BAKER

The days when I liked baking are long gone.  I guess that is why the cake ended up in the garbage.
Like my grand daughter said "we should do things we like doing whatever that may be."  Dad is happiest with his store bought cookies so I am thankful for that.

The morning had started with a terrible fit if coughing that lasted for about 30 minutes.  You panic because you feel like you cannot breath.  Then I get the flour, eggs etc out to do my baking when I get a distressed call form our friend who had returned unhappily from the Seniors home.  I quickly throw together a cake that I see a beautiful picture of; mainly because I could not find my old stand by cookie recipe. 

We rush off to hear her story and make tea and leave feeling she is feeling better.  But I have gotten over-hungry and miserable so I quickly start cooking and I burn the carrots.  I lie down on the bed to read and rest and although I am really tired I cannot fall asleep. actually my heart is racing and I go down and throw my cake out; after giving dad a taste and he suggested just buying cookies.

I am worried about forgetting things and about losing things.

So I will have my toast and coffee and say a prayer and try making the cookies.  I will buy some gluten-free cookies as I am not going to battle with them.  Yes, there is another man who has celiac who will be at the meeting to-night.  I will take some grapes and Christmas oranges and maybe cheese and crackers.
But I will give it another try this afternoon.

PLANNING

Dad laughs and I planned, if I don't I will forget something that is important.  How do I keep some sense of the spiritual when I barely have time to pray except on my walk?  It is not about finding time it is about being quiet and taking time to be aware of the presence of the Lord.  I will dig out some Christmas music to help me as I do some minor baking today.  It is my turn to take something to home group.

So this week I will finish the cards, write my Christmas devotional [actually rewrite it].  Wed. is going to the hospital with dad to get his cortisone shots in his knees, which have been so much better, although it seems the skating make them worse.  Then maybe we will drop over to see Shirley as she is trying out the Seniors Home for several days.  I am sure it will be decorated very beautifully.  She was very excited packing her bag and getting ready to go.  I think she has been bored as well as lonely.

Thursday I will do visiting at the Newton Regency but another friend has moved out and although they had Christmas singers there on Saturday there is a coldness about the place now.  At least I feel sad and strange when I go there now. It used to be a happy place even with old the old dears wandering about or sitting sleeping.  I knew the staff and they knew me.

Friday is Tavia's birthday and I have a card which I hope I do not lose.  Our bread knife has now gone missing but dad must have put it in a strange place.  I hope.  Saturday I will help at the craft fair at the church and Sunday we have a pot luck dinner for our study group that are studying Karen Armstrong's book about God.  This is very heavy reading and I have been putting it off.

Yesterday I bought a new red top so that is my Christmas finery.

For now I am pondering how to take an age old story that I love with all it's mystery and wonder and make it something that impacts our lives today.  Certainly the world has not changed in that war and poverty and disasters are happening all around us.

Change is hard for anyone of us.  I will continue with my planning.

THE UNEXPECTED

Most of the time we do what is expected of us in our day to day life.  This brings a stability to our relationships and everyone is reasonably happy.  This tree started out to live a long life and it certainly grew to a huge size but now it's beauty is being a stump.  There comes a time when expectations change and it is time for new growth.  My writing this Christmas is all about change.  Mary and Joseph had their lives completely changed and even their relationship to each other was in great danger  I believe that is was devastating for both of them..

When a woman becomes pregnant it brings new challenges into the couples lives.  Emotionally and physically the woman's body is changing and seems to have a life of it's own.  A time when one needs to be treated with thoughtfulness and gentleness.  This is only the beginning of what happens as a couple are forced to change over the many years that lie ahead.   One day I will be feeling great and dad has his aches and pains causing him discomfort.  We give each other advice but really there are no answers.

A doctor can help find out what the problem is but we are the ones that have to change our lifestyle, by changing diet and activities and expectations.  The choice is ours.

I am reading a funny story about a dog who cause a lot of havic in the family situation.  In many ways this dog rules the young couples lives.  Now they are expecting a baby and are worried about hos the dog will re-act.  But first they have to find a nanny as both will return to work.  After many interviews they find one that seems so perfect shy check her referrences.  They think all is settled until dog meets nanny and has a violent reaction to the nanny. 

After things settle down and they decide they will not be able to hire her a sixth sense tells them to check her references.  They find out this woman was a seasoned con artist with a criminal record.  Fortunately they had found out the truth.  And yes through a friend they did find a warm and genuine nanny but dreaded the meeting of dog and woman.  This time the dog danced around her with obvious joy and enthusiasm.

It seems dogs are a good judge of character.  We can learn a lot from dogs and also from our children.  Both come into our lives with their own personalities and wreak havoc in our neatly ordered days.

This time of year presents different expectations which may or may not be met. 

When I get overtired now I find that I do not sleep well.  This week end was tiring as we stayed out later going to see Stuart McLean with Ben and Carol.  Great fun!  You would think I would sleep in but instead was up even earlier.

I am glad we do not have too much planned for Dec. but a few parties here and there.  Christmas day will be quiet I expect.

CANDLES

The candles are lit as the day begins to darken.  The table which had been cluttered with Christmas cards has been transformed by being uncluttered.

My back is aching, my asthmatic cough starts up again, and my brian is so weary but I am so happy to be fineshing up my card writing and my Christmas letters.  I have made two, one just a few facts and the other the spiritual blessings of Christmas.  I wonder who wants to see my writings?  It is important to be positive and yet honest.

We spent the morning goggling healyh information which is very handy thing to have.  Especially when uou go to the doctor and forget to ask questions probably because you do not know the questions to ask.

The coolies did get made and taken over to the Nursing Home.  Also dropped by Shirley's but she was not home.  Came home and skyped Kenny.  Saw Jasmine waking up from her nap and Matthew climbing and going in and out of the room.

Theresa phoned looking for her mother so she can drop off Ben who is going with us to see Stuart Mclean in Vancouver.  We pan to go our for pizza's but . . . . .did not have time.  Had time for only a grilled cheese sandwich and soup.  Both Carol and Panteli have very bad coughs and Panteli stayed home as he was really feeling miserable.

Ben was so happy and excited and laughed alot through the whole show.

The stage was lit by a Christmas tree and lots of candles.  The musuc was exceptional, especially the stand up base.  We were very tired after the drive home but also very happy.

The candle lit in church today was a red cancle for hope.

Jesus was born into a very hopeless situation with his country under foreign rule.

DARK CLOUDS

Dark Clouds mark a change in the weather and stormy weather can cause many problems in our lives.
The news about North Korea  attaching South Korea is very disturbing.  The paper shows the destruction left by the artillery shells and this action is unsettling for all the world.  Gone are the days when war just involved one nation against another but now the whole balance of the hope for peace is shaken.

I am reminded of a small child who declares everything is "mine" and says "no" to everything. 

I wish that we could all learn to get along even with people who irritates and frustrate us.  Like many other things in life this takes emotional energy and commitment.  I know that the only person I can change is myself but this can be transforming and life changing for me.  In life I know that often I have let petty emotions ruin my day and I strive to be more patient and more understanding.  Humor helps if we laugh at ourselves and with others.

QUESTION MARKS

I find the more you think you know the more questions come to you.

Dad and I mumbled as we set off on a snowy late afternoon to see the specialist.  Just a waste of time.= we agreed.  Confident that if there was any bad news we would have heard.  And we were right.  I had good results on my tests and the only think they found out that the hole in my heart, we are all born with, had not completely closed.  My first re-action was to say "O that explains why I have always tired easily!"  Not so I was told.  Since I had had no problems, one thing it can cause is a stroke, so far then it really is not a problem.  The doctor did not say much and I did not think of the questions I should ask.  I came home with questions going around im my thoughts.  I felt better after we looked it up on goggle.

The doctor's answer for was my shortness of breath comes back to asthma and I should take my puffer on my walk for when I get short of breath.  I have no intention of doing that, taking my cell phone is enough to carry.

My day has not yet been formed although I have several ideas.  I want to read my book about Mary and learn about her role in history.  Dad is right not much is said in the Bible but she becomes very important in the days after Jesus dies.

QUIETLY

The moon was very big and bright a few nights ago but last night the sky was covered in snow clouds.
Quietly during the night the snow has been falling.  This morning the world is white again and the white snow brings a brightness of it's own.  I love the stillness that comes with the snow

Our study at the church was on attitude and it was my turn to lead.  I was so happy to see that we all made it this time. Happy just to see their faces and hear their ideas.  It is am intimate group because we have shared so much over the years and a noisy group because we all like to talk.  We are busy with family and next time we meet we will be wrapping up Christmas goodies for the hampers; and we bring food for the food bank so we contribute in our small ways to others, and to each other by listening and caring.

I am looking forward to walking in the falling snow but right now am feeling a little tired.  Coffee and toast should perk me up.

Dad will be getting another cortisone shot next week in his knee.  He had a good visit with his doctor and had the results of his knee M.R.I. ; some loose stuff floating around.  Hard to operate on successfully..  I wonder why so many people have knee problems.

I am off to get the results of my breathing and my heart today which should be a nothing appointment,  The doctor is one of those serious types, a little blunt.It is funny I would have liked to have know right after I did my tests but now I think it is a waste of time.  I know I am healthy except for the celiac.