SEASONS

We enjoyed a rainy day at the Slvia Hotel. I always feel at thome there and it welcomes me like an old trusted friend.

I am so glad that we are entering into the season where Jesus becomes our focus. I think Jesus needs to be rescued and restored as the center of our spirituality. There have been many books written about Jesus and people have seen him with different eyes and they see only part of who is is and was and will always be. I love going back into time and back into the story of his birth. I love the words that flow out of the telling and how real Mary and Joseph become as flesh and blood people.

I had hoped yesterday to spend time reading a book called "There is a Season" . This is based on Eccleslastes and brings new meaning to these old familiar words. I got busy getting ready for our study group and cleaning up and moving chairs so we could all sit together and watch the video.

"There are joys which long to be ours. God sends ten thousands truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away." The writer is quoting Henry Ward Beecher

"We often ignore joy. As a result, joy unheeded and blessings unacknowledged, carry serious psychological and spiritual significance of their own for us.
But JOY is the spirit of GOD in TIME, it is the only taste of ETERNITY that is freely given."
There is a Season by Joan Chittister.

We are coming into a season when we get caught up into all the extra things that need to be done, the writing of letters and cards, the shopping and the decorations. When all you children were small we made sugar cookies and decorated them one by one. I love to see how tradition is being carried on by our family.

Jesus is the one who has brought joy into my heart and I do not want to lose the love that has awakened my soul.

LOVE HAS COME

Rain on the window explodes with the lights all around.

Love was there at the dawn of creation, at the beginning of time. Love is the taste of eternity freely given and that lives on deeply in our memory. Today we have been given time, time to do what we have to do, time to enjoy a cup of coffee and to read a good book, time to listen for love to speak. a time to laugh and put on a silly face. Love sometimes means untangling ourselves from the life of another, gently and quietly.

The love that we all need is speaking in the silence within us. Love speaks in the chirping of the birds and in the falling rain. Music lifts the spirit and mellows the soul.

Love comes as unexpected gifts of friendship and words of wisdom from our children and grandchildren. Love comes to invade our dreams and waken a new reality.

Dear Ones you are loved.

I AM A STRANGER HERE MYSELF

We live in a beautiful world of colour

Am I dreaming or am I awake?

Can we look at ugliness and see beauty?

Do we want to correct the tree that is leaning over like we are tempted to straighten out others.
Can we be right when we admit we are wrong?

Does anyone else feel like a stranger at times in this busy world where everyone is rushing about doing it all. while I stay at home and take a nap.

I enjoy my walk in the pleasant morning air whether it is rain or shine. Yet at times I feel I do not quite belong here and that there is a better world somewhere waiting. I love the story about the child who wants a big tree house in heaven instead of a mansion. I would agree.

We are coming into a season of joy with giving and receiving. I am looking forward to a time of simplicity and being waited upon and being with my loving family. I love you all!

I AM A STRANGER HERE MYSELF.

Not many of us can look into the face of ugly and see beauty.

As I set out for my early morning walk I put on this Hood and pulled it tight to hide my face. I had to laugh as I walked along and there coming towards me there were many hooded young people. I may have looked like them but I was not one of them.

I know that at times I think I am a little bit crazy and even at times feel I do not quite belong here. I like the assurance that there is a better place prepared for me. I love the story about a little girl who believes that for her heaven will be a giant tree house not a mansion. I like that.

So at times I feel a little strange, a little odd surrounded by baffling creatures who may look like me yet we live in different worlds. We are somehow a mixture of sinner and saint.

Philosophers have wondered through the ages how we fit into this world, somewhere between the apes and the angels. We have in our nature a mean and ugly side, sometimes that comes out in my dreams where I face the quiet murky waters that run deep within my soul. I am faced with fear and a captive to stress and worry. It is hard not to tell others what they should or should not do.

All I can do is try to figure out my path and try to make wise decisions.

People so earth bound seem to still be looking to the stars for answers. We are looking for answers to make our dreams come true and to bring us happiness and inner peace. We are longing for good news that gives us a reason to celebrate.

We are coming into the season of celebration. A time of giving and sharing and welcoming others into our homes. The lights on our street are going up one by one and I love all the Christmas decorations. BUT I am happy that dad has decided no huge Christmas tree this year because I find it too much work and mess. Let the young ones carry on with all the big trees and the big plans and the big presents.

At Christmas the STAR shown down on the earthy place of a lowly birth and all of heaven rejoiced with great joy. There will always be blind eyes that cannot see and deaf ears that shut out the truth but anyone who has the heart of a child that reaches for a promised gift can receive the gift of love so freely given to all. Yes, Jesus is a mystery of grace and paradox who reached out to those in need; a radical who did not hide in a hood or in a church but walked and taught freely out in the open. The birds would come freely as all of nature rejoiced.

I am excited for Christmas to come to see our family come from near and far and I will miss those who are not able to join us.

I never read over what I have written and probably I should because from the comments I wonder what did I say?

UNSEEN REALITY

It is too dark for me to see outside but I like to leave a light on for those who may pass by.

Too late to play in the leaves some one came and raked them up in these neat piles. As children it was the piles that were so tempting!

Our newspapers and radio and T.V. try to reveal what is happening in our world and we see and hear about tragedy and evil yet there is much that is hidden; even when something is filmed. I question myself about what I really want to know because I can do so little about it.

I saw a title of a book from years ago called "Things Unseen". Now that book has been on my bookcase shelf for years yet all of a sudden it awoke new thoughts in me. I took it down and opened it at chapter 8; and I quote a few lines here.

"Helen Keller, blind, and deaf, and mute, learned through the patient and loving guidance of Anne Sullivan to communicate, first through touch and then through speech. [this is such an amazing story] When Anne first tried to teach her about God, Helen said, "I already know about Him-I just don't know His Name."

How can we name what through instinct and moments of holy joy we experience as the presence of God. He is bigger than our words and greater than our imagination, more beautiful than all of creation and more mysterious and powerful than a thunder storm that comes out of nowhere and all of a sudden we see the lightning.

Yes there is much in this world that we cannot see. We cannot see the beginning of creation although we try to puzzle it out. We cannot see the sun behind the dark clouds and we cannot see our future. We make plans and as the old saying goes the "gods" laugh. We want to blame this strange God for our pain and suffering; even though we know that suffering can make us stronger.

We often do not see the pain a careless word can inflict on a sensitive person.

Into a world much like ours a baby was born. A world of cruelty, wars. poverty and injustice all that caused great suffering. I love the Christmas story it is full of truth and beauty. Many babies are born in poor conditions into a world not ready to receive them. Many babies have been born and even their existences questioned. By those who carried them or by themselves later in life. Jesus was born and held in the loving arms of his mother as Joseph proud and strong knew he would be asked to protect this little family. Did shepherds come, did kings come?

I like to believe they did. But for certain angels seen or unseen sang over them.

The Glory of Love bursting forth to bring new hope and greater love and to allow us to see God through the eyes of Jesus. He taught us all the lessons of life we need to follow because he could see and hear Father God talking and speaking into his life and he knew his mission was to share the unseen love and the healing presence that surrounds us all!

LAUGH OUT LOUD

Wouldn't it be great fun to run in these leaves and throw them at one another! Wish Morgan and Ben were here!

Life is for laughing. We cerainly did as we joined our friens Jane and Geof and Eve for coffee at Zellers. I arrived first which was good because I looked like a drowned rat after walking in heavy rain. This is one of the joys of being retired; there are lots of funny stories to tell and friends become even more precious. We have to laugh about our loss of memory and our aches and pains and the thing is we are laughing together.
Laughter is good medicine and also healing for the soul.

It was a good day with time enough for everything. I had had a good walk in the rain to the store but rode home in style with dad. I then had to clean out the junk I keep putting on the bed in the spare room. I think everyone needs a junk room. There are papers etc. I keep meaning to look at and like a lot of things in life I have good intentions.

Rick phoned to say he had arrived at U B C and he would be here at about 8. It is also such a joy to see and visit with your children. He is excited and pleased about his move closer to Kamloops just by Chase. Again he is on the lake and he has a very nice home to move into. Lots of books to be moved because he keeps accululating them. He has inherited this from me. I love books and also have several I am reading.

Now I must wake him up to drive to Sumas on business. A quick and enjoyable visit!

I am thankful it is not raining! Happy Dreams!

DREAM ON

I love taking pictures. This is from last week about 4 o'clock.

I love getting up in the morning and thinking of what I am going to write about. I do get annoyed when I cannot get into my picture project because I love putting pictures on too.

I have decided my computer takes loooonger to wake up than I do. A note flashed on my computer saying I can get "Wake up calls with Snooze". So the computer is reading my blog. lol

I could not believe yesterday morning how quickly 9 o'clock came and we had to leave the house. I am used to taking my time getting dressed and quite enjoy that. There had been accidents on the roads already so we wanted to get there in time. We go to the eye clinic next to the Van. General Hospital and fortunately know where to park although the parking meeter is a bit of a challenge. At least it did not keep our money when we kept doing it wrong. One of the problems is that it is a big parking, under the building, and a line soon forms behind you as you try to pay for your ticket. We usually let the next person go on ahead before we try again.

Dad had the three tests yesterdays so we were there from 10 until 12:30. We did have a coffee between appointments which I was very grateful for because I was so cold. His pressure is up one point which we will take as good news because it is still under the danger area. Then we head down to the Sylvia, the place we both love. It was nice and warm there and the staff remember us and are warm and friendly. I took pictures but will not put them on for awhile because I have to use up the ones I have already down-loaded. Does that make sense.

I am worried about dad. We walked out the car entrance instead of walking up all the stairs. His knees are bothering him and sometimes give out. I think you have to keep using things or they become weaker. He has now asked the doctor, who had suggested it, for a cripple card for his car. I heard on the T.V. an ad for vitamin D to help gout etc. I will give him a double dose twice a day. I really believe he should do the water exercise and I think once he got in the habit it would be okay. He enjoys looking things up on the computer and is looking into genealogy but personally I do not think that is so good for his shoulder or his knees. ["Just remembered the song Knees Up Mother Brown"] This is how my brain works.

I loved the responses yesterday about dreaming. It just happens my book on healing is talking about the healing power of dreams. Then there was a show on NOVA on dreaming but I did not find it spiritual enough.

Today I may walk with Jane as we decide when the day arrives what we have on and what we can do etc.

Rick is arriving at 8 to-night after driving out to U.B.C. We will miss our question and answer group from Gracepoint. They will say a prayer for Matthew and I am praying that he is improving. Rick is off heading home in the morning with meetings in Seumas and Abbots ford if I remember right.

There is always things to look forward to and enjoy. I have wonderful chocolate cake from Carol that is cut up in the freezer when I get a craving for cake. It was a great way to end our Sunday dinner with chef Randy and decorator Sandra. Dining room looked beautiful with lots of candles and wine! I was thinking they should make smaller bottles of wine for when we only use half a bottle. Although I guess in the restaurants the chefs may drink up the left overs so I've heard.

UNDECIDED

Finally found my more recent pictures.

Morgan is undecided should she touch or not,

I am undecided if I should continue my morning drivel. I love when it stirrs up a response and I love writing what is on my heart and mind but I am feeling undecided.

There are a lot of trees in the woods and everyone has it's own beauty. From the small to the giant we need them all. There are a lot of words in the world. My concern is that I am saying the same thing over and over.

I treasure moments like this.

I had a bad dream last night but was up the usual time.

I could not get the picture to go on.

It is an old picture because I couldn't get the up -to date one ones to appear. They were lost in that strange computer world that at times seems to want to control my world. For me the right picture is important.

I know I should do it right but sometimes the computer just won't work.

My dream was about all these people coming into the room I was in. More and more family and friends. I did not know what to do with everyone. I kept saying I cannot fed you and I do not have beds for you all. I was frantic because we were all so crowded. Then I looked outside and all these very ugly and evil people were running around the outside of the room; trying to get in. I was yelling at them to leave. I felt I had to keep everyone safe because something very bad was going to happen.

Anyway I am reading about the healing power of dreams. Somehow there is a part of me that I connect to only in my dreams. Sometimes I feel I know what the dream is revealing but other times I do not have a clue. "We over rationalize and become overbalanced and dreams will try to correct this." We experience stress and anxiety in giant size in our dreams that remind us of our lostness and brokenness. Everyone in my dream may be me but there is always the sense of great aloneness. I need to recover the sense of loss that getting old and feeling useless can unbalance me. I need to feel connected spiritually.

"Dreams come from a very deep and personal part of us and when we share our dreams we are sharing a huge part of who we are."

Anyway I managed to get through to dad's doctor and got him an appointment to get his should x-rayed. He gets results on Thrus. To-morrow, this is Monday night I am writing, we go to the eye-doctor. We are both tired and dad is having pain and feeling unhappy about not being ble to "do" things. I wish I had more energy but if I use it to pray then at least I am :doing" something that I believe is worthwhile.

THE HEALING ENERGY OF FAITH

Nature reveals healing nature as it changes and flows all around us.

Words have been expressed to me and I have been taught over the years that our self-definition is based on doing. I believe that time spent in prayer have a greater value than we can ever know. Our self worth can be so destroyed that we give in to sickness or loss of soul. Deeo inaide a person there may be a feeling I can't do this any more. We give up. Sometimes an illness wants us to give ourselves attention; to discover what makes US happy not some one else

As I said in church yesterday I am so glad to be apart of a church that believes in the power of prayer. How does it work it is one of the mysteries that believers in God just let rest with God.
Our thoughts have a positive energy that transcend time and space. Words have healing power as does touch and loving friendship. Our bodies need to restore the unbalance that is causing us distress and some part of our body to break down. Our immune system can become low or there can be a gene that has been passed on that weakens us physically.

Little Morgan, who now has the celiac gene has to stop eating wheat flour. When she went out Halloween night she cheerfully told everyone she cannot have smarties they make her sick. Children are amazing and seem to have special courage when facing life=threatning disease.
The love of their parents surrounds them with healing energy.

I am thankful when I know people are praying for me because at times it is hard t0 lift yourself out of what I call the loss of soul energy which can be like a loss of a dream. My body tells me to rest and to be aware of the hope that something waits for me. There are even healing angels that come to us either ones we see or the unseen.

I have no trouble with God being the source and ground of all our being. I dwell with God and He also lives within me. What a mystery! What amazing grace!

I am thankful for all the prayers being said for Matthew as we all pray for his healing.

WAR OF WORDS

Francis of Assi, a man of courage and strength and deep commitment, is one of my hero's. He was a lover of nature and animals and people. He turned from a world of wealth and a beautiful girlfriend to live simply and I believe walk the walk of Jesus.

Why do people use the same old arguments to put down religion. After all are they not superior and have no need of the spiritual nor do they admit the emptiness that comes from a meaningless existence.

I do not blame all wars on religion; which dissolves ownership of the unresolved anger in the human heart. Were the 1st or second world wars because of religion. No no no it was for freedom from oppression. Two children fighting in the school yard why are they fighting. Not for religion no no no. I would think it was angry words spoken and there was a need to defend what was said. What about the two hockey players, who look so so absolutely stupid fighting. Are they fighting for religion. No I think not. One wants to be superior over the other and prove how strong they are. Wars are fought for many reasons for honor, for country, for freedom, for control and power; they are fought for greed and for material gain. I have been fighting against this lie all my life.

I feel passionate as a believer that we are all searching for the truth. I believe in the power to protest against injustice which I believe is a biblical value. We live in an age where our young people are involved in a war in a far country [why is there always money for war and tanks and bombs] we live in a time when our economy is being shaken and our faith in politics is non existence. I have writ en two letters to the Prime Minister which he will not read but maybe there will be a note somewhere to let him be aware of what I think is worth fighting for and against. I hate the fact that our soldiers are killing Innocent children and damaging their homes and taking away security. I am violently opposed to young people being brought into our country to be prostitutes during the time of the Olympics or any other time. Why does our country protect criminals? Especially those from other cultures who come hear and from gangs and fight and kill. Send them back. I welcome victims of abuse and those who are seeking political security for standing up to the injustice in their country.

Yes, religion has been used as a reason to war against other cultures and countries. Until every voice can be heard and we seek to understand not to only be understood; to respect the opinions and values of all faiths and cultures, to really desire peace and believe it can be achieved peacefully we are lost and hopeless.

I write as a Christian believer who has not joined any church but have had many unique church experiences. Part of me is grounded in the United Church and I am proud of the things they are doing for the poor and those who have no voice; for their willingness to speak out against violence and injustice, but my soul needs the freedom to worship with more passionate. I have gained what I can only describe as my soul bursting open in the laying on of hands and prophetic words being spoken into my life. I would have never believed I had a gift of writing until some one in a time of prayer spoke to my heart's desire.

I believe in seeing the good religion has done and will continue to do; even though I know religion is a bad word. I believe in the power of prayer and the joy of worship! !

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Ships need lighthouses to keep them clear of the rocks and I need Jesus to help me find my way!

The question that many churches are facing is what can we do to build the church into a dramantic and alive place where people are drawn to enrich their lives. I think people want to learn to be good parents, to build strong relationships, to be healthy, to have support in times of crisis, to enjoy life that is not so stressful but is meaningful.

Churches have many different names and many different values. People who come to church have strong opinions and often differ about what is important. Some people love to be active in putting on suppers and baking and doing crafts; so these people like to be busy. They are always ready to do a job if asked. Many of the older people cannot come any more but are wanting visiting. This is a very worthwhile and meaningful thing to do.

I did my visiting on Thursday over to the Nursing Home but it was a bit of a disaster. First lady was waiting to be put to bed so I said I would come back, but first she asked me to water her plants. I did and she said I did not water them enough so I gave them more and of course the water ran all down the window sill I was busy moping up the window and the floor. I left her a small Christmas cactus and she was happy about that. She rang the buzzer for the nurse and I left and said I would come back. It would take a good 20 or 30 minutes for her to get settled. When I returned an hour later she was fast asleep. Another lady as I knocked and poked my head in the door was in the process of changing and was embarrassed. I was feeling shaken myself by this time. Usually there are people walking about or sitting that I visit with but it was very quiet. I did have one good visit where I chatted away knowing after I left she would probably forget I had even come. I left in the pouring rain and stop in to see a church friend.

I suppose one likes to feel that the effort they made was of some value but I know that I cannot put my ideas of what is valuable when I go visiting, but trust that even a short visit touches their hearts with the knowledge that some one cares.

What can our churches offer the busy stressed young people? In the Observer the United Church paper one sociology PhD professor states, " No matter what the church does, you are not going to entice them." It seems young people do not feel the need to come to church, where they may feel uncomfortable; nor do they feel the need to teach their children about God.

I am sure I could have done a better job and I wonder if we had not discussed religion at all if it would have been better than arguing about it's faults and it's merits. I have always felt drawn to the church and Sunday is an important day that feeds my soul in a way that there are no words to describe.

People are more open to the word spirituality than religion. I believe that religion has the power to open the spirit and to open the heart if we follow Jesus in serving and loving others.

We need young people to help us see ways in which religion has abused and damaged lives. Are we too pious? Are the words and ideas we spout outdated? Can we have a church without a minister? The young people have just won a landslide victory in the vote taken at the Surrey Sikh Temple. It is the second victory for the youth slate, who won last year, only to see their victory disputed in court. Their has been bitter controversy and I am delighted that the younger members are willing to fight for their right to bring changes that fit more with the modern times.

WITHOUT LIGHT

There is a saying that there is always light at the end of the tunnel which is true when you are driving; but sometimes the tunnel of experience we are going through can seem too long and we lose faith that the light will ever be there. When we feel tired and discouraged life seems hard

and yet there is a healing loving presence that is with us; even when we do not believe. Even when we question why and there are no answers for us to see and give us understanding.

At the core of every human experience there will always be some heartache, some limitations, some sorrow to darken our days. We have no words to say when family or friends are going through tragic sickness, divorce or loss of a loved one. Just our presence is some comfort when our words fail. None of us likes to suffer and yet in our times of distress we learn to feel what others are feeling. We long to have the wisdom that can speak healing but we are silenced because everyone must journey through their own tunnels and find a way of making sense of their own lives. I know that good things have come out of even death where people decide to bring changes from their experiences so that life can be better for the living.

"The ancient Greek poet Aschylus wrote, "In our sleep, pain which we cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart against our will, in our own despair, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God." Peter Downe - Healers at work.

God, the Lord of Creation, the Father of us, like a loving mother comes to us; as we express our anger and our grief and our deepest longings and we feel so lost and alone, into our darkness and healing energy surrounds us.

When I am praying for people I am praying for relief of pain and the end of their suffering knowing that the answer may not be what I am hoping for. I leave them in the hands of Jesus the hands that I believe our scared and whose heart was broken as he carried the burdens of us all to the cross. His death beings life that never ends and he is the bearer of the light that waits for us.

COMPASSION COMPASSION

This vase was sent from England to my dad who valued it very highly. I have discovered it is but a copy but I value it for the meaning it gave to my dad's life and the connection to his home in England. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and my prayer is that in this time of religious
misconseptions and struggling with the "birth pangs of a new spirituality" we will see that the call is to be compassionate and not about being right.

The human soul will continually fight a battle within. Every act of compassion is a holy act!

The purpose of religion should be and often is to awaken in us a sense of compassion in a world where there is so much pain and suffering. At our U.C.W. meeting we wrote a letters to the Prime Minister regarding human trafficking and the explotation of women and children. The most vulnerable in our world are helpless victums being used to bring profits to those involved in organized crime.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to live in some of these other countries where the government is corrupt and religion is controlling and demanding. I like the C.B.C. radio because it brings injustices to our attention. Education is the first step to righting wrongs and creating a safe place for all of us to live. There are those who try to control and abuse in all our systems and we have to discover for ourselves what it truly true.

In the afternoon at the Bible study group we talked about how we can help those who are reaching out to help others. Our church supports the work that is carried on by Oak Aveune Church by donating clothing, food and workers.

In the evenning we discussed different religions, what we have in common and what our the differences. Certainly Jesus changed the religion of his day and continues to do so today if we allow him to speak into our lives.

COMPASSION transforms the dysfunctional sadness that at some times has darkened our lives into a deep desire to bring others comfort and peace and some sense of happiness.

COMPASSION comes when the harmony within produces a meaningful life of reaching out to others.

RESTLESS ENERGY

This is the tree I see as I step out my door and when I come home down the street. It is amazing because it has kept it's beautiful leaves.

Yesterday morning I was wide awake at 5 and up and fineshed my blogging and prayers by 6:30. It was barely light when I started out the door into a blast of wind. I did a longer walk than usual with the helicopyer over-head checking on road conditions and a siren screaming behind me. Fortunately the wind blew me home because I was feeling a little less energy. And all this because I was to go to the doctor and did not know what to expect. Everything is fine but I need to have another test. I said no thank-you but dad says that I should do it.

This morning we are discussing what knid of minister we would like to have at Colebrook. I would think one with lots of energy, intelligence, a sense of humor, honesty and deep faith.

We need to be challenged and we need to learn. We need to be healthy in body mind and spirit.

We are not there yet!

I was too weary to look at the Christmas card list last night. To-morrow I said to myself is another day!

THE CONTENTED GENERATION

We are like two old Teddy Bears contented just to stay home warm and dry.

Still enjoy morning walks even in the rain. Always looking for colour!

Happiness is having visits with our children and grandchildren and reading to the great-granchildren and playing with them. I hate having to confess I did eat a piece of real cake but I have promised to stay strictly on my glutin-free diet. I do not feel much like cooking or baking so I could start making more of an effort.

"Happy Days" what a great T.V. show. Looking back I think we were the contented and happy generation. I had no burning desire to change the world; but then we did not have T.V. news showing us all the horrors, we did not hear about a lot of crime and once the war was over life was full of promise.

Our parents had lived through the reality of war and a time of scarity and fear. The depression had made them very careful about money, and with a great need for order and tidiness in their lives. Hygiene was also very important and at school teachers checked to see how clean your finger nails and hands were. It was also a time when parents had a sacrifical attitude toward their own emotional needs. I would imagine that families had many secrets that were never talked about.

For me it was a time of contentment.

Along came the next generation fueled with a burning desire to change the world and to express all their angst and anger and frustration. They rebelled against authority and wanted freedom to do drugs and dress differently and to create loud discordanant music. A lot of this was hard for me to understand and hard for me to cope with. Changes started to happen so fast and I was not prepared. I had led a sheltered life and I had been content.

THE TEEN-AGE OUTSIDER.

We were ready for a power failure. We also have the light that Ken and Melina gave us!

There won't be many nights like this last week. The rain and the wind hit last night and we lost our power for awhile. A very quiet day today Dad with a very painful shoulder and I dizzy etc. We missed church and we missed the party at Theresa's house. I am hoping your dad will go to the doctor and have his shoulder x-rayed.

I have been thinking why people do not go to church. There is no interest in religion as presented in the church service. People feel like outsiders as so much is done by repetition and the minister runs the service. What if it was more like a discussion group wnere there would be a short talk and then people would gather in small or bigger groups to discuss the questions. I for one like to hear different opinions. Or we could have concerts where there could be a varity of Christian music from popular to classic to modern. Words that are sung can be very powerful and almost seem like a prayer. It is hard for people to change and those who are comfortable in church are probably too comfortable.

What about a wine and cheese information night?

What about a pub question and answer meeting?

If we drink wine at home why cannot we not share a glass in our lovely Great Hall?

How can we make outsiders welcome? We want them to know that church can be fun, Bible study full of laughter and live long friendships too!
"I recently heard a great writer say that an essential element in the life of a writer is to have been an outsider in childhood, to have been given the "gift" of not belonging."
Elizabeth Lesser - The Seekers Guide.
Theresa seems to like stories about my growing up years. My grade 12 year turned out to be a disaster. I remember the day dad told us we were moving to Regina and I said "no way" and my dad said, "We are not even discussing it young lady".
I was extremely happy in my High School I had lots of good friends, I liked my teachers and had good grades, I was involved in sports, in drama and other activities. I considered being a gym teacher and I really wanted to go to Univercity.
I had a boyfriend that had already stolen my heart although he would soon be off to Winnipeg to take his training as an air-traffic controller. There was the local hamber place with the juke box players on the table where all the teen-agers hung out. I also sung in a huge church choir and it was a thrill for me to be apart of this amazing choir. Now, I loved to sing but keeping on tune is a little difficult for me.

I remember the first cold dreary day in January where I walked alone to school. No one was friendly and I felt very much an outsider. Being a bit shy I was waiting for some one to approch me; instead they would be in their chatty little groups ignoring me. Within a week I got several calls from boys asking me out but I told them no I was going steady. There was one boy that I thought was cool he played the drum in the school band and had a very stuck-up younger girl friend. The kids at this school wore more expensive clothes and this did not help me fit in. Maybe if I had the "in clothes" expensive sweaters etc. I would have been welcomed.

Even my beautiful brass bed did not give me pleasure anymore. It had been shipped all the way from England and then from Winnipeg where my dad's Aunt Susie had it.

So I went to sharing wonderful secrets with my two best girlfriends to being a loner. I did eventually make a few friends, took on a full time baby-sitting job and struggled with my school work. I had to drop Latin and the Physics teacher could not teach at all.

At Easter that year I ended up in hospital with what they thought was the appendix but was actually a cyst on my ovarie. I missed writing mid-terms so would be forced to write the end of term papers. This was difficult for me because even then I learned what was current but had trouble going back to the first of the year.

I did pass and go on to Tech. where I took short hand, typing and accounting. I had little interest in my grade 12 grad because someone would be picked for me to go with. As it turned out I went with the cool drummer and boy was his girl friend jealous. She being a year younger was not allowed to go.

I now wish that we had not moved so much with our children although we stayed in the same area. Our first move was from a two story house to a one level and that was because I was so sick at the time. Anyway the past is the past and we have to be thankful for all we have now.

IS GOD SILENT?

An empty chair, an empty room but The Presence is waiting!

Our churches are now asking the difficult questions that all of us have struggled with at times.

When will war and poverty and suffering end?

Our churches will now be gathering up items to make Christmas hampers which are even more needed this year. Mom's are waiting in the cold dark of the morning to put their names down. They want their children to be able to have a fun day. Over the years we have helped and we will do what we can this year.

How can our churches reach out and touch the lives of our young people?

Karl Marx, Emile Durkheim, Sigmund Frued and others were all wrong when they predicted the death of religion. Even with socialisum, health and prosperity, science and knowledge etc. these things do not comfort us nor do they soften the harsh realities of life.

My brother shared with me as a small child of 5 when he was very sick with pneumonia in the hospital; and the child in the bed next to him died, why he wondered am I still alive? This is the question many survivors ask.

Where is the energy and excitment and passion that faith offers to the spiritual restlessness that can hit us at any moment?

And I do not believe for one moment that God is silent. He has said it all in the glory of nature and in the experiences and in the words of others and in a world of love and kindness that comes alive even more at this time of year.

The question really is "Are we willing to listen?"

BARREN

I am missing the fall colours

I am missing the sound of our pond which is still right now.

Ah I am feeling a little barren this morning. November does this to me. Or maybe it is the de-caf coffee? It was very cold this morning and I would have ordered Bob Crakket {?] to put more coals on the fire.

Yesterday was a good day we went delivering glutin-free bread to friends and neighbors. Now that warmed my heart I can tell you. We had a late lunch at the White Spot mainly because we were parked there and did not want to be too late driving home.

The clouds on the way home where spectacular and I took picture after picture but I do not think I catured the sun shining behind the huge clouds. Maybe the angels do ride the clouds and have great fun sliding down the bumps.

Today it is off to Chapters for me and yes I may very well be tempted. Larry is going to the library to hear about geneology. I have decided to use my imagination as far as my parents go. My dad may very well have been a spy who came to South America after the war as still a very young man. Too bad he never talked about this.

Mom was a beautiful dark haired nurse, quiet and shy, but just maybe there was a young doctor she was secretly in love with. Her friends from the nursing dorm remained her best friends all her life. She tried to go to the odd re-union. She was called Smithie.

To-morrow we may go to Colebrook as it is the friends that draw us there. I do miss the energy and passion of Gracepoint and the sermons that make you think .

Thank you Jane for calling I wondered if since I have had no comments anybody would miss my ramblings.

THE GARDENER

This was gathering up the leaves from the pond and from all over the rocks. This was after cutting the front and side grass twice because it had grown so tall and was so wet.

This is my drain after it has been cleared of leaves and the happy little streams get to run merrily down and away.

This is the pile on top of the drain.

This is mushrooms in my grass, do they look eatable?

This is the flowers and branches I brought inside. I want lots of green life! I woke up to the sound of heavy rain on the window with great gusts of wind blowing and causing banging. I was glad I had done a good job out in the yard yesterday. I had not intended to do all that I did; that included cleaning the shed and the garage too. I did not go visiting because once you start you want to finesh and I knew the rain was coming. Hopefully this will be the final grass cutting, although I like doing it so I should not complain.

More leaves have blown down during the night but I will wait until the wind fineshes blowing them here and there. The burst of energy is not driving me this morning but I will go for a walk.

Dad is going to see Kay Kennedy about his shoulder again and this added to prayer should start to see some results.

The Good Book says that God's blessings are like flowing streams of pure love!

"Be still and know that I am God"

A creator who created this earth with the perfect balance in nature that we are in danger of destroying. Every insect, every creature big or small, has a part to bring life to all of us.

TO DO

SIMPLE PEBBLES AND PRECIOUS THINGS.

Small peggles are the small irrations that come daily into our lives. I have to learn how to not let them become like a stone caught in your shoe that ctipples you.

This is the stairs from Rick's beach to his cottage. Is there a stairway to heaven? Why not!

I wake up in the morning very bright and wide awake and happy as can be. I love the quiet in the morning; when I am aware of the gentle beating of my heart and my quiet breathing. My ears listen to hear any sounds outside, the dogs barking excited to go for their walks and one by one the cars start up and go off to work or school. Then it is listening to the children as they get ready for their walk to school. Sometimes it is the rain falling heavy on the roof but today the sun is brightning the morning all ready.

I am excited about my blog. And yes I was excited about yesterdays blog which I hope my children would read about my dad. I do not think they did as there was no comments. I love the comments because they add so much more meaning as they share what is on their hearts or what they are doing.

This month I am going to add pictures of all the little treasures, the precious things they have given to me, as pictures on my blog. Everytime my eyes see these gifts that have been given so lovingly my heart feels a deep joy.

LEST WE FORGET

Lying for the truth, as we believe it to be, to prevail, fogs our minds so that it seems right and even honorable. The tension of life will always be about struggle and death. We fight for freedom yet we can be blind to the darkness in our own hearts!

It is part of war!



"Man is weak and overwhelmed by his unending workload. What is the stragedy to end the raging war of the evil inclination, and the secret to stop the spirit of desire that roars unendingly like a churning sea?

Man's only hope is to fortify himself with the reverence of God. This reverence is an impregnable fortress that can deliver him from every enemy and attack. It is mighty enough to bind his desires and prevent the evil intentions of his heart from bursting into destructive behavior" Rabbi Yitzhak Blazer - The Gates of Light.

I hate myself when I get angry but deep hurt and frustration brings out the worst in us. Most of us hate war and the destruction and deaths that it causes. Yet, we all would fight to protect our families and our homes.

As young men both my dad and Larry's dad wanted to go and defend their country. Larry's dad had two brothers would marched off to war like heros and he was devasted because he was not accepted. His brothers both died and around the same time his dad passed away.

My dad, was a honest and studious young man with a desire to be an artist and whose own father was a pacifist. He was the only son in the family of four sisters. He lied about his age to join the forces. I wonder now did a group of them go together to sign up? Certainly all of England was outraged at the thought of being overtaken by the Germans.

Was his father furious at his son leaving home maybe to die in a foreign country? His dad and he had a difficult relationship which this could have fueled.
Was his mother in anguish and broken hearted?
My dad served for two and one-half years and went to France, Belgin and Germany and won a badge of cross-rifes for his ability to fire and aim his gun. My brother believes he was at the battle of Yeyes but we do not know for sure; amd he mau not have been in the thick of battle if he was. I never talked to my dad about the war and I wish I had asked some questions.

After the war he stayed in Germany to attend the Univercity of Colonge and be a part of the occupation force. He may have gone home but because his father had different plans for him he left home afgain to travel to South America and the States and even up to Vancouver. He eventually ended up in Winnipeg were his Aunt Susie was delighted to have her live with them and he started working on the railway. He was moved to Kindersley where he meant and married my mom. He was dearly missed especially by his sisters who had spoilt him dearly when he was growing up. He never would return to live at home.

We are thankful for all the brave young men who fought with courage; in dreadful conditions, to preserve our freedom from the cruelty of evil and oppression. We are so blessed to live in a country where there is freedom. We pray for peace and for our young people to be brought home from Afganistan where I think they have no right to be. I am sure they are doing some good but killing stirs up killing in return. Hatred grows against those who are armed with guns and tanks and destroying their families and their pride.

No, I do not blame Religion. although Religion has been used as a tool to stir up violence.

HEALTH

The ground is now covered with leaves; a carpet of yellow and orange.

Tried to capture the wind blowing our tree back and forth. I guess this is when you put it on to just keep taking pictures.

There is so much fear about this miserable flu making every sore throat and temperature a lot worse. We are hearing of more friends who are getting sick and now
Theresa, our grand daughter has all the signs. The doctors do not want to see you and neither do the blood clinic but if you go into the clinic you have to tell them right away what you have.
The lab. girls all have masks on and are very stressed.

This morning there is an article in the paper that acetaminophen given to children can increase risk of asthma. Before this aspirin was considered dangerous. It is hard to know what is the right thing to do. I have decided that healthy or not I will not let it ruin my day. Some days are just for taking it a bit easy and coping with nausea but our joy in life comes from what we have deep inside us; the experience of the abiding love of God. The Olimpic Torch is being carried through the cold winter's north where it is hard to keep the flame lit. A miner's lamp was used to protect the flame. Now all there is to worry about is bears!

I had to fight the wind as I set out on my walk yesterday but the good thing was it then blew me home. You certainly could not be carrying an umbrella unless you want to end up like Mary Popkins. The day before I had relived my childhood by clearing leaves from the running stream along the sidewalk so that the water could run into the drains. Great sense of accomplishment as I set the water free to keep running.

I have picked some evergreens just to have something from outisde inside now that most of the flowers are going. I think this is what I will take to the nursing home because they love flowers and it is too early for pointsettas.

I would use bigger words but it is the spelling that detours me. Oh well!

OUR OWN BEDS

There is something about the comfort of your own bed that we appreciatte. It is familiar and it is good to feel at home. Even if my life is difficult at times I would not trade with anyone else.

There is much that is changing and causes a little uncertainty as we look at our future.

Even my understanding of religion is changing. The underlying myths and images and stories are being told in new ways. Our United Church is going through a period of transition which has been uncomfortable. We will be forced into making changes but in order to do that the past has to be healed with forgiveness and the future explored together.

I am also most comfortable with my own religion with all it's faults and all it's dogmas. This too is now changing. Culturally it fits my view of my world and I feel comfortable in different worship settings and I am also am looking at what makes life sacred and holy. Certainly it is setting time aside to talk with God, who is within and without. We are in a process of consciousness transformation that come with testing and with revelation.

Underneath it all is the reality that one day we I will have to face death; and I would want to do that with courage as well as with faith. But for now, I want to live a fuller and richer life that includes a community of faith as well as my own dear family!

CONVERSATIONS

We all have our reasons why we choose certain books to read because we are in fact having a conversation with the writer. When I sit down to write I write my thoughts and about the converstaion I have been having in my head with myself.

I am hopeful that Reginald Biddy in the "Restless Gods" is accurate in seeing a religous and spiritual renaissance in Canada-"new life added to the old life, sometimes within religous groups but often outside them." Even within the church it self there is stirring a fresh approach to faith not shut in with dogma but open to the fresh air of the spirit.

The soul that at times feels empty or dissatisfied and restless knows that there is more to this world than our eyes can see and in fact Someone is pursuing us.

I was encouraged to read this morning "Biblical parenting is not a guarrentee of having godly offspring." And again it is not what we say but the example we live. I would love to see my chidren go to church because it has been the foundation of my life in faith. I know much has been proclaimed that causes gnawing feelings of distrust and that religion has been the root cause of much bigitry and ignorance.

But the God who includes male and female in His being is bigger than our greatest imaginations and in fact is not far from each one of us. Maybe it is just a wee thought that comes into your mind unexpected to remind us that there is no such thing as unbelief. We all believe in something and we all want our lives to have a purpose.

At this time of the year as the stores become arraid in Christmas finery our first thoughts are to choose to give to the less fortunate. Our families have so very very much and others have so little. Right now there are many without jobs, two of our friends who are extremely qualified, have been looking for months. At least they have a home but what about those who have lost homes and families.

I will not be buying for our family except maybe one present from our draw and I hope that instead of the presents being the focus we can focus on games and fun and maybe even a church service. I love the beauty of Christmas Eve at church where the music touches your soul and leaves you breathless. Just think those words were writen so long ago and yet they live on.

Tonight we join our study group to discuss questions of faith, should be interesting. We are all so different and at different places in our lives. This morning we are off to Colebrook where we will be welcomed warmly and graciously!

PATIENCE

To-day is another day and I am feeling like I can master this being patient. Thrusday night I was sorely tested as I was just falling to sleep when dad decides to change all the radios because he could not get the program "Art Bell'. This meant bringing the big radio with the speakers and it was a major job of huffing and puffing. After all this the next day he found out, and it was confirmed by Ken that Art Bell was not coming to Vancouver at this time.

BE PREPARED

We were warned that the rain was coming but the wind blew the clouds away.
But now for sure the rain is coming. Yesterday and today it has been very windy and rainy but I still managed to do a good walk.

We can expect bad weather now that we are in the month of November. We have to be prepared with warmer clothes and candles if the power goes out.

Even when things are going well we wonder when something unforseen will happen. It is important that we are strong spiritually as well as physically.

And then there are the coincidences of life; for example some one in the family asks about the family tree and there is a workshop coming at the library about that subject

So much is changing in our world but human nature seems just the same. That is why we can learn from the past and allow it to prepare us for the future.

.

THE MAD PHOTOGRAPHER

Who know that taking pictures can be so much fun. I didn't. And now that I have started there is no stopping me. This really happened by accident when dad decided to get a new camera and I took pity on the old faithful camera; maybe 3 or 4 years old, and decided to try. I am amazed at how you start looking at things differently and you see more because you are looking to see what you can see.

I have always loved the pictures of Norman Rockwell. The family pictures so full of character and full of life.

And I do know that all religions have virtues even as they all have fundamentalists. We are taught, no I was taught, at a very early age what to believe. I was fortunate because what my faith taught me was happiness. Life makes us grow. I have had to unravel somethings but others are wraped in memories that are for me unshakable experiences.

The virtues I was quoting are from my Jewish book. "Each of us is assigned to master something in our lives. Issues that continually challenge us." Yes, I am searching and finding a deeper faith; probably questioning more, but finding the hidden promises and blessings that come with joyful moments of awareness.

"Start where you are." Pema Chodron - A Buddist

"Like every other form of hunan knowledge, religous psychology is built upon experience. It needs facts. It needs reasoning. I in no way believe that I am better or more important than any other man." Teihard De Chardin -A Christian mystic

We all have a story and that story has significance not only in shaping us but in giving us something to give away!

WISDOM

One by one my beautiful flowers are fading from my garden. Now is the time for nature to rest while there may be growing that I cannot see.

Wisdom is searching for the deeper meaning in the words that keep marching before us on the printing page or the words that our minds are continually dwelling upon. I keep wondering if all the words that need to be said have already been said and all we need to do is remember.

Can I trust my own response? Can I trust what is written because everything is from a certain perspective that wants me to follow on the path laid down word by word. Life should be simple and yet it is not. It is like a maze where we try to find our way and often come to a dead end and we have to retrace our steps and find what is the right way. It is the practice of everyday kindness, goodness, caring, compassion that creates and stirs up within us a sense of our purpose and an awareness of the worth of every loving being. You can choose the word that fits what you are being taught in your own life experiences.

Christian virtues [an old fashioned word] are the character traits we value like humility, patience, gratitude, compassion, unconditional love, simplicity, enthusiasum, joy, generosity, moderation, responsibility and trust. Faith is believing that our strong traits have the potential to become blended with our weaker ones to create "balance."

We each have stumbling blocks because we have blind spots and we struggle to over-come the judgment of others and our own innate selfishness. When I am listening at church I will be energized when something touches my heart and I want to respond. No I have never had an "Eureka!" moment where I was blinded by the light of truth but sometimes it is just a glimmer'
a glimmer of hope and healing.

Today I got up not know what time it was because our clock was unplugged. I awoke thinking of these things that I am now writing and I want to remember. Why do I wake up at 5:30 when dad sleeps happily to 8:30? We have our own alarm clocks within us that keep us on time with what we are to do and to be.

THE JOURNEY OF FAITH

Jesus spoke to the hearts of those willing to become childlike, full of questions and interest in all of life.

Many of the Bible stories begin with a journey. Faith that is built on the scriptures take us on a journey back in time. Spiritual discipline helps us to understand the questions that we often are faced with in trying to understand the story within the story. The path we are each on is unique and yet the question is the same. What am I here for?

This is an inward journey that is lived out in what we do and say based on a belief. The lessons are as simple as knowing that in giving we are receiving. It is with an open childlike heart that we come to sit and learn the wisdom from the past. Only then can we have a vision of the future with eyes that see light in the darkness.

We started out driving to White Rock on an empty tank of gas, dad nearly feel into the container set out for donations for the Children's Hospital. We did get everything done so that is good. Dad cleaned out the frig. again so hoping it will not quit on us.

MY FELLOW TRAVELLERS

This flower could not wait until spring.

These are books that I am reading about the spiritual journey.

There are many ways to search for faith and there are many questions

we will never have answered.

There are many ways to practice and to live out your faith.

There are also ways to keep your faith alive!

"An Everyday Holiness" by Alan Morinis, a professor at U.B.C., who explored

Hinduism and Buddhism before returning to his Jewish roots. "Our feet touch

the earth because we are undeniably human and should have no illusions that our spirituality will separate us from all the beauty and suffering our humanity brings. Each of us is endowed with the gift of the spirit, so that we can climb the ladder [Jacob's ladder] of the soul to reach its heavenly heights."

"Speaking of Faith" by Krista Tippett. She is a talk show hosts who is illustrating a way to speal about faith that defuses the many conflicts surrounding religion.

"The Seekers Guide" by Elizabeth Lesser A book that challenges us to read their own spiritual story more clearly and find the inner compass that can lead them home. Elizabeth has founded the Omega Institute a place of wellness and spirituality.

These authors share their experiences of trial and error, confusion and doubt, that leads to a

strong and firm foundation of faith.

Again in the headlines of the paper we are reading about the spread of the flu virus H1N1. We want to do all we can to protect ourselves and our loved ones..A simple cold starts one wondering if it is the flu and how sick am I going to be. I myself do not like to be near anyone who is coughing a lot. No, I will not be getting vaccinated and i do not think the fear of what might happen is healthy for anyone.

LIFE CHANGES

Our grand daughter Kim is off to the Grand Cayman Island but she will be back. My prayers go with her and we miss her already!

The little birds are coming back to our little back yard now that it is getting colder. Every spring a new family is birthed in our bird house but then they fly away. We do hear their cheerful chirping in the trees. We take for granted a lot of things in nature like the songs of the birds.

On the prairies we were always so excited to see the first robin in the spring.

Then in the fall we would watch in amazment as the honking geese flew over head to migrate south. "One squadron after another."

The leaves that were so colourful are now falling off the trees. It will be time to rake all those leaves next thing we know. I like the changing seasons because we know that spring will bring back new leaves again.

So many things in our world is changing around us and Maybe that is why dad and I seem to like the sameness of our routine. We even enjoy watching the same programs on T.V. wondering if we have seen them or not. We wonder if we will be able to do some travelling because there are places we would love to go. Now the Grand Chayman is added to Melbourne Australia.

Right now Carol is at a conference in Harrison and she has invited us to visit. First dad has to go see Kay about his painful shoulders. She always seems to make him feel better. We get rid of one worry and pain and another just comes along to remind us we are still very much alive! !

TRAGEDY

Rain was perdicted but it turned into a lively Halloween evenning!

Many houses were decorated and waited with anticapation for the happy treaters.

We are watching D.V.D's of Doctor Finlay where the good doctor battles distrust, apprehension and ignorance in post war Scotland. Every episode ends in tragedy and leaves one longing for hope and healing instead of sickness and death. We have so much to be thankful for and no matter what little aches and pains we learn to live with, we know that we are truely blessed.

Last night our quiet little street was full of running children dressed in all sorts of costunes, laughing and bublling over with excitment. Happy Halloween they say as they leave our doorstep with bags filling up with candy. Each group, no matter how big or small, young or old, is watched by caring parents on the side walk, always reminding them to say thank you!

The lights are all out and it is now very late and dark about 2 o'clock; when we wake up to the bright lights of the firetruck shining off and on in front of our house. Next come two police cars and the ambulence. My heart is pounding as I look at the house where the two 20 year old boys live and see the firemen, the police men and the ambulence driver with the stretcher disappear into the home.

We go back to bed cold and shaking fearfully not knowing what has happened. This morning I see the mom taking down the decorations and my eyes fill with tears for her family.

I read in the paper about the revellers in Port au Prince celebrating joyfully the grim reality of death. It is for them a time to celebrate, with joy and laughter, the act of being alive! !

I am slow this morning but Yes I did turn my clocks back, which always leaves me confused about what time it really is. Yes, I will go for a walk. Then off to Gracepoint Church and later over to wish Pearle Happy 90th birthday!

I think All is well I see the young boy arriving home this morning! It is cold here 8 degrees but the air is fresh and helps me to wake up.