GRACE

Grace is like the gift of a sunset at the end of a weary day. A day that should have, or could have begun with promise, held me captive with an upset stomach. I put on my coat several times and felt too weak to venture out.

The good thing is I was able to finish reading some books and do some extra writing.
I question myself whether this is really what I should be doing. It is more rewarding to feel that I have helped some one else than to allow the spirit of grace rest upon me, and nourish me and assist me in deeper humility and awareness of my weaknesses.

I do not always realize that praying for others as they go through difficult times can be very draining to the point of spiritual weariness. This may seem strange to others but it has time and again been my experience. It is almost like spiritual energy is leaving you to go with them.

The body feels the need of nourishment and rest that the soul can often deny.

The sunset was a gift of pure love that awoke in me the excitement of being alive and knowing that energy would return. What is real to me may seem strange to others but all I can share is what I experience.

Grace is like a waem hug from God that comes just when I need it the most!

THE UNEXPECTED

On a fence in the back yard a airplane unexpectedly appears; but then it is Sandra and Randy's back yard. Now we have our own in our front yard and I wonder what our neighbors think of us.

In the middle of the night last night we were woken up by the noise of a pile driver going bang bang. Dad was half asleep and thought someone was stuck in a dumpster because we have heard stories about that. There are several big dumpsters over at the safeway. The noise went on during the day maybe I will see if it is still there and take a picture. No it was not.

Dad has bought a new cell phone so is happier. He is putting in names and numbers.

We skyped Brittany who is visiting at Ken and Melina's but it did not work all that well. Matthew was happy eating a bag of chips and Jasmine was awake and happy. It was good to see Brittany and hear what her and Melina had done that day. I always think of things to say afterwards and I am sure they do too. I showed Matthew Ernie who giggles and he wanted to touch him. It seems like we are close but really we are far away.

The unexpected can come to us at any moment of any day. Something someone says to us or something we read or something we see can trigger an inner response that surprises us. I find that often the spiritual works like this. We may have been travelling along a certain path when we feel drawn in a new direction.

LAUGHTER

A babies first laugh is so amazing. Laughter is good medicine for us all. I am so thankful that in my studt groups there is a lot of humour. When I went to Colebrook Bible study group we spent the first 20 minutes trying to get into a box of chocolates someone had brought. The packaging on things can be greater than the guards at Fort Knox. We ended up breaking in to the container.

Last night at Home group we also had lots of fun and then we came home and watched our D.V.D. One Foot in the Grave. An English comedy series.

Today I am having a short walk, will return some library books and do my visiting at the Nursing Home. Supper is the big problem. What to have. If I had one wish I would have a live-in cook. Yesterday we had a late lunch after I came home from the church and then later we had pie and ice cream which was our supper. Then we had some more rich desert when we went out to home group. Apples and ice cream. Also I was given some to take home.

Life Lessons Learned.

"Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about saizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things--a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shalt of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity.

Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and above all else, unwavering loyalty."

"Bad Dogs Have more Fun" By John Grogan the author of Marley and Me.

THE FIRE OF THE SPIRIT

Lighting candles is a act of prayer as the beauty and warmth of the flame brings life as well as light to all.

Since the beginning of time there has been a search to understand our world, our heavens, and our own human nature. I can imagine a ancient cave man returning to his home and as the family sit around the fire he tells them of the adventures he has had in the world beyond theirs. He would tell them of the big animals and how he learned to hunt and capture food for the family.

Our stories are important and we have lost something when we do not take time to light the candles and eat together and listen to stories.

I am trying to read the scientists view of the cosmos with all their cold hard facts. They examine the evidence and from this they create a view of the world.
I find it numbs my brain and leaves me worried about the future. If one thing like the distance the earth is from the sun changes we could be completely destroyed by fire. We are using up too much of our natural resources and we desperately need to prepare and plan for the future generations. Today is beginning with light in the sky and fresh air to breath and food for out tables and ways for us to communicate with each other.

Scientific endeavor has given us much knowledge and yet all the knowledge in the world cannot light the fire of the spirit within us. We need stories that connect us to our past and to the deepest sources of spiritual inspiration that fuel the flame of courage and hope. I have no answers to a friend going through dark times except you will get through this in time. I know that in the past I have known times of darkness and despair and the humbling act of prayer helped me to believe that there can be many rebirths in our lives.

"While early theories of myth as primitive science could not tell the whole story, purely psychological accounts of myth miss the point that some myths arose from the rapt attention to the movements of the natural world." Without a connection to the sacred that is a holy flame; all the discoveries of the origin of the universe, the origin of life and the evolution of humanity will never be enough to keep the fire within us alive. This I call the fire of the spirit that inspires us to reach for impossible goals and dream those daring dreams.

The invisible world of atoms and electrons and D.N.A. and germs and viruses do not explain to me the mystery of the lungs that breathe all night and the heart that gives beating and the ears that still are sensitive to noise. We take our body to the doctor and he may be able to cure our pain if he is able to find the cause. They use modern technology to look inside our bodies to see what is cause malfunction and disease. And that is good.

I refer back to my reading in "The Constant Fire" that stresses that scientific narratives have the capacity to find the facts but also to act as hierophanies, to serve as gateways to an experience of the sacred, which also has amazing possibilities to create healthier minds and bodies and souls.

Along with the material benefits of the scientific world view is the realization that we need wisdom from the words of the past and the experiences of others. All cultures have mythical stories of hero's and gods and floods and storms and fire.

"Myth likely represents some cultural memory that remains of these experiences."
From this a moral relevance is formed. There have been many discoveries made to encourage progress and make our lives better.

Love is still the most powerful force in the universe.

The sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was a powerful act of love. Jesus, is the reason I find that Christianity, with all its human errors still is the most awesome spiritual reality for me!

We are fearfully and wonderfully made with an image already imprinted upon our hearts.

SOMETIMES

Sometimes a day that starts out so full of promise can start changing with a phone call or a few negative remarks. Telling the truth can so easily get you into trouble. I am finding that becomins spiritual no matter how we do it or what route we take it is basically about becoming human. I struggle within myself because I feel calm peacefulness being replaced by annoyance. I find myself giving myself the advice that I have told others with little result. I know that offering advice is so unfruitful. At this moment in time I have seen to have lost that sense of immagination and wonder that was so real. I do not know what is going to happen in a certain situation and my heart is breaking for the children who will be hurt through no fault of there own. Not speaking the truth can also leave you feeling like the betrayer who covers up for another and has somehow failed. The story in the Bible tells how the scales fell off Paul's eyes and he could see the truth he was fighting for was all a deception. Yes, it would be neat if when we come to a wall of difficulty we could somehow leap over it and land happily on the other side. I think I would be happy even to be sailing over it instead of facing it.
Sometimes we have to give truth time to reveal itself and work it's way in our own hearts before it can be trusted to be shared with another.

Maybe Truth is the Constant Fire that burns in the heart of the scientist and the spiritual seeker. Both see the magnificance of creation which to me is to experience the sacred all around me. We want to put into words and to create stories which are really just myths that have hidden truth and we view these truths from different perspectives. I admit that I accept the idea of "God" as a reality and as a voice that can be heard within us all.

Insights come to both the scientist and the spiritual seeker. I find that there is a transformation when we are open to the unknown.

THE VISITS

These are just pictures of Carol and Ben and Morgan and Theresa when they came for a visit. We have not seen them for awile so it was good fun.

The other pictures are of Ava and her sisters with Ava's new baby boy. He was happy sitting on gtandpa's lap. It is hard to believe how these young girls have grown up. I first met their mom when Gracelyn was born and as a mom with five children she needed some help. Both dad and I are very fond of these children and enjoy their visits. We have become an important part of their lives.

My books certainly are my friends. Yes, I have read Thomas Merton and enjoyed his writings that I found very helpful but a little too intellectual to satisfy my soul.

One very interesting thing happened one year at Christmas. We were attending a Vineyard Church when I was told that this scripture was meant for me. The scripture was from 1 Samuel 22:30 "Yea, by thee I can crush a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall." This is a strange verse but brings to mind David running and coming to a stone wall and without hesitation leaping over it. I had not told anyone about this.

The interesting thing was that at Christmas that year Ron Ateah gave me a book entitled "Leap Over A Wall" by Eugene Peterson. Earthy Spirituality for everyday Christians. The story about David is very powerful and yet very human at the same time. I had never even heard about this book and it was one of those amazing things that can happen unexpectedly and seem to confirm an experience.

My favorite book is "My Grandfather's Blessings by Rachael Naomi Remen, M.D.

Right now I am trying to read "The Constant Fire, Beyond the Science vs. Religion Debate. Just like Christians and Buddhists have much in common so does science and religion. But I am reading very slowly. I am trying to see religion more as spirituality that has more freedom to express itself. I used to take scripture more literally but there is so much that is hidden deeper that really speaks to me

I love Jewish writings that put a whole different light on the Old Testament.
One book that captured my heart was "Everyday Holiness"; the Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar. Jane thank you for giving me that unique book.

I always have a mystery story that I read at the same time.

I picked up a book at our rumage sale called "Writing Down the Bones" about freeing the writer within. I have not read it yet and know it will join a pile of unread books.

I also read books about prayer as I try to be faithful in praying for others because prayer has helped me through times of sickness and discouragement.

I am thankful for all the good books that have influenced me and help me to see from different perspectives. I am thankful for good friends who have influenced my life by walking with me spiritually. I am thankful for my family.

GOOD FRUIT

Everyday I have opportunities to produce the fruit of the spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. And some days I find it easy and some days impossible. This may come with a homeless man knocking on the door asking for bottles or when a friend drops by needing some one to listen and not give advice. The fruit of the spirit is woven into our daily experiences of life; and as I stop and pay attention to my actions that I want to be compassionate, I know who I really am hopefully becoming.

Christians may talk about sin and Buddhists talk about needing to let go of desire. Is this the same thing? One of the hardest things to do in life is to allow some space for God to live within us and through us. The song says we are the branches and He is the vine and He is our beloved and we are His. On our journey God will reveal to us what we need to know, when we need it.

Faith and belief are not mentioned in this list because these qualities flow through believer and non-believer in this dance of life. Faith is important to me because I then believe in the awesome grace that will always be a mystery to me.

No I did not put the pictures on right but I tried and everything got messed up.

So I am writing for myself to help me remember things and to untangle some of the thoughts in my head. I thought I would never be able to write on a computer because I enjoy writing in a notebook. I live such a ordinary life on my small little street with the world rushing by just a few blocks away. Along the way in my life I have collected experiences and find by writing I am drawn deeper and deeper into knowing who I really am. But the amazing thing is that I find we are all in the same space with our good days and not so good days; and we meet unexpectedly at times.

I read this morning about determination and although I sit here alone I am not alone "but the whole universe is behind you and with you--the birds, the trees, the sky, the moon, the clouds and the spirit of all creation." We all have been made out of the dust of the earth and God has breathed His life into us. He has trusted us to love one another and to share the fruits of our labour and our experiences.

This is a quote from an old book "The Bones of Writing."

REVISITING

Dad and I are revisiting the Water Shed Park to look for the cell phone. Maybe we should take a lunch along.

Buddhists say we must reach that inner good part of ourselves. They also stress good deeds strengthen the force for good. Having Sandra come with me to work at the rummage sale brought me a lot of joy.

I am revisiting some journalling I did on Buddhism but am having trouble with words disappearing on the computer so I am giving up for today. It is so frustrating when you pour your heart out in your writing and then it disappears.
I feel like quiting but I think it is just because I still feel tired from a busy 4 days. I will reorganize my closet and maybe find the phone on the floor. Yah right!

MY SIMPLE ALTAR

Way back in the beginning of time we know that altars were built as a form of worship. I do not have one but I have my chair I sit in where I pray and let my mind wander. I pray for my family and for those on my prayer list and for others who come to mind.I have candles, flowers rocks and treasures that I look upon. I pray

I pray for creative energy within them to be renewed.

Sacredness is a very fragile thing and trying to be open to the move of the spirit can be a challenge. Trying to understand what others believe is even more difficult.
There is a part of me that likes the tradition I grew up with; that has had a great influence on my life, but in which there are many faults and may seem to be judgmental to outsiders. For people who have been burned with organized religion, God brings up such negative emotions that they have to recover first before they can move forward.

I find that when I push myself and get over-tired I can easily become self-absorbed and have feelings of self-pity. I also am easily hurt and when I get hurt I get angry. It takes time for me to get my life in balamce again.

Goodness has a greater force than evil to bring healing into a broken world even when we are broken ourselves. We can all be trapped by illusion but if our intension is to be helpful some how God uses us.


"Being where we are
immersed in it
aware of it
alert to it
may well be the secret to living fully." -author unknown.

Here I am at the beginning of this new day with many good things to look forward to.

MY EDMONTON GRANDCHILDREN

It seems like just yesterday these two young fellows were heading off to Edmonton with their sister Mary and their parents. There they were home-school by there mom and lived in a small place called Spruce Grove. Cameron continued to pay soccer there and both boys played hockey. Now Cameron works with his dad and Stephen drives a special truck to do work on the oil fields. Stephen has bought his own home and he is in a serious relationship with Shawna who is a nurse. Cameron seems to have found the love of his life but they are getting to know each other.

We have enjoyed our visits to Edmonton to visit them all and look forward to visiting Stephen and Cameron maybe in this coming year.

Mary has now married and moved to Kingston Ontario where Michael John has a job nursing and Mary goes to college to become involved in childcare when she graduates.
She will be coming back to Vancouver in early May to go with her mom to Edmonton to see the boys and their girl-friends. Mom wants to check Cameron's new love out, but from what we hear I think she is a keeper.

We miss our family who have moved away but know that they have to live their own lives free to explore and to learn and to grow. I am glad that we have some way to connect through the face-book and inter-net. I love seeing their pictures and hearing their stories. We love each other as best we can; and no matter what we all need to be loved. I hope and pray they will find happiness that they can carry in their hearts when life gets tough and they feel bone weary.

A SUNNY DAY

It is so good to see morning sunshine promising a bright day. I think it must be awful to be a prisoner locked up in jail and not being able to see out. I think of times when I have felt a darkness deep inside my soul and yet when I listen I hear a voice say "My Child Keep doing what you are doing. Now is not the time to quit.
Believe in me because I believe in you." This inspires me to live with courage when I do not feel at all courageous; to live with His strength overshadowing my weakness.

I am very happy in believing as I do; maybe I am in my own little bubble, which helps me to find a place of well-being and inner peace. Hurtful words still hurt.

There are many good and spiritual people in all religions. Organized religion has many glaring faults but with humans involved good can become evil. I find it helpful to look for answers in prayer and meditation.

"Just as we are seeking physical healing outside the old realm of medicine we are also seeking to create a personal spiritual life away from the old structure of
organized religion." [Religion in the past has been the authority that has spoken for God Almighty and left no room for questions. Do I believe exactly as my parents? Yes and no.}

"Persona; spirituality is entirely different from religiosity." Spirituality is the content of religion [or should be, under the best of circumstances. "Spirituality is an awareness of ourselves as beings living in a multidimensional world, in connection with our source AND all other human beings." [We need to be grounded in mind and in heart. There is in me a hunger for soul nourishment and a passionate desire to outwardly express what I believe in worship and in service to others.

Thomas Merton says that he personally has developed a love for all religions and find at the heart the soul of goodness to which he still tries to give it fresh life. To me, he writes, religion is a prerequisite for being alive as a human being.

"It is a posture in life; reverence for for life's MYSTERIES, practice of contemplation and deep consideration of these mysteries, and profound ethical spirituality." It is so easy to lose ones soul "to the company store", to worldly materialism and to stand back and be critical with just reason.

I came home from sorting things out at the church very tired again but was pleasantly surprised to find chicken cooking in the croak pot and Theresa and Ben and Morgan and Carol would arrive shortly and later Pentali would come. Theresa did everything as I was experiencing stomach cramps etc.

Today actually it is raining but good humour will fill our church hall. Lots of laughs and fun.

LOVE LIFE

GAROLYN'S FRONT PORCH

This week has gone by so quickly and enjoyably. I was just thinking yesterday how wonderful it was as I lay down to read a little and nap a little how fortunate I am to be able to choose what I want to do. For the most part that is. Meals are simple and if we do not feel like cooking we can eat out; which we can do fairly reasonably. We can have Chinese food for $20. and have some to take home.

We have put things out for junk week and some of it has already been picked up; that makes me happy to know others can use it. I would still like dad and I to do a "walk about" an Aussie term to see if there is not other things we can put out for others to reuse. But in the end I will hold on to most of my books and he will keep his tools.

Maya Angelou talks about loving life and living with passion. The more you give away of yourself the more life gives back to you. When I get this next book printed I want to send it to Australia with my love.

People, Maya, says will forget most of what you say, unless they want to hold on to certain words, and they will forget what you did but they will not forget how you made them feel. I know it is so easy to say the wrong thing, like cheer up things will get better, or I know what you are going through etc. when we really cannot feel an other's pain that has them imprisoned. Or I think of things to say afterwards that I could have said with more compassion. I think sometimes the less we say the better.

"If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all." from Bambi

Love life. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Don't complain and do not give others answers to their problems as we all have to figure things out for ourselves.
Be as cheerful at home as you are when you are out and about. Now that is hard.

OUR NIGHT TIME VISITERS

You have to look very carefully


These so called cute visitors who come and wreck our pond and eat our fish are now coming expecting to be fed. Yes, we are putting out a little cat food. There are two of them and they look pretty chubby. They then leave and walk along our fence to the front yard past our kitchen window. I wonder what they think of us.

Change
Ernest Hemingway said that every person's life, truly told, would make a grand story. I think it would take a gifted story teller to make each one of our stories come alive. But only dad can tell his stories; no one else could.

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born,
I consecrated you." The book of Jeremiah

This brings me some comfort but I still have to work through my wrong thinking and negative attitude that always come when I compare myself with others. I wish that I had more energy but today I walked through the forest with dad looking for his cell phone, then helped unpack the rummage at the rummage sale. dad and I carried boxes down from the attic at the church, and I worried about him falling but all went well. After eating and a 20 minute rest I went visiting at the Nursing Home. After falling asleep watching the news I went out and cut the lawn. Now it is 8 o'clock and I will have a bath and try to stay awake for awhile.

"Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just a small adjustment in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis." Martha Beck. The story of Easter the caterpillar into the butterfly.
We all our unique and uniquely different. I like to plan my days but I have to learn that things can happen and plans can change. I feel that I have been very blessed to know the love of God that is showered upon me each day and the love of my family.

Change is hard for any of us unless we feel it is for the better and worth the effort! I took some books to the sale and bought some china that is just like my mom's old dishes. I have to stop now and I may very well change this all in the morning.

ABSCENT

This is dad waiting patiently as I wander several blocks away taking pictures of houses and trees. I say to myself "just one more picture".

We were absent from our Bible study group last night for two reasons. The main one was to watch the Vancouver Cannucks play hockey and I was very tired. Our study is on the book of Revelations, a difficult book to understand. John has this vision of heaven when he is exiled to an island.

I read another vision or dream a person had about heaven which I liked.

"I was aware of myself as a large transparent ball,like a soap bubble, flying through space. I found that I could fly fast and that I could maneuver myself in any direction.

As I was flying I looked to the side and saw another big bubble just like me so I flew to it and to my surprise I merged with it. I then told my story to the other bubble and it told me it's story. After I pulled away I noticed there were other bubbles so I flew to another to merge and again tell my story, this time telling more of my story and grasping more of its meaning." -Joseph Dispenza "god on your own." Finding a spiritual path outside religion. Should be an interesting read.

So back down to earth I attended the U.C.W. meeting, the best of all meetings; well next best to our Jet Lag where we laugh a lot and find humour in our lives and in religion! Dad is also good at that. We had our meeting surrounded by boxes that are arriving on mass for our big garage sale. Stayed awhile to help do a bit of organizing. I again arrived home tired and very hungry.

Just in time because dad needed the car to go to the second appointment of the day. His car is getting touched up at the garage. Good news at both doctors.

Still missing the cell phone and he thinks he may have dropped it in the walk through the water-shed park. The hunt will continue. Today I will not go out walking in my p.j.s covered with rain jacket and pants but yesterday I was in a hurry. I had my hair in pin curls and all I could think of was my family will not want to identify me if I get hit and killed. Maybe I am watching two many murder mysteries on T.V.

"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than look at each other." Ann Landers.

CHILDREN

Children bring us so much joy and looking back I think how precious the time was that we had together. So many nights I would just wander into their rooms when they were sleeping and feel such happiness, but also I would worry that I could not protect them from being hurt in life. They would all have their own disappointments and learn from the choices they would make. All too soon they grow up and have children of their own who are growing up. I am surrounded by loving pictures of them all.

We had a lot of freedom as children and could stay out playing for hours. I felt safe. People were friendly and kind but the adult world was very separate from mine.
If I felt sad I would keep it to myself. Happiness was the hours playing outside with all the children of the neighborhood and having a good book to read. I am sure I read every animal story in the library.

Today here parents are more concerned about their children and they are walked or driven to school. At the park adults are always there with them. Children are taken to special fun places and all the family has fun together. The world has changed in many ways and we have to learn to change with it.

Yesterday I felt an urge to phone a friend and sure enough she was going through health and family problems; so off I went for a visit. I took a little food for her supper but I guess the best part was listening and caring and giving her several big hugs. Came home exhausted to find dad looking for his cell phone. I was desparately hungry and I was pretty sure I was not guilty. After eating and taking something for a headache I helped him look. It has not been found.

This is a small problem compared to what others are facing but it is annoying to lose something which has all the numbers of family and friends and doctors listed.

I planted some of my seeds I bought the other day. I do not have much success with growing seeds but I will try again. Seeds of faith also need to be watered and nourished or they can quickly wither and die. Wholeness for me is acknowledging the spiritual part of my being and trying to remember to pray.

"To develope pure and unconditional love
between husband and wife, parent and child,
friend and friend, self and all,
is the lesson we have come on earth to learn."
Paramubartsa Yogonanda.
{My little note at the bottom of my blog tells me I can learn to meditate in 15 minutes!]

ORDINARILY

I love old houses where I could imagine living there or writing a story about it!

Life flows on from one ordinary task to another.


Up to now we have been getting the doctors appointments right; and forgetting other things, but yesterday we had the day wrong. But we did not let it spoil our day we drove into New Westminster to pick up the bread, have lunch and walk around looking at some of the old homes and of course taking pictures.

I read this morning the advice don't magnify your problems; and really what is done is done. But it is confusing because some doctors when you go infrequently do phone you to remind you, which is always helpful. Two appointments have been made for this Wed. and dully written down. Learning to live life with God's grace helps.

I have been concentrating on getting things ready for the garage sale. Mainly this means going through books, which I start reading when I pick them up. I guess we all have things we hate to part with and which seem to give us a sense of security.

It is also junk week where we can put out our junk and dad and I have a different opinion on what is junk. I put it out and he brings it back in. Good exercise for us both. Everyday I am making decisions about what is important and as I pray each morning for those going through such difficult times, I keep praying for the healing love of God to touch their hearts and renew their hope and comfort their sorrow.

RELEASE

We left church early to make a quick trip home to make sure no one was joining us on our outing. We listened to the recorder and heard ourselves talking in the car on the way to church, the listening ear had somehow dialed in to our home phone.

Walking in the woods with happy excited children in front of us and behind us was great fun. Watching their little faces as they carefully put the little tiny fish into the stream reminded me of something I had heard about how we are all swimming in God's love. The air we breath and the earth we walk upon miracles of creation.
In the myth of Adam and Eve God declares all that He has created as good, very good.

As I release the little babies into the flowing stream I am reminded that we need to release negativity of any prejudice we have towards others. We live in a world as co-creators with God, the male and female, that created by speaking life into existence not by slaying or killing as some stories are told.

We were tired when we got home from a long walk but I felt like we had been celebrating God's love together and that joy was filling the air with laughter and excitement. I thought about how long ago what great fun it must have been to be Jesus' disciples walking freely bringing joy and healing and new life to all who would come and listen.

God is a loving spirit that will never squelch the childlike spirit but joins with us and we become the spiritual beings that can float free in the wonder of this world. I hope I can always have a bit of a choldlike spiri twithin me.

A FREE SPIRIT

The Bible is full of poetry that expresses all the human emotions. Anger and grief, bitterness and sorrow, pleadings and questionings remind us of how very human we all are. The Bible is full of stories and myths that reveal deeper truth than words alone can tell. I feel like I am journying back to the garden of Eden as free as a butterfly and if I could hear heavenly music it would be songs of joy.

FAMILY FIRST

I really enjoyed my day with Carol and Sandra walking in the rain at Vandusen Gardens. It was fun meeting the old fellows selling their flowers with such pride and passion. What a lot of work putting them in their separate little containers.
Sorry girls I kept going the wrong way on our walk but glad you kept an eye out for me. It is good to have a time that it is just girls. That was one of the fun things about the showers we had before Mary's wedding. My lunch was delicious salmon with my salad! A good day with good memories for me.

I woke up this morning thinking it was Monday which is unusual for me not to know it is Sunday. I want to get a short walk in first and then after church go to the Watershed Park where they are releasing fish into the streams and will be teaching children young and old about looking after our wildlife. I hope Theresa and Morgan and Ben can come.

To-night we have a meeting of our religious book study which right now means watching a D.V.D.; about facing tough questions. I have learned so much being a part of this group and we have fun when we get together.

I am thinking what can I do for the poor and homeless and for the lonely. Dad and I are going to volunteer at a thrift store to help raise money. After I got home I went to visit my neighbor Rasanna; she is a widow and is very lonely. Dad was happy watching figure skating on T.V. and doing some writing. Of course the day ended watching the hockey game and it was exciting but disappointing when the Cannucks did not win

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and is peace loving, considerate, impartial and full of mercy that bears good fruit." This is from the book of James. I left out submissive and keeping oneself from being poluted by the world.

The song on the radio is singing" A runner on a lonely road" and the words speak to me. I am wandering on a road that at times feels lonely.

FAITH

I want to have faith that will continue to grow and to bless others. It is hard to put into words the unseen reality from which God has been created. The history of God is a fascinating study which I will do one day.

I appreciate that the Bible contains myths and stories to express the sacred.

"The common understanding of myth is as a "false" story." We get caught up in arguing what is true and fail to see the ability "of the myth to transmit truths within and across human cultures with poetic economy."

"Through myth the world can be apprehended as a perfectly articulated, intelligible and significant Cosmos." Mircea Eliade.

"If we deepen our understanding of myth, we will see that it provides a language through which science's potential as a gateway to apprehending the world's sacred character, can be opened." -Adam Frank "The Constant Fire"

THE FOG

A new perspective cannot emerge until the tired definitions, outdated perspective, stubborn unwillingness to change have been burned away like the fog on a sunny day!

I had a very real dream where I was in a big boat and we could not move because we where in such heavy fog. We were taking a bride-to-be to her wedding. There was a disagreement about who was in charge and what should we do. Keep going I said just keep going.

Thinking about Jesus in the boat with the disciples; the important thing was that as long as he is in the boat they are safe. A lot of churches are having problems, especially the more liberal like the United Church. Then there is the scandal that is rocking the Catholic boat of faith. The shame of a disgraceful past can fog our future so that we do not know where we are going.

There are bad people in every walk of life; but it is hard when you want to put your faith in the church, ministers, teachers or policemen; even marriage and families are not safe places anymore for some people.

We need good leaders who can see ahead and help guide us.

I have had my say in what I think is important [at our church] as we navigate troubled waters but I cannot vote, which is okay, I am ready for change but not everyone is. I respect the strong feelings of others.

I believe in the Church and I know it can continue to be a powerful force for good if we care for the poor and the sick and provide a safe harbour for those who are in trouble. I have found my best life-long friends in the community of faith and I have found purpose and meaning for my life.

We all have stress in our lives and it is important to recognize the symptoms of stress. I believe in synergism which is medicine and prayer working together.
As human beings we need a human body but as a spiritual being God does not. I believe that we can talk to God through prayer; and be open to and receive love and healing. When we pray there is a potential for us to be changed and to live more in harmony with others.

"Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from your Presence?
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea
Even there Your Hand shall guide me
And Your Right Hand shall hold me."

I love to walk with my great-grandchildren and to hold their little hands in mine.
I am little compared to a Big God so my little hand fits in just right with His!
Love heals!

Today Sandra and myself will be going to Vandusen Gardens; where she will be very tempted. If it was the book store I would always be tempted. I will take pictures
and enjoy the day.

BEAUTIFUL TULIPS

Tulips from Sandra's garden! For some strange reason the Gardner Sandra refused to have her picture taken. She had on her old gardening clothes which where wet and muddy down around the bottom of her pants and both her and her clothes were extremely dirty. I thought she might be interested in the book "The Gin and Tonic Gardener" because sometimes gardening can be frustrating. But then her garden always looks so good! She even has an eucalyptus tree to remind her of Australia.

She is looking for the right spot for morning coffee not a gin and tonic place at all.

I managed to resue the lady bug that came in our house today, after vacuuming up the first one, that totally caught me by surprise last week. Dad is putting cement in the front garden and putting up a big pole to put his airplane on. He has just come in and is saying "Come and look." I am a little afraid to but I will none the less.

KEEPING HEALTHY

o
Our little Jasmine Elizabeth has had to have shots today but it still smiling. This is always hard on mom and dad too. When I took my blog book over to the Nursing Home they really loved the pictures of the babies. I was really surprised how interested they were in it.

Just took some old clothes over to the fire hall. They take them to a second hand store. Sandra brought some things over too, some for the sale at our church next Sat. Sandra will help with the plants and Randy and I will do the books. The man who did them for the last five years just died. He was a very jolly person and he will be missed.

When something like this happens I realize what is really important in life. I have so much to be thankful for; especially my family, and I am also reminded that I have to take responsibility for my own health through diet, exercise, and enjoying life.

I also believe in the power of prayer and I believe that the spirit within each one of us can connect with God, who is Spirit. I think there is a praying instinct that is a natural human urge, with which we are born. I am thankful for doctors and medicine and all they can do. Yesterday I went to the health food store to ask about something I was taking for digestion and found that even though it said wheat free it was not good for celiac people. This is something I bet my doctor does not know. I was very happy to have found this out.

MY GOOD CHINA

My good china, such as it was, is now being crowded out by books. Books to me are a clue to life as I read the thoughts of others and learn about their experiences. I am not a scientific person but would confess to live more by emotions and imaginations than facts. I focus on what I have learned by experience and often turn to religious language to express my belief.

William James in his book "The Varieties of Religious Experience" records the experiences of other people as expressed in diaries and memoirs and published accounts. We can be trapped into having a detached view especially when we look into the practices of an ordinary religious believer who is content to accept the Bible without studying the history and the theology that it was based on.

We all experience an awareness of the sacred in different ways when a sense of awe and wonder fill our being. Many people might say, with good reason, to look for God in the church is the last place they would even think about looking. Does the liturgy give us the freedom to ask questions and to explore the unseen reality.
This is not to say that religion in all it's different forms does not have its own integrity and to worship with others enriches our spiritual being.

I know that times have changed from when it was a common practice to go to church, whereas must people are too busy or have been abused by religion so are completely turned off, or accept life just as it is.

Yesterday I took my book, Blog To Print, to visit the golden oldies in the nursing Home and I was amazed at the interest they had in it. They asked many questions about the pictures and we had to go through it page by page. I am a little disappointed in the pictures and I should have put more effort into editing it. I want to do it again and maybe Theresa will help me. I find myself a little afraid of the computer, afraid if I try something new I will lose what I have done. Right now my mouse has turned off so I guess it needs new batteries, and it is too early to muck about in the bedroom where dad is still sleeping.

"For an instant I thought of fire, the next, I knew the fire was within myself."
R. M. Bucke quoted in "The Varieties of Religious Experience" by William James.

"The True mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."
Oscar Wilde, The picture of Dorian Grey.

I am reading "The Constant Fire" by Adam Frank.
Beyond the Science vs. Religion debate.

MY SALVATION

My greatest longing is to be calm and peaceful and to not be afraid.

It has taken years for things to begin to fall in place as I am slowly learning to trust that in this world there is a spirit of goodness that will bring us all into the light.

My salvation is not in a church or even in a religion,
not in a creed not in a church
but in the Healing Power of Grace.

I am thankful for the many different churches we have attended and for the many different people I have meet with whom I shared laughter and tears. I have learned to draw strength from the well of living water that Jesus offers to me daily but I have also learned to draw strength from the courage and faith of others.

Life can be stressful and demanding and there have been times I would have liked to run and hide. On that wet and miserable night that I went to church complaining within myself that I wished I had not volunteered to put on the coffee. My attitude stank. Yet a complete stranger speaks into my life; deep into the heart of my soul, and pours love like a healing oil on all my sadness and my grumpiness.

There are no words to express my feelings which is often the case there are no words to express the reality of truth. It cannot be grasped because like a cobweb it is so very fragile.

For a brief moment in time I truly believed that I was worthy of being loved.

I compare it to a vision or a dream of being in a beautiful garden, so fragrant and full of life. Birds and butterfly's, bees and lady bugs, worms and bugs; all creatures great and small. I feel inadequate to be in charge of all that I see.
There comes a presence that I feel beside me, that I cannot see but I know is there.
Jesus has come to visit my garden and enjoy it with me.

Salvation is just a word but it can be experienced as being loved for who you are!

MY BOOK ARRIVES! ! !

I saw the mail truck out my window so went running full speed down the stairs so excited expecting to see my package with my blog printed. What a disappointment when all there was was two bills which I slowly picked up and slowly went back up stairs. About 20 minutes later as I went back down I saw a package outside the door. "It's here! It's here" I yelled to dad. I wanted to laugh and cry as I opened it and saw the picture of Morgan on the outside and Ben on the back page.

Prophecy
This all happened because of words spoken to me by a man with the gift of prophecy. It was a rainy miserable night as my friend Cathy and I started to the Vineyard Church in Cloverdale. I was going early to put on coffee which I did very quickly. There was a group gathering around the visitor and Cathy pushed me to join them. The next thing I knew our minister came and took my hand and brought me forward. I was asked my name by the visitor and then he started to pray and speak words of faith to me.

He said that "I would be given spiritual eyes to see the promises and purposes of God fulfilled in my life. My daughter your feelings of loneliness and grief will be replaced by the spirit of rejoicing! You will know my voice and you will weather the coming storm [would that be lung cancer}; your harvest is coming.

I have a picture he said of a old fashioned desk joined with others with a hole for the ink-well. Things you learned a long time ago will come back to you. You have the ability to write, not just to journal, because you have a creative spirit and you will be a blessing to others. Your words will be published. Right now the Lord is cultivating the ground around you and removing weeds. Let faith arise!" With those words I gently fell under the power of the Holy Spirit and experiencing the joy of peace.

As a child I lived to write stories but had been told that they were silly so had never thought of myself as a writer. Since I heard these words I have written different stories especially what God is doing in my life. I have shared them with family and friends.

I know that I am loved by God and Jesus is very real
as a child I loved to talk to Him.

SILENCE

No phone calls, no mail, no friendly hello's with neighbors that was yesterday. We did have a thoroughly enjoyable visit with Madie as we talked a lot about the past. She is doing well and it is hard to believe she is 94. We had to laugh at times we all forgot names and places. She was amazed at how many grandchildren we have. 19!

I would be happy if I could be that healthy at 94. She still likes to bake and she is an excellent baker. I do not really like handling ordinary flour and with gluten-free you never know just how it will turn out. A minute to long in the oven and it comes out so dry. Right now with my friend Deborah who sends me home with goodie bags and things I can now buy I can avoid baking. Dad is happy doing the dishes as long as there are not a lot of them.

I am reading today about our two selves in "Healing and The Jewish Imagination" There is a contrast between the two selves within us all; the one that pursues mastery and control of the world and the other self in search of covenant, love and commitment. It would seem to me that when one overpowers the other the world becomes "sick" and yet both are needed and are gifts of our Creator. We will never discover the mystery of the divine without letting go of reason and control. Questions are good but demanding answers has never worked since the time of Job written generations ago. An ancient book in the Bible about an old man yet one that we can all identify with, unless you have had a perfect life and have never cared about the suffering of others.

"Science is meant to help us know and repair God's world." Science can not give us a complete picture so we have turned to philosophy to help us understand why we act like we do and why are we here? Even Judaism is struggling with tradition versus modern thought. This book is challenging how well we know ourselves and how willing we are to admit our weaknesses in certain areas. "The self that knows that he or she is sick is the one that can be healed." Which brings us back to responsibility.

Today I will be at the meeting of the United Church Women and tonight we have our Mennonite Home group. Great people in both.

As I post this blog a note comes up about simple cookie recipes. lol

THE ARRIVAL

Butterfly's are coming to our garden but to see a humming bird is a rare sight.

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time,
carrying our hopes for joy, love and celebration.
The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that
life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal
connection has meaning and that laughter is life's
sweetest creation.

With high hopes I race to beat the mailman home to our house; but no mail at all!

This seems to be the promise that was the garden of Eden but now we know that much of the world suffers in the darkness of despair. Thankfully there are some who are trying to help and some progress is being made. The homeless in Vancouver will soon have to leave the homes that were built to keep them off the streets during the Olympics but which are now too good for them. Publicity is now making us aware of these problems.

I wonder if we all do not have to be shaken out of our complacency to alter the course of our lives or the lives of others. Like the article in the Sun reminds us even in our mature years we are called to take risks. Risks with the one life we have to live.

Choose life the Bible states as we journey from creation to experiencing revelation and finding redemption.


Today we will be delivering cards by mail and to our friend Madie Dunlop. who looked after Sandra when I went back in the hospital after having her, for a week. Then off to the library.

WAITING

Computers that do not work and parcels that do not arrive force me to wait for dad to open his eyes and for the mailman to arrive.

Yesterday, I was very disappointed and had to talk to myself to get over it and find something healthy to do. Such a beautiful spring-like day it was a joy to be out in the garden and muck about. Dad also fixed the pond so we hear the sound of the running stream again. I do my bread deliverer and take cups over to the church and after a late lunch at Whitespot end up at the dollar store to spend all the money I had left over!

Still a beautiful day so decided i needed a bit more of a walk. Came across a man laying down on the grass by a broken whiskey bottle. I picked up the grass and looked into his eyes and said I was sorry he was not doing well, but did not attempt to help him. As I started to head home to get help the firemen arrived and the ambulance.

Yes I have learned my lesson about not trying to pick people up.

This morning as I walked I was thinking that to be spiritual is just to be completely human and that was what Jesus was trying to teach us. I think that old age can help in that process if we do not become bitter or expect to much of ourselves!