THE UNKNOWN

So much of life is really about facing the unknown. 

I have been extremely worried about dad and the focus of my thinking has been on him.  Today I will go to the hospital with him where he gets his ultra sound.  Then next to see his new doctor at the Hilltop Center.

I have been feeling so very exhausted, emotionally drained and just wanted to catch my breath. 

I thought because nothing was said about the possibilities of what could be happening that I could put my tests off until dad's were finished.  I think I should have been told more and then would have made better quicker decisions.  The timing just has not been the best.   So I may have colon cancer or I may have brain cancer.  I feel a little numb.  I want to know.

I will now go to all appointments and yes I am willing to fight because there is so much to look forward to.  I was worried about having problems that could be the result of a stroke which I believed and still believe the brain can be retrained.

I was hoping to be able to get the cat scan earlier and the doctor felt strongly that would happen.  In fact he told us twice to wait and not order it privately. 
I believe we both had the same thought in mind that this could save a lot of tests and appointments.
I know I need to listen to advice but. . . . . .  Also I thought I was working very hard to improve my walking and honestly believed I was getting better. 

I will now face my fears and will work hard to get healthy.  I know it is important to know and also love yourself and I do not want anyone to be worried.  But loving thoughts and prayers are helpful!
I am thankful for my family!

Hope is the most powerful medicine so I will try to continue to be hopeful.

WHATEVER

Whatever will be will be, the future is not our to see!

I get very nervous going to doctors and I very quickly acknowledge I am getting better. 


I was very fortunate that Dr. Nolte had a cancellation and I got in to see him at 2:30, on Monday. We had a serious talk about the risks I may be taking, I  am sure he was a little annoyed . I am set up with a neck and brain scan and yes a colonoscopy and to see a specialist which may take a long time.

We ate out and did some shopping for  food.  I am now at home trying to gather my thoughts.

Thanks Michael John for the e-mail I will answer in a day or so.

FROM CHURCH TO COMMUNITY

Dad and I remembered to change our clocks but arrived a few minutes late at church.  We must try and do better.  This is the banner so beautifully created by one of our banner people.  It symbolizes communion.

This is the time of year when the church community begins the Lenten  journey: a journey of confessing  knowing  that it leads to new life and great hope.

Our visit with Vera and Howard.  They both have a wonderful sense of humor
 and it is good to laugh together.  Good friends from church.


After a visit with Sandra and Randy Tavia and her boyfriend arrive.  Tavia is a feisty character that believes strongly in her faith and her church.  They run the youth group together.
Yes he is a Christian which is extremely important to Tavia.
Dad was the one who got all the challenging this tine.



Sunday after I have a nap dad and I walk in the forest.

I nearly fall in trying to take a picture of the stream.  He grabs my jacket and rescues me again.

Our church is a caring community where we feel loved and at home.

Our neighborhood has a community spirit.  Tod and three of his boys loaded up their trailer with our broken fence.  The youngest boy asked why we did not have a trailer of our own.

I am a  little emotional right now which can go along with a TIA or it is just me.  I am worried about dad but he is getting excellent care.  He has an ultra sound on Tuesday.

Always love your visits Sandra and Randy!  One of the problems is that I am adjusting to feeling like I do,  so maybe I am thinking I just  need to live with it but I will take advice to keep going to the doctor.  I am also very fatigued so any decision is difficult.

Sandra!  You have given me many loving moments which  I treasure!

Part of the lesson at church was about Adam and Eve and he was the muddy one (created from dust)  and she was Eve the bearer of life who had to clean him up!  Reminding us to keep a sense of humor.

The name of the DVD is Glittering Prizes which we obtained from the library.  The young Christian boy dies in the first chapter.  It was on the BBC.

STAYING CALM

I believe that beauty is essential to the soul.
There are amazing stories of people even in captivity enjoying beauty whether it is a small tiny view out their window or watching a spider creating his web.

There is beauty in the vegetable market with the amazing displays of color and variety.


Dad and I are watching a D.V.D. which I picked because it was from Cambridge University.  The first pat is about a Jewish boy and a Catholic boy sharing a room.  They disagree on religion but it is the Jew that has an attitude  of superiority.  They both come to realize the many faults in their traditions and in their churches.
Each comes to see that religion still is a part of who they are;  they learn that what the other believes is not necessary what they thought the other believed.

Had visits from Randy and Sandra who now have their book cases at last.  We all stayed calm while discussing my next moves at least according to the blood-pressure monitor.  Later we had a visit from Tavia and her new boy friend who she was anxious that we meet.  A very happy young couple!

Enjoying beauty, laughing at the ridiculous, and responding with humility and grace help us see the spiritual side of all of life realizing sometimes we have to do what we do not really want to do.  I will see Dr. Nolte and apologize for not keeping the appointment he went to the trouble to make for me.

ONGOING

Dad has taken the old fence down as it was falling down with the snow and wind.  The work will be on going for a long time.  A mess to be cleaned up and taken away.


Signs of the ongoing work in the garden too.
We had a meaningful visit with Vera and Howard.  Dad told about getting lost in the Water Shed park and then we talked of other things; but as we said good-bye he said now do not get lost going home!  We treat him with respect as we would like to be treated.  Both dad and I recognize how import it is for our brains to keep functioning so that we can remember and also that we can speak what we want to say.

I am finishing my mystery story called "The Fatal Winter" I have two choices of books to read.

 The one book is called "Still Alice" that is a heat breaking but beautiful story about Alzheimer's.  A story about reality and a misunderstood disease.  We grow old and we change but deep inside we are still us!  I think that is what is important when we visit our elderly friends.


The other book is called "The Misunderstood Jew"  by Amy-Jill Levine.  I like the one quote that says: "Belief is like love, it cannot be compelled.  It does not rest on logical argument or historical proof.

To understand either of these topics I need to learn more.

"Differences between Jews and Christians derive only from different sacred scriptures, historical memories and lived experiences."

"The divorcing of Jesus from Judaism does both a disservice to each texturally, historically and ethically."

At the end of the day when all has been said and done ":Be yourself, everyone else is taken,"  -Demi Lovato

Dad went for a walk in the woods and I had a nap when we got home so I am adjusting to the lack of energy and doing my walking and reading and enjoying a slower pace so this may just be ongoing!

I believe in some mystical way Jesus fills our hearts and souls with love that has always been there but we have ignored it this is a comfort to me.

"Seek and ye shall find."

RAIN AND MORE RAIN

Another rainy morning.

"Let the raindrops beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. . .
I love the rain."      Langston Hughes

I am thankful for the rain as a gift from heaven to provide the moisture we need and the leaves all bright and shiny and the air clean and fresh.   Dressed right you can enjoy walking in the rain.

Yes I am going for my walks and my few walking buddies who I meet regularly,  when we go at the same time,  tell me I am doing so much better and to keep it up.  I even was given a tiny heart with cinnamon candies in it too.

Dad just got a call from his new family doctor to come in for a visit, so that is good.  He goes on Tues.  He also got a call about the Ultra sound on Tues. also from two hospitals Peace Arch and Jim Patterson.  He is keeping one at Peace Arch. 

 I am glad we where home to get these calls and also a phone call from Carol about selling her home in the Cayman.

 I decided not to go to the clinic yesterday because I wanted to do my visiting , which is important to me, and which I did not do last week.  Two of the ladies I spoke with said I had brightened their day and Jim appreciated his milk shake.

Small things can mean a lot. Meanwhile I am waiting for phone calls for me!

 Sacredness in the ordinary.

"At some time in life we could all be monks.   Everyday we could all bring the monastic spirit into the world, making it alive, profoundly communal, and joyous."  -Thomas Moore

I would add maybe more compassionate and peaceful.

"A divided world has rendered secularity a source of insanity and aggression, and it has made religion vapid and unhelpful or fanatic and dangerous.  We need to enjoy secular life, and we need a sense of the sacred for depth of sensitivity and meaning."    -Moore

A SMART COOKIE

Yes I am one smart cookie! 
Maybe even the smartest cookie in the cookie Jar!
 
So even this smart cookie can do a few dumb things at times because we all make mistakes.
Just trying to be a little humorous!

Dad got his blood tests back and his cloistral is a little high.  He has his Ultra sound next Tuesday so things are moving right along and the full picture will be put together soon.

He took down the little side fence that got blown over during the last windy night.  Lots to be done in our yard but expecting rain so it will wait.

"We are born with a seed of selfhood that contains our spiritual D.N.A. of our uniqueness."   -.P.J.P.

This is what I like to call the soul that wants to help us find
who we are,
 why we are here,
and how we are related to others.

Too tired for making decisions at night so will make them on my walk today.
Rain or not.