THE PATH

On sunday afternoon I took a short walk through the park.  There was still a bit of sunlight that shone on the path and although I could hear voices I never say anyone.  I stayed on the main path so the walk was easy.
My life is sorta like that, I have stayed on my path and have found my way by trying to live what I believe.

I have felt the faith of my ancestors somehow has been a part of my journey.  The quiet of the forest allows you to hear your own footsteps as you step on broken branches and duck under overhanging trees.  Most of the sunlight is shut out by the huge tall trees but some always finds it way to light the path.

Religion talks about the light and the dark and both can be very real.  Yesterday was a very gray day and it supported my gray mood.  As I think about my family getting together I think again of each one and their uniqueness.  They have their paths that they are following.  Oliver flys off to the Grand Cayman to visit his mom and sister with his future a little uncertain but he hopes to work on a boat and wants to have an exciting job.

Carol and Panteli are making plans going back and forth to the Grand Cayman.  Carol is coming home because she has holidays in June.  It looks like a beautiful place to live and if you get involved in activities like volley ball , and pottery making you will find friends.  I am sure they will all be changed by their experiences as I have been by mine.

THE NEXT DAY

Had a great day yesterday with the family.  It was good Sandra and Leah and Craig could come and visit with Oliver, Ben and Morgan.  I do not know why I am so tired today when they did most of the work.  But I am.

We will drive Oliver to the airport about 2:30 and then he is off to the Grand Caymans.  His mom and sister will give him a fun time I am sure.

RELAX

Holidays are a good way to relax for most of us.  Going for a walk is also a good way to shut the door on all the things that you could do and will get around to doing eventually.  Spring is a busy time of year when things need to be done in side, spring cleaning, and outside, tidying up the garden and the yard.

All the while there is within me an intense inner dialogue that challenges me to do more.  I find that when I keep things in balance, a little work and a little rest, a little fun and a little study then life is better.

I have just remembered that I have made two commitments for the same afternoon.  One person needs to be listened to and the other younger one wants to come and help me.  Theresa and Ben and Morgan are meeting Oliver here today I think.

I know that I feel happy when others are happy and I value my time that I spend with others. 

We can never really know what others are feeling but we can be empathetic knowing that in God alone there is Deep Empathy.

VALUE

My dad valued this very old treasured vase that was sent over from England.  As it turns out it is only a copy but this does not make it any less valuable to me.

Most of us value the same things in life like fairness and honesty, family and friends.  But do we value our uniqueness?  There is a life force within us which has been called the will to live.  Can I love life as much now as when I felt I was contributing more and feeling more useful.  It does worry me that I am getting more forgetful and less sure of myself.  Sometimes I feel a sadness and I do not really know why.  I will cry at a story on T.V. that I know is not real and yet it touches something in the depths of my soul.

I wanted to take a longer walk to capture the picture of the cherry blossoms on the other side of No. 10 but only made it half-way.  I am thankful that I can walk and dad and I had planned on going to church yesterday and then walking through the Water-Shed Park.  I enjoy it when we can go together.  But his feet, especially his big toe where very painful and he also had a stomach ache.

I value the bloom blossoms that come out so early in our spring.  They remind me of  the value of survival and keeping strong even when they the weather can still turn very cold and it may even snow.  Even though they are very delicate they are strong.

I think we should value all of life from the very young to the very old, the weak and the strong.

WISHFUL

Sunshine is awakening the new growth in our yard.  I am always surprised when I see some unexpected little shoot growing and I wonder how did you get there. 

Saturday on a sunny day and neighborhood starts coming more alive too.  The children are playing hockey on the road and the joggers are flying by and cars are being washed and I cut my grass for the first time.

When I have been walking a group of runners will overtake me and as they run ahead of me every part of me body and soul would love to join in their running.  They look so happy and full of energy.  Then on our T.V. show Heartbeat the old ladies are in an exercise class and I realize that's me.  But everyone of them is happy and enjoying moving to the music.

Spiritual awareness for me is more than wishful thinking it is a deep feeling of inner peace and joy that is beyond words.  Yes, it is a mystery that I cannot explain by that I can feel.  I am thankful to be alive and to be able to share my life with others.  Little things bring me happiness.

BURSTING.

One of the first spring flowers!  The street down from us gets just a little more sun and all of a sudden their flowers are beginning to blossom.  It is good to see some green in my garden after it has looked so barren and lifeless.  We moved some things around so it will be interesting to see how well the plants do in their new places.  Dad has bought a new washer to clean up the sidewalk etc.

Today we are off to visit Shirley in Burnaby and I am not sure what the weather is suppose to be.

I am reading about the five guidelines of discernment, spiritual discernment.  Learning to take care of my garden has been a gradual process  and seeing the earth come to life is very rewarding.  Next week I should start to start doing a little more.

Discernment
Learning to be silent
Mindful of the temptations of consumerism
Open to the breath of the spirit that refreshes like the first breath of spring.
Serving others by helping and caring and praying and giving.
Seeing the sacred in the daily tasks as well as moments of ritual blessings.
Finding guidance in the scriptures that speak to us in new ways.
Our lives a prayer bursting with new possibilities and new insights.

God created wisely and this "wisdom of God is to be found in the wisdom of the Earth and Heavens."
I am reading "Living From the Center" byJay McDaniel

PROMISING

 The day started promising with the sun shining.

But

When I arrive home I always put the car in drive, I mean park , put on the emergency brake and take out the keys and usually lock the car door

But I didn't.

I was feeling dizzy after coming from the church and was just so glad to get home I forgot to do anything except turn off the car.  Fortunately the neighbor boy came knocking at the door to inform me, with a big grin on his face, my car had rolled out into the middle of the road.  I am just thankful that I had not caused any accidents.

Spring was in the air and after some lunch and a wee  nap I was able to keep my promise to take Jim his chocolate chip cookies.  His life is so very bleak and depressing and there is little one can do to lift his spirits.
I met a new lady and she was delighted to have a visit.  She was expecting some one to come but they had not shown up.

I learn from these dear souls what a gift resiliency is and I hope that I will be able to resilient even if I am not gifted in other ways.  It is one of the spiritual gifts that continue to grace our lives with promise.

Spring is so full of promise.



THE DREAM

I hope we never lose the wonder of childhood but also the wonder that Spirit  can produce
 when it gives us the freedom to imagine and to enjoy life with all it's preciousness. 

Last night I had one of my dreams I call my happiness dreams.  I have had only about three but they all left me with a beautiful feeling.  So, in my dream I was in a very busy place with lots of people around and lots of buildings but I was told that I lived in this house in the distance.  I walk to the house and open the door and see this amazing window that fills the whole wall of the side of the house.  It looks out on a brilliant green park that was breath-takingly beautiful and magical.   As I looked I saw more and more different trees and little paths and everything was full of light.  I wanted to bring the whole world in to see it and I was told no.

The study book for Lent is about living from the center and breathing in the life of God.  I believe that for me Jesus shows me the door to this world of wonder.  You feel the joy of being a child again and it all happens so naturally. 

WhenI am open to the new shape my life is taking I find joy in the simple things.  There is something about human nature that the past will try to haunt us and I know that I have learned many lessons in the past and there is a part of me that wants to share some of that; but I no not live there.  The saddest people are those who live in the past and cannot seem to let it go.  I am trusting the Spirit of God to help me find joy, not a phony false mask but moments of both joy and sadness that are real.

Rest in the beauty of life.

MISSED

Missed saying good-bye to Oliver He left so quickly and I had gone for a shorter walk.

We drove around Richmond yesterday and the place we where looking for was missing.  Everything is so changed it does not seem like the same place at all.  It is hard to believe that I used to work at our Nursing Home in Ladner then drive into Richmond to go to a gym that I had been talked into going to.  The children were busy being teenagers and I missed the talks we use to have when they were younger.  Dad was busy doing a million things and getting ready to be more involved in the union at work.

I was glad I had good friends like Dorothy Wells and also a Bible study group of friends.  At that time I had much to learn and I was learning with a group of Baptist ladies, because there was very little at the United Church at that time.  I basically learned Baptist theology.  I was like a sponge which soaked it all up.

I still am learning and enjoy my afternoon group at the church.

  I am missing physical energy but also spiritual energy.

LEFT BEHIND

I had thought about going on the ferry to see Donna and Ron with Theresa and the children.  This morning I am more than content to stay home.  Oliver phoned yesterday just before he arrived to say he was coming for a visit.  It was great to see him but I was unprepared and it takes me time to get ready for people.  He will be leaving with Theresa this morning.  It will be a nice time for the children to be there if the new baby lambs are born.

I missed my class on process theology so I guess I am being left behind that too.  But I have the book and can read along.  The Book is called "Living From the Center" by Jay McDaniel and it is about Spirituality in an Age of Consumerism.  He starts by explaining we can know God in our daily life through discernment, sacramental awareness. openness, to healing, living-by-dying, trust in open space, deep listening, courage in suffering, creativity and loving kindness.  These could be a chapter each in stead of the first chapter.  In the second chapter he does present in more detail discernment and sacramental awareness.

Some very deep thoughts that I will process slowly during this week.

The rain was falling gently on my neighbor yesterday morning when we had our walk together.  I cannot tell if it is raining this morning.

OLD FASHIONED

This old coffee grinder has a beauty about it but I would never think of using it to grind my coffee.  Now the grandchildren thought it was great fun.  I look back with fondness to my childhood when life was simpler.  The minister talked yesterday as seeing life as a sacred  gift and how we can experience that "born again" experience when we take a delight in the simple things, appreciating what we have, and being open to the new.  I am so happy to have my energy returning but I know that I will not be climbing mountains; I leave that to others with even greater energy,  but I will still be taking rests when I need to.  Energy is so precious a gift that I need to use wisely.

Happiness is acceptance I was reminded of again yesterday.  This can mean rethinking some of the things I want to do and valuing what I can do.  So we have bought a new sparkling chrome coffee grinder because we remember the smell of fresh ground coffee.  Even as a child I liked that smell.  I think some of the smells bring back a sense of the past.  This happens when I look at photo's or dishes from home.  There are certain smells of flowers like lilac and peonies that do the same.

The past is always with us hidden in the depths of who we are.   I have found that some of the joys I have known have always been with me and through times of disappointment there is a healing presence that has always been there.  Words cannot express or capture this feeling. 

Theology and philosophy try to put things into words but I think it often comes down to an attitude of simplicity, of peacefulness, of trust, of humility and the ordinary becoming sacred and meaningful.  Jesus is with me in the joy and the sorrow of life and that helps me to accept changes, with a little bit of complaining along the way.  Yes, we are all works in progress!

HUNGRY

Lent is a very sacred time for Christians as they prepare to enter into the suffering that produces new hope in a world where people are hungry for food, for justice, for love and for life.  Human beings are very complicated and they make religion and belief into complicated practices.  The cross reminds me of how much God loves us all.  It is a paradox, a mystery, confusing and even confrontational.

Many people have said to me that they will not teach their children about God or religion because they will be indoctrinating them into religious belief.  Instead of shutting out freedom the Spirit calls us to be free in our expression of our faith. 

I have tried to put good food on the table for my children, as most parents do.  I think that they need nourishing food to help them grow strong and healthy bodies.  It is good for us to have a moment to be thankful before we eat.

For the food before us
and the friends beside us
And the love that surrounds us
we are truly thankful.   -anonymous.

Jesus had a simple meal as his last supper; bread and wine were inexpensive and ordinary.  The sacred and the holy comes to life in the sharing of a common meal.

When I have had  to go hungry for a day or so before a test I feel how uncomfortable and painful it is to be hungry.  Those who experience this day after day would see food as something they longed for and it is what we all need.  Lent can be a time of giving up food or a  time to understand the suffering in the world and give to those who are hungry. 

Jesus was promising his disciples to nourish and strength them with the promise that he would be with them forever.  There is a spiritual hunger that can be just as painful and real as the physical which we can try and deny   but there comes times in my life when I feel it.

HOUSEBOND

This week I have been resting and staying at home.  It feels good and I feel content.  My energy is slowly returning and my cold is almost over.  The world news is so horrific and there just seems one disaster after another.  Most of us wish we could do more but our own daily lives seem to take most of our energy.  The incredible power of nature destroys many innocent lives; as does the corrupt power of politics.  So sad.

The church has also been guilty of corruption through power and although we are all suppose to be equal the little voices are often not heard.  This is slowly beginning to change.  The wearing of robes and fancy adornments have brought colour into the church; but you know deep down that the person wearing the robe has the most authority.There are good people that wear these robes with humility and remind us that there is hope for change and growth.  And someone has to take charge and takes responsibility.  Our world is structured around the experts.  Every news program brings in experts to explain to us the facts.

So back to the present;  in which we are being encouraged to live, it was raining lightly when Gunty and I had out 30 minute walk this morning.  She loves to talk and it makes our walk enjoyable.  I am learning a lot from her life experiences. 

We are to meet some one for lunch and then go to the hospital to visit our friend Louise who has had an operation for a broken hip.  She is amazing and has just bought a scooter so she can be more in dependant since she cannot drive anymore.

STORIES

I had a very enjoyable day yesterday.  I met my elderly neighbor walking over by the park and we are going to start walking together.  She always walked with her husband and she wants to start walking again.  I am looking forward to doing this.

We enjoyed visits from Jane, who so kindly brought us soup, and later Cathy with her daughter Gracelyn.
In the morning we dropped off the books with dad's blog and mine to friends who have asked to see them.
Then carried on to Choices to buy Gluten free soap. shampoo and hand lotion.  My skin is very sensitive and I can easily break out in itchy spots.  Yes, I may be getting carried away but I am open to trying these things.
My cold is slowly taking it's time to get better and although I know drinking lots of water is good it is a problem at my age.  I have to go steady with my bathroom.  But I am feeling ever so much better today!

All religions tell a story.  They began in the oral  stories which captured the powerful drama of ancient religion.  These stories were written down and became sacred texts that have sadly been turned into dogma and rules about behavior.  They painted a picture of God which stirs our imaginations and helps bring light into the shadows of our reality.

Dad is wonderful at telling stories, even some pretty unbelievable ones.  Yesterday we where talking about how my leg was cut by a flying axe and the miracle that I did not lose my leg.  I cannot imagine not being able to walk.  We all read stories that draw our attention.  Scientists read scientific stuff while I like stories about human nature, spiritual and uplifting books as well.

We are programming our brain by what we read.  This  brain has evolved by solving tasks essential for survival.  The brain absorbs information but it is also important for it is to involved in creating and dreaming.
" There is a world creeds and doctrines, a world beyond words and a world beyond religion." 
Living From the Center by Jay McDaniel

For me this means that religion as I know it is in a process of change.
Religion, faith or spirituality can actually stimulate the brain, which can create belief which is usually based on historical leaders such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha and Confucius.  Religion calls people to come together in a sacred place like a church or synagogue or mosque to read and remember the words of the prophets and the words of the gospels and to share our stories with one another.  The life that burns within the hearts of these writers has the potential to set the soul on fire.  This can be dangerous if it gets out of control so that is why dogmas and church doctrine took over.  Different religions have different emphasis.

For someone to whom hell is very real,  then there is a great need to be saved; and belief is what saves you.  While others are drawn to the gospel of doing good works and find salvation in that.  I think both are necessary if we are to find security and comfort in who we are and what we are.  I think that the spirit gives us freedom  to search for answers that touch our hearts as well as our minds. 

We are spiritual being having an earthly experience.

EVERYDAY

Everyday I have so  much to be thankful for.  To be able to move, to see , to hear, to touch and to feel joy and sorrow.  I must not take any of this for granted.

Today I will take it easy still until I really feel better.  I'd love this to be a picture of me!

THE RESULTS

Dad will now be going to a better more qualified specialist for his glaucoma.  He may need some different eye drops and a more thorough exam. The pressure is slowly rising.  He goes next April 6 for a 2 hour exam.  This was not unexpected news but dad has really respected and liked his eye doctor so too bad he will not be seeing him any more.  There are two reasons he needs better care and also his own eye doctor will be retiring soon so a good time to change.We had a quiet drive home with a short stop at the town and country for soup and salad. 

I will go in with dad when he goes to see his new doctor so I can understand better.

Dad's tooth is not bothering him too much.  He has not had to have his strong pills today which is good.

Dad seems happy to come home and go on the computer and watch the news about Japan.  I know it is a terrible tragedy but I can only watch so much.  I am trying, with my nose runny non stop, to type.  I am feeling better but just in the cranky stage where I want to do things but I start then stop.

 I worry best by keeping busy which is a bit hard right now when I am feeling tired.

It has been said that everyone needs a purpose in life and when you find that purpose you will find happiness.  Today my goal is just to be happy.  I will laugh at my mess knowing that one day it will be re-organized.

But for now it is the time to pray.
 Prayer is not magic but it is mystical and beyond our understanding.
   Prayer is certainly healing.
    I pray and leave the results up to God.

God be in my understanding
God be in my impatience
God be with us all!

SLOWLY

Monday was a slow day with the rain hitting the widows with great splashes and me taking it easy with my sore throat, runny nose and aching bones.  I did try to tackle some mess that piles up in our spare room but did not get far.  Well, I did make a bigger mess so now I have to finish it.

I have come to realize that life will have to just fit in around how I am feeling.

Dad came home with his face all swollen after getting his tooth taken out and his bone cut.  The same as you Sandra.    There is a hockey game on tonight so that is good.  We have no good D.V.D's.  We will have to order some from the library.

To-morrow dad and I will drive into Vancouver to see the eye doctor.  I hope he is feeling okay in the morning.  He likes to drive and I do not.

Tuesday.  Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better and my throat has decided to do just that.  Kept me awake during the night which is no fun at all.  A hot drink sure feels good.  I am reading a cute story called "The Half-Broke Horse" by the girl who wrote the "Glass Castle".  I am so thankful to have a good book to read.

Seeing the devastation in Japan is unreal.  My heart goes out to them. 

One of the prayers we are encouraged to pray is to say yes to life,
yes to trails, yes to the truth and yes to love.
But I am tempted to say "no" to my walk this morning
maybe just a short one.

SERENITY

My eye glasses have done a disappearing act this morning.  They will turn up here and there.

Dad is off to get his tooth pulled which he is thankful to be getting done.

I am putting myself on compassionate leave which means I am going to give in and rest.  I have a sore throat which seems to be hitting a lot of people and making me extra tired.  So I won't do any visiting, except by phone,  but will do my walking as I do not want to get weak.  This morning I see an old friend riding by on the other side of the street.  We use to meet when I walked around 56th Ave. It is good to see we are still  doing our best.

 The Lenten study starts at the church this evening but I won't be going.

Seeing the awful distressing pictures from Japan shakes up our world too.

This will be a prayerful week

MASKS

Masks

"Hypotatasis " a Greek word I believe that means mask or a facial expression; that can hide our inner, essential nature. How can I know or trust that a person is real and not wearing a mask?  Masks were worn many many years ago for the actors to wear in the play and I believe these masks would display different emotions.  Masks help us hide our true selves and also protect us from feeling another's pain. 

We are all very much human beings.  We are all locked up in our culture, our habits, our needs and even our fears.  None of us want to be rejected.  None of us want to be failures.  None of us want to be prejudiced.

None of us want to have disabilities. 

How can I become a better human being?  How can I become a more discerning person without being judgmental.

Jesus had harsh words for those he called hyprocrites who wore masks.  They looked and acted perfect on the outside but inside they were full of greed and self-indulgence; sinful and cruel.     Mathew 23:25   When Jesus called us to love one another it was not just to love those who are perfect, educated and well-behaved.  Love has to be given generously to those who are different than us; and especially to those who need help finding their own self-worth. 

Everyone is beautiful in their own way.  I wish I knew what to do when I see someone begging on the street.  I have to look away or if I look at them I sadly shake my head.  I am thankful there are those who have a ministry to people who are down and out.  Am I helping them by giving them money?  I think not.

 Maturing is to be willing to remove any masks that separates us from each other when we realize what we are doing.  This can be a slow process.

 
Martin Buber says that "with each person who comes into the world, there is something totally new and unique.. . . .It is this unique and exceptional quality that each person is called to develop."

Stayed home from church today feeling the symptoms of fatigue etc.  Did have a little walk as I feel the fresh air always is good for me and so is the exercise.

PRAYER

I could not stay up and watch the agony of the death and destruction after the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  It would give me nightmares that even thinking about how some of those people died fills me with fear.  Do we also have to worry about earth quakes and tsunamis here?  It seems to be that all the disasters seem to be getting worse and really we are so helpless in the face of what nature can do.

I was heartened to hear that people are expressing their emotions and sending prayers on Twitter to those caught up in this agony.

I was also very tired after going to two parties in one day, very enjoyable; meeting and talking to very interesting and very creative people.  I come home wishing I had more energy to be more active in life.  Thinking way back when I was diagnosed as celiac and was told it was bad I had such confidence that once I knew what was wrong with me then getting better would be easy.  And I did but I never really felt healthy and I still struggled with tiredness.  I am thankful for good days and for the good health I have.  I look at others and my heart goes out in compassion to them with all the problems they are facing.

Whatever I am facing in life I know it is important to be honest and to dig deeper for the truth.  Ignorance and superstition and manipulation can destroy the image of God.  Good people can destroy their lives and the lives of others with false beliefs.

Prayer is healing but it is also acceptance of the things we cannot change. 

Yes, sometimes I have  felt  useless and sometimes used [but haven't we all at times]
but mostly I have felt loved.
I like things to be peaceful and I will continue to try and learn from my mistakes.
I guess that's all we can do and can expect others to do.
I believe in the power of prayer so will add my prayers as I go through this day.
I am thankful for all the good friends in my life that invite me to their birthday parties!

My fabulous party shoes!

RIPPLES

Last night we where shocked to hear about the huge earthquake that hit Japan and now there is warning of a tsunami..  I am worried about Australia and the Grand Cayman Islands and even our coast.  I have not watched it on T.V. yet this morning.

When I was thinking about ripples I was thinking about the little things in our lives and especially how we re-act to one another.  I wish I had been able to cheer up my lonely neighbor who invited me over yesterday but I found I was feeling sad for her and couldn't think of any to really cheer her up.  I hope my just listening helped a bit.  I think that is what God does for me "listens"!

Dad and I had been to the eye clinic and then went to the Sylvia Hotel.  I have to laugh, quietly to myself, at the old gentleman who is the waiter in the bar.  We like to sit there right by the window.  He is very quiet and I think he would have made an excellent butler.  His face is very expressionless and he carries the tray in with great style.  We order the same things, dad has fish and chips and i have gluten free chicken and vegetables.
It was too windy and cold so we did not walk around except to take pictures of the trees coming out in bloom.

I  now reading Sarah's Key and it seems to fit in with what I was thinking about; how the ripples in our life's reach out and affect others.  This story starts with a young girl whose family is taken by french police because they are Jews, they are held in an old huge barren garage before they are put on trains.  A very sad story of unbelievable cruelty and shame.  So sad to read but you cannot put it down.

What happened to the little boy shut in the closet?
Is the American girl moving into the same apartment where Shara lived?

  The young girl Sarah has no idea what is happening when the police come banging on her door, so she locks her younger brother in a cupboard and takes the key and promises to return and let him out.  The story goes back and forth between Shara's life and an American girl  who is looking into this story a hundred years later.  She has no idea the impact this child Sara will have on her life.

Today I will be turning into a party girl.  We are invited to two birthday parties, one in the afternoon and one at night.  A bit much for this old gal who wants to feel young in heart.

A RIDDLE

What is an Apathists?

We think there are two kinds of people those who believe in God and those who don't.  Apatheists believe in God but don't really care.  They may be glad He is out there, somewhere, doing something, well someone has to keep the planets spinning

some one has to hear our prayers.

A distant reality that may exist or not.

I like to believe in a God who not only exists but in some mysterious ways cares about all us human beings.

MORNING SOUNDS

I wake up to hear the sounds of the morning.  The dog barking excited to go for a walk, the paper lady puts the paper through the mail slot, the neighbor's car starts up, dad breathing quietly beside me,  and then I get up to look out to see if it is raining. No rain so far this morning but rain or shine I will go for my walk.  Then we are off to the eye lab. down town where dad has his tests.  He will not see the doctor till next week.  The cream his regular doctor is helping so that is good.

We will have lunch out so that makes it a nicer outing.

Came home after our Bible study at Colebrook and was resting when the door bell rang.  I was just to tired to answer it.  Usually it is some one selling something or asking for a donation.  I felt a twinge of guilt when it rang a second time; but our family uses knocks and walks in; as do our good friends if the door is open.

First I make my coffee and toast before being thankful for the day and the love that surrounds me.The daily news is so sad seeing innocent people being killed by guns and bombs.  Also the book I read about the young boy was depressing.  I think it was a blessing that the mother died as how would a mother face being shot by her son's hired gun man.  Again I am reminded how imperfect this world is; dreams can turn into nightmares and our bodies get tired and worn out and sometimes pain limits what we can do.  I would love to do more but to keep healthy I have to make choices about what I can do.

I had let the J.W. in for a visit in the morning and I do agree it is all about the kingdom of God which for me is all about love and welcoming the creative power of love of Jesus into our hearts daily.  A love that embraces all because we all need so desperately to feel loved.  Some call our church wishy washy but no one can call me wishy washy about my faith in Jesus Christ.  I am passionate about what I believe even though I will not go to his door and try to convince him his beliefs are wrong.

Jesus was truly human and yet his spiritual awareness gave him insights into the heart of his Father.  I use the word father and in it I include mother.  His love helps keep hope alive within me.  Heartbreak and misunderstandings have wounded most of us in some way and yet teaches us the true meaning of compassion and forgiveness.

As I drifted off to sleep last night I was thinking suffering knocks at our door and we are too fearful to answer it.  I wonder what today will teach me?  Maybe to be a little more patient, to use my energy wisely,, to laugh at myself [when I make the second trip to the store for the milk I went for the first time] and to listen to advise with an open mind. 

I am happy with who I am, wrinkles and all.

TIME

Dad spent time on the computer looking at old pictures. This was after researching the Insurance Industry and writing a letter.  These pictures of our family and our different homes sure do bring back memories.  He points out how young I looked just a few years ago!  Time has changed us all.  Time to change my pictures too from the Water Shed Park but I do love walking there because it seems like a different world and there is so much to see.  I am so thankful we can spend time there.

There was a very bad accident at 64th and King George and all the traffic was being diverted down 62 where I was sitting looking out the Nursing Home window and we saw a steady stream of cars and truck and even a hearse drive very slowly by.  Those in the home where wondering what had happened.

A good family near us is wondering what happened to their son that caused him to murder a young girl.  We have just read the Bible story of  Cain and Able and found it so unbelievable.  So I happened on a book in the library called  "Murder By Family"  in which the older son murders the mother, wounds the father and kills his younger brother.

The parents where totally unaware of the personality change there son had as he became a teen-ager.  He was a very good manipulator and con artist and his father only gets to know him after he is arrested and put on trial.  A story of a young man who had a personality change and his mind became twisted with dark thoughts of hate, resentment and anger.  His inner fears so corrupted his mind he started to blame his parents for all his fears and failures.  He is completely broken by the time he is arrested and is finally forced to face what he has done.  Emotionally crippled by his dark thoughts he had turn to others who had no moral values so they were able to plot this scheme.

At first the dad cannot believe his son committed these crimes but he has to eventually face the truth.  He has lost everything because he will not see his sons get married or have children and his grief over the death of his wife is an ever-present sadness that leaves a barren ache in his soul.  The important and amazing thing is that he forgives his son before the son even confesses or shows any willingness to change.

He knows he has to forgive or else his mind will become twisted with bitterness.  He sold his business and focused his energy into his emotional healing and restoring his relationship with his son and dealing with the murder trial.

His life has changed direction as he now volunteers for prison ministries and a non-profit organization that helps widows and widowers.  He believes in the powerful gift of forgiveness that our Father God has offered to us when we grasp the fact that each one of us needs forgiveness which is available to all when we truly repent and want to change.

He has the reassurance that he will be reunited with all his family one day.

Evil is difficult to understand and I admire those who are now fighting the evil and injustices being done in their countries  like Libya    The killing of innocent people is unforgivable so many are willing to die so that the lives of others can be changed. 

We see stories on the news and feel anger for those who commit crimes and often forget the other family that has been torn apart by what their child has done.  For those in the church we are now going to be entering Lent, which is a time of inner reflection, and a time to make a better use of your time and energy.  I was brought up thinking you always gave up something for lent and for many years I practiced that quietly.  I do not believe it was passed on to my children.

The world will not change, it would seem, unless there is sacrifice and forgiveness,
which is part of the Easter message.

THE VIEW

WHY

There are many questions in our lives when we ask why.  The natives in the Tar Sands are convinced that the oil drilling in ruining their natural way of life and also bringing disease.  It would appear that alot was done carelessly and poisons were running in the natural water.  We watch the show about airplane crashes and it can be cause by by a simple screw not properly joined.  Money, time and effort are required to do things right.  We get a notice of some one making a lot of money from charity donations and I think about the times in our lives when it was hard to give because we had so little.  These same people run adds with pictures of starving children and drive big cars and live in big mansions.  How sick is that.

Then there are families where one tragedy after another seems to hit them.  Life seems to be very unfair.  We can fight for injustice and for better use of our lands but somethings you just cannot change.
My neighbor who said she is lonely seems to be running away from friendship, so I can offer friendship but it is really up to her.  I enjoy visiting her but I do not really understand her.  The elderly man at the Nursing Home is the same; he can be so grumpy, and yet I think he is glad to see me.  I will keep going because I know being alone and not being able to do what you used to do is very hard.

Dad has some cream for his eyelids which have been so itchy and painful.  If what he saw on the write on goggle  up is true he will have this problem for ever.  Why?  Doesn't he have enough trouble with his eyes?  I was too tired to go for my walk yesterday and am not sure just why I felt so miserable.  But I worked in the garden and then dad and I had a walk around the grounds at city hall.  What will happen when they move the city hall from this nice park area over to Walley and why are they moving it anyway?  

I discovered that mustard flour is okay for celiacs and that spicy nuts are not. 
I know that late nights do not agree with me.

The weed man drove by our place again yesterday and I smiled to myself; I should have given him a friendly wave.   He also has phoned several times I can see by our call display.  I guess he is trying to tell us it is time to clean up our yard!  I come in with itchy eyes and a sore back but I feel good.

I have many more why questions but I guess that is enough for now.

THE DAWN

It is so much nicer to get up when dawn is breaking and then I wait for the sun to shine into my world.  There is frost on the cars parked on the street and crocuses are appearing in the garden so we are in that in-between state.  There is no fog here this morning that gives a eiry feeling of uncertainty and separation.

Dad is off to his family doctor today and I wish he would get into see his eye doctor earlier because his eyes are very itchy and painful.  I will nag him to see if he will try and go to-morrow, because they have cancelled his appointment that he was to have this week because the doctor is in surgery,  If the eye drops are making his eyes worse and causing a re-action and causing him worry I think he should try and get in sooner.  If a doctor does not hear from you they assume you are all right.  Hopefully his family doctor will be on my side.

We have planned to drive to Langley to have lunch with an old friend who recently popped up on face book.
We will go to the Milestones as I feel okay about eating there.

We had a good meeting last night as usual but got home a little late.  We discussed some heavy topics like sin and dogma and interruption of scripture as metaphor.  We talked about different experiences we had had in our journey of faith.  Things that had upset us like the understanding about forgiveness and repentance. And I know it is often myself I need to forgive because I still so stupid things.  I can hear Dr. Phil saying: What where you thinking?"

It dawns on me that I have to have faith in the forgiveness that is freely given.  Guilt is a heavy burden to carry and I can let it go.  Our new minister has changed the prayer of confession to one of letting go.

I just remembered I forgot to take my digestion pills and my stomach has reminded me.

PARADOX

This is me trying to climb up into this giant tree on our Saturday afternoon walk in the park.  We went into another unfamiliar entrance and stay right on the main paths so did not get lost at all.  We are becoming very sensible in our old age.  Today was another pretty nice day but dad did not feel like going into the park so I just walked down to the store.  I wanted some of my bread and of course I took pictures on the way.  I was gone over an hour which was surprising.

Enjoyed church today although we were sorta late because had to make sure the towels were clean etc just in case the bath renovators come over.  We do seem to be slow in the mornings as I guess we are used to not hurrying.

I fineshed reading my chapter.  Rick can read a book very quickly it seems; and I feel proud of myself
 reading a chapter.  But then I am reading about the history of religion and God and finding in the last two pages it is a paradox. 

In the writings of Denya he insists that God is nothing because He does not possess "being" in any sense that we could understand.  But Gid is also "Everything" because every single creature that God informs becomes a theophaney, a manisfectation of God.  We are reminded of the inadequacy of all theological language, even words of scripture.  There is a time when a community benefits from a litergy that can be beautiful and full of symbolisum, and there is a time for a silence that allows us to forget ourselves and want to be open to the presence of God that may surprise us and fill us with wonder.

Augustine insisted that there should be no unseemly quarreling about scripture as people who engage in acrimonious discussion of religious truth were simply in love with their own opinions and had forgotten the main teaching was to be loving; of neighbor and of God.

I have had trouble finding this picture because it was not where it was suppose to be.  O well.

Now we are off to Bible study or book study driving to Nick and Drena in Langley.  We srart and end early so that is good for us early birds.  Early to bed and early to rise!

I made it up into this tree but sure needed a hand down.  Some people walking by also volunteered!

THE TRINITY

This beautiful quilt made with patient love expresses the patchwork that makes us who we are.  We are all so different and yet in the end we are seeking love, and peace and food both spiritual and physical.

The Trinity cannot be put into words but can be created in a picture.

"One of the most famous icons of all times is the picture of the "Old Testament Trinity" based on the story of the three angels [messengers of God]  and Abraham.  But one can see it as the Trinity as the three angels approach in unity but aware of the presence of the other.

"There is no self hood in the Trinity; instead there is silence and self-forgetfulness".  The father has emptied his life by the power of the spirit into the son who then becomes the word.  The word will leave much unsaid so that the spirit must be our teacher as well.

"There is a light [a pure radiance]that shines on my soul that no place can contain,
a sound is uttered no time can take away,
a fragrance that no breath of wind can disperse,
a savior given forth that eating cannot blunt. . . . . .
this is what I love in loving my God."     -- Augustine writing in  "Confessions".

"As in God, the three different faculties_memory, understanding, and love_constitutes one life, one mind and one essence" within ourselves.  This activity in our minds is a pale reflection of the Spirit, the bond of love between the Father and Son."    --Karen Armstrong_  The Case For God.

THE CASE FOR GOD

This is our study book by Karen Armstrong.

This week the chapter is on silence.

There have been many voices that contributed to our understanding of Go, of Jesus, the logos and of scripture.  There were Arius who believed that the Word and Wisdom of God, the Father, was the first and most priviledged of creatures.  He believed that Jesus had been promoted to divine status and would become the perfected word through divine obedience.

  Alexander, the Bishop of Alexanria, and his brillant young assistant disagressed.  Arthanasius wanted to safeguard the liturgical practice of the church which regularly referred to Jesus as divine  There are many other voices like Anselm of Canterbury, the group who made up the Nicene council under the orders of Constantine. 

Words built on words.The desert monks would learn to still the mind so they could cultivate an attentive listening silence.  Maybe the Quakers have it right after all.  What I believe is that although God is a mystery He wants to communicate with us.  There is a level within us that I think is the soul which is beyond the subconscious and deeper than our emotions.

Jesus took time to spend forty days in lonely silence to process the religious experience of his baptism and what the call of God would mean on his choice of paths.
It can be in times of quiet meditation, or experiencing the beauty of creation, it can be when some one shares from their heart and goosebumps; that does not sound very spiritual, but there is a stirring within me that knows there is a presence like a breath of wind that comes out of nowhere and gentle blows.

This will be continued but comment if you have some thoughts.

Gregory of Nyssa [331-95] became involved in the political turmoil of the Arian disputes.  "Theology depended on practice, and its truth could be assessed only by people who allowed doctrines to change them.

He saw that Moses, who had first experienced a vision of God in the burning bush would later climb a mountain into the darkness of the clouds to understand the way that God would now have him lead his people. These ideas where being expressed elsewhere.  The importance was in the leaving of the world of words and actions and controversy and conflict to be alone with "the invisible and incomprehensible."  He was engaging in a disciplined contemplation that would allow all that he knew and had experienced to find "in the silence of otherness that reached beyond the reach of words and concepts." 

He saw clearly that idols must not be made of any God; but our human nature wants to make God an image we can define and understand.

Although we have the spirit within us we still walk in a fog of unknowing.
The world is so silent early in the morning in the fog and one can feel so alone,

HUMILITY

The greatest lesson Jesus taught and lived was to walk a humble path.

Humility is often expressed in our willingness to learn.  Jesus encouraged his listeners to become like a little child and a picture comes to my mind.  To play with my great grandchildren I often have to sit on the floor or crawl into some tiny place they have found.  It is seeing the world in a whole different way.  Humility is in fact a new kind of intimacy that listens and is willing to enter into the experiences of others.

My afternoon yesterday was spent with a beautiful group of ladies, full of life, full of talent, full of faith.  Each face told a story of their lives, some had a shadow of sadness, lines of worry, others poor health and disability, and yet in all there was a willingness to serve with our gifts no matter how small they may be.
The singins was heavenly as only a group of women can sing together the songs they know and love.
The service was written by a group of women in Chili who had to gather from distant areas to meet over a lengthy time to pour their hearts and their experiences into this service of prayer.  As women they had suffered the cruelty of life that came with poverty and injustice and struggle.  Baking bread helped them to cope and gave them something to share.

Jane and myself had a fun day and it was good to make new friends and see some faces that we have met before.  Larry had picked up some Chinese food rice and vegetables because he knew I would be hungry.

We all have our ways of coping with life and humility and wisdom go together.  Jesus taught out in the open fields and encourage people to share their loaves and fishes and this would be a miracle as Jesus blessed the little they had and there was enough for all.

I loved the services we had in the park and at the beach when we went to the Vineyard Church.  Sitting on the grass and seeing the children running around and singing in the fresh air was a joyful experience.

PATHWAY

There are so many beautiful places in my world that would be a joy to paint.

Yesterday was a a lovely morning for a walk in the woods.  Dad and I went into the Watershed Park from a different entrance, the one that you have to cross the railroad tracks, that say danger fast coming trains and through a hole cut in the chain fence.  We were looking for the artisan springs and I think I found the one I had found many months ago but then the water all around it was higher and it was shouting up much higher.
The sky was an amazing blue colour that is reflected in this little pond. 

You can walk all the way around the outside of this park and if you want a fast walk that is the way to go.
Although Ken you walk fast even on the trails.  Ahead of us where a couple with their dog who was having a great time chasing a ball and wagging his tail.

After a quick lunch which consisted of my strange menu of organic Quinoa, vegtables and fish that dad shared too; we went off to the hospital to visit Doug who hs been through a very difficult time after surgery.
The hospital is just a mess of sick people everywhere and we are so thankful just to be visiting.

Dad had had two pieces of pumpkin pie at lunch so going for a walk does make you hungrier but he was not hungry for supper but I was.  I was happy to finish my left overs and he had his soup later.

Today Jane and I will be reading at the World Day of Prayer which includes many churches and many countries.  It is written by the women of these country, this year Chili, and we learn about their culture as well as their faith.  They have such strong faith in the midst of their difficult circumstances. 

This service has all the different churches taking part and this year it is a bit confusing.  Jane and I have also confused ourselves by changing the parts we are taking turns reading.  Hopefully we will go up and down at the right places.  I have met such nice people at these services and I am reminded again of all the good people in this world and that my life has been touched by so many.

I came home to read "Rabbi Jesus" by Bruce Chilton which is difficult to read but I am finding that seeing the life of Jesus from a very Jewish point of view fascinating.  I understand why Jesus taught outside the synagogue and how his ministry differed from John the Baptist.  Bathing and baptizing had become a ritual that allowed people to enter the worship service after they had been washed.  Jesus would share a meal with outcasts and those who where called unclean because he believed in the purity that God saw within them which he also saw.  He truly did take down the religious barriers that those in high places had made into rituals.

Jesus opened the way to a simple path for any to see and follow and find the spirit of God.

" When our inner selves convert distinctions into a perceived right to dimish others,

 we are not on a Holy Path."  A.Shaia