WELCOME BACK JANE!

                                                            It was still dark when I went for my walk yesterday morning.  The coffee shop is all lit up waiting for the first early customers. I have walked by people standing shivering in the cold waiting for the bus.  I think of my children driving to work and hope all goes well in their day today.  The amazing thing is on this dull day the darkness lifts so slowly that you hardly see the light coming.

Maybe that is what getter older is like as slowly you find the energy taking it's time to return after you have been busy and have gotten tired.  There is also a spiritual truth for me in that the light has come slowly and I think that in so many ways God's time is different than mine.  In the confusion of life there comes moments when the fog lifts and life becomes sacred.  In my humanness I often doubt the reality but it often comes when I stop thinking and allow myself just to be me.

This morning I am fasting and having some blood tests done which just confirms what is going on inside of me.  It is always good to know if there is any reason for the way I am feeling; which is legs feeling weak so I guess I am just not giving myself time to recover.  It is funny how the word time keeps appearing.  I came home with a different impression of what the doctor said than dad, so that is interesting.  His last words where drag her in again next week and I am thinking forget it.  Dad made the appointment anyway.  So this morning I will be joining the group waiting at the blood clinic for their early morning tests.

There will come a time when the spiritual and mystical is as life-affirming as being able to climb a mountain with your feet on the ground.

FOR KEN

I am reminded

I am reminded that in all endings there are new beginnings!

LAST TIME

Sorry we missed your call Ken.  We were having supper with Carol and Pantel ;  she leaves on Thrusday for the Grand Cayman.  I am feeling very sad.  Yesterday the sermon at church was on the blessings which where the reverse of what people were expecting.  Blessed are the poor and Blessed are they that mourn.  This was disturbing to a society in which many where shunned and called unworthy and unclean.  Jesus welcomed all and still welcomes us all.  We are to carry on to be a people of blessing sharing our hopes and dreams and listening to others share theirs.  Everyone poor or weak has something to offer.
I think of  all the people protesting in Egypt and how standing together they will hopefully br able to force change.

Expect the unexpected and let the dream of Christ live on in us and through us as we care for the lonely, the poor, the humble peace makers and especially the unlovable.

Enjoy the blessings of creation.  So dad and I took a walk in the Water Shed and then after I cleaned ugarden a little biMonday.
Up early at 5 so it was dark out.  I still have a heavy heart.  I guess I just do not like change.  Off to have a little check-up at the doctor.  Of course I made the appointment last Monday after a very bad coughing spell and I have not coughed since.  I have been talking to others who have had this cough and it just hangs on and on.  A virus I guess although I thought it was some type of asthma.

Ken said he would keep on touch by blog not face book so I thought he might read the message above.
Having second thoughts about my blogging which I hope would help me share my faith with my children but I live in a counter-culture and I have to just face up to it.

Jesus embraced all the brokenness in his world and I have to trust that this will be my comfort.  Things cannot stay the same.  People get hurt and abused but life must go on.

Dad and I printed our blogs and right now I wonder why whether it will ever mean anything to any body.  Maybe I am too religious and should have just been a nun.  Or maybe to some like the lady who commented I am not religious enough.  lol.  This was Pam on my blog plans.

Anyway I believe that quoting one verse here or there is not what Jesus would have wanted but instead hope that we would begin to think for ourselves and see ourselves as having something worthwhile to contribute in this world of injustice and unfairness.  Discover and devote your life to making a difference!

QUESTIONS

How does an old fashion girl like me deal with modern life and all the questions raised by the misery and struggles that are going on in this world.  Pictures of the mass uprising in Egypt are revealing that people have had enough abuse and they blame those in leadership.We see in our own country that is a democracy the abuse of power and how rules can be made to harm the innocent more than protect the criminals.

This leads me to question the leaders of our churches.  Can we trust them?  Are they helping us find our way through the roughness of the spiritual journey?  Am I encouraged to prayerfully continue to ask questions that are thrown in front of me like huge boulders.

Can I trust the sacred book called the Holy Bible?  Can I trust those who have written it with certain intentions and beliefs?  Christianity is extremely diverse and many have fled from religion because of false teachings which have angered and caused them pain and find faith to be illogical or unchartiable. Doubting Thomas is a part of our human nature.  I have been one of those who was content to believe all the Bible as literally true and inerrant. 

Others are searching for the true words of Jesus and I am afraid that some of this is more ego driven by the intellect than a search for the mystical truth that has the power to transform and heal and give our lives meaning.  Who was the historical Jesus?  Why do the gospels seem to give us different views of him.  I think that what we do in the end is lose his message and just become confused.  I can find myself trapped as I wrestle between heart and mind.

I want to believe in a genuinely real Jesus who as a man experienced opposition and criticism and misunderstandings even among his own chosen disciples.  Somehow I want to rediscover the hidden meanings which I think can be strengthened by our modern knowledge about psychology, anthropology and science.  Is this mission impossible.  How far do I have to move from literal truth to face discrepancies and still have a strong faith?  I firmly believe that life without spiritual meaning is empty and meaningless.

We all love our families and try to be good people working through life's disappointments and frustrations.
My family challenges me to be more questioning and that is good.

I believe that there is a basketful full of hope that holds promises of deeper faith as I try to be what God would have me be, which is the best me living in the skin of being fully human.

A Lazy Day

I should have put this picture on yesterday, the one my dad painted and one of our favorites.
I had some plans in mind when I got up yesterday, wondering if Rick may come down for Carol's last week-end but with more snow that was not going to happen.  Dad and I both got our blogs made into books which is always exciting and very time consuming. 

I did do my walk and actually found $10. on the sidewalk.  Not much change of finding whose it is so I will make good use of it somehow.  Sandra dropped by to have a visit which was good for us.  We thought about eating out but decided against it.  Just feeling a bit lazy.

To-morrow we go to Carol and Panteli's for a last Sunday get together.  We sure will miss her but what a great adventure.  Sandra and Randy are off to the car races in May;I think it is the Indie car races.  I hope the weather is warm for them.

Well, it is Saturday so we will be watching our usual T.V. shows on Channel 5.

CHURCH

A boat takes us to many places and I think that the church has been compared to a boat with the ability to also take us from our past into the future.

When I open the door to the church Sunday morning I am greeted by greeters but also noisy and what seems like irreverent chatter.  I am happy to see my friends and I have a feeling of belonging.  This has taken awhile because we have been away for several years.  I am happy that we have a banjo playing minister who is helping us to make this time and place more joyous.  I think that feeling good is about doing good with a cheerful heart.  I am encouraged to keep going and doing my best.  I am thankful that when I sing with everyone else my false notes are drowned out by the gifted voices of others so that it sounds like one voice.

I have been reading about a grown woman born Jewish but only returns to her faith by the influence of her daughter.  She decides to take part in a bat [f] mitzvah after being touched by her daughter's experience.  This is usually a coming of age ceremony for young teen-agers.

It is very serious and important step that includes includes the person singing their own song and sharing their own interpretation of the texts they have chosen.  The family also take part.  The part I like best is when her daughter opens the Ark of the Torah and takes out the Torah and gives it to her.  She starts walking through the congregation hugging the sacred book and receiving joyful hugs from all.  She ends up dancing with pure joy and happiness.  There is music and there is laughter.  What a celebration!

Most of all there is remembrance of family members and the history from which we have come.  The Jewish people lost their temple and have replaced it with the wearing of prayer shawls that can be put on any time or place.  There is a risk in becoming involved in a church knowing this is a first step into the unknown.

There is a time and a place to experience the flood of unconditional love that surrounds us all.

PLANS

When you are young you have dreams and desires but when you are old you have to make plans.  Plans not set in stone but open to change.

When I read the Bible I look for the stories I feel comfortable with and I feel free changing the ideas behind the words to fit my idea of God.  I think our spirituality calls for more spaciousness that can some how unclog our fuzzy brains and bring rest and peace to our souls.

I could never imagine myself as Moses or God speaking to me saying "Take off your shoes you are on holy ground". Moses did not want to be chosen to free his people from slavery; after all he had already messed that up.  He had plans for his life and that did not include having to make speeches or march into the Pharaoh's place warning of plagues of frogs etc. Every excuse Moses had God has an answer.

Jacob on the other hand seemed to have been a trickster whose goal in life was to get what he wanted with no thought of what pain he was causing to others.  He is forced to leave home after cheating his twin brother and dreams of a ladder reaching to heaven crowded with angels.  Later he would even wrestle One.  He woke up scared and stunned and shaken.  The tables turn and he is the one who is tricked into marrying the wrong woman.  Through dreams and nightmares and life experiences he eventually decided to care for people the same way he cared about himself.  He even cared about making it right with his twin brother.

As I look out my window to the hard soil and the bare branches it looks very dull and drab.  I remind myself that beauty will come again and the time will come when I need to dig up the soil around the roots so they can breath.  I am like that soil that needs to be worked on and be willing to be changed.  And when I do I will try to remember all the earth is holy ground.

God, the male and the female all in One God, is bigger than our stories and bigger than any of our man made religions.  My faith has been tested and I know I have the freedom to explore other religions and see their potential and also the delusions that are apart of the stories.  I look back on my life and my days now and I feel that I have lived a very rewarding life in my own small way.

Faith has become for me moving from a narrow mind to a spacious and open mind and heart.  Jesus has been my guide on this journey.

My day begins by creating a sacred time which can be any where I meditate and pray; even here at my computer!

RAINY DAY DUCKS

Lots of ducks having fun.  I have not walked over to the pond for a long time but I was glad I did.  It was raining lightly when I left home but the rain got very heavy as I was taking pictures.

I guess that I am lucky that I did not have to choose to become a Christian I just thought I was from the very earliest of memories.  I was not brought up to expect amazing  or exiting revelations but expected my faith to be a comfort and a strength to me. 

I like the picture of all the different ducks swimming together and I always expected that everyone would believe in God.  Not only did I believe but I believe that God was the only one who could love me unconditionally. The music has always assured me that I was in the right place.  Over the years this has included everything from the organ to rock bands.  You can get lost in music and finding emotions arising that you were not aware of inside you.

Somewhere along the way I wanted more because there appeared to be an empty space in my life.  What I wanted was an immediacy that would help me make choices.  There came a time when I would question the authority of the church and if the Bible was to be taken literally.  You have to wrestle with these things and it is good to have others to talk to, and books to explore and an inner voice that whispers softly.  I was not caught up in a lot of rules because I was in a moderate church,

But now I wonder if my religiosity is an embarrassment to my family but I do not give it too much thought.  At least I have never shaved my hair or given out flowers in the airport, although I have nothing against people who do.Some people think that only weak people need faith and that all believers are just hypocrites.  The truth is that we are all so different and even when trying to be scholarly instead of just weird.  Spirituality can seep into our pours in unexpected ways.  I have never used beads to pray like the rosary beads of the Catholics or Tibetan prayer beads.  I have never been on a yoga retreat or been good at long meditation but there is freedom to choose what I love and enjoy doing and that includes going to church.

Sometimes going into a church can make someone feel strange and different from everyone else.   Going to church for me is a time to learn what others have found meaningful in their lives.  Most of us pick and choose what to build our faith upon.

 It is about time not place; so where ever you feel the magic it becomes a place of worship.  Watching the ducks enjoy swiming and slashes around in their small pond makes me feel happy.

MARRIAGE

We are looking forward to the marriage of Cameron, our grandson to Shandel in Sept.  I love the simpicity of this card, especially the two birds of a feather flying upward together.

DEFY GRAVITY

Short and sweet.  We are surrounded by a world that wants to tell us how to think and what to believe and what not to believe, wht is right and what is not.  Jesus, as a man, lived outside the religion of his day and outside the accepted laws and restrictions.  In doing so he was not declaring war but preaching unconditional love and compassion that could eventually bring the desired changes.  Jesus had experience the deepest grace of all the acceptance of His Heavenly Father and this allowed energy to flow from him to heal others.  Once Jesus began his mission after many years of being taught and then experiencing the soul searching of a desert experience he was ready to share with those willing to learn,  He walked in harmony with God and with his fellow human beings.  He was one of them.

Within us lies the voice of conscience that tells us when we are on the wrong path.  As we grow older we have to face the truth that our bodies do not respond as they used to.  We have more aches and pains that can, if we allow them to, bring a fear of aging that feelings that we are worth-less.  Our worth has been so tied up with our doing that we now have to discover who we really are.

Like the dead tree reaching it's branches heavenward spring will come and bring new life.

It takes a great effort for me to do my walk each morning and I could easily snuggle down in a chair and just read.  It takes an effort to visit the sick and the lonely because I see myself facing the same problems and I would like to pretend it will never happen to me.  I see the most unhappy people are those who have carried the wounds of the past into their present situations instead of letting it become a shadow that the sun can chase away so that it is still apart of us but becomes dimmer as we let go

GRACE

Grace is like a flowing river that touches our lives in many ways.  We sing of amazing grace and we say there but for the grace of God go I.  So what is grace.
Yesterday I resummed my visiting now that I am over my cold and was met with warmth and appreciation.
I have now visited my widow lady down the street and we just have great visits together.  I also had a talked to someone on the phone with breast cancer to let them know about a book I had picked up at the church about someone going through the same experiences.  I hesitated to phone but again was met with warmth and openness.

Grace reminds us of the sacredness of life that flows into our lives endlessly.
I am referring to what Carolyn Myss writes in Defy Gravity

1.  The first grace
Reverence is the grace that enables us to see that all of life is an interconnected field of cosmic energy that has its origins and endings in divine consciousness.  This has the potential to lead us deeper into a sense of awe.  Spiritually we can feel frightened or cautious; but knowing that we do need a sense of awe in our lives which can happen through nature or through a deeply moving sacred experience.  This grace thrives on unity and humility.

2. The Second Grace is: Piety
Piety as expressed in the need to be creative and to connect.  We need to be in relationships that are healthy and most importantly are ones of respect and openness.  We are called to support each other in our life's journey with generosity and compassion.  This also includes what we call our gut instincts and is at work in our lives in very practical ways, like our fiances, our relationships and our daily decisions.
Piety seeks that which is divine in others.  Piety is the grace that brings out our spiritual instincts, suck as sensing someone is in need of kindness or nurturing.  If we are fortunate we will find others along the way who share our knowledge and experience that comes with inner illumination.
Remember that negative energies harm your mind, heart and spirit.

3.The third grace is Understanding
This grace opens our ability to see beyond the illusion of a circumstance and often finding that an argument really is about who is right.  A healthy self-esteem helps us to be understanding beyond what is troubling us; and this includes a common sense; which can direct us to know what to do in a crisis whether it is a family crisis, financial or a bad storm.  This should be of benefit to all humanity.
Self-esteem, self-respect and personal responsibility make up our understanding of ourselves and the lack of these qualities create both a fear and craving for approval.  It takes courage to heal oneself and allow life-transforming changes that can set us free.
We wish we could understand why there is personal suffering.  This can be when there seems only one path available to us and we face the future with truth and are willing to accept what we do not understand.
The pursuit of self-knowledge is endless.  "Never stop searching for the depths of your soul."

4. The fourth grace is Fortitude
Accepting the call to be a servant and making a difference in the world in some unnoticed way. 
"Potential is something we grow into.  Through disappointments and accomplishments, through heartaches and heartthrobs we find ourselves on a path of discovering what our real potential is that brings spiritual illumination to ourselves and to others.  We are then carrying on the work of creation.  This is mystical not religious; and allows the fortitude to stay on our course.  This is the courage of survival.  It takes immaging
fortitude to fight for the rights of those who have been abused and neglected.
Everyone needs courage especially when they choose what is unpopular over what is popular.

5. The Grace of Council
Jesus and Budda attempted to ground mystical truth with human reason.  The power of the soul functions through what you believe.  The freedom within is greater than outward freedom which can be taken away from you by someone with more power and authority.  This can only be revealed to us and cannot be learned but is a true gift of grace.  "The real secret to health is not to retrieve your power from all the injuries of the past, but to become clearer about the present moments."

"Every life has a purpose that unfolds amid a journey of endless opportunities"

Mtstics bear witness to the truth that there is a divine presence in our lives that is beyond our comphrehension.  One of the ways is the way of forgiveness and the desire to not hate.  We all have emotional wounds but freedom comes when we release and let them go.  Often the councel we would give is not received and being silent when you feel you have the answer to someone elses problems is very hard and takes a large amount of grace.  The truth will set you free when you reakize it will require you to change,

The sixth grace Knowledge
There is the knowledge gained through information and the knowledge gained through experience and the knowledge revealed through grace.  This is the grace of awakening and often comes by the way of the consequences of our choices.  We have been taught since childhood to think rationally and to govern our lives by this knowledge by even repressing intuitive instincts.  Children seem more knowable in todays world but along with comes a loss of inocence.  One of the most important gifts we need is the gift of discernment.
It is also what drives people to make new discoveries to improve our lives.

"The desire to know the unknown-on whatever level is pursued-is a metaphor for knowing the Divine."

Our quest for knowledge can be a longing to understand what is truth.

The seventh grace Wisdom.
Am I using the gifts that I have been given.  We have all asked the reson why something bad happens.

"Wisdom gives us the strength to know that life cannot be lived without pain".

Wisdom is knowing when to say no and sometimes even listening to advice from someone older.  I am glad our new minister reads and studies a lot as well as visiting the sick and visiting to get to know people.  We do not need to make fear based decisions which so often lead to war and violence
Many see in the Dalai Lama a person who draws from the well of wisdom and is able to have compassion even for the Chinese who have taken over his country of Tibet.  He follows the teachings of Jesus who tells us to turn the other check when a violent act is committed against us; and allowing ourselves to absorb the pain of the other.  The grace of wisdom is extremely difficult and will come at a price. 

Wisdom may seem hidden and reveal to us the need to change even when it is painful.  Wisdom is not blaming someone else but taking responsibility to improve your life and the life of others,  This brings the sacred into our daily practices by becoming aware of your inner strength and ability.  I also think myself humor is a great way to deal with life with wisdom.

Sunshine

This is our new bedspread which got me cleaning up the bedroom and the close closet with great enthusiasm.  How quickly we can let our spaces become cluttered.  I think the same happens with our minds.  Most of the time I live in what I call my rational mind which is very cluttered with noisy thoughts and feelings.

I am learning a lot by going back into Jewish thought and how they replaced the law and the temple with the study of scripture.  This was not an easy task for people who had believed the glory of God lived with the Holy of Holies in the temple.  A simple truth that they would come back to time and time again is "Thou shalt love they neighbor as Thyself."  Truth was discovered by spiritual exercises such as fasting and repeating verses of scripture quietly in their minds.

Midrash required them them to investigate and go in search of fresh insights as they gathered to discuss scripture.  The scripture would help them to regain what they had lost and what had become a fixed and unalterable past built on intellectual dogma when they needed to be creative in their readings so that the words carried the joy of the spirit to within their own souls. 

"Any interpretation of scripture that bred hatred or disdain for others was illegitimate when the purpose was to open your heart to the fullness of love."  from the Case For God.  As human beings we want to tame the wind and the imagination so that spiritual experiences are like a closed door that we may be afraid to open.
This calls for courage, heart and humor that enables us to surrender all our worries and confusion into a sacred place of peace, that can be like the secret garden, my favorite movie where they open the door and find a beautiful garden waiting to be restored.

I never read over what I have written because I would probable change it over and over again.  The goal of spirituality is to find within ourselves goodness and challenge us to share and help others.  My one room is now tidy and the other bedroom looks like a disaster as I try to gather up what I am giving away to the Disability people.  Dad has gone out and bought some new shirts which we can now fit into our closet.

"God gives us just this one life and if we do not try to enjoy it he is insulted"
This is what the author of the Holy Unexpected believed before she believed.
Being inspired means to live out daily what we believe in our own way!

"We are all really mystics slowly awakening to the reality of who we really are."
Meditations with Teresa of Avila

  

NO NIGHTMARES

I was thankful that I did not have any nightmares last night like I did the day before.  I woke up and my hair was standing on end.  Last night I dreamt I was picking up other people's cell phones and putting them in my purse but fortunately I thought it was funny.

Dad and I had our last tea at Shirley's house.  She has names on things that she is giving away and everything is a bit of a mess.  She had some books piled up but I hate to ask if she is trying to get rid of the; but she did give me some plain white small plates I will give to someone else because I do not need them.

I have to get things ready to put out for the D.D. Handicap people.  I am in a dangerous mood of want to get rid of a lot of stuff.  If dad helps I know he will help restrain me.  I am amazed and how we gather stuff, just stuff and more stuff.

We have our Bible study at the church today and I must say I did not enjoy doing it so it is good we are a cheerful bunch of old friends.  Back to the garden and back to the ark talking about a flood I do not believe God made happen.  Nature just seems to have a mind of its own but I think having a few ark's handy in area's that flood would be a good idea.  I think that the things have to die to produce new life is very true.
All those stinky animals all together I think I would have turned that job down.

"Our original job description as human beings involves very little knowing but a great deal of loving to refill our emptiness with the energy of God's love"  I do not know where that quote came from.  I read something or hear something and I jot it down.

My birds are still not singing I guess they do not know they are suppose to sing for their supper.  Which reminds me I have no idea of what to have for supper but fortunately dad always likes going out but I am so limited in what I can eat I am finding it less exciting.  I am sure if I look in the freezer or wander around the store after Bible study I will get some ideas.

FREEDOM WITHIN

There is a Russian man being given refuge in a church in downtown Van. who has found a new sense of freedom; which is describes as freedom within.  I think he should be allowed to be selcomes into our country.

In the Jewish religion the temple was the place where the law was kept and also where the Shekhinah glory of the divine presence was experienced.  It was a very holy place.  When the temple was destroyed and not rebuilt there was a gathering of the scribes, the Pharisees under the leadership of Yohanan and his pupils to begin the heroic task of transforming Judaism from a temple faith to a religion of the book.

When Hillel was asked the one sentence that contained all the law, he replied: What is hateful to yourself, do not to your fellow man".

I would say that this means do not inflict pain on another human being. 

Kindness would replace the temple ritual and compassion would be the pillar.  This compassion would include the interpretation of scripture.

NEW VISIONS

Dad put in new light fixtures  and I decided it was time to get a new bedspread.  One thing leads to another and once the idea comes that things need to be changed we can be restless until it is done.

Two things come to mind, one, that what we do in our lives influences others around us and second when we face dull and drab days how we long for spring.  We are feeding the birds but there is no happy singing and it is missed.  The sun is lazy and slow to get up in the morning and affects our morning energy as I too am slow at moving and getting active.

We take so much in life for granted and do not miss things until they are taken from us.

Reading the story of Noah and the ark I realize that somethings have to die for new life to come.  This is the creative spirit of God who stirs within us a desire to create and restore.  Life is a struggle between the wanting of change and yet the desire for things to remain the same. 
 As human beings we are a strange lot of contradictions.  We do not always know what we want and can find ourselves dissatisfied with what we have.  The good thing is that life sometimes forces us to change and to see new hope for our future.  We cannot go back and so must go forward.  But it is not my responsibility to tell someone else how and when they need to change.

A wise nun once said : " The only time people accept advice is when they ask for it."  I would add that even then they may not accept it.

The hardest thing to really accept is that God can love us just as we are and He loves all those in our lives just as they are!  That is why His love is greater and higher than our earthly love!

 

THE FIRST

Her first birthday party and she looked lovely especially with her wonderful smile and walking all around.  Jasmine, our granddaughter in Melbourne. It would be wonderful to see them this summer but we will have to wait and see as there are many things that have to come together.  This picture is taken from e-mail.

How wonderful to be young and have your whole life before you. 

Children seem to see things more clearly in many ways not just because their eyes are better.  They ask such amazing questions and I think we all stay young at heart if we continue to ask questions.  I have learned a lot by reading about the philosophers; whose lives were spent deep in thought, and they loved to discuss life as they saw it could be lived.  There was an inner energy that could be tapped into to help in difficult times and could be expressed in music, in poetry and in the sharing of ideas.  In this secular world we live in, surrounded by skeptics and those who are driven by the need to succeed and control, I find that when I feel creative I feel this inner energy.

I feel this awareness of a sacred energy within that is like a memory, a shadow, a dream, a longing that needs to be expressed.  At times I can feel on the brink of discovery of an amazing illumination that transcends the earthly reality into something that even words cannot express.  Our deepest emotions tucked away inside our souls.

Everyday for me there can be decisions made that change the flow of the day.  Sometimes it is just a good laugh.  Yesterday at church I picked up another ladies' purse by mistakr of course,and was hunting through it to find a cough drop that I was sure I had put in my purse.  I was thinking as I looked I don't remember this in my purse before.  Dad saw her looking at me with a strange look on her face and I had no idea what I was doing.   I hope she really did see the humor in it  I felt worse when I got home..

Today which is a very rainy day I nearly jumped into a strange car that pulled up beside me and I thought it was dad coming to pick me up.  Yesterday I nearly caused an accident as a driver went through the stop sign because he did not want to stop and wait for me.  He had to slam on his brakes nearly hitting a car turn in to the parking lot.  The other driver yelled at him and I heard him say it was the fault of the pedestrian !

Most time when I go for a walk it is a time of silent and thoughtful prayer.

Sometimes it is when I read something, or hear something on the radio, or someone says something to me that can transform my thoughts and change me from within.  I love going to church because I have an anticipation  that something good will stir within me.  Prayer is intensified when it is shared.

Prayer can take me beyond the boundaries of reason into the gateway of faith.

Today we plan to take some pictures out to Betty Rainy of her birthday party, waiting to hear from her.

SPIRITUAL BATTLES

As I read once again "The Case for God" I am informed that the philosopher, againest all depressing evidence to the sontrary, trusted that the cosmos was indeed rational and that as he continued to learn and study he would be able to achieve a sense of peace and intellectual enlightenment.  "Philosophia was a yearning for transcendent wisdom, and it had a healthy respect for the limitations of logos [the word] and held the highest wisdom was rooted in unknowing.  Socrates confronted others with their lack of self-knowledge.  Plato regarded philosophy as an apprenticeship for death.  To practice it was to prepare for death which we will all face.

Honesty should be rewarded.  One of the faults of the church may be that we take time to confess our sins but really feel pretty darn good about ourselves.  We are not forced to look deep into our personalities, like those who attend A.A. because we feel that we can manage life pretty well on our own.

But for those of us who have experience the pain of regret for foolish mistakes and the guilt of saying and doing the wrong things I for one know I need forgiveness and the overpowering sense of God's grace.  I find that my weaknesses drive me to prayer and like the drunk I need the presence of a Higher Power everyday.

"On the road to redemption it is important to daily affirm spiritual truths.  I can suffer emotionally and physically with doubt and fear of change and sadness at loss.

TWO YOUNG AT HEART PEOPLE

Shirley has been a good friend for about 30 or more years.  We have enjoyed telling stories to each other and having a good laugh.  We have also shared the sad moments.
We are sad she will be moving away but know it is good she will be closer to her daughter.
.

EDUCATION

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

Education promises to solve many problems but will it?

What is the accumulation of knowledge really good for?
 Does it make us into better people?
Does it guarantee happiness? or wealth? or health? 
We have the potential to have greater ability to be critical, which is important. 

We may gain knowledge but still find life has unanswerable questions that also cause anxiety
and frustration.   Life still presents us with decisions and difficulties. 
We need to have self-confidence that comes with experience as well as knowledge.
We learn from our mistakes and strength comes with the determination to keep making an effort.
A wise person can admit they do not know but they are willing to seek for answers.

The teachings of Buddism teach about The Four Noble Truths
The noble truth of suffering
the noble truth of the origin of suffering
the noble truth of the cessation of suffering
and this is the noble truth of the path.

There is no experience that can bring complete lasting happiness.  But there is a happiness in doing what you like doing.

Until we find the origin of our pain and suffering only then can we see it in terms of cause and affect.
Ignorance can keep us trapped but as we seek understanding "the truth can set us free".
The causes of our suffering can be brought to an end.  We can find peace in our situation and it is a "peace of  God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus".  Phil. 4:7
It is accepting reality that holds possibility beyond what we can see, blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God." 

The path is the way of compassion and generosity and empathy.  We have been born with a desire to be happy and free of suffering.  Life flows all around us and we can choose hos much we want to be involved.
In seeking to help others who are suffering we find that we feel better.  Practice being helpful. 

We have been created with a diversity of mental faculties so we learn in different ways.  Reading and listening to teachers can help some of us and yet this is not the way for others.

We have been developing our pictures at the Superstore and at first we, your dad and I, found it hard to do; especially if we were to try and edit; but as we go back again and again it is becoming easier.  We are learning by making mistakes and having to start the process over and over again.  I have found just being in the store extremely tiring as I do going into to malls.

Along the road through life to learn to have compassion and genuine affection for others is one of the great lessons that we can cultivate by using our intelligence and our gifts and our ability to care for others.  I started out in life being shy but when I started visiting the elderly I found that more often than not I had to start the conversation.  If I told a story that was happening in my life it would bring to their mind similar experiences.

For others it is important to learn to listen.  We are realizing the importance of hearing now that we often do not hear each other properly.  I need to listen attentively when others express different opinions.  This is not because what I believe depends on their approval but because communication is important to our growth.

Problems rooted in violence can never be solved by more violence, and in fact as Jesus taught the destruction of our enemy only ends up destroying ourselves.  If we could learn to understand our enemies and realize how much we have in common maybe we could find peaceful solutions.  Swept up by emotions and the hyped up fear of terrorists and mislead by those we trusted we are now a country involved in war.  Some would blame religion but I agree with Douglas Todd that most people do not even know what their religion teaches to be able to justify qualifying it as having "the answers to all of life's important questions".  It is only one source among all the intellectual resources we have to call on. 

A religion based on sentimentalism which says all that matters is that I say "I love Jesus" when they do not realize all the controversial things he is quoted as saying and doing.  Religion should not in my opinion be based on whether we are going to get into heaven by leading moral lives and because we fear hell.

We like to think that we can respect our leaders and that along with knowledge they will have the  integrity and the wisdom to tell us the truth and to live honestly themselves.  The Bible talks about rebirth and a lot of this is cultivating new attitudes.  This does require a lot of thinking and contemplation as we apply our minds and our hearts to become human.

For me my life changed when I gave birth to my four children; and I poured my heart and energy into caring for them.   Then  with the added problems of poor health,  I gave up the dream  of  attending university which had been one of my first goals in life.  I was given the opportunity and the desire to learn the spiritual way which has been a twisting journey of arriving at a place only to find I need to keep on the quest. 

I do not know a lot about other religions as I am still learning about my own.  Religion can be taught in school so that we can be better inform.  "North American religious illiteracy threatens both our well-being as members of a civil society, and raises the spectre of grave misunderstandings in foreign policy".  Douglas Todd in the Vancouver Sun article "A Question About the Bible?  Go Ask An Atheist."  Although there is some truth in this I know of many people involved in Bible study and church attendance; not that this makes you a Christian believer, but at least you have some clue as to what you cannot believe.

I realize that religion, or the spiritual path or the way of faith needs to be open to critical analysis but from those who are willing to recognize it's value and yet do not accept the authority which has tried to control our lives.  I value my beliefs about prayer and scripture and the community of faith because they have taught me to trust myself to look for the light and leave the darkness behind!

LONELINESS

Well I have done it again the picture is going missing and I have tried umpteen times to put it on.  I will try one more time.  So this is the heather that has started to bloom covered in frost.  I discovered I had to hit compose which I have never done before.  This computer has a mind of it's own.

Now where was I?  How quickly your thoughts can come and go.  I know that our friend Shirley feels very lonely especially now that she is not able to get out and do things like she use to.  My friend down the street Rosanna now has middle ear disease that makes you so very dizzy and sick to your stomach.  Her daughter has come to stay with her and take to the doctor so that is good.  What a miserable thing I know from experience.  You wonder why these things hit us.

Loneliness is a part of being human I am reading now.  As a child I know my imagination was a great help when I felt lonely.  These were times when everyone was too busy to spend time with me or listen to me.  Not that I did much talking as my brother was and is still the great talker.  I was the listener.

Loneliness reminds us that no one else can completely meet our needs.  As teen-agers we think no one understands and often that is true.  As adults we become use to this.  Loneliness can stir up creative energy that can express itself in many different ways.  Sometimes there is a overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction with the whole world as we see the injustices and unfairness and suffering of others.

Loneliness can encourage to seek out the company of others and this is an important part of my spirituality that is lived out and expressed in community.  I am not drawn to sitting and meditating.  I am always talking to myself or to God, hopefully he is listening when I settle in my big chair and say "okay God I am here to send time with you.  Are you listening?"

Loneliness is the deep need that drives the mystic into the search for the reality of the presence of God.

THE CANUCKS

 

This is the little snow we had today which totally surprised me. It was great fun just to walk in it and it wasn't slippery. It soon turned to rain which we can expect for the next few days. We are wondering how the water situation is in Mlbourne and in Brisbane as I hear they had rain today too.

We had a nice time at the farewell party for Shirley and Betty today, two very special ladies in their 90's. There was about 30 people who turned out from Colebrook and as usual there was lots of good food [I took my crackers] and there was cheese and fruit but the cakes looked very tempting.

We will be watching the Canucks game tonight of course and we think they have been doing pretty good. I will add a note after the game if I am still awake.

An exciting game but we just didn't score that shoot out goal!

I love walking in the snow

HARMONY

This is a picture of the moon shining through the tree in our side yard.     As I sttod gazing at the moon having just seen the monie The King's Speech and found it emotionally moving I felt there was more to life than we can reason with our intellect and there is a time to silence the inquisitive intellect and lives so powerfully in us all and fall deeply into love again. 

Sometimes I can feel a harmony that flows from the quietness and beauty of nature and with it comes a sense of awe. Letting prayer and thankfulness bring you into the mystical reality of grace, even for a moment.  Being sick has taken all my energy and even though I have had more time to read I was not really being touched by what I was reading.

I had a most unusual dream in which I was learning to ride a motorcycle and I felt no fear but only a great sensation of joy.  This happened when I was feeling very vulnerable because of my bad cold and the difficulty I was having praying.  When you have pain and discomfort it is hard to be spiritual and that is why I need someone else to have the faith for me. 

Prayer would become like the powerful riding of a motorbike that carries me away from all the fears that control my mind.  I am reading about the need to detach from old wounds that may go back to our childhood,  the need to be right, the need to know all the answers, and to detach especially from the fear that has been apart of my life.  I am happy being me and recognizing what I have been missing lately.

It is so true that You cannot ask your mind to be other than it is, which is a question seeking instrument.  I do not really know how to define the mind nor do I understand how it works.  I have been told I can be left brained or right brained which defines my thinking in certain ways.

Dreams can allow us entrance into a different world where a soft harmonious breeze touches one's very soul; like the freshness of the air in the morning that brings new life into me as I breath it in so happy to be outside.
I find I can pray so much better when I am outside away from all the things that demand my attention inside.

This is the ability of the prayer of surrender that becomes a mystical experience that is breathless and healing.

I was having these thoughts before I picked up this book on prayer and was amazed to find a confirmation of some of my "flights of fancy".

Everyday is different and yesterday I went to U.C.W. where our new minister Daniel came to give a talk; and I can see that he is going to stir people to think and also to dream, to take roots that ground us and yet at the same time be free to continue to learn and to grow and to accept others.  He has learned a lot from bing a part of a native community on the island.

Today there are a group of us from Colebrook driving to Langley to say good-bye to Betty Rainy who has been apart of Colebrook Church for years but is now moving back East.  It is also a tea for Shirley Fowler who will be moving to Burnaby, nearer her family.  This means a big change for her as she is leaving her friends and her home for a new life style. 

Things keep changing in most of our lives.  I am happy for Carol and Panteli and others in our family who have moved to find adventure and new challenges.  One thing that is hard about getting older is that you find yourself in a rut and it is harder to change and to accept our limitations.

The amazing thing is that there lives within us this childlike spirit that never grows old!

BEAUTY

What a difference a few hours make when a beautiful dining room is changed into a very messy, well used table.  It is an art to be able to create such beauty. 

A day can also make a difference as I felt much better yesterday.  My walking is slow but I am doing the whole thing which is good.  Then dad and I went to the library and we met friends there. I am always happy looking at books.  After dad came home and had a bike ride we went to the movie "The King's Speech" and enjoyed it very much. We were among a lot of older people just like us, retired and able to enjoy half-price day. A different world and a different time.

I am reading about the man who started A.A. and the struggles he went through.  Now it is one of the most effective treatment program using a three pronged approach, addressing the physical, psychological, and spiritual aspects of addiction.

"Bill Wilson stripped Christian principles to the basics, helplessness, honesty, repentance, restitution, dependence, prayer and community-and set them loose with a minimum of doctrine and a maximum of love."  from What Good is God by P. Yancy.  Yes, we are all vulnerable to addictions of one thing and another, often in our search for happiness and relief from pain.

We all would like to be happy and to sing our way through our days.  Each one of us would have a difference answer to what makes life happy and worthwhile.  I know at times I have acted or said things that I have regretted and find human behavior, myself and others, sometimes hard to understand. 

We are all just works in progress and if we look find guidelines from outside and within ourselves to help us improve.  This morning my car is covered with frost and I plan to go to the U.C.W. meeting.  When I get home maybe dad and I will try and find the new store that sells the glulten=free bread.  Listening to Susanne Summers makes you realize how these allergies can affect you.

LOOKING

Looking and hoping to find a more colorful picture and one that is not blurry.  Well at least this has some color.  The days seem so drab now that all the decorations have been taken down and I look out on my barren and ugly garden.  I mucked around a bit yesterday but since we may get more snow I wonder if I shouldn't leave the leaves there for protection. 

I am reminded that even as deep underneath the ground there is stirring new life that there is new life stirring in me.
Dad went for a bike ride so that was good.  I dropped a tea towel on the stove and it caught fire and scared me.  I am well aware that I am doing dumb thing, but right now I do not really care, and I do not need to be to be told.

 It was rather a boring day for me otherwise except for my daily trip to the store.  I have found several of the cashiers I really like and we often have a laugh, which is good.  We agreed that growing up we expected life to treat us as princesses, just like the fairy tales. but here she is working every day and one day seems much like the last.

 Today we may go to a movie but I have to look up what is on. 

I think my life seems a bit blurry just like my picture.  My energy is still low from my miserable cold and stomach flu and maybe I just have to let my life refocus in it's own time.  Yes, I have made a lot of progress from just lying around and I am hopeful that will continue.

Faith, like many things, seems to run in cycles and today I feel very little inspiration.

OKAY

I am always amazed how quickly the sky changes from light to dark.  Sunday was a rainy day but the sky did clear a few times.  We drove last night to Carol and Panti's for supper and it poured rain while we were there then was okay coming home.  Our life will be changing as they are the first to leave for new adventures.
How quickly life can change, our children and grandchildren grow up and things change.

I am reminded that it is important to say what's on our hearts while we can.

We took Shirley Fowler to church on Sunday and everyone was so glad to see her and she was happy she had made the extra effort to go, rainy day and all.  I am back doing my walking and this is taking a real effort and even though I come home tired and cranky I think it is good for me.

It's okay!
I am thinking this morning how easy it is for us to go to church while in other countries your life can be in danger admitting you are a Christian believer.  These believers put us to shame and I understand the confusion of those who adamantly fight against the influence of this religion; which too often they see producing values that contradict the gospel.

There is a huge difference between a committed Christian who accepts Jesus,a Galilean peasant, as a model for living, and those who are a "Cultural Christian" who happen to live in a nation with a Christian heritage.  We have been given the "okay" to worship but prayers have been removed from our schools.

Freedom can lead to deadence and rebellion where money and power become the true gods; we have lost the sense of being radical and standing up for what we believe.  I think maybe it is okay to be different without looking down on others.

It is okay to have a hero like Jesus who choose poverty and disgrace taking the side of the poor and the oppressed.  Jesus reminds us to have empathy for the victums and to seek their liberation.

Jesus is Okay!

AUTHORITY

Religion has become an authority that has claimed to be the author of the story of faith that has been recorded for us in our Bible with myths and narratives that are meant to add value to our lives.  For many of us brought up in the faith, like I was, we have become conservative and comfortable.

Religion will always need to be critically analysed and instead of being the answer start us on a journey of questioning and looking deeper into ourselves and our values.  It is easy to be critical and judmental if one is on the outside looking in.  I have been trying to see myself in this story that for me is a living experience.  I am becoming I think more open to those who wish not to destroy but to build a foundation that is strong like the rocks pictured here.

"Religion is a powerful source of either hope or despair, depending on whether it continues to create sef-serving institutions or struggles to being reverence and comphrehension back into the center of our individual and communal lives."   from the Absence Of God by Sam Keen

For me religion is many things
It is ritual that brings remembrance of the past alive
It is wonder and laughter
It is the imperfect meeting the acceptance of the perfect
It is prayer and studying, visiting the sick and giving money to help others
It is believing and it is doing.
It is simple and also
It is complex beyong human understanding

We can ignore God and say we do not need him;
we can run away but in the end He is waiting with open arms.

The Bride

Carol looked very beautiful and happy.
Sandra did too.
Panteli and Randy dressed up and looking very handsome
We were a happy group!.

Lasting love occurs as we get to know each other more deeply with all our faults and frailties.
A journey that takes a relationship through some tough times together.

A BRAND NEW START

 Ben tries very hard to read grandpa's writing.

I was very impressed by the vows that where said but very high and lofty ideas; which I think if I had to answer them the best I could do would be to say I'll try.  
Sandra and Randy had done a beautiful job preparing a very lovely setting for the wedding of Carol and Panteli.  Leah and Craig joined us as well as Theresa Mikie and the children and Belinda and Shirley and the two witnesses Louise and Bob.  Missing were Rick and Chris both called to work.  We missed them both.

We were just leaving our drive way when Craig and Leah arrived thinking it was going to be at our house.  Last minute plans often seemed to get changed in our family.  Sandra had done such a fantastic job of setting the table, adding flowers and candles.  I did not take many pictures but will add dad's later.

I feel very happy for both Carol and Panteli and my prayers go with them into their future.  I felt the sadness of  knowing they will both be leaving for the Grand Cayman Islands to join Kim and Mike where Carol has a job waiting for her.   It is good to do these things when you are healthy and young.  We would love to visit them all there but time will tell.

We often choose people to love that are very different from us; with unique personalities and varying experiences; but always with the deep need to be loved and respected.  Love must be built on trust and faith that we will always be important to one another.

We will express our love in different ways so disagreements are a part of a healthy relationship. I have found that I need to express I am sorry as well as being forgiving.

Love can survive many changes and unexpected situations, The older vows said for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, which are the things that come into all our lives, we will do our best.
Happiness and sadness are a part of life.

Congratulations also to our son Ken!
Congratulations to Ken who has passed his very difficult testing for the A380 airplane.  We are very proud of all that he has achieved.  A happy day for all!

NEGATIVITY

I often find myself saying or maybe thinking "O I can't believe that."  Usually it is something I do not want to believe even if I could.  The problem is that my negative attitude can be a stumbling block; especially if I see something as black or white.

The controversary around Genesis has centered on the creation account.  Now it was created no one knows and what methods were used and the time it took are not what is important in this story.  What is important is the fact that there were two voices; one positive and the other negative.  The negative voice said you do not have to believe and you are free to make your own choices.  This sounded good so Adam and Eve were fooled into thinking they could become like God in one simple act.

We can get so focused on the negative and become blind to the positive in our relationships, in our daily activity, and in our reading of the scripture.  If I only focus on the negative I miss the spiritual message that is hidden in the passage. 

The Old Testament reveals the power and lust for life that is still strong in our world today.  We look for hero's desperate to find the deeper meaning to our existence.  Our young people are looking for heroes in their music and in their video games and in their sports and in movie stars.  As we read our scriptures we find broken people shattered by life looking for strong leadership and longing for God.

As I have searched and read I have found myself discarding fundamental beliefs and worn out creeds and I am finding new hope in what has become for me the sense of the presence of the sacred.  Questions have shaken the very foundations of my faith and threaten to destroy the soul that longs to find beauty and goodness in the ruble of life; but I am finding questions do not need to be answered and like a child that picks up a sea shell and hears the roar of the waves I may not understand but I can enjoy the sound.


Today in many parts of the world people are living in horrible circumstances some of their own making but many because of the corruption and evil in the world and others finding their homes and livelihoods washed away in floods; like the one that the severe rain has caused in Australia.  Bad things happen to the good and the brave, to the very young and to the old;  and it is easy to feel crushed in spirit.

In life there will be moments of joy and happiness but also pain and sorrow.

As I look to the mountains so far in the distance I feel a sense of wonder and a sense of gratitude that calms my anxiety and strengthens my desire to in some way touch the lives of those I love with God's mysterious love.  I am very happy for Carol and Panteli today their special day when they share their love for each other with us all!

HONESTY

Honesty can hurt and like the brightness of the sun there is more comfort in the shade of conformity.

The Bible is very honest in telling the whole and ugly truth about the characters inside it's story.  Listening to their stories helps me to listen to where others are coming from.  I want to defend the Bible because it reveals that the search for God is not an easy task; and even if we heard His voice give us direction it would be hard for us to follow it.  I know I do not take criticism well of myself, of anyone in my family, and especially my faith.

So like the rest of humanity I want to present myself in the best light and cover up my mistakes.  Jesus said I am the Light and I see more and more how much I need the light of truth to penetrate my defenses.  Jesus calls us to be authentic not artificial like the Pharisee who paraded their goodness but lacked humility and honesty. 

The prophets had tried to call the people away from sinful, selfish, greedy and judgemental living.  You are worshipping false gods and your future looks dark.  It is hard for us to realize that small sins corrupt us just as much as the big ones.

How fragile we All are.  I have felt the love of God and I see His light in the face of Jesus.  Jesus, who is a very human Jesus, who asked questions in the Temple, lost his temper at the corruption of the money lenders and grieved when his friends deserted him and misunderstood him.

I love to watch my great grandchildren take their mommies face in their hands and turn their eyes to them so they have to be heard and seen and listened to.  This is what Jesus came to do.  One by one he comes to us and by his words speaks to the child within us.

A SNOWY MORNING

SNOW AND MORE SNOW

It is beautiful and the air has a freshness that I love to breath in.
I am missing my walks and finding that I feel depressed and shut in.
Being sick and unable to do what you want to is very hard.

THEOLOGY

All it means is that there is a long journey ahead.  Many experiences that are joyous and exciting.

If I could paint a picture I woud paint a very small figure, a cartoon, with arms open wide gazing upward into the vast universe and shouting "where are You?"  "I've been waiting for you to ask" is the reply. Everyday He answers me and challenges me with bigger questions.  Creation is wonderful and amazing as is the gift of life. 

I do not ask how but why Lord have you created this world with all Your love and Spirit poured into it?
You have shown us from the beginning that love was about risking.  Love makes us vulnerable as we never know if we will receive love in return.  I have changed over the years and yet in many ways I am still the same.

Theology is entering the story of ancient people and struggling with them as they seek to find and know God.  It is a messy story that disturbs and frightens us; as we see all the human emotions exposed.  We are all so very human.  I have longed for safety from the storms of life and yet have been caught up and shaken free of idols that have been my God in the past.

Universities were started to explore theology and philosoply and law and science.   A place to ask questions and search for answers with others.  The questions become bigger as I see how small I really am.



WONDER

The small picture captures more of the scenery. 

                                         Wonder/AWE
                                  The sense of wonder
                                 that is our sixth sense
                      And it is the natural religious sense.
                               --D.H. Lawrence

Aristotle said philosophy begins in wonder.

There is one good thing about being confined and under orders not to go out walking and make myself sicker and that is that there is more time just to sit and wonder about life.  But a sense of wonder is greater than our ordinary muddled thinking.  Often it is to be surprised by joy and awe; seeing new beauty in the dullness of life.  It is a purely emotional response.  The holy mystery of life right in front of our eyes.

Right now nature is acting with terrifying force in Brisbane, Australia and the water is a mighty torent  that rips out trees, carries cars along, and is destroying homes and property.  My heart goes out to those who are in danger of their lives and losing all their property.  I watch the news and it is terrifying.  With all the discoveries we have made surely something can be done to be better prepared.

It reminds me of how powerless we really are.  Our very lives could change at any moment,

Where does the courage and energy come from to rebuild?  It helps when others come along side to lend a hand.  At times I have fallen under the weight of worry only to find a hand that comes to lift me up and say you can do it.

My body is doing a wonderful job fighting off all these little germs that have invaded it.  And I was rewarded with treats from Choices that dad sneaked off to buy me.

We Will be entertaining the new minister today with deviled eggs! !