PRIVACY

Panteli happily rests beside his handiwork that he and Ben worked on.

I object to the lack of privacy shown our figure skater, Joannie Rochette, as she broke down and sobbed after skating her heart out in memory of her mother who had just passed away days before. We were all very proud of her.

I object to the picture of the girls hockey team taken on the ice drinking beer after they had won the gold medal as a team that had worked long and hard to achieve their goal. They deserved to celebrate and enjoy their victory without some one crashing their party.

I object to the attitude of the Canadian Olympic Committee that says we cannot use the symbols of the five rings or the words Olympic or even a tiny flame to advertise. The five rings stand for passion, resiliency, unity, confidence and readiness. Things we often need to be reminded of.

Vancouver has put on a big expensive party and a lot of fun things and good things have happened as people have been apart of all the party atmosphere. Hopefully, there will be good things that will result for those who have been displaced because of these games. Can we put energy into finding homes for the homeless or better health care for the sick or equal education for our children.

Maybe I am too much like the older brother who was angry because the dad was putting on a party for his wasteful brother; who had gone off partying while he stayed home and worked.

Today I have a meeting before church to again look at what kind of church we are and what kind of person we want as a minister to be our leader. Then I will be going to a baby-shower for Ava's new baby boy Yuri and although I enjoy these celebrations like last night's celebration of Lee and Dave's anniversary I was happiest having a simple lunch with Chris.

I was really touched at church this morning as some one sat beside me and said:

"I feel safe when I am beside you."

INVOLMENT?

Marriage goes through many different stages. We find that there are some things we may never agree on. Things that we bring with us from our childhood, our values and our personalities. But if we are willing to listen and try to care and value the other person's opinions and beliefs. The key is to accept each other for who they are and have a genuine fondness and admiration for each other. We find ourselves becoming involved in different tasks as dad goes off to work and I am busy with the children.

My struggle right now is with how should I get involved in doing things outside the home. I need to be available to those to whom I feel called to minister to by visiting, by caring and sharing my faith.. I think maybe I was at times past too involved in the church and I am sensing a need to withdraw and rethink where to use my energy. I want to be available to help my children or grandchildren; although now it seems more like they are helping me. Love comes down to be willing to sacrifice and to serve one another. It is as we try to love each other that Jesus becomes present in our midst.

I hear about an old man at a Nursing Home unable to feed himself or take care of himself; and yet he comes alive when I hear his story. He had been an excellent bike rider winning a race from Nanaimo to Victoria in just 6 minutes; I think maybe it was 6 hours. He was asked to join the Olympic team but unfortunately the war changed all his plans. The Olympics were cancelled.

Suffering and disappointment are a part of life and yet I can try to spend time with those who sit alone for hour after hour. Everyone has a story to tell and as we get older we seem to relive some of our earlier memories. There have been people in my life that I call angels that have been there for me and helped me through disappointment and failure and I am so thankful for the people God has brought into my life.

I have to think first now before I rush in and say yes to things. I want to be involved but it will be doing what God gives me the strength to do. Happiness comes when we stop focusing inward and reach out not to be a problem solver but to be a listener.

It would probably help if I looked at the right month when I am planning. Also it is so easy to forget what day it is and when you say yes to something it seems way in the future but then all of a sudden it comes around. My prayer is that I will be available to those who God brings into my life. I want to keep learning and growing in my faith that has been my foundation and the reason that I have been involved in trying to be a channel of His grace. So wether it is saying a prayer, sharing a cup of tea or delivering a chicken or attending a Bible study this seems to be my life! This is what I have learned from others!

I BELIEVE

Jesus said "Become like a child". A child loves to ask questions. We love to teach them.

I believe that faith does not require us to leave our brains at the door to step into a spiritual reality. I do not believe asking some one to believe is asking them to be gullible. "In the end we need to combine a commitment to reason with an openness to trust" Douglas Todd -Van. Sun

Can we separate the ego that demands to be in control and demands answers to all of life's puzzling questions and find a place within us that can be open. It is a time to be honest about whether we want to believe. Believing in some one requires you to trust that person. The question that lies deep within our being is how will this belief change me and how can I trust the unknown.

I believe that all our actions have a significance beyond this present reality. This gives my life meaning and purpose. I believe in a power beyond earthly wisdom that flows within us and awakens the spirit to worship and to pray.

I believe that the first prayer is a simple "Dear God Show me that You exist?" Then wait. There is a time to be logical and a time to listen for His inner voice to speak to your heart.
I believe that the Bible speaks to us in ways that challenge us. We see the worst of our humanness and yet God brings good out of tragedy. Religion that is cut and dried; that leaves no room for doubt and questions, is a dead faith that is lived by rout and it does not include a living relationship in which we talk and listen and trust. This impacts our daily life moment by moment. The addict has to admit he or she is powerless to control their addiction and be willing to ask for help from a "higher power".

It all comes down to the simple fact we all need help with our unbelief.

There is a childlike spirit within us that loves to enjoy life, to have fun, and love to hug even when they are sticky or sad or tired.


I believe in the loving living presence that I call God who is closer than the air I breath.

MIND AND SPIRIT

This field was once full of green life and now it has been scraped bare we are questing to have more big green-houses to grow hot house tomatoes etc. Everywhere we drive there are changes with more and more townhouses and new shopping centers. We have such potential to build and we even have town planners but as our roads become busier and we often find ourselves rushing here and there; I find I just want to slow everything down.

I was leading our Bible study yesterday on the book of Esther and had a book from the library which I wanted to share some thoughts from. But I left it to the morning, yes I got caught up in watching the Olympics the night before, but the morning was chaos as the frig. had stopped working and had to be pulled out and everything taken out. There was the last minute items I had to buy from the store as we meet to study but also to contribute items to the food bank.
I had to make two trips because the first I forgot my money and the second time I ended up in a long line.

Esther is an easy book to read about a beautiful Jewish girl who wins the heart of the King and becomes queen; hiding her identity as a Jew. We reflected on this story and on the role of women today and what allows us to fall into a role that is expected of us? How are women valued today in our society and in our religion? Esther's claim to fame was her beauty and her ability to please. We see the flaws in Esther's character brought out as she lives a life of comfort and pampering forgetting her Jewish roots. She lost her true identity and her religious traditions.
She enjoyed a privileged lifestyle until the existence of the Jewish nation was threaten with annihilation and she has to risk going before the king when he has not summoned her and thus risks her life and also she has to admit she is a Jew.
"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

She now displayed a depth of character that did not depend on her beauty alone but on political savvy, courage and wisdom. This is one book in the Bible where God is not mentioned but yet he works as he reveals to each one of us, male or female, gifts that we have not used. There may be a time in our lives when we are called to risk the opinions that others have of us and to confront a wrong.

My mind tells me I should have done better and been better prepared but the spirit reminds us "God is our refuge and our strength" Psalm 46:1

COURAGE

We will remember these Olympic games for the courage that the athletes have shown in the face of death. The whole world held their breath as Joannie Rochette skated in the short program just two days after the sudden death of her mom. She walked in proudly determined to demonstrate great courage and inner strength. Every soul in the rink was cheering her on, holding back their tears, and at the end of the performance we cried with her. She was applauded for her courage; in unthinkable circumstances. I know her mother would be proud of her and cheering her on; and she would be inspiring her as she had done all her life. She has won her gold medal.

Her sorrow has touched all our hearts and all our prayers will continue to be with her.

Grief is apart of each one of ours l;ives. We grieve for the past and we grieve for the present that prevents us from living fully and doing what we use to do. Yes our hair is turning gray and we are losing energy and muscle tone and are greatest fear is of falling and yet we are thankful to be alive. But I find I have to be so careful as I work out in my front garden concentrating on each step.Love never dies but lives on of the hearts whose lives have been touched by the warmth of another human being. The good memories come flooding back and eventually grief becomes peace.

We do not walk alone as we journey through our joys and our sorrows. Yesterday as Jane and I shared a cup of tea with Shirley we laughed as she told us amazing stories but in a moment of quiet we shared how we felt God.s presence with us in a warmth and a peace. I think also of a quiet breeze that comes out of nowhere or a movement that we sense out of the corner of our eyes these speak to me of a presence that is real.

"As we journey through this life, into death, and into life once more, we are

constantly brought face to face with that ineffable place of surrender--the place where the past is allowed to dissove and a new state of being is born. This is the place where our spirit can soar on the wings of God." --Falling Into the Arms of God

SPRING FEVER

Along with the budding flowers and the wonderful sun shine comes the growing grass, the runny nose, the itchy eyes, and a headache and the mess. The mess is all the things that I start to do cleaning cupboards and windows, sorting papers and junk I have collected and just find it hard to throw out. I want to go through my books and decide what to give away but they just end up in a messy pile. My life is a mess of unfinished tasks and plans that do not always work out. I wanted to work in the garden but that did not happen. I have a pile of books, some from the library, that I want to read but right now the Olympics seem to draw you in. The stories in the newspaper have made the athletes seem more real and I think just getting in the competition is amazing.

Because it is lent, a time to withdraw from worldly busyness, I am trying to pray more and reflect on the real message of Jesus. It too seems a bit messy as I try to figure out what he was really saying and meaning. Jesus had a habit of collecting and reaching out to the imperfect and hopelessly flawed to call them to be his disciples. I compare myself with others and realize that I am different. I find meetings exhausting and often I end up with more questions than answers. Yes, there are often people who I would define as spiritual troublemakers, that seem to have different goals than me.

I see the brave souls, that are suffering and battling with disease, and they inspire us with their courage and sense of humor. I look at the athelites hurling helter-skelter, up-side down over bumps and through dangerous tunnels and I see the bone-shattering crashes that end all their hopes and dreams in one moment.

I can promise myself that I will do better, that I will finesh what I start and that I will use my time more productively but in my heart I know how hard it is to change. Religion is facing the need to change and right now it seems to be a mess of talking and no answers. Maybe it is at the moment when our lives seem to be crashing we also see our need to be loved and our need to give ourselves, imperfect but honest to the One who waits in our darkness to bring us light!

LOSING POLITELY

We are strongest when we paddle together in unity and a common goal. The strong can pull a little harder when the weak cannot keep going.

We play the game to win but someone has to lose. Even the losers are great and perform amazing feats of daring and skill. I think, and everyone laughs, that we should have three gold medals. Why cannot victory be shared?
Seeing the flame crossing the country has been a moving experience and also an educational one.
We all want to be proud of our country and to be able to cheer on those who are competing. There has been a lot of effort put into preparing and building and improving Vancouver. Right now it looks extremely beautiful with the breath-taking mountains and new growth coming out in bloom.

One of the greatest lessons in life is about letting go of our expectations and accepting our limitations. Most of us as we get older find we cannot do what we once loved doing. My prayer for each day is that I will have the energy to do my best and to give what I have to others.

We have to accept our losses with grace and thankfulness. I have great admiration for the many people I know who go through one trail after another. How can they keep on? For me it is finding the sacred in our suffering, in our temptations and in our failures.

We ask ourselves what need does the church meet in today's world? Have we lost the message that Jesus came to teach us about humility and compassion, healing the wounded and becoming peace-makers? We build great buildings yet we push aside the poor and hide our shame. Time and time again we want our way to be the right way and for out team to win. We want to be able to have something to cheer about and to stir up an excitement within us.

Listen for the heart beat and discover life! Love one another unconditionally. We can never lose if we find our strength in loving and giving!

STRANGE

Life is strange in many ways. Sometimes the alarm clock keeps ringing in the middle of the night even when it is unplugged. We are having a usually warm spring and the flowers are coming out in bud. I am having trouble recognizing the weeds though. Lady bugs love my garden and I have to protect them from Sandra who wants to kidnap them away. Strange her garden does not have many. I finally took off my long underwear yesterday because I feel the cold as some one at church said "O you skinny people you are always cold!" The Vancouver games are starting to get better reviews after all the negative. The city is beautiful and alive with happy cheering people. Even Panteli has put an Olympic decoration on his house and is daring the mean Olympic police to come and make him take it down. There are lots of famous singers and musicians coming to Vancouver but a young local B.C. drumming band is getting rave reviews. Personally I think they should be in the closing ceremonies. I have a passionate love of drums and the big base and guitars and violins take second place.

Strange the meeting at church that I thought would be a meeting to end all meetings is just a beginning for a group of people to plan more meetings. In our small group we were all over the page in our discussions. Spirituality got changed into needing to be more social and how do we attract new people. Bring a neighbor was suggested; I suggested if you want a more friendly place be friendly. I would change a lot about our services if I was to invite anyone; even my family I take to a more alive church. Anyway I guess I have to admit that I am the strange one, I listen for a word that inspires me and gives me hope. I always hear something that I try to keep alive in my spirit all week. I enjoy seeing my friends but this for me is not about being a social club. The music is important and music has a magic to transform the listener and stir up hidden emotions.

Bring your own sense of the sacred and the sacred will be there to meet you!

THE CHURCH

Hidden in the rules and doctrines of all religions there is beauty that is awe inspiring and joyful praise. We carry with in us our own prayers that we may never express out loud but yet they are a part of who we are.

There is a meeting at the church today to make some important decisions about how we can save our church and what future plans should we put forward. Can we support a minister? What kind of a minister? Will we have to be willing in the near future to join with another congregation or congregations.

I wonder where do I fit in? I am not a Martha who enjoys being busy in the kitchen and yet our church needs many Marthas. I am a learner that still meets regularly for Bible study and I am searching for answers. I am a heart for prayer so I give time and energy to pray. When I pray for others I feel a deeper compassion for many who are suffering and struggling with life.

If prayer is like the flower that slowly opens in response to warmth and light it seems to be an important part of awakening within us a sense of the sacred holiness that because we need to give things a name we name this presence God.

A FAVORITE SPOT

Soul Quietness.
Here I find a quiet place to sit and rest and pray. The words do not matter it is the loving thoughts that come from a listening heart. We never seem to have enough time in our day for all the things we would like to do and certainly not enough for all the books I am longing to read.

"Eloquent silence is often better than eloquent speech. __a Jewish Proverb

"In quietness and trust is my strength"__Isaiah 30:15

THE PARTY GOES ON

A quiet moment at the library on Larry's 75 birthday!

Another day of good wishes, more long distance phone calls and friends dropping by and more birthday cards. Even a classical music card from Jane and Geof. Thank you, you two, we are both enjoying the C.D. and it is a little easier on the ears than some of the music Larry plays; although he is very good considering no practice. From the very first bite of the first cake to the last bite of his single piece of carrot cake it has all been fun.

Today he may go over and get his hearing checked although it is funny the things he hears; that I don't say. Was it just by chance I piked up a D.V.D. from the the library "As Time Goes By" in which Lionel loses his hearing. Mainly I was just looking for something funny and we did have a good laugh!

MYSTICAL PRAYER

I am trying to concentrate early in the morning, no concentrate is not the right word, but to be open a deeper experience of prayer. This is when my mind has not started to wrestle with what needs to be done and my feelings are floating free because it is a new day. This is the moment when God can capture my thoughts and as I pray for others I feel the love flowing through me outward.

I know that at times I feel aware that someone is praying for me and it is like a gentle butterfly resting on a flower there is a sense of peace and rest. It is hard to put spiritual thoughts into words so having a picture in my mind helps. I feel the freedom to simple be me. I am not the past nor am I the future. I am where I am meant to be in the moment.

I do not know how prayer works; working again is not the right word, but it is a living and loving committment to reach beyond the ordinary into the mystical. I am going to spend time each day in prayer more aware of the sacred. I will be reading prayers that others have said and written and in reading I will be praying along. I will let the silence of the morning speak to me.

FAMILIES & HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DAD!

This is Evangeline Elizabeth the newest family member at Colebrook Church! She was due at the same time as Jasmine.

This was taken at the Valentine's New Year Tea and Olymic Tea at Colebrook. There was a great family feeling and we were pleased to take Shirley Flowler!

I was thinking today of how I would like my children to remember me. Now that we are all adults and have the freedom to make mistakes and make our own choices. Our values and our opinions may differ and advice is easy to give but always hard to accept.

Children dear I hope you will remember my laugh and the fun times we have had together.
I was too serious as a parent and discipline was not my greatest strength so I often ended up yelling. All that did was make me feel bad even when I did achieve the goal making you clean up or stop fighting etc. I still find it hard not to remind dad to take out the garbage. Some habits change but others do not.

It takes love and humility to accept our own weaknesses; but in reality we are all too human. I became a parent at a young age and soon found my life consumed with feeding and clothing and cleaning up messes with hardly time to run to the bathroom. But I am happy that we now have equality in our relationships. It has taken time to listen without being judgmental and that time has healed old wounds. I still pray for you all. I am proud of the ways you all are still growing and trying new things.

Humor has the potential to bring harmony into all relationships; so I am happy we all have a crazy and at times unpredictable sense of the ridiculous. I think this is a very good quality to bring into our religion. With humor we can include and accept those who are different than us.

We need to have fun and laughter to shield us from all the problems that we may face.

Today has been a busy day for me. I had a good walk; it was 7:30 but it was light out. Attended the meeting at Colebrook U.C.W. which was both inspiring and fun. I just got home when the first of 3 visiters dropped by. The older lady who I visited at Christmas time dropped by. She was going to buy me a flower but was not sure of the house I lived in. Panteli came by with a fun present for Larry and then Cathy, mother of five, dropped in. Also had a lively talk with Melina

which was very good. I could hear Jasmine and Matthew in the background. Matthew said good-bye as clear as could be. A full and enjoyable day.

I think it was sooo neat that Jesus did not say "Hey you guys don't you know how spiritually poor you are? No. instead he said, Blessed are the poor in spirit." Jesus came to bless us with his words and his life and especially the love of GOD!

Happy 75 bityhday to Larry

THE ROAD TO HEALTH

This is a small path beside the road where all the cars wheez by. Dad and I are both slowing down but we have daily choices to try and keep ourselves healthy. I made an appointment with the doctor after Larry finally made his appointment, for his stomach acid reflux, which has gotten much worse. He must eat about 4 or 4:30 a light supper.

I have been having headaches and a nasty cough when I come home from my walks. I have a mild form of asthma that should clear up with the inhaler. I now have to learn how to do it right. I was able to renew the pills that Larry has been taking for his stomach as I got into the doctor within an hour of my phone call. I was very given them to help with nausea and digestion and then Larry's doctor also gave hom some.

Any helps for this reflux problem? We are open to suggestion.

The doctor put me on the scale right away and I am to eat an egg for breakfast and lots of nuts and ice cream. Our bodies seem to have a mind of their own just when I feel like I am getting fat I am not and when I feel skinny I am putting on weight. lol

LENT

We are like a small candle that can bring light into the darkness.

Lent is a time to allow the light to burn deeper into our souls as we seek to learn "the mystery" of a faith that burns quietly within us. The unknowing that will always have unanswered questions has a silent beauty that speaks when we take time to listen. Christianity has become many things to many different people. We who believe long to reach out to touch those who have been hurt by religion or who have so many questions and doubts they have no energy or desire to listen not to what the world teaches but what the spirit would say.

Lent is a time to walk with Jesus prayerfully; to allow our hearts to become soften and our wounds to heal, in the light of grace. Most of us hold our pain very close inside us and yet we all have words that have hurt us or people who have rejected us. Jesus gave his life to give us words to live by and the power to believe. Jesus, a man of passion, wants to light a burning light of faith in our deepest darkness.

There is so much that I am still learning because I will always be a child of God with a spirit of rebellion as I question the evil in the world and find my foundations shaken by reality. The hardest thing for me is when children are abused and the world turns a blimd eye. So many people have no right to speak for God because they have an agenda that often blinds us to the truth.

Jesus is alive and the words he speaks are life-restoring. We are to take our light into the hurting world and see the holiness in the poor and the neglected, the sad and the lonely.

WHY NOW?

Why are there no pat answers?

Why did we get in the car planning to drive to church with Colebrook and we unthinkingly drove to Gracepoint. I had wanted to thank the faithful people who had prayed for Jeff and Cathy so that we could be thankful he is home. He is a long way from health but hopefully on the way. But I had also asked Gracepoint to pray so was able to slip a note in to thank them. We are often left in the darkness when we pray for people so it is good to see some light.

Why did our plans to pick up Chris not work out? I am sorry I should have explained he needed to meet him outside because we did not know the number of the apartment. We got there early and state 15 minutes late, we rang the manager and so did dad, I rang different buzzers, I asked people I did not want to leave. His phone does not work so that was no help. Why do I feel so miserable and had a hard time sleeping.

Why do so many people seem to have one problem after another? Why am I so stupid?

We all live in the hope that God understands our struggles, honors our unbelief and helps us face our mistakes. So many things in life are a culmination of errors that bring disappointment.

LOVE'S EMBRACE

For years dad would go and buy a big box of chocolates for me at Vanentine's and he was thrilled to be able to do it. This year I had a craving for a heart-shaped cookie so we drove down to Choices to pick up a few. They bring back so many memories for me of baking cookies and decorating them with the children. I made dad a lemon pie to express my love so our lives change in the way we express love and appreciation to those we love.

The first blessing of Valentine's came when a card from our daughter Sandra arrived expressing words of thank you and saying I love you. We are very blessed too to have good relations with those in our family and to be able to say "I love You" and mean it with all our heart.



In Hebrew the word chesed which we translate as love has the meaning of loving-kindness. The Torah states that "His chesed [loving-kindness] endures forever. This world was created with love and is now sustained every moment even when we are not aware of it. God's love has us conquer our fears and comforsts us in times of grief and sorrow. We are all weak and it is easy to lose that "loving feeling" because we make mistakes and as the Bible says we fall from grace.

Words are meamingful when followed by actions. My parents did not express love in words but in their caring love for my brother and I. Both my parents spoke with love about their parents which was such a blessing to me.

Love can be a powerful emotion, a deep longing to be a part of some one else's life. We all want to be loved.

"Life is a sailboat on the water. Love is the wind. The ruder is the mind. Sometimes when you have just the wind, you'll crash. And yet without the wind you won't go anywhere. You need both."

"Without love, life would be vacant. Your heart would not exist. Love is that yearning that is not of this world. And yet it fills the space. Nothing else makes sense."
These quotes are from the book -How The World Makes Love" byFranz Wisner.


Love starts within and like the wind we cannot see we can feel it. That love within grows as we take risks and reach out to love others. Love grows when we are willing to forgive and forget
Love the whole world agrees is committment, compromise and understanding. Faith, family and friends have supported me and strengthened me. Love is not easy in this world where there is so much unfairness and strife so love calls us to work and put effort in to being loving. As I near the end of my journey with a loving husband I have seen both of us learn to love even the hidden personality traits that cause us annoyance. We still have to learn to express our true feelings. Sometimes it is like the story expressed in the book, "The Business of Marriage and Medals". Jeff Pain was the athelet training in the bob sled and the skeleton races so he could be in the Olymic games. They endured tough times when money was scarce and Aly spend many hours alone feeling abandoned. Now they have writen a book together and have learned to see the struggles that the other one had to endure. They have a story to tell that can apply to any marriage that is willing to put energy into their relationship and to be survivors when the road gets bumpy. Dad and I are now great-grandparents and do not look at all like the young couple that many years ago said "I do". Beauty is fleeting but love that endures is beautiful.

Love changes the direction of our lives and even some of our dreams.

HUMILITY

It was a magical night of beating drums, beautiful young faces aglow, fascinating colours changing and dancing before our eyes, figures flying so high above the crowd that ended with the lighting of the flame. Earlier in the day tragedy took the life of 21 year old Georgian luger as he hurled from his sled after hiting the inside wall, flew up in the air and over the outside wall and struck the girder. Do we feel humble realizing that in our goal for outstanding perfection death comes uninvited when we least expect it. We are reminded that in the midst of all life there will always be death and to prepare for death we learn to die to ourselves. Jesus tried to teach this to the disciples but they were not able to hear his words.

I was most impressed with the quotes that were spoken by people I admire during the ceremonies. I hope they are quoted somewhere. I think it was inspiring to see all the different people chosen to carry the flame; but the words of Mr. Gretzky, Wayne's dad spoke most powerfully to me. The words of his parents came to life as he shared how a simple person can be chosen and honored to take part in this journey of the flame.

Many celebraties have come to celebrate and bask in the glow of their fame. What happens during the moments when the spotlight moves on to others. Fame last for fleeting moments and then the spotlight moves on.

"Occupy a rightful place, neither too much nor too little. Focus neither on your own virtues nor the faults of others." Humility as expressed in the book "Everyday Holiness" is an virtue associated with spiritual perfection. It reveals a healthy self-esteem that allows one to realize that we are all unique and have something to contribute to the world in which we live. "Humility just means just being "no more of a somebody than you ought to be".

I am proud of all these young people who have trained so hard to be the best and yet so many will fail and how will there lives be changed when the excitment and the thrill is all over. We all have inner voices that one moment can make us feel like we are the best and the other voice that reminds us that we can never be all we hope and dream to be.

Humility requires a balance harder than walking on a tight-rope.

HONORING THE PAST

The Olympic Torch has touched many hearts and lives burning within us all a new excitement and a honest pride in our country and our cities, small and great. I love the stories that are coming out now and the fact that we share can in the experiences of others. It is very important to honor our past, to face up to our mistakes and gather up courage to build a better country for all who live here. I would love to be years younger and go hear some of the music that is filling the air along with fireworks and waving flags.

Everywhere I go I see the volunteers in their special jackets catching the bus and travelling to be a part of the celebration. With glowing hearts, words from out national anthem, have been reflected in the many faces that have cheered on the torch. "The opening ceremony will honor

more than just the sporting events inspired by the ancient Greeks. The sound and the spectacle will also showcase us; Who we are and what we have accomplished as Canadians, first Nations and as British Columbians." - Van. Sun

There is a small group forming, out of the protest groups, meeting in the downtown Vancouver

United Church that has now become a resource center and a home for the homeless; meeting to put the spirit and energy into these celebrations into helping the homeless. They each one have their story. Maybe for some their own home was not a safe place, or maybe they were drawn to a life of freedom on the streets, or maybe it was addictions that crippled their lives and caused them the loss of family and fiances, or maybe it was a mental illness that filled their lives with darkness and depression.

We collected bottles and cans for a down and out couple that come to our door and we wish we could do more; but we smile and welcome them when they come and give what we have. It seems so little but little efforts make the big stories come true.

LOVE AND LAUGHTER.

Cloudy days can be fun!

Yesterday was a day full of laughter. I am sure I added a year to my life and I recommend taking time just to be a little crazy! I walked down to the coffee shop at Zellers to join my friends and we always laugh so much I think they may throw us out one day. Looking back in the past we see the humor in our lives!

Religion can be fun!

In the afternoon it was off to Colebrook for a serious study in the book of Esther. Ya right! We are a noisy and happy group when we get together and who ever is leading has an extremely hard time keeping us on topic. It is too bad others do not know what they are missing. One story leads to another and before we know the room is full of laughter.

Time out for Chinese food.

A cute young girl came over when we were openning our fortune cookies and was all excited to read ours too as well as her own. Mine promised me more fun and sure enough as we joined our group for Bible Study we found ourselves joking around.

Laughter releases so many positive emotions of faith, love, cheerfulness, playfulness, creativity and all these have such theraputic value. We feel warm and relaxed when laughter becomes our friend.

THE INWARD AND THE OUTWARD JOURNEY

The clock tells me the correct time but I have been having trouble reading it right. I try to stay up to a certain time and I try not to get up too early. Listening to the radio yesterday I heard the author of Julie Julie describe why she had written her new book. She felt her first book had been superficial painted her life more romantically than realistically. She wanted people to know that she was real; more a sinner than a saint. Mostly our days are planned or we are fulfilling expectations we have of ourselves or others have of us. This is the outward journey. The reality is that we are often on an inward journey too; but we have to be free of these expectations and take time to discover the inner mystical voice that awakens the truth of who we really are.

We are spiritual beings with souls that hunger and thirst even as our physical bodies do. I am reading about Theresa of Avila, a mystical nun, who struggles with the mystical and often felt rejected by many of her contemporaries, especially the male clerics. Her journey was to blend her everyday busy life with the inner spiritual awareness that was always a part of her being. She writes " Within oneself, very clearly, is the best place to look for God. The kingdom of heaven as Jesus taught us is within us and available to all. Although she entered a monastery she found the prayers recited by rote left her soul dry and uninspired. She faced her own fears and self doubt until she could find a safe place of resting and meditating that was her salvation. She writes about facing our own darkness with the light of God's grace and finding healing of both body and soul.

THE PICTURE

Yes, I had a picture perfect day all planned out but it worked out better than I expected. A miserable headache prevented me from going visiting at the nursing home like I had planned.

Instead I was the one who was visited by the two Cathys, our nieghbor and our friend. Cathy came over to tell me Jeff has been released from hospital but now she becomes the care giver.

My How their lives have changed in the last year with an unexpected illness. Hopefully healing will restore a balance to all of our lives. Grama's need rest as well as young mothers!

I was reminded later in the day of a book writen by Henri Nouven called "The Prodigal Son." In this book he sits in front of the picture, meditating on Rembrant's painting. He is in actually fact drawn into the picture and sees himself as the progical, as the older brother and then finally as the father. Looking into the picture he sees not the powerful rigid figure of the father but sees for the first time the soft and tender hand placed on the prodigal's shoulder. Jesus, the obedient son, left his father to journey here with us to reveal to us the softness in the love of God. Jesus tells us he cares and he is with us.

I did work out in the garden for awhile thinking the fresh air would revive me and the signs of new life always come as a delightful surprise. Everyday we have a certain amount of things that we feel we have to do and to achieve; and yet the quiet moments are when we are aware that we are not alone and that sometimes plans are changed and life goes on.

The Olymic torch is now travelling through Surrey and North Delta and I am quite content to watch the enthusiastic crowds cheer it on. There have been plans made for these winter games that we have found distasteful but the excitment of the crowds brings joy to my heart.

Nothing is picture perfect but if we keep looking we see what we were meant to see.

LET THE WATER DRIP OFF

Life is full of adversity and challenges that we have the choice how to deal with.

Be flexible. "Get rid of the "if only's" and get on with whatever you need to do to get things right." These words are from our book 100 Things To Always Remember and One Thing Never to Forget." Every little page has a simple truth that we have all heard before and yet there comes a time when we need to take the truth and make it a reality in our own lives.

Usually when the knock on our door comes on a Sat. morning I happily listen to their message of the truth but last Sat. I found their words annoying. One good thing was that I needed to be reminded of what did Jesus actually say. They can quote the Bible because they come armed with a prepared script. I only think of things to say after they leave and I decide to laugh about it. We will never agree on what is the truth and who has it but I can listen and smile and send them on their way. "And don't ever forget how special I am" and I can profit from every experience!

VISITING THE PAST

Old family pictures are popping up on face book and it is great fun. I have always had a bit of a problem living in the "now". Live in the moment we are told only then will you be happy. When I am busy doing something I can focus for awhile on my task but like the sun breaking through the clouds a memory comes into my mind. With the memory there can come emotions that are as real now as they were then. This is one reason we all remember things differently; but there are things we cannot remember no matter how we try.

Right now in the garden the buds are popping out on the trees and little tiny shoots are popping up in the bare earth. Looking at a barren branch I wonder if it will ever become green again. I check everyday I go out the door and it is a hard decision to go for a walk or to hang around home and dig out those nasty weeds. Some I let grow because I am not sure if they are weeds or not. I know that I can hurry things along that things will change in time, so that makes the future full of promise and hope.

Dad and I had lunch with our neighbor Iris Reid and we talked about the fun we had living on the street in Tsawwasenand the things the children did together. It was a good visit as we brought out pictures of our children now and then we have our grandchildren and great grandchildren so I brought along an album. I realize I did to reorganize but that a task for a rainy day.

Douglas Todd wrote in the Sun newspaper about his 83 year old mother with severe dementia that robs people of their memories of who they were and are. When I go visiting and walk into a room I see a lonely person who just sitting. As we sit and talk my memories awaken past memories in their minds or at the very least they become involved emotionally with my stories. They often adopt the mood that I bring with me. "Reality-which requires awareness of the past, present and future," is slowly fading from their minds and it is sad to see. My mom who could not speak for the last four years of her life, could not smile or show any emotion and gradually her eyes becoming dull and there appeared to be no response to my visits. There would be many questions that came to my mind that I had wished I had asked. Yet love was still in that room, because I could touch her hand and talk to her.

Today I am reading scripture in church which is one of the few things I do now. I am not a kitchen helper in fact I am a disaster if I go in the kitchen because there are so many rules now.
Wash your hands in this sink, the dishes in this place and the dishwasher must be loaded just so.
Today we will be going over to Sandra and Randy's house to watch football and stay for supper. I am looking forward to our time together.

Whether it is revisiting the past or asking questions about today or to-morrow it is very important to talk to our loved ones when we are together. We may have other things on our minds but the most important thing is the conversation we can have while we are together. To laugh and to have fun together.

LOOOOOONG SENTENCES

I must admit that I am not a fan of long sentences, although I know many disagree, I myself would ask to be delivered from long sentences and wordy descriptions that leave one forgetting what the original thought was all about and why it needed to be expressed in the first place. Then there is the problem of where to put comas and semi-colins. One can say the night is dark and a picture is immediately formed in your mind; or one can describe the lack of moonlight and the need to feel one's way along as the eyes try to focus on dark shapes that loom ahead of each cautious step, fighting back the fear while listening to every sound of rattling leaves and creaking boards beneath one's feet. Darkness can be a friend as we welcome the end of the day but lying awake in the dark allows the mind to drench up past sins and omissions and worries about the future.

Darkness slows us down and we are reminded that a lot of the life we live is out of our control. As we sped along the dark tunnel on the Canada line, with tiny lights here and there, you where very aware of how vulnerable you were in this big machine with the vibration of movement making you aware of the great speed you were going. The journey was quick but it was not enjoyable and I was very aware of the strangers that shared this time and experience with me.
But in this dark place you had no idea where you were and I liked the bus that let you see exactly where you were much better.

It was an exciting day as dad and I set off on this new experience, so common place to the regulars, who strode ahead of us while we were always looking for signs and asking for directions.

This reminds me of motherhood that we enter into with so little knowledge and the challenges that we will have to face. One day these children grow up and become adults and all though they are like us in many ways; in many other ways they are so very different. We both have to learn to express what we think and what we want in new ways. There needs to be freedom to express opinions and values and lifestyles that we are at loss to understand. There will always be an emotional bond that allows feelings to be hurt and misunderstandings to weaken the relationship, but it is always worth the effort to keep trying to love and support each other!

The unknown future takes us into dark places but the light waits ahead for us!

REMEMBERING

Yesterday we had a delightful day riding around town on the buses, the Sky Train and the Canada line. It was a different world seeing all kinds of people; some here for the Olympics taking pictures just like me. You feel more of the excitement when you mingle with the crowds and see all the banners being put in place. The day was warm and sunny so we could really enjoy it all; except on the Canada line you speed through the darkness and then you start to think what of something where to go wrong. Basically the whole day you are putting your life in a small way in the hands of technology. . I saw only one person I could say looked a little suspicious because he fit the perfect description. Did he feel many eyes upon him? I wonder.

Today is another special day, our friend Geof is celebrating a very important birthday; and we are off by car to visit New Westminster to meet an old friend. It has been 40 odd years since we have seen Iris. I am sure she will recognize dad who has not changed that much.

Happiness mixed with sadness seems to be apart of life. It was so good to see Leah, who was in good spirits but in pain from her accident. Will she get back into her nursing career is questionable. I often miss what people are saying when you are making a meal so our visit with Rick was more relaxed in the morning.

We phoned Melina for her birthday but she was out picking up Jesse from school. She is exhausted being up most of the night with new baby Jasmine. Ken will now have two weeks off so that should help but they have a very busy active household with Matthew going full speed
every waking minute. I hope they can get some help and maybe take turns getting rest. By the time we had Kenny we had to let him cry at times because the other three needed attention. I hate to hear a baby cry but sometimes they have to learn it is part of life. We do not always get rescued and pulled out of our pit of despair. I often feel helpless listening to others in difficult distress but I can offer no answers because they have to figure a way out themselves. We are all flawed humanity struggling to do our best with the help of friends and family and for me the help of the spirit of God.

The statue, of Jesus Christ, outside a cathedral in England after the war was rebuilt all but the hands and inscribed with the words "Christ has no hands but ours".

HISTORY

This is the old ferry dock in Fort Langley where the ferries no longer travel back and forth. There is now a new bridge called Golden Ears to take it's place.

I put on my chef's hat to make the best stew in the west [said dad] for Rick and Leah and Craig and Sandra; but in reality it was the desert that won most of the comments. We had a happy visit even though Leah still is on medication and having pain. She will continue her treatment but it will take time for th nerves to heal.

Rick is now getting ready for a meeting in Langley before heading back to Kamloops.

Dad and I are off on the bus tour of our own so that should be fun.

I have just learned from Rick's book "100 Photo's that changed Canada" that Thomas Coffin Doane [1814 - 96] became the first photojournalist by taking a picture after the fire in Montreal of the Molson Brewrey in 1852. The picture showed a gentleman in a top hat in the midst of the rubble with a young woman and child in the background. The message was clear that men had the authority over the women and children.

I also learned that way back then takeing photps could be dangerous as the use of flash powder caused injuries which could be serious and I thibj it said life threatning.

In the past history of Canada there have been many hardships and struggles as a nation sought it's identity. Looking at the pictures captures more of the feel of the story than just words. I am very proud to be a Canadian even though we have our faults.

Happy Birthday to Melina. It is today there but to-morrow here right?

PRAYERFULLY

The light from the candle and the hands held securely are a picture of prayer. We come to the light that shines with love upon us, we do not need words as in some strange way we become more human. We see we need to hold each other's hands and offer what little faith we have to
the quiet unknown.

There are many things that prayer is and many things that prayer is not. For some it is a hollow repetition that seems meaningless when answers do not come or situations do not change. Prayer is not magic but in some mysterious way it is powerful. Prayer creates a channel of love to flow that may or not be received by the receiver. There have been studies to prove the power of prayer and now the atheists have studies that disprove prayer. Why do we think this is strange when one study tells us coffee is good and one study says it is bad. If we were to just go by these studies we would be unsure of anything and want to know the real truth.

I worry too much so prayer has brought me a sense of comfort and helped me to let go of some worries. God does not prevent bad things happening; nor does he provide for our needs. Prayer is one of the strong walking sticks that helps us walk up a steep hill or a long road. When I took the grand children for walks by our old house down the steep cliff they would look for good walking sticks for me. We had such fun walking down that cliff into the woods below where we felt we were in another world. Today parents have so much more to worry about and because of that teach there children to be cautious of strangers. I was taken as a young child to a police station when I was lost. All I remember was feeling afraid and lost and alone and then the police men who were so kind to me and gave to candies and set m on their desk.

I look at the situation in Haiti and see the faithful joining in prayer and praise and I see a faith that was worth dying for. Their lives would still be difficult and their sorrow and grief would still fill their hearts and souls Prayer would be begin the healing process. Coming together would bring some comfort and some escape from reality.

"When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubles. . . . Jesus wept 11:33, 35

Sometimes in life we need someone just to weep with us not to slove our problems but to share our grief until we can once again experience the goodness of life. No. I am not sad but I question why some people have to suffer so much and we are so helpless. Dad picked up a young woman thrown out of a car on a cold deserated prairie road and gave her a ride. He took her to safety but then he left her there. We do small things in life and hope that our prayers can somehow help others find safety. We are loveable no matter what we have done or has been done to us.

Prayer is not like a paint by number that gives you the perfect picture but a creative mix of faith and doubt.

TRAPPED

My pictures are trapped somewhere in this computer and it will take me a long time to find them. This is because dad switched me off and now all is lost. The funny thing was the quote I saw in the Sun paper by the Sedin twins really fits this morning. "Curb your frustration and manage your emotions, trust yourself and your own ability." Yes, I will keep trying.

Yesterday we had a ton of birds flying around our house so I went to the shed to get the bird food and the cloth bag and the other two plastic bags had been chewed into and evidence of the little varmints was everywhere. I left it for dad to clean up while I went visiting at the Nursing Home. I am getting to know my new man better and he was telling me how he fell and could not get up and was alone until the next day. He is a very cheerful little man who loves to tell me that even though he was little he was the best worker at the mill.

Today we will go shopping at Safeway for 10% off day to get food for supper to-morrow for Rick coming down and Leah and Craig coming over. Anyone else is welcome to drop by.

I am thankful not to be driving in traffic this morning and especially not to be trapped in the tunnel where I heard there was an accident.

CHILDHOOD

The joy of children.

How has are childhood shaped us? When did we start to wonder just who am I and how can I be true to the real inner me. My brother has always been so very different than me and we are now in a very different place in our faith. We are strong believers and I know without a doubt he lives by what he believes. I am trying to do the same.

Like the child in the picture I believe that one day very early in life I put out my hand and into it came the gift of faith. I believe in a faith where it is acceptable;e to colour outside the lines as was mentioned in church yesterday. I am learning to understand why others cannot believe and that it can sometimes be a moment of crisis in their lives that sucked the very faith out of them.
Yes, there is spiritual abuse, church abuse, religious abuse, leadership in every walk of life that tries to program us and shape us. Life is full of imperfection and lost dreams but somewhere along the road of maturity we have to find a way to solve our problems and to learn from our mistakes.

Where do you go to find joy? Where do you go to find comfort? Faith should not be built on fear of either punishment or promises of rewards. Faith does not have to be logical but it has brought beauty into the harsh reality of facts and even fiction.