THE BEGINNING

                             This is the picture of a ball that you bounce  to make the colours shine.

The beginning of my day I felt chilled to the bone and I warmed up a blanket to wrap around me.  [Was tempted to jump right in the dryer]  This chill warmed up when Jane brought us a orchid to celebrate our anniversary.  Going to the restaurant with all the huge trees and beautiful flowers around us was a good way to celebrate and just enjoy being together.  We are blessed to have one another and to have a special day to share our love. 

The beginning of the world, which I understand looks beautiful from space, is beyond our comprehension.  We can go back in time to discover what the ancient people have to tell us.  They drew pictures in caves, they had sacred places, they had rituals and different ways of describing God. 

"The story of a lost paradise was a myth that was central to ancient religion, not a factual account of a historical event."    It gave expression to the hardness and painful existence that seemed to fragment people that once felt close to nature and the wonder of the holiness of a creator.  Two beliefs were strongly held that there was a time when the earth was a paradise and that they would find that paradise again. 

Today the paradise we search for is happiness and comfort and freedom from stress and worry and illness.
We search for answer in many different ways and all of us find joy in doing different things.  At one time I would have thought lying on a beach was a great way to spend a day, now I am more concerned about burning and the worry of skin cancer.

Today we have found many paths to choose from in our quest for the spiritual.  We have the ability to journey to the beginning of time as archaeologists discover more and more about the civilizations that proceeded us. 

The Bible has been for me like a warm comforting blanket; from the pages I discovered evidences of a spiritual reality that was expressed in myth more real than the earth I walk upon.  As I walk around my neighbor hood I am seeing more and more signs of nature preparing to rest.  Soon the trees will be completely barren of their leaves and the days grow shorter and darker.  No wonder in time long ago they wondered if this was the beginning of the end of their world.  They had no control over nature but there had to be a "Being" a fundamental energy that supports and animates everything that exists.

This energy would be expressed in art and worship and music because how else can you share the emotions that are beyond words.  Sacred places were chosen as places where sacred rituals gave meaning to existence.

LOVE

It was 54 years ago that your dad and I left sunny Regina, where we had just been married, to fly to fogy and wet Vancouver.  Foggy weather but also fogy uncertainty as dad had to complete his training as an Air Traffic Controller.  I would have to learn how to take the bus around to search for a job.  The unexpected happen when I became pregnant with a tubal pregnancy and was told I needed total bed rest.  I remember lying in bed crying not wanting to lose this baby.  We were blessed with the good news after a painful night that the pregnancy was going to be alright; as far as they could now tell.  There was no ultra-scan etc.  We had two names picked out one was Richard if it was a boy and Carol if it was a girl.

We found a basement suite and at that time rentals were very scarce.  We had an old car that broke down within a month and then dad had to take the bus to work with cardboard stuffed in his shoes and his lunch bag in his hand.  I was finally able to own a dog and was so glad of his happy presence during the many hours I was alone.

A few months later we were able to move into a run-down triplex; the old air force housing near the airport.  It looked so depressing when I drove up to it I did not even want to go in.  But it was the right move and as I spent time painting over the next week while dad went off to work it started to look better.

Love that starts out as romantic has to grow into a stronger and more mature relationship.  We went through some difficult times together.  Out of the crushing of the grapes comes the wine. 

So we enjoy the good days when we feel healthy and help one another when we do not.

 We have not made any definite plans for today but are thinking about going to Vandusen Gardens.

ATTITUDE

This is the doll house dad made for Morgan.  Theresa and Morgan have been adding the furniture and creating special rooms and where so pleased to show us what they had been doing.  Ben had been making a Lego project and he was very proud of his achievements.

I started a few projects yesterday but only finished one; that was writing a letter and mailing it.  My elderly distant relative in Australia does not have inter-net so it is back to pen and ink.

A day when I was aware of a lot of sadness in the world with heavy flooding destroying homes and business on Vancouver Island, a young girl killed in the park near us, reading about the doctor whose children were killed in the Gaza strip.  It is so sad when children are brought up to hate and distrust others.  Larry was writing about a mentally ill girl he had rescued at the airport who everyone else had neglected.  She was totally confused and did not even know where she was.  She was hungry as well as lost.  In the end she was placed on a airplane and flown to Seattle where a relative would meet her.

Our kitchen roof has now started to leak again and although dad fixed it last time I think it is time to call in the experts.  The water from the bathtub on the floor above seems to leak and all of a sudden a hole starts to break through.  This is a small problem compared to others but it is annoying.  We have had this trouble since we first moved in.

Today I am reading about mystics who devote their lives to meditation and prayer.  Unlike our Dr. Phil or Oprah mystical writings are hard to comprehend and may seem irrelevant to our lives; but they have provided solace for those who came to them questioning the suffering of life.  We know that it is in facing the difficult in life; especially something we cannot change, is when our attitude needs to change.

Life is made up of the opposites good productive times and times when I feel stuck.  I wake up in darkness every morning now and eagerly wait for the light to dawn and the world around me come to life.  Life has meaning when we can do something to help someone else through dark times. 

We have not been abandoned by the energy that created all that was good that  I call God.  There is hope that good can come from the place of hopelessness and despair.  I look at my garden and see new life spring up here and there.  I cannot stop the weeds from growing they delight in finding any crack in the sidewalk and start growing. 

I am learning not to argue with the past and to trust the future; the good and the bad, with faith instead of fear.

CALM WATERS

We went for a walk along the quiet river near to Theresa's house.  This has become a tradition that we often do.  Ben now rides his bike and Morgan tired out from her soccer and maybe feeling she wanted to be small again jumped in the stroller which Gramma Carol pushed.  Her mom would have insisted she walk but us gramma's,  who want to enjoy the moments and do not have to worry about discipline just go along with what is easiest.  Of course once we got to the river Morgan jumped out and forgot how tired she was and ran around chasing leaves and looking for bugs etc. 

A day that had looked like it may decide to rain turned out to be warm and sunny.  We are having mornings of rain and then the sun comes out to surprise us.  Back in Surrey Sandra is out in her garden and missing her pitch-fork.  She could not resit such a beautiful fall day.  She talks with a lisp but seems to be recovering well from her dental surgery.

I am reminded how important it is for our souls just to take time to enjoy nature, whether it is looking out at the lake from your exercise bike, digging in your garden, walking by the river, or sitting out on the porch; which dad was doing back home after doing some shopping.  A new store had opened and I had suggested we go there but then changed my mind and went to Chilliwack with Carol.

Taking time to wonder and appreciate life with all the beauty we see around us and all the love we feel in our families.  We are all so different and maybe a little crazy but I am glad that we are.  I think the little acts of kindness reminds us that God is present in us all.  I was reading about St. Francis who felt so at one with nature, with the animals, and with all creatures.  Jesus talked about doing the simple act of giving a drink of water with love as being an act of vibrant compassion. 

There are so many needs in our world today and we cannot help or support them all so we do what we can.  I find when I get over-tired I get so cranky and dad tells me to go have a rest.

There is a calmness that comes when I rest.

MUSHROOMS & SPIDER WEBS

Mushrooms are popping up all over as I go for my walk each day.  The spider web was pointed out to me by Morgan at the park where they were playing soccer.  There are many ideas coming out these days about the church and religion and spirituality.  There are more and more books being written that appeal to the intellectual seeker.  And the question most asked is what is in it for me.  No one wants to just blindly believe.  Ane there is no reason that you have to.   We are all so different in our approach to life, we all have different opinions and different ways of dealing with difficulties.  So we all find happiness in our own ways.                                                        

As for me I know that a important part of my faith is my naivete with which I believe.            

DELIGHTFUL

I admire writers who can take you with their words  into the world of a child.

Innocence

     When I was  a child I was told by my parents that if I ate the crusts on my bread

that I would have curly hair.

That was a great incentive to me because I wanted more than anything to have curly hair..

  I went to bed many a night with my hair tied with rags to make it curly.

As we mature it is important that we look at why we believe as we do.

I have found a great many things have influenced me as I went to school

and found out that many people did not believe as I did.                       

What I believed influenced what I did and said and how I felt about myself and about others.





                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                                  

THE EYES OF A CHILD

To spend a day with our great grandchildren was to see the world through their eyes, to see the joy of kicking the soccer ball, of finding a spider web. of catching falling leaves, throwing rocks into the water and riding bikes etc.  A delightful day spent with enthusiastic children.  Every moment for them is a moment to be alive and to be open to experience the sensation of wonder.

Ben is a very competitive soccer play while Morgan plays with the movement of a ballet dancer.  I would love to have a video to capture these moments.

HOME

As we were driving home last evenning I was very aware of the good feeling that coming home gives me. 
I love being at home and everyday there are thibgs that need to be done that keep me busy and happy.  I let my energy drive me because I am very aware that when I get exhausted I get cranky. 

I feel sorry for people who find life boring because for me there is so much to see and do and experience.  Re-arranging the thoughts in my brain keep me busy!

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning
and gets to bed at night
and in between he does what he wants to do."   Bob Dylan

Happiness is being me.

I would love to travel to see my family whether they are in Edmonton, Kingston Ontario, the Grand Cayman or way down to Melbourne.  But I cannot promise that I will do this.  Everyday I have different energy levels and I admire wonderful energetic paople that can go dancing in their 80's or sky jumping in their 90's but this is not me. 

CHOSEN

When the sun is shining it is nice to choose to sit in the living room.

I believe that we are all chosen to bring joy into the lives of others; by sharing our story and living out our philosophy, our dreams, our faith.  We have been given certain skills and strengths but also there are limitations that we have to deal with.  I am a complex human being with my own thoughts and desires.

I love a good story where you get caught up in the life of others and you can imagine you are a part of that story.  Mom took me to the library at a very early age and I can still remember the joy of bringing books home.

I always wanted my children to know my parents because I never knew my grandparents.  I heard stories about them but they did not seem real to me.  As we get older we sometimes look at life differently and wonder about our past; when we are young we are too busy with the complexity of everyday life.

          "You have the world at your fingertips
            no one can make it better than you"
            Prelude to Nothin' To Hide by Spirit-1969

Before there was the written word there were stories and story tellers.  It was important that families and tribes pasted on their beliefs and their experiences.  Long ago there was a tribe of wandering Jews and the story teller had an inspiration to tell everyone they were the chosen people.  They were different and they wanted their experiences of God to bring them security and happiness.  When bad things happened they felt that God was unhappy with them.

The story was then enlarged to allow their God to become bigger and better and smarter and they began to develop a distinctive religious vision.  It was important that their past contain sacred wisdom that they would carry on into the present.

"From the very beginning the Israelites thought historically in terms of cause and effect."  K. Armstrong.
  The words of the story became the written word that contained promises of a promised land and hero's to show the way.  Scholars have discovered that what we now call our Bible came from different sources as the tribe grew and there was the northern and southern called Israel and Judah.  Their stories were joined together to create the Hebrew Bible.

Storytellers as we all know like to exaggerate to make the story bigger than life.

Archaeologists are now able to verify or disclaim some of these stories.  There is no evidence to prove that the Israelites destroyed all the Canaanite cities and villages, killing all the inhabitants.  Our Bible thus contains legends and myths that ended up with inconsistencies.  It has taken me many years to come to see this.

I am quite willing to be free of the need to believe in a God had demands obedience to the point where killing was used to conquer and prove their superiority.

Matt and Jasmine

The two youngest grandchildren who live in Melbourne Autralia.

Mathew is a very active two year old.

Jasmine is learning to crawl

Mommy is Malina

Daddy is Kenny

SECRETS

I know that there is so much to be learnt as I study the work of God and I am so glad I have good friends to study together with. The Bible can be used as a legalistic weapon unless we are willing to see that we have been called out of darkness into the light of grace. Compassion frees us all.


It was one of those days we talked about everything under the sun. We agreed that most of us have done the best we could with life's ups and downs. Some things in life you just have to accept.

We all have many past memories from out time at church. We found out that in each of our families there can be secrets that cause pain. I did a lot of listening but then I come home and think about what we talked about. I believe that in some mysterious way the Holy Spirit was the leader of this meeting because we were honest and open with each other.

Hopefully we will discover secret treasures as we study the Bible in the weeks to come. We always also look at our own lives to try to love ourselves with accepting grace and also those we are close to and then our relationship to God keeps real and alive!

I will continue to do a lot of reading and researching the material I have.

In the stories of the Bible we read about a lot of sadness woven into families because of human weakness and also a false image of God. The past can cast a shadow over our lives but as we are drawn to the light and even as we experience our emptiness and our need of something greater the Holy Spirit fills our hearts to overflowing with healing and restoring love.

The Holy Spirit is a powerful energy that is stronger than the chaos that life can produce. As we let go of ugly thoughts and reach out to God we are discovering what it means to be created in His Image.

A NEW START

This is my butterfly garden planted by Sandra and added to with some flowers from Carol. I love to see the butterflies they are so gentle and they always catch me by surprise.

Today we are starting our JETLAG Bible study. Believe it or not we have been meeting for over twenty years. Yes, I am not the only slow learner. Actually we have become very close and supportive friends. We certainly do not think alike but we have a lot of laughs. We often even disagree with our study guide which reveals our rebellious spirits. Maybe rebellious is a little strong but we certainly have minds of our own.

We are doing a study called the Bible so we will be reading it all through and through. That is a bit scary isn't it? I got several books out of the library by Karen Armstrong called "The Bible" and "The Case For God". She is called the foremost English-language historian of religion today. She can take a long and complex subject and reduce it to the fundamentals, without oversimplifying.

She explains how this group of wandering nomads finally settled and built a temple and the temple became their place where God lived. This temple was essential to their religion and when they where forced into exile in an alien land they felt God was punishing them.

It would become many, many years before they became people of the book. Some of their history was written in scrolls and it was believe these records would help them restore their own identity and religious beliefs.

The scribes who studied these documents did not regard them as sacrosanct and felt free to add new passages. They had as yet no notion of a sacred text. True, there were many stories in the Middle East about heavenly tablets that had descended miraculously to earth and had imparted secret, divine knowledge.

We even have books like that today that tell us how to be open to the spiritual while living in our daily struggles.

This book we call the Holy Bible is not easy to understand. It often can seem contradictory, incoherent and distressing and yet for me I have found the breath of God, like the butterfly, gently appearing here and there.

HAPPINESS

I am happy I finally got a picture of the water-fall that dad completed. It was hard to get the water spilling over the rocks just right and for dad to remake the pond. Now I enjoy hearing the sound of the water flowing and splashing over the rocks! !

"As a matter of fact, happiness is something dynamic, a reality that must continuously be struggled for, but which, once we attain it, cannot be diminished by the external circumstances of life. . . . which is why it's a reality that each one of us can achieve."
The Monks of New Skete.

Happiness is sleeping in till 6:30 when I had given up hope of being able to do just that.

It is having a friend phone just when you need someone to talk to.

It is learning. Finding just the right book on your quest for happiness.

It comes and goes like the tide and our times of unhappiness create compassion within us.

I can still be spontaneous even at my age!

There is nothing I should do today but many things I can do.

Keeping in touch with family on face book and my blog.

Happiness is having a spell-checker do the work for me.

Enjoying the last blooming of the garden flowers and having a pitch-fork to dig with.

Happiness is walking in the rain, taking pictures and meeting a friendly young couple who stop to talk!

It is watching the moon at night playing hide and seek in the clouds.

HOLY HOPE

Holy Hope is the word that I would use for the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of Jesus that flows like a gentle stream day and night bringing the healing love of Jesus to those who feel sad and wounded in their souls. I have a choice to hold on to my disappointments and failures or to let them go. I can let the wind carry them away to never never land.

As I open my heart to experience the Holy Spirit my whole changes and I am transformed by a powerful love that restores hope within me.

"Hope does not involve either the denial of evil or its glorification; it involves for me a kind of sacred insanity that even in the madness there is meaning.

The mystery of God is in a mess in this world of critical discontent. Without God; that listening presence I would give up on life completely. I would feel life draining me and the energy that had fueled me draining away. Hope is my bridge over troubled waters. Hope is believing that good can survive and can continue to live on even in the darkest of times. It can be easier to be pessimistic but hope fuels the courage, brings it to life again and again. Life may never change but our ability to take risks and trust that the grace os God is alive.

PAINTINGS

This is my dad's painting called "The Bishops Throne" in Durham Catheral painted in 1971 when he was 71.

Dad loved to paint and was encouraged at school but his own dad frowned heavily on this. Dad then lied about his age and joined the army and was able to be apart of a group under his uncle. He stayed in Germany after the war and their was hints of a German romance but that too was frowned upon. Interestedly my brother fell in love and married a German girl who was full of fun and they both loved to ski and to hike.

They too have asked us up to visit but we are not great at staying with others. We would love to stay with Stephen and Shawna and even travel to the Grand Cayman to see Kim and Mike. Then there is Melina and Kenny, Jesse, Matthew and Jasmine in Melbourne and Hobey, Brittany and Tyler in Brisbane.

I hope Carol follows through with applying for a job in the Cayman Islands whether we are able to visit there or not. Thinking about travelling is hard for me to imagine.

My dad eventually went back to painting in his 70's and 80's. He became wheel-chair bound so this was perfect for him to get lost in the enjoyment of his paintings. He loved painting English scenes and castles. He was very exact in his work. Our family I believe all have some of his paintings.

THE VIEW

CHARITY

Charity is an old fashioned word and I believe that our faith when grounded in love and tolerance will produce charity. Love can be sentimental, romantic, familial but also universal. Love is a decision not a feeling and we can choose to value and respect one anther's opinions that are open and honest.

I am old fashioned and charity was always considered an important part of acting out what you believed. Everyone has needs and sometimes it is the need to be heard.

Yesterday morning as I walked along I saw many beautiful things; like a bunch of snapdragons all in different colours, little clusters of mushrooms springing up in the grass, the leaves just starting to change. I met my new friend at the bus stop and discovered she takes the bus to church every Sunday morning.

I never know who I might meet or if it will be just Jesus and me.

I heard the thunder as I carried on and was glad to make it home before a great burst of rain.

In the afternoon I went with Carol and Sandra and Randy to see the display home that was raising money be selling tickets for the Hospital Society. The home was set in a breath-taking rural setting of green fields, even with some geese, and a view of the other side of the world in the distance.

I loved looking at the decorations in the home and of course it was so big there was lots of little artistic displays that caught my eye. I left my camera in the car and the family was patient with me as I ran back to cature a few things on film.

Dad and Panteli joined us as we went out to Mr. Mike's, a restaraunt that use to be around when the children were growing up. Carol remembered it very well. We were fortunate to find a nice booth where the music was not too loud.

We came home to watch a rerun of Doc. Martin on the knowledge network. It is funny how one of us will remember different parts and realize O yes we have seen it before.
We are old-fashioned about out T.V. watching and have not really found any of the new shows worth watching. But I am sure there are some good ones.

THE BENNETTS

Leah and Christopher. Missed Christopher smiling!

Anyway we were happy they were able to attend Sandra's birthday. Actually it was Leah's 30 birthday so we celebrated that too. They have moved around quite a bit in their lives even living in Inuvick, Kamloops and Ashcroft after starting out in Burnaby. I use to look after Leah when her parents both worked on the Ferries.

Leah is recovering from a serious car accident and is hoping to continue her nursing education.

Chris works hard driving a fork lift and loading heavy boxes.

I am thinking of having this blog printed so would like to mention most of my family and maybe it will be a record for years to come. It is amazing I think to know your grandchildren and great-grandchildren; good for me and good for them.

PURPOSE

It is hard to see a purpose in life that can seem so unfair, so unjust, so hurtful and disastrous. I hear noises outside my window early this morning but it is too dark to see anything. Finding purpose and meaning in life can often seem to be looking into the darkness.

Reading about Izzeldin Abuelaish who wrote "I Shall Not Hate" he is able to see the good that comes from misfortune. He grew up in a refugee camp among the disenfranchised, dismissed, marginalized and suffering. This is what refugee stands for. No home, no homeland, no freedom, no security and very little hope.

He begins to see good things come out of what at first seem like tragedy and unfairness. He develops arthritis which sends him to be treated in a hospital and his desire to be a doctor is born. The teachers at school encourage him to work towards this goal. He also has to work hard to help support the family and one job he gets is with an Israel family who treat him fairly and he sees in their family life similarity with his own family.

"We were peoples more like each other than not." Even when his home is destroyed by Israeli tanks, a home of one room, no water or electricity, no toilet etc. he does not fill his mind with hate.

Later he will lose his own beloved three daughters and his niece to a Israeli shell attack on his home where they are sleeping.

His purpose that began as wanting to help his siblings and his own people improve their lives now broadens into wanting his daughters deaths to be the last sacrifice on the road to peace between Palestinians and Israels. He has been a spokesperson since this tragedy.

One of his goals is to promote education and advancement for Palestinian girls and women to honor the memory of his daughters.

Some times it is hard to discover our purpose in life but I would encourage all my grandchildren and great grandchildren to read all they can to discover what is happening in our world today and to reach out to help those less fortunate. There are so many people who need a helping hand or a word of encouragement. We can always learn more and in learning share. A very important gift is to also be a listener.

We are going to the Bell Center for church today. I love the lively music and also there will be a good message to listen to.

THE ATEAH GIRLS

They took this picture themselves so they better not complain. This was the day at the lake for my birthday! Kim was visiting from the Grand Cayman Islands where she lives with her boyfriend Mike and works at a famous restaurant. She wants us all to come and visit. Carol and Panteli are going for Christmas. We would love to go sometime but. . . . . .

Theresa and Mikie have two wonderful children Ben and Morgan. Theresa is a professional photographer now and Mikie is very supportive.

NEXT

Yes, this is Oliver Ateah. He has gone back to Edmonton to work but still hoping to get on with the Coast Guard. He a great musician playing the big stand up base.
He also loves the out-door, rock climbing, surfing, riding his motor-bike etc.
He lives over at Victoria and we see him when he passes through.

I just remembered I had some pictures of him at the beach when he was last here. This is an old picture, maybe a year ago.

THE FALL

I am pretty sure it was the first time that your dad and I laid down for an afternoon nap and left the front door wide open. We both where tired from a busy morning, your dad is adding on to the deck at the front of the house and I was mucking about in the garden. I managed with dad's help to dig out one of the big roots of daisies that are taking over my garden.

So the door was open when Sandra arrived and I had to assure her this was something we normally did not do. She has given me some new ideas for my wild and crazy garden so that is a big help.

Today I must do some house work as I always track in lots of muck when I am gardening. It is so nice to be outside on these fall days when it is cool in the morning but warms up quickly. All of a sudden it is time to put your shorts on again. The trees are starting to change colour and I love all the colours.

Whether it is working outside or cleaning up inside it all takes energy.

Faith also takes energy and that energy flows when we give our heart, mind and soul in surrender to a mystery. Every human experience has the potential to stir new energy within us. Faith is a life time adventure that allows the unpredictable to break into the ordinary. I know the importance of silence and still get caught up in life's busyness. This leaves very little space and energy for the spiritual life to grow and become stronger. So weeds of doubt are sowen and I feel unsure of what direction I am to take. I liken it to a dream where you feel paralyzed and cannot move.

When I feel my energy draining during the day I know it is time to eat or to have a rest. Spiritually this is true too. Today I will enjoy walking and seeing the trees changing colour and the amazing flowers that are blooming with such a blaze of energy.

I am thankful for the things that I have to do each day,
even the very ordinary tasks.

I am thankful for faith that flows with bursts of energy at times
and at other times gives me a sense of calm and peace.

MY OLDEST GRANDSON

Stephen got lots of attention when he arrived on the scene. I remember how Sandra would bring him over to our house and then she and I would go for walks. I was taking over looking after the Donaldson children at that time. So while Brian was in kindergarten we would have our walk.

Stephen is a very hard working, intelligent and responsible young man who is a supervisor for the company in Edmonton that he works for. He is a very snappy dresser also. He thinks he is my favorite and I hope each one of my grandchildren feel like that!

Stephen has a home in Edmonton where he lives with Shawna, who is now a nurse. We love them both and think they have a wonderful future ahead of them. His mom and I wish that might include moving to B.C. but that is doutful but you never know!

Children and grand children and great grandchildren sure change your life. The two youngest are in Melbourne Mathew and Jasmine and Ken and Melina are very sleep deprived as they go through all the teething and stomach upsets and colds that result in loss of a decent nights sleep.

Yes, Sandra you get the prize. I have to trick my computer into putting a second picture on my blog; so I had to wait to put this one on.

OUR PLACE

Our front garden has grown so high this year and I know that it is too crowded and some roots need to be dug up with the help of our daughter Sandra. I like being out in my garden but I cannot spend hours out there pulling and weeding and watering. I had no idea how much work there would be trying to keep on top of it all.

The little ornaments are at the bottom corner of the front yard right on eye level for the children walking by. I so enjoy the little family across the way with their four boys. I enjoy the laughter and even the crying as it brings life to our street that can be so quiet.

As I write my blog early in the darkness of this morning I hear our neighbor taking her dogs out for their morning walk. They are barking with excitement. Her mom comes sometimes to walk with them. Our elderly neighbors have driven up to their cabin to close it up for the winter. They are very amazing. I see her out in her garden with her cane now as she has had several falls; but this does not stop her from enjoying dead-heading etc.

JUST ME AND THE DUCKS

I choose the right time to walk over to our little pond if I had gone earlier I would have been caught in a heavy shower of rain. Early in the morning there are more people walking around but not many stop to sit on the benches. I think as I am there how very seldom I sit quietly without picking up my prayer list or reading a book or writing in my notebook. The quiet stillness of the water and the calmness of the floating ducks allows the calmness to become apart of me. We carry a lot of emotions within us and some need to come to the surface and be listened to.

I feel that I can take these moments to "let go and let God". I have left the messiness of home and garden knowing they will be waiting for me. Part of spiritual growth is being aware of the needs of others but also my own needs. I am finding more and more I need just a wee nap sometime during the day. This happens to us as we get older.

It has been a good week and I had a good visit at the Nursing Home although it makes me sad that they are locking the doors between the various areas. You cannot come in the side door anymore and for some of the brighter people who know the codes it is unsettling for them. They explain it is new regulations by the health board.

Life changes and we gradually learn to accept the changes. The sacredness of life never changes but moves with us.

MY OLDEST GRAND DAUGHTER AND ME

The years have gone by so quickly since our oldest granddaughter was born. It is hard to believe that now her son,Justice, is six, and starting school.

Ben and Morgan do not get to see Justice so much anymore now that they are all busy with school and other activities. But when they do get together they have lots of fun.

The older I become in my life I am convinced that much of what occurs in our lives is unexplainable, especially the twists and turns that carry us to where we are today. Our family has gone through many difficult times but love always keeps us together.

STRESS

I never dreamed that God would use the computer to drive me to my knees praying for it to work. Really we all know that prayer has the power to change us and help in times of stress and worry.

I am doing some soul searching to try and decide what to become involved in as this fall season begins again. I am feeling stressed with what I would like to do and the amount of energy that I have. I could look for new people to visit at the Nursing Home and become more involved with the activity worker. I could attend the Laying On Of Hands weekend workshop with Jane but. . . . Then there are others who need visits and it will be easier to visit my friend Shirley when she moves back to her apartment which is closer and you do not have to worry about parking meters or codes to get in and out.

Right now dad is tired so does not feel like driving anywhere. I think maybe it is fall coming too soon and although I love the fall I am having trouble getting back into things. There is a part of me that longs to just sit by a lake so today I will walk over to Boundary Park and sit by the water and watch the ducks swimming around.

I pick up a book randomly from my little pile of books from the library. I see a chapter on God's will and say yes that is what I want to know and then I have a laugh at this story which I have written below.

"Three years ago I was trying to make a decision whether to move to Pittsburgh or South Bend. So I prayed. And I decided to move to South Bend.

Now it isn't as though it was God's will that I move to Pittsburgh, and so maybe He's still waiting for me in the airport at Pittsburgh, and the last three years are invalid-and God doesn't know where in the hell I am!"
-A Faith Worth Believing"
by Tom Stella

Somehow this says to me that desiring God's will begins with first allowing His love to be apart of my life; which will include the wrong choices and finding growth that can come only by the course my life has taken. I am reminded that my worthiness depends not on what I do but on what I am becoming. There will always be choices that are not easy and as a flawed human being I make wrong choices even when I have the best of intentions. My life is lived in the midst of the lives of those around me and at times this seems to cause stress, most of my stress is good.

I respect other faiths and believe there is good in all religions. But like the title of this book I want to have my own faith and believe it with all my heart.
I know that God's will is not following some dogma or even church tradition.

Like the author in the book who says the question is not "What am I suppose to do?"
but how am I allowing circumstances to shape my life so that even little things are important?

How am I becoming more myself?

I am not like a caged bird but I am free to soar like the eagle and then return to rest on a branch or even walk among the birds searching for food in the farmer's fields. Freedom for me means movement when the spirit feels so free and whatever I choose God will be with me.

I want to be able to be passionate about my life and my faith.

Yesterday I had a short walk and met a lady on the way to visit her elderly mom in the nursing home and we had a great visit as we walked along. We affirmed each other just in this little time together.

THIS AND THAT

We had a busy day, for us, after all. Ended up going to three stores the Health Food Store, Value Village and a furniture Store. Amazing how much they have in Value Village. I should have taken my pants in or I could save them and say I use to be that big. You know the picture of someone holding up big pants and telling you what diet to go on. The before and after. I wonder about those pictures. I am surprised Sandra did not say "Didn't you try them on?" I hate trying things on.

Cut and grass and had my hair cut and both really needed it. Picked up a few things for supper so very fortunate I can walk to the store for daily needs.

Tried to drag pictures off face book but only succeeded with a picture I did not want. I can only spend so much time on that. Right now it is refusing to put pictures on so I will turn it off can come back. Actually that is not truth it is putting every picture in my picture project on!

Today I have a U.C.W. meeting at the United Church and tonight we go to our Mennonite Bible Study. Tow very different, in some ways, of looking at scripture. So I have to find my own way. I do that with all the religious reading I do. This I do best first thing in the morning.

It is like this beautiful new purse dad bought me with many many zippers to open all the different compartments. When I go to the check-up I try to hurry and without fail open all the wrong places first. I open all the purse up and fail to see my change purse. So I have to start all over again. When I do find my change I drop it all over and think now I know why people use cards!

Anyway this is where I am at in my faith. I grew up in a conservative United Church, daer to my heart, because I sang in the choir. Then the United Church became very liberal and at that time I would find myself disagreeing. So I went searching to different churches and enjoyed the healthy positive influence this had on me.

This morning I am reading "The First Christian" by a Jewish priest who is looking back into his roots and comparing how Jesus turned away from some of his traditions .

His opinion of the teachings of Jesus:
1. His radical interpretation of mutual love. [this for me includes his acceptance of women.]

2. His call for a new morality in relation to the outcasts of society. [this for me includes all of us who have made painful mistakes in our lives and realize our spiritual poverty.]

3. His ideas of the Kingdom of Heaven. [a release from the need to sacrifice animals for forgiveness and salvation to an inner change that calls for repentance and rebuilding and restoration that comes with grace.

THE CHILDREN

Yes, I would love to be a child again to run and jump and play. I use to love climbing and jumping as a child. I love watching the small children in our neighborhood as they stop and look at the little figures hidden in our flowers. They also run up to see the little waterfall so happy and excited. We also hide bones for Cathy's dog Murphy to find as he walks by. We bought the bones to try and make friends with the dog next door but he is allowed to eat only special ones. He does not bark at us so much anymore or else I just do not notice it.

I went shopping yesterday to find some warmer winter pants and came home with a pair that I thought the waist size said 24 but it was the size period. Dad and I had a good laugh. Also they were on sale and I thought I was getting a bargain.

I like seeing the leaves start to change colour but I do not like the darker mornings at all. You would think it would help me sleep in but not so far.

No big plans for today except to visit the health food store for some stuff that helps dad's eyes.

We both have to be careful as we walk down the stairs no more running and jumping for us.

THE UNEXPLAINABLE

It is so difficult to explain the unexplainable of the spiritual experience, especially if it seems unimaginable. We fall in love with a person, with music that touches our soul, with the awe and wonder of nature, with the enthusiasm of children, and then there is an experience of falling in love with God. Love just comes alive and even the small daily tasks gives us an appreciation of all of life.

I love clean clothes, towels and blankets. I love feeling clean after a shower or a bath. I love planning my day with expectations of new experiences. I am so grateful that I can express myself because it helps me to know myself better.

I would like to be able to sing, to dance or to play an instrument all ways of expressing what you are feeling. I enjoy the gift these abilities give to others.
My dad played by ear and if he knew a song he could play it on the piano or the organ. We had a piano in our home for a few short months and I think if he had had a piano to express his talents and his emotions he would have been a happier man. He liked perfection and demanded it of himself and of others.

Science is now starting to try and explain the spiritual experience. Wired into our genetic code? a chemical re-action in our brains? a predisposition? a feeling of deep longing? a deep joy that takes a hold of the soul and breathes new life into the drabness of life.

I have never climbed a high mountain but I know the exhilaration that one can feel spiritually when I feel close to God.

HAPPINESS

Our daughter Carol arrives and is greeted by Stephen our oldest grandson.

It was good to be able to capture her lovely smile. She is wearing the dress originally picked out for me. I am wearing a dress Sandra had bought on one of her many trips to Thrift Shops in search of clothes from the sixties.

It was a fun idea to have us all dress up and it seems to loosen people up too. Plans and ideas where being went back and forth on face book months before the happy day. It always gives me great joy to see my family happy even when they express it in different ways.

Each one of us is a chapter in a story that is being written and a continuation of the story of our parents and grandparents etc. We are evolutionary transformations as we are a unique combination of the genetic endowment of our parents.

History would have us believe that all of humanity lived in Africa until some 60,000 years ago. By some great miracle the world became populated and genetic diversity took place.

We leave home because we want to be different and maybe better than our parents. We have ideals and dreams for our own lives. We discover that life is not so easy that we are vulnerable to making wrong choices and to reacting badly.

We are all strangers in a strange land and no matter how the anthropologists search for clues to make one race superior there is good and bad in all cultures. Religion was a club to tame the savage that was different from ourselves. Honestly we did not need it as an excuse to ravage and pillage the weak as it seems to be a very firm part of human nature.

Listening to Tapestry on C.B.C. I was again struck by the reality that facing our own pain even while trying to carry the pain of others has the potential to make us more compassionate and sensitive to others.

Today has been a very different day than last Sunday when the world was full of laughter and colour and excitement. Today is rainy and cold and I must admit I feel a little depressed and not able to settle on anything. There is absolutely nothing I feel like doing. Am I wasting the day? To-morrow will be different as out of the laziness I will choose to make it different but for now I am content just to be in the slow lane.

FOLLOWERS

We look for light from the past to light our way.


Our culture has grown out of the tradition of following the Bible. This is ancient wisdom written by wandering nomads who would be totally lost in today's Christian world.

Out of their experiences and what they saw as there need for survival they used their imaginations to draw their lives and then to put their thoughts, their myths and beliefs, their ideas and inspirations into stories.

Words become powerful, a culture has it's own identity as they seek to learn how to live as a community of people drawn together by their talents and ways of doing things. They saw the world as a creation of a mighty force and so they saw God as part of the wind, the rock, the water, the sun, moon and stars. They lived close to nature and found inspiration that awakened in them spiritual reality. God lead them and they became followers. There were those who had a strong sense of what God was calling them to be. Each culture designs it's own patterns that combine the practical with the spiritual.

They re-acted violently when angry and hate invaded their souls. They felt the anger of God when they felt they had disobeyed Him. Out of all this wildness there would be the creative voice of the poet that expressed grief and loneliness and a deep hunger for the love of God. This voice could lead them into repentance that heals the brokenness that sins have created.

We enter a different world when we read the Bible; a different culture, a different life-style, a world of ignorance and superstition, and yet God can speak to us when we try to understand and to learn from their failures and weaknesses.

Sunday morning and I am drawn to church to hear words of ancient truths expressed by these wild desert followers. They spoke a different language and I believe that we misunderstand what they where trying to express. Other religions are followers of the Old Testament and their way of worship and lifestyle is very different than ours. Religion fueled by anger and hate destroys life while forgiveness and mercy creates new opportunities for improvement.

Salvation is the gift that the words of Jesus offers that calm troubled souls and heal the wounds of our past.

So we gather together to hear the Word and try to apply it to our own lives.
Today there is lunch after church as part of bringing fellowship and friendship into this time of worship. Hopefully our hearts have been softened and our faith restored and laughter and conversation bursts free.

Holiness is in the silence as we enter church and in the songs of praise and worship and in our prayers and in the love felt and expressed.

DELIGHT

One can see the delight in Sandra's face as she celebrates her 50th birthday will all her family! Randy looks a little in shock in this picture.

I was delighted when Carol and I decided to go for a walk in the forest with Ben and Morgan. Morgan who had not been feeling so good perked right up. We got to the entrance and Ben runs ahead while Morgan holds my hand. We met Panteli on our way but he decided not to join us. Carol was looking after the children while Theresa attended a funeral service for a friend that she went to school with. So sad to hear of her death although we knew she lived a troubled life trying to get free of drugs and picking unhealthy relationships.

Being with the great grand-children is always delightful for me. Yes, also my children and my grandchildren. Morgan wants carefully and daintily through the forest picking up stones and leaves, and sticks of all shapes and sizes. Ben is delighted when he discovers the bike trails and jumps. Right away he wants to come back on his bike.

Meanwhile Rick is delightfully browsing through bookstores to find old treasures. He has always loved books, as do all our children, especially first editions.

Ken and Melina meanwhile off in Australia have little time to read as they now have Matthew and Jazmine to add to their growing family. This includes Jesse, Tyler, Britteny and Hobey. We already have some delightful video of them all and also seen them on skype.

We may go down to Chapters today. Right now I am reading "The Forgotten Garden" a story about a lost child who grows up and searches for her past. I think dad should read "I Shall Not Hate" after reading the "Infidel" which brings out a lot of religious hatred.

Carol is reading a book by Daniel Siegel [not sure of the spelling] about the mind.
Our thoughts do affect our health and our attitude towards life in general. I hope we can transform our thoughts through learning and applying new ideas.

And yet there are people who seem trapped in their mind of darkness and hopelessness.
I have had to accept this even though I would like to think positive thinking can cure all our ills.

First, I will do a few things in the garden. My garden is on a slope and has several big rocks so I have to be very careful. I had one nasty fall last year.
I am delighted to be feeling healthy and happy! !

THE FIRST IMPRESSIONS

My first impression of the day is darkness, cold and dreary,and I feel only half awake. I miss the warmth and brightness of summer mornings but the fall has a special beautiful sadness; an awareness that life changes, and that a deeper joy and hope can be found in the messages of nature. The leaves will soon be ablaze with colour before they fall from the tree. They cover the ground and provide protection and then become the food that nourishes as it decomposes.

Life becomes busier for young mothers as they now have to organize their day around the school schedule. Your dad has gone back to school several times after retiring as an air-traffic controller and has found the experience very rewarding.

I have attended a very demanding and enriching group of women who met once a week to study the Bible and share their life experiences. We had homework that was very challenging and the discussion in our small groups full of life and the surprises that can be discovered in reading the scripture with new eyes. Reading and thinking and comparing one verse with others. We did not share much about our personal lives but we had a prayer chain for each small group of 10 or 12 and a prayer request could be put on this chain and the request was repeated word for word as I would receive it and then pass it on. This was done by phone and I soon became close to those I talked to during the week. Answering machines were not apart of our communications so we always talked directly and I took prayer very seriously.

There was a lot of heart breaking stories that you would never realize as we sat in our groups cheerfully discovering what we were learning.

I know in my own life I experienced inner healing and renewed strength; as I shared some of my struggles in my family life. This group was a great support to me at that time and I still find small groups the best way to grow in your faith.

I find it so difficult to understand the hatred that is being stirred up over the building of a mosque and the threat to burn the Koran. How can they use the word of God to justify their hate and cruelty. Religion becomes like a wall that separates believers from unbelievers, and lies from truth.

We are all the same we want to feel loved and respected.

My first impressions as a child was that of being very small with an older brother and most of the friends we played with where older than me. When I went to school I then met some girl friends my own age and I found I fit in with them.

THE BIRTH

The birth of each one of our four children was a joyful time and I was thankful that I was able to stay at home to look after them. Memories come to life as I look at old pictures. We would occasionally get together with friends and share looking at our slides. We all took slides in the "good old days" and most of our pictures where of family and the odd picture of the prairies. Others had pictures of their travels which can be boring after awhile as I suppose ours where to them. I felt then as I do now that we had a loving family.

I was taught way back then that Pentecost was the birth of the church. A group of fearful and confused people, men and women gathered together to pray and to wait.
Times of waiting are hard on us all but yet they are necessary.

Suddenly a great wind blows upon the believers and tongues of fire can be seen burning on their heads and fear was replaced by a burning fire to teach others what they had all learned listening and being with Jesus. They had poured their hearts in anxious prayer longing for Jesus to be alive in their midst again. The Holy Spirit brings Jesus alive and has the power to birth within us, everyone, new life.

I have met people who I would call free-spirits who are fun loving and adventuresome. They are those who delight in colouring outside the lines.
The Holy Spirit is a free Spirit who delights in delighting us with the unpredictable.

I wanted something colourful to put on my blog today to express the colours of faith.
The Spirit of Jesus lives on within us and brings colour into our souls.

My soul can change colour to express my mood and emotions. Purple is for times when I sense the sacred holiness caught in a moment of time. Red is the energy that burns bright and births life into us continually. White is for times of peace and calm when I rest beside the still waters to the place where I have been led.

I am still very human and at times am very aware of my brokenness and failures that have caused me to stumble. God is still able to use me in ways I would have never dreamt. We are moving into fall now and the air feels different and we welcome every little moment of sunshine with glad hearts.

I welcome the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill me again and again. My world is full of colourful people each one brings something different and unique and real to me.

New dreams are being birth in each one of our lives.

ETERNAL LIFE:A NEW VISION

This is our oldest son Rick who is leaving to fly to London today. He has been busy catching up on extra work while he was staying here with us. We have been very blessed this summer to be visited by both our sons. We are thankful to have daughters who live so close by who are constantly "there" for us. They feed us, listen to us, and help us when we need an extra hand.

They all have their own busy lives and their own opinions which is the way it should be.

I have been reading authors who have a different opinion than mine but I have gain a lot even as I struggled with some of their ideas. Truth comes in many forms and faith that keeps growing will become stronger and within this faith there is a rhythm of living and dying. I realize that I have to die to some of the traditions of the past and be open to the new.

I join with John Shellby Spong as he says "The presence of death can actually make life more precious, since it calls me to live each day fully, and it is by living fully that I enter the timelessness of life.'

For many whose life is full of tragedy the assurance that there awaits a better place is a comforting hope. Even as we can travel back into the past and at times feel that sense of O I have been here before there is a sense that we can travel into the future called eternity or heaven.

Jesus, the fully alive one, does become for us as Christians, the way, the truth and the life. The teacher who taught in word and in deed the heart and soul of the love he experienced in the love of God.

God for me is the loving father/mother who welcomes us home again and again, and Jesus the story teller made Him real and the Holy Spirit the energy of that love being stirred up within me.


The bottom line is that so much of our faith is impossible to put into words.

THE UNKNOWN

For some strange and unknown reason my computer is again refusing to put on browse so I can find my pictures.

I will try later but I do not have a lot of time this morning as Rick will soon be up and may want to use my computer and then we will go for a walk.

Carol came over last night and we where talking about the brain. Two nights before I had the results of the C.T. Scan I had a pain in the side where the growth was thought to be. Now I know it is not there, but I think my brain was preparing me to accept that something was there. I had been find until these last two nights and I believe it was the brain bringing the fear into a reality. I was thinking well I have to face whatever they have found.

Spiritually I think there is a part of our brain that we can open up and experience a sense of the sacred. Reading, praying and especially meditating are the ways I am able to do this. Some people experience fear of the unknown as they surrender prayerfully and quietly to this what I would describe as God breathing upon us. This experience can vary at times being very powerful but at times just an inner peace. The shadow of doubt is removed and the light rests upon us!

Song who it has seemed to me taken a very intellectual view of religion concludes in his book "Eternal Life" is that we need to move beyond self-consciousness into a deeper universal consciousness which moves us beyond the limits of religion. Religion has taught that
1. God is a supernatural being that can do for me what I cannot do for myself.

2. That the self-conscious human life is alienated from the supernatural being and that overcoming this alienation with some form of atonement is necessary.

His thoughts are that we turn from "a delusional world of religion into a religionless world of a new humanity."
"This is when we are forced to conclude that purpose is what we give to life, meaning is what we invest in life and the hope of something beyond the grave is only a childest dream."

Our destiny is to understand what it means to be created in the image of God "with an increasing awareness that we are apart of what God is and that we are at one with all that God is."

Only then can we discover the transcendental reality.

I believe that slowly as we search for the truth we will see more clearly into the unknown and agree that earth is the doorway into eternity that we call heaven.

"Jesus was the life in whom a new consciousness appeared, beckoning and empowering us to be something we could not even dream of being."

"This is what the story of the resurrection is all about. He is the way and the truth and the life because he was confined by religious thought but truth is timeless and a gift that we can all find in our own way if we are open especially to the mystical. Imagination is a wonderful spiritual gift that allows the mind the freedom to see beyond the facts into the mysterious.

I am writing this and I have to rethink what I am saying but I know that the unknown can become more like a vision of the impossible that is real and alive with potential.

Jesus taught that the enemy we need to conquer is within ourselves.

THE UNKNOWN

ONE PICTURE

Many pictures were taken but I like this one with Sandra and her children and grandchild! I have many pictures of the happy times we had with everyone with plenty of food and barrels of laughter. I was sure ready to come home and collapse into bed.

Rick, our son, is still staying with us and fortunately was able to do some work here in Vancouver and in Chilliwack.

Today we are going to have lunch with Jane and Geff and then Jane and I will carry on and visit Shirley. She will have been to the doctor yesterday and the decision about her returning home will be addressed.

Our health is so very important and yes we need to do all the tests that the doctors recommend. I had just recently had two colonoscopys and I would lose more weight which I am suppose to be trying to gain.

I count my blessings when I see my happy healthy family.
One of our grandchildren seems to be having a rough time but hopefully he will feel loved in this world that can seem so unloveable.