FACING OUR FEARS

New buds covered with frost.

When I heard the knock on the door last evenning I felt the cold grip of fear going through me. Sure enough it was our neighbor and good friend Cathy just barely hanging on as she continues daily to face new fears. The biggest fear is that she may be facing life alone. Another brain byoscy resulted in ecuriating pain and they are hoping it may provide the answers. Three teams of specilists will be decided today or to-morrow what and if there is treatment. We all feel the helplessness of her situation and we know there is no answer to the question why. Why a healthy young man is now a mere shadow of what he was and even worse when he talks he seems to be in a different reality. Cathy has now all the decisions to be made; if he refuses treatment she can sign the consent. He is already refusing more tests and she signs for the go ahead. If one only new what the answers are going to be but now everything is so uncertain.

She asks us to keep praying and we will.

The paper and the news is now warning about the dangers of dementia and I think that is one of our biggest fears right now. The answers seem to be all the same exercise, diet and keep your brain active. The elderly people I visit are in different stages but most of them seem to have accepted the frustrations of aging. I can relate to them when words won't come and yet we know they are stored in our brain. My visits seem to cheer them up as I tell them all about our holidays. I will never forget the hours visiting my parents and the sadness everytime I left the home.

I tried to read the newest Ophrah book about the miseries in the Third World. It was too real and too depressing and too hopeless.

I wish that I could do more to help my friends and neighbors and also the poor that seem to be drawn to our door. At the White Spot an old lady was frantic because she could not find two dollars in change and accussed the waitress of not giving it to her. She was old and toothless with layers of clothes and very upset. As she was leaving I felt the urge to press some money into her hand which she gratefully accepted.

We are afraid of helping. Today we will be shopping at Safeway because it is discount day and I will put a few things in the food bank box. I have a few cans collected for the old homeless man that calls at our door just to ask for cans. His hands are crippled and yet he seems to keep his spirits up and always is so grateful.

We are thankful that Ava has had her baby, a boy, a home delivery with a mid-wife! and her sister and family!