STRESS

I never dreamed that God would use the computer to drive me to my knees praying for it to work. Really we all know that prayer has the power to change us and help in times of stress and worry.

I am doing some soul searching to try and decide what to become involved in as this fall season begins again. I am feeling stressed with what I would like to do and the amount of energy that I have. I could look for new people to visit at the Nursing Home and become more involved with the activity worker. I could attend the Laying On Of Hands weekend workshop with Jane but. . . . Then there are others who need visits and it will be easier to visit my friend Shirley when she moves back to her apartment which is closer and you do not have to worry about parking meters or codes to get in and out.

Right now dad is tired so does not feel like driving anywhere. I think maybe it is fall coming too soon and although I love the fall I am having trouble getting back into things. There is a part of me that longs to just sit by a lake so today I will walk over to Boundary Park and sit by the water and watch the ducks swimming around.

I pick up a book randomly from my little pile of books from the library. I see a chapter on God's will and say yes that is what I want to know and then I have a laugh at this story which I have written below.

"Three years ago I was trying to make a decision whether to move to Pittsburgh or South Bend. So I prayed. And I decided to move to South Bend.

Now it isn't as though it was God's will that I move to Pittsburgh, and so maybe He's still waiting for me in the airport at Pittsburgh, and the last three years are invalid-and God doesn't know where in the hell I am!"
-A Faith Worth Believing"
by Tom Stella

Somehow this says to me that desiring God's will begins with first allowing His love to be apart of my life; which will include the wrong choices and finding growth that can come only by the course my life has taken. I am reminded that my worthiness depends not on what I do but on what I am becoming. There will always be choices that are not easy and as a flawed human being I make wrong choices even when I have the best of intentions. My life is lived in the midst of the lives of those around me and at times this seems to cause stress, most of my stress is good.

I respect other faiths and believe there is good in all religions. But like the title of this book I want to have my own faith and believe it with all my heart.
I know that God's will is not following some dogma or even church tradition.

Like the author in the book who says the question is not "What am I suppose to do?"
but how am I allowing circumstances to shape my life so that even little things are important?

How am I becoming more myself?

I am not like a caged bird but I am free to soar like the eagle and then return to rest on a branch or even walk among the birds searching for food in the farmer's fields. Freedom for me means movement when the spirit feels so free and whatever I choose God will be with me.

I want to be able to be passionate about my life and my faith.

Yesterday I had a short walk and met a lady on the way to visit her elderly mom in the nursing home and we had a great visit as we walked along. We affirmed each other just in this little time together.