CONFESSIONS

I had to confess I washed my cell phone and I feel better the truth is out now.

I read in my book "Called Out Of Darkness" by Anne Rice that she confesses she was a religous child and I could totally relate to those words.
For me my childhood was lived a lot in my immagination and it was easy to believe that Jesus was a friend who you could talk to. I was a dreamer that had my own little world. I was am still am naive.

I have good memories as a child of the freedom we had to play outside with all the other children until it was getting dark. We played a game where you had teams you drew maps and then hid.

I would ride my bike all over town especially on a Sat. or Sun. when I did not have to be home for lunch. One route took me to an area of beautiful homes built on the river bank; each one seemed so grand and perfect with their stately beauty. I dreamed of living there one day because I thought a big home and beautiful garden must make you very happy. I would also ride way out to the Univercity I was in awe of the brick buildings and dream of going there one day. It is good to have dreams!

I would feel this same sense of grandeur when I went to church in a big majestic church filled with lots of people who appeared happy and friendly. I loved the music and dreamed of being in the choir. That was one dream that came true. Music for me has been a way of expressing that deep inner joy that gives life beauty.

I am enjoying reading Anne's book because she talks about her childhood faith in the Catholic faith that was pure and simple. She even loved the service in Latin and when whe returns to her faith finds it hard to adjust to saying the words in English. She grew away from her faith but not from her love of art that she saw in the statues and oramental splendor that awed her as a child.

She was a great thinker and had a desire to learn all about the world. She was full of questions that eventually led her to question her faith. I learned at Sunday school it was a "sin" to be disobedient to your parents and to hold rebellious thoughts would darken your soul. I would feel very bad when I would be angry about the strict rules in our home. It was very important to be home in time for meals and to come to the table washed and clean.

My brother had the rebellious spirit so he would often get in trouble and I would be unnoticed. I find it hard to relate to others who have spiritual doubts because they try to make sense of religion. My doubts have been more an awareness of self-doubt because I always wanted to have a pure heart and live a good, moral and responsible life.

As I read the Bible now I see that the characters were on a spiritual quest that often took them into a world where they battled evil. Most stories we read in our modern books lead us into the same battle where people struggle inwardly to become outwardly better as they face life's disappointments and their own failures.

Is a theological way of looking a life bad?

I confess that I have no desire to try to convert others to my wayof believing; even though for me it is a world of grace and mystery.


"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take
but by moments that take our breath away." - Inter-net