be among dad's 

                                               files,  It has information about other relatives.

Rick came over on Thrusday and they had a good look but it is still missing.

I am missing going to church so I will go this Sunday.

Jesus said:"Believe in me because I believe in you."

I know that his presence is with me where ever I am.

Even though walking into a church lifts my spirits with joy and hope.

Tomorrow I will be looking at places for us to move to.

A VISIT

                                                   Dad and I were delighted to have a visit rom Ben.

                                                   I had a great time looking after him for a week when he was tiny

                                                   We have a wonderful family.

                                                     We had a phone call from Kim too.

                                                      Wished Ken  a Happy birthday,

                                                 We appreciate his reminders that the hockey is on  .                         

                                                  A exciting game between Canada and U,S,  We won!

                                                  Sandra has a new place for us to look at on Sat,

Scripture reminds us God guides us on familar and unfamilar paths,

"I will brighten the darkness before them."  Isaiah 42:`6   

I wish I could get more done in a day but the important things do get done.  

Sometimes I say the wrong words and I need forgiveness,

"His light can shine into our hearts and heal us."  Rumi             

Some relationships are easy while others take work.

I can learn from them all.

RELATIKONSHIPS

Spenser and I love the walk around the pond at Boundary Park.

 I feel close to nature there.  I am making new friends,

Dad and I were talking.  We often say well that bothers me but is it really important.

We agree that our relationships are what is important.  Our first experiences expeerience begasn in our family.  I often would get very annoyed with my brother,  Now we have a good relationship.  We respect each other and kindness replaces annoyance,

My faith is built on a relationship with Jesus as I pray and talk to him during the day.  I know that I am important to him.I do not understand how this happens but I know it does.

Jesus valued friends who he invited to walk with him and teach them to value the love of God.

The relationship we have within our family is built on respect and caring with an open heart and mind.

We learn to forgive and forget because we love each other.

We had a visit from Mary from Colebrook the other day.  .She brought over cookies and love.

Rick invited his friend Ian over to share a pancake breakfast with dad and I,  We were very pleaed to get to know him.

Next to family our relationships with our friends are very important.

NEW

                                                       We enjoyed siting by the blazing fire.

                                              Randy was busy puttig more big logs on.

                                                           Jus the five of us,

                                                      Sandra prepared a delicious lunch

                                                                                  The table looked lovely too,               

So this is a new day in our New Year,  Yes I have made mistakes in the past but I have had good intentions,  I am a good person who is loving and kind,  I will make no promises but I will try to do better.

I am thankful that as a believer in Jesus I do not have to be perfect.

Even Paul admitted he did not do what he wanted to do,

Happy new year

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

New year"s Eve started for me when I took a walk around Bundary Park.  The first person I met said Happy New Year.  This continued as we walked around,  Some people looked d=familiar but others I had not seen before.  The beauty of the quiet water and the friendly people made me feel happy,

Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans that as Christians it is important  to live in peace with every one.

I think that is a good resolution.  Today is a new year but it is also a new day.  A new beginning of a new year that holds the promise of God's presence and his faithfulness.

We all new to be renewed as we face our good days and our difficult onesd.

Thankful for the new family calender Shawna has made for us.

Amazing she had time and energy with five children.

I have many good memories of the year past but when health problems touch many hearts in our family I was concerned,  I will continue to pray for all my children and their families but I am praying for those especially who are not well.

"When you do things from your soul you feel a river moving in you. a joy".  Rumi

"You know how much God loves us 

and we put our trust in Him:  

1John 4