WOW

I went for a really big walk today and was so full of energy it was awesome. I also had three people, two strangers, one an old friend say nice things to me as I was walking. A bicycle rider wheezed by me and said have a nice day, a lady watering her garden told me I had a bright spirit as I smiled as I walked by and then an old friend waiting at the lights rolled down his window and said how good it was to see me! I was surprised and pleased.

Came home and did some watering, some grass cutting, and some laundry and then had a big nap. Now I am reading Spong and finding he makes a lot of sense. "To state that religion is revealed truth is to invest it with power, to compel conformity, to enable non-conformists to be effectively silenced."

Even saying that I cannot deny that the knowledge one gains by reading the Bible has a powerful message, the life of the spirit still lives for me in it's words. We translate it to better understand it and I believe that within the pages there are insights into our humanity with all it's neediness and frailty.

TIME

You wait and plan for something to happen and then the time is gone and I feel the emptiness that I felt as each child left home. Now, our grand daughter is flying back to Grand Cayman Island where she has a busy life working and enjoying walking her dog and being with friends.

It is hard to imagine how old our earth is and the time that happened before us and that will go on when we are gone. Our lives began in the womb of water that protected us and surrounded us. The world must seem a strange place to a newborn babe. I find at times in my life the world seems like a strange place to me but I am happy being strange. Like the little girl in the story "The Inside Out Girl" who marches through life being very different has a sense of her own worth. She fights to wear what she wants to wear, mismatched and colorful and even inside out if she feels like it. She does not fit in in school but she lives in her own world most of the time. Society decides what is normal and we can make others feel awkward when they are different. It has taken years of struggle and pain for us to accept gay people but now that is slowly changing.

I think it is strange for a president to appear on T.V. talk shows because there is serious work he should be doing. I was taught you did your work first before you were allowed to play. Time change and things get better but memories still live with us. It was sad for us to leave our old house on the hill where all our the children have great memories but the time had come for us to find a smaller house closer to the stores etc.

Time for me to be an Inside Out grama and be a liitle rebellious; deciding I do not want to be told what to do, or think, or believe or yes even eat!

EARTH, WATER, FIRE, AND AIR.

The earth as seen in the water-shed park!

"The ancients believed that all things-visible and invisible-were composed of four different substances, uncreated and imperishable; Earth, Water, Air and Fire. It's important to stress that these elements were not simply considered in their material form-they were in fact considered symbolically. The attributes of each element then corresponded to a specific spiritual, mental or physical dimension."
Paulo Coelho writes in Inspirations.

I have more to add to his thoughts but I am off to become radio active for a a picture of the tissues of my lungs. I am not certain of the procedure so I am a little nervous. I am now back and after breathing some stuff into my lungs with a nose plug on [reminds me when we use to wear them swimming] and being injected with dye for pictures I am happy to be home. The tecknicians was extremely confident that all looked good and if there was any problem I would be phoned later in the day. Basically they were looking for blood clots.

But I think the more we know about ourselves, our bodies, our thoughts, our personality, our weaknesses and our stengths it can only be for our good.

I am so thankful to be able to breath normally and the fresh air is wonderful.
I did not sleep well last night worried about going into that machine but I am getting good at it. Evidently I did well.

Back to the Ancients for whom the mateial was symbolic of a more complex reality.
God was the one who stirred the wind to blow gently upon us; or to cause great thunder storms that shook the earth and caused fear in the unknown. How could then make this God of thunder and lightning happy? They saw the rain as bring life to the earth and producing, actually birthing, new creations. Out of the mist the rainbow would appear and powerful story telling began.

Religion first began in the belief in "spirit". Spirit that was alive in nature as well as in animals and human beings. There was a "good spirit" and a "bad spirit".
The story of the Garden of Eden tells of the awareness of the good and evil that came as they became self-conscious and felt their was a difference between them and the complete goodness that love produced spiritually.

I am tired so I will quit. Comments are welcomed.

FRIENDSHIP

Friendships weave a special Happiness into our lives as we share our lives an our concerns. Cathy has a bad cold right now so we are not walking together. I have not been in the Watershed for a week and it was on the street I had a talk with the stranger.

Over the years of visiting Kay at the Nursing Home we had developed a friendship in which we really cared about each other. I was thankful that the card saying she had moved came in the mail before I visited her empty room because that is always a shock. I was hurt that I had not been told by phone that she was leaving as I would have gone to say good-bye and it would have been sad but it would have been the way to end our visits together. I have sent her card that I meant to take over for her birthday but visiting her now she has moved to Burnaby will be difficult and next to impossible. I do not like driving and that would be too far for me now. If it was easier for her this way then it is okay.

I have taken July off from visiting the Newton Nursing Home because of family visiting and my own need just to rest up and catch my breath. I felt and I still do that it was the right thing to do.

"Abandon the fruitless search for reason and logic and discover the mystical laws of grace and be free from the ordinary thought working process." Caroline Myss. I had written this down several weeks ago in my journal and now find it helpful. I need to learn from all my experiences the grace of compassion and the grace of acceptance.

"Grace filled moments come unexpectedly into all our lives". But at other times they have to be invited into the soul allowing peace and tranquility to replace the questioning of life.

QUESTIONS

There is a time and a place where you should ask questions; like in the doctor's office for instant. After being listened to me breath and blow into a machine the very serious doctor suggested I have three tests. Two for my lung capacity which may just be the best it can be and one for the heart. Where these just routine tests or was there a reason he was advocating them? And what exactly where they?
Of course hours later I start questioning! !

Yesterday as I was walking at 7:30 a young man caught up to me. He wanted to show me his Kobo Reader and started talking about all the books he had read and now he would be able to read them on his reader. We talked about some books, the classics and the modern ones like Harry Potter and Dan Brown. When I said I did not really like Dan Brown he started to question me. I was amazed at this young man with all his questions, very deep and thoughtful. I often find young people today do not know how to ask questions even in conversation. When we parted he gave me his phone number and said he would like to have coffee, but I found when I got home I had lost it.

It is not often you meet someone so young and so well read and so full of questions.

Life is full of questions especially about suffering and good and evil and why does God not do something. Of course we know that we are the ones that have been called to make this world a better and more peaceful place.

Jesus answered each question very simply because he knew the questions behind the questions. Who are you they wanted to know? What can I do to save my life from the mess I am in? Can I be healthy? Are you like the real God or is God like you?

There are moments in my day when my mind becomes quiet and the questions do not matter and I exist in the flow of love that surrounds me. Questions can be painful and to regain my peace and inner strength I disengage myself from that inner voice that doubts and questions continually.

CHANGING

I love to look at the sky in the evening and especially seeing the changes in the moon. It is funny but I often feel like it is winking at me wanting to share some joke that is just between us two. But as the moon gets fuller I am reminded of how much the image of light and dark has penetrated our thinking and our experiences of life. There is a time to laugh and enjoy and have fun that is an important part of our lives. I have tended to be more serious and task orientated. Now, I want to enjoy laughter and being a little crazy, just a little. Yes, the moon winks at me and the flowers talk to me and I see God working in my life in mysterious ways, through my experiences, my family, my friends, and even through my dreams.

Years ago I would have said I was at peace with my religion but I find that you need to keep growing and learning. I was reading in my new birthday book, thanks Jane, about how the ancients did not revere the book-the written word as we do. "Rather, they saw in the written word a sort of imprisonment of the spirit, of oral teachings. Indeed to write a message down transforms it; and it no longer dwells in the space between the speaker and the listener. The message becomes "heavier", acquires a body of ink and paper (or clay in ancient times) and its suppose to live longer than the person who wrote it."

I know I cannot believe everything I read so I have to choose the words and thoughts that bring light into my life. I value the gift of imagination and seeing the world through the eyes of a child. I showed Morgan, my little birthday angel,that changes color and she said baby Jesus would like that. We were sitting under the table at that time. I was amazed because our family is not what you would call religious but the children are learning songs in school about Jesus, God and Love.

Many wise teachers have written beautifully and many have not left any written word at all. Our human nature longs for a love of life that can awaken the magic and the mystical that surrounds us.

THE ANSWERS

It was a wonderful place to spend my birthday, a gorgeous home with a walk right below to the beach. It was so good to be there with my family have fun and watch others enjoying the sun and water. I tried to walk to the swing but developed a bad headache and shortness of breath. Gosh darn I was feeling like a young thing! I enjoy seeing the children etc. enjoying the day so that was excellent. Thanks Rick for making the long drive from Chase B.C. Hope your term paper is finished and in the mail.

Today I have to have answers for the internist, I am the one with the questions how can I answer his? I never remember dates and right now I am feeling so good I wish I did not have to go. Dad is insisting on answers so I am going along with the process. We will probably both feel better when the answers are you are just fine and your age is catching up with you.

One answer I have found is that you cannot compare yourself to others.

I am getting more forgetful as I forgot my purse and my camera and my change of clothes at the beach house. I like the new bag dad bought me but I needed a huge bag to put everything in or else I need some one to question me and ask me "Mom, do you have your purse?"
Have you forgotten something?"

So guys it is your turn to question me. Can you remember?