JOY

                                           Our hearts were filled with joy when you were born.
                                                 You continue to be a blessing.
                                                        Happy birthday Carol.
                                               Hope you enjoy the play to-night.

You were a good baby but then we learn ed a lot from caring for Rick.

You have been a good help to us at this time in my life.  As have Sandra and Rick and Ken.

I am sure you are a blessing to those you counsel.

Love you!

Dad went for a bike ride even though it is cold but sunny.

I wanted Sandra to go to the docyot right away as they can give her something
that really helps.  I was a little annoyed!

  Sorry Caarol was so sick on her birthday with a cold she could not go out.

There are countless and amazing things children bring into our lives.

Joy! for sure.

KINDNESS

                              Yes it was pink shirt day to remind us to be kind and caring.
A good day for me to attend my Jet Lag Bible study group.  A group of very big hearted and kind friends.  We do not avoid any difficult questions.  Today we were looking at the life of Joseph and how he ended up in jail because he refused to be tempted to have sex at the invitation of Potiphar's wife.  His life had been difficult and yet he sense God's presence where ever he was.  He would become a blessing to those circumstances had drawn together.

We talked about sexual abuse we had experienced and it was interesting to hear what others had experienced.

I was reminded that bad things can happen to good people.  It is how we respond that is important.

I forgot to wear my shirt but any day is a good day to be reminded to be kind and consider the feelings of others over our own.

I am continuing to do soul searching and beingas honest as I know how.

THE CHALLENGE

                                               Life certainly can be a challenge!

Nature reminds us never to give up.  The little robbin was back again today so that must be a sign of spring.

Our family is going through a time of challenge that is affecting us all but Carol says we are going to all be stronger for this.

Dad and I had supper with Carol and Panteli.  Oliver is bach here going to school and of course Kim was there too.  It is so interesting to hear about their challanges in their studies and future hopes and dreams.

Very cold walking so lots of extra scarfs and gloves.  It is the wind that really makes it cold.

I am reading about the challenge of anger which is a emotion I struggle with. 

"Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that are rights are being violated, that our needs and wants are not being adequately met or simply something is just not right." -Harriet Lerner.

I am learning that growing up with an angry person affects how we deal with our life.  My dad had an anger problem which made me anxious to do the right thing.  I know he loved me but. . . .

Anyway I am gaining a new sense of self-worth as I listen carefully to my emotions.

I used to get angry at my brother who would tease me but that is normal.

I do not want my anger to get the best of me.

I need to be aware of the point of view of others and what they have had to cope with.

DARKNESS

Feeling like I am in a lot of darkness.

My faith tells me that there is always light if I look for it.  

"It is not what you donot know that will hurt you

but what you know for sure that just ain't so.    -Mark Twain.

We want to matter matters better but if I am preoccupied with the past and also worried about the future, especially about the relationships in our family the pain in my hart cannot go away.

Life is hard and our emotions can be too near the surface.

It seems better to feel the anger than work thuings out but if we do that we stay in the darkness.

Even a glimmer of hope would be a blessing.  .

The most popular scripture is not John 3:l6
but Jeremiah 29:11 which says "For I  (God) know the plans I have for you
not to harm you but to give you a future and a hope.

Paul writes and says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  -Romans 12"2

QUIET

               Sunday was a quiet day staying at home and then enjoying a quiet walk in the park.
                 Nature always has the effect of bringing quiet energy that calms the heart and soul. 

It has been a long time since I have been there and because of the cold weather and snow dad has not been riding his bike.

Saturday had been a great day spent with our old friends.  We have so much in common and we have fun just being together.  Although we are not studying we learn from one another just by sharing our joys and sorrows.  We accept one another just as we are which is a great gift.

"It is important to keep bring ourselves into the present moment, in which the past has a part to play but does not dominate the scene."  Ram Dass

HEARTBEAT

Yes it is Saturday evenning and the time we watch our show Heartbeat.  A English show about a small town and all the problrms that can arrise.

Yes I remember last Saturday venning when we aeeived home from Sandra and Randy's how happy the three of us where to ruch in and watch the show.  I was feeling so happy.

This is what I choose to remember as dad and I watch the show tonight.

We are driving out to Nick and Drena's to have some time together with them and Pat and John and Maryrise and Cliff.  We used to have a book study together several years ago.  We are looking forward to seeing everyone. even though it ia an effort for dad as his feet are painful.  We can park right in front of their door so that is good.

They are the nicest couple and have had a diffcult year with Dorens being hit by a car in a crosswalk.

I find I have to be more and more careful when walking as there is still ice and cars do not always see you.

"Healing is somwthing thar occurs in the spirit, a healing of the isolation that separates us from one another.
-Rachael Naomi Remen,  M.

Isolation causes misundertandings to grow.

FORGET

A wonderful morning.

I looked out the window this morning and one minute it is snowing and the next it is raining.

We have a wonderful family and I never want to forget the wonderful adventures we have had along the way.

We have had disagreements and problems but I choose to forget and forgive.  This is aliitle more difficult when angry words havebeen said.  The first step is wulling something to happen.  I believe it will.

I do not want our past mistakes to ruin our lives now.

We are all imperfect and all messes can be claned up!

It has nor been a good year for dad and myself.  Failing health and worry have taken their tole.

We have both been worried about Mary and about Rick with his health problems.

We are off to the second hand store this afternoon!

PATTERNS

Dad and are finding it is best for us to go out and do things.  We visited my friend in the hospital yesterday.  We parked at the wrong entrance and got lost finding the 5th floor West which was not west but they call it west.  She is not improving and I told her how difficult it is for me to visit so I will not go for awhile.  She understands and thanked me for coming.

Today we visited the duck pond.  I walked there and dad drove.  Later we went out for a healthy lunch in the new shopping area in Tsawwassen.

"In an instant our fear can set patterns in our thinking that are difficult to identify and challenging to root out.  It is a deep sense of being exposed and found lacking that is at the root of our fears".
-Charles Stanley

I know that through prayer I am finding healing and a new freedom from old thought patterns.

ANGER

I am glad when I went to the library I could use the self check out because the girl would look at my books and think I am a real mess!

I have leaned today as I was reading that we are not alone when we struggle with difficult feelings.

No one gets through life without experiencing painful thoughts and feelings.

Lately I have been expressing a lot of anger because of painful memories.

It has been hard work that has stressed again the need for forgiveness.

I know anger is not the best way to deal with our issues but dad and I have been working on our issues.

We all say things we later regret.

Family means everything to me.

BELONGING

"Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging."   Brene Brown

Yes we all have times of doubt and fear and anger but love has the power to help us find the strength and courage to work through these feelings.  This is what we need to help us cope when things all seem to be falling apart. 

Dad and I enjoyed spending time at the library  in Tsawwassen and even stopped by Haiti's place to have a visit.  We were happy to make it home before the snow started.  I picked out a few interesting books to help me with some of my emotions.

:Love can enter any mind that truly wants it."  The Course in Miracle's.

It can take time to let go of stress and worry and let Love enter your hear.

Love can help us conquer our negative emotions.

EMOTIONS

                                           Emotions play a big role in our lives.

 

I love all of my so very much and thankful for visits.  Our children will always be the most important guests in our home.  Thanks Rick for driving down for dad's birthday.

We enjoyed going out for breakfast with Sandra and Randy.

Dad was touched by phone calls from Ken and also Stephen and Mary

Each one of us deals with live in their own creative ways.

STORIES

We had s very delightful supper at Sandra and Randy's.. Lots of good stories and goofy pictures!

Yje birthday cake was a big hit!

A special moment for grandpa Rick.

Morgan dreaming of her special trip to <Mexico with Carol and Panteli.

Ben was in California playing soccer.

It was great to have Hamlet there even for a short day or two.

Nobody wanted to go home.

Our wonderful host and hostess!  Delicious meal.

Rick went to church with us and then he and I had a walk

It is good to tell stories but we can remember things differently and it is always import to hear both sides!

ENERGY

                       It is lovely to see the sun today and enjoy a walk in the very fresh air.

No one can avoid the turbulence of being alive.  This includes joy and wonder and pain and suffering.
Both are important to help us grow and mature.  We never really love some one until their happiness is more important than ours.
"We all omit energy patterns.  The current of our energy is powerful!"  Mark Nepo
We have a choice to welcome others with our presence and good heartiness

"Clearly life transforming lessons can happen in an instant"  Mark Nepo

We have the fun of getting together today to celebrate dad's birthday.  Cathy our neighbor will be joining us.  Also Hamlet.

Dad and I are so fortunate to have each other.

A DELIGHTFUL DAY

              Dad was feeling in a very good mood and got all dressed us to take me out for lunch.

                                          We went to the North View Winter club.
Lots of snow there and it looked beautiful even though it was nor colorful.

He later bought these lovely red roses and some chocolates.  We are enjoying both.

It is raining now but it may get cold again.  Rick is driving down from Kamloop's and we are celebrating dad's birthday at Sandra and Randy's.  Rick will come here first and drive us over.  I hope the roads are good for his drive.

We are looking forward to seeing our family especially Astrid and Ophelia.

Spirituality is not meant to be a cop out or an escape but a powerful tool to renew our strength from the inside out.  I am thankful that I have had enough faith to keep believing and trusting.

"The whole thing about the mystery of God and suffering is infinitely bigger than we can understand."   -Sheila Cassidy  M.D.

Transformation takes hard work and effort and can be extremely painful.
I am not there yet!

TOO ICY

Happy Valentine's Day.

Dad is taking me out for lunch.

He is still very romantic!

Very icy!  Just had a short walk around the block.

My friend,  who came to the door to see if I was okay last year,  caught up with me and walked me home.  I do not want to have another fall.

I am reading a article by Dr. Dean Ornish who shares the depression and anxiety he experienced at medical School.  He dropped out unable to cope.  He knows all about the pain of suffering.

Instead of asking what can make me happy he asked what am I doing to disturb my peace and sense of well-being?

He discovered suffering can be a doorway for transformation.

He suggests prayer and meditation along with the support of your husband or wife and family and community.  I am thankful I have all this!

I agree with him when he says healing occurs in the spirit.  Healing of isolation and meaninglessness.

We ask ourselves questions that can transform emotional our minds and our hearts!

CHAOS

Huge mounds of snow on branches could cause chaos as it melts and rains and freezes again.
The sunshine has caused big chunks to fall off branches along our street already.

Meanwhile chaos is happening politically in our country as well as the States.  Scandal and cover-up about the government involvement in SCN Lavalin court case.  There will be further investigations and problems for the P,M,O. and his office.  This has been stirred up by the resignation of Wilson-Raybould.   Many questions need to be answered.

Chaos can happen even in our personal lives when something unexpected happens and creates stress
and unresolved issues. 

Jordan B. Peterson offers some advice in his book 12 Rules For Life, an antidote to Chaos.
A search for meaning and for truth in this journey we are all on together.

IDEAS

                   New ideas can destroy old and comfortable certainties.  -Jordan Peterson
                   I need to keep an open mind to allow space for new thoughts and possibilities.
                         I am reading and writing my way to renewed health and wholeness.

                                     There has been a lot more snow since this was taken.
I was out sweep of the front driveway, we do not have a snow shovel, and it would be too heavy anyway. when T.J. my neighbor meets we shoveling from the bottom up.  He has been doing our driveway twice a day.  He cleans the snow off all around the corner too.  I am so thankful for his help.

I walked dad over to the Dentist, Bob Patterson.  He had a long appointment.  I met Aneta on my way home and she walked four more blocks with me.  The fresh air is good but walking tiring as a lot of places have not been cleared. 

I came home and made a banana loaf from a mix and then walked back to pick up dad.  He was really frozen but had a healthy shake with some frozen spinach in it.

We watched the news and then both had a rest.

I am thankful for a healthy marriage, phone calls from family and visits from Randy and Sandra.

"We need both faith and reason to make meaning in an uncertain world."  -Brene Brown

"Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty."  -B Brown

SNOW

It snow all day Sunday.  We were in watching Colombo  on T.V/ and a neighbor cleared off our driveway.  It kept snowing and another neighbor was cleaning off our driveway as we got ready for bed.  We could not tell who it was.

I did not go for a walk but shook snow off some of the branches.  I also put some ice down to help keep things clean.

We finally made it over to the store for much needed milk and bread.  Very busy there.

We would have liked to go to Carol and Panteli's for supper but more snow warnings in the forecast.  We have driven in lots of snow conditions but find it more stressful now.

We are feeling our age today that is for sure.

I do not want to be like the person in a story by Aoichan Cha of a person who goes out in the morning to see his chickens but picks up the droppings instead of the eggs.

I know it is important to accept the changes as we age.

There is a stillness that comes with the snow that I find is a blessing.

DEEPER

I was sure I might set the church on fire when I lit a candle and said a prayer for dad.  He was not feeling well.  We were a smaller group because of the cold weather and the threat of snow.  Our friends were there, Pat and John and I thought they may drop over after wards but they did not. 
We did have a visit from Sandra and Randy who had dropped a kitten off at the shelter thinking it had a home but that did not work out.  Off they rushed to pick it up again.  Who is it harder on the kitten or Randy or Sandra?\\

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and becoming the work of becoming yourself,"  -  Anna Quindlen

This requires us to look at our past with compassion but also with the willingness to dig deeper.

"Unexpressed emotions will never die
They are buried alive and will come forth later
in uglier ways.  -Sigmund Freud.

"Facing our inner emptiness opens the way for a newer existence.   -Henri J. Nouwen
 
I am thankful it did not snow until after I got home.

It has been snowing all afternoon.  Yes it is lovely to look out upon but digging out can be hard work!

BRAVE

                  Finally found the new boots for dad to take some brave new steps to continue his journey .

A cold very windy morning for me to brave my morning walk .  Lots of branches blown down on the road,  First it was walking into the wind then when I turned the corner it blew me down the road.

After breakfast we started out to look for the store which had the boots dad was looking for.  We could not find it but found another store which had the boots available and just the right size.
Dad and I both have new boots now.

We arrived home to have Cathy our old neighbor come to visit us.  She is bravely facing a lot of new decisions finding a new place to live.

I know she feels brave and afraid at the same time which is I guess how we all feel.

GOALS

Our goal has been to find some more over-all pants for dad and some new boots. We tried Tsawwassen Mills the other day and today we tried White Rock after looking at Mark's.  All the clerks have been so helpful and the shoe stores even gave us names of other stores to try.  We did not feel like going to Guildford today but may try to-morrow.

It would seem like these goals are not going to be easy.

Some worthy goals are difficult and time consuming but with perseverance we will find what we are looking for.  We will continue to ask for help along each step of the way.

To-night we have our candles and flashlights all ready in case the power goes out with the high wind.

Some goals are easily defined but others are a part of our search for authenticity.

I like what I am reading about spirituality that can be defined in many different ways.

"Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to one another by a power greater than all of us and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion."  -Brene Brown.

Healing comes gradually with spirit and connection with others and with God for me.

WAITING

This was several days ago when I took a walk over to the park.  Just a little bit of snow.  Now we are waiting for more snow to fall in the night.

Yesterday we were waiting at the cancer doctor's office and dad and the other young man started talking about boots.  Dad was impressed with his boots and believe it or not they were from Mark's.
We will go there soon and hopefully be able to find them.

I knew Joan would be waiting for me to come back and visit so dad and I drove to the hospital together.  There was absolutely no parking until we went to dad's hidden spot.  I went to the third floor and he was going to the second floor.  We both thought we would have trouble finding each other again.  Fortunately dad came to Joan's room and we found the way out together.

I also visit the Home where they have already picked out people for me to start visiting when I am ready.  I do enjoy visiting and it helps me feel I can still help others.  Dad also helps me to help too.

I have been doing some remembering of past regrets but I read today that regret is like striking a large bell in an empty field and then running to try and catch the sound.

I think living with a perfect person would be awful so all I can hope is that others especially family remember me for the kind things that I did do.

"Start trying to be perfect and love more."\
Demi Lovato

BELONGING

    Belonging is a natural part of being human and wanting to feel important in the lives of others.

Tuesday night we were invited to Carol and Panteli's to have supper and to have a visit with Theresa and Ben.  Theresa had been at U.B.C. to get a report on how well he is doing.  No ABC"s just colors of red and yellow and green.  This is also to let you know what you can improve in.

I felt very happy to belong to my family and share this time with them.  One by one we arrived thankful to be in a warm home with lots of fun and laughter.

Today which is Wed. I was down at the church to the ladies group I belong to. 
We discussed events that would be happening in the future.  The strawberry tea is one of them.
I have belonged to this group for many years and we share many happy memories.  We have a laugh about the white cake we all had a recipe for which we found out later to turn out better needed a few extra eggs to help it rise.  I thought I was the only one whose cake had turned out disappointing.
We also share the latest gossip of what will be happening in the future.

Belonging has also meant to me to belong to something bigger that has the potential to add meaning and purpose to my life.

"We can only belong when we offer our most authentic selves and when we are embraced for who we are."  -   Brene Brown

I continue to learn more about myself as I share with others, in my family or in a group.

Life is learning to listen and to love ourselves and each other!

GRADITUDE

I thought I posted a blog but it has disappeared.

Just as soon as I decide I am going to be grateful then things go wrong.

Grateful that the drive home from Carol and Pentali's, through the blinding snow and wind, went well.  Grateful not to be driving this morning.

It is very cold for us sissies who live here now.  Thankful for a warm house with power.

Gratitude helps me see the potential for healing and for hope and courage.

"There is a god spark in everyone and in everything, a sort of diaspora of goodness God's immanent presence among us is encountered daily in the most simple and ordinary ways.  The Holy may speak to you from its hidden places at any time."
My Grandfather's Blessings by Rachael Remen

WHOLENESS

                                Yesterday I saw my first two red robins splashing in our pool.

Sunday morning was a time to pray and open my heart to the love that flows from Jesus to us all.  This is the love that gathers up the broken pieces of our hearts and makes us whole again.  We carry within us a vision of this wholeness that for me is holiness..

"Find a place inside where there is joy
and the joy will burn out the pain."   Joseph Campbell

"The belief that happiness has to be deserved has lead to centuries of pain, guilt, and deception.
So firmly have we clung to this illusory belief that we have almost forgotten the real truth about happiness.  So busy are we in try to deserve happiness that we no longer have much time to just be happy.
Happiness is natural
Happiness is a birthright
Happiness is free
Happiness is a choice
Happiness is within."  Robert Holden

Happiness is being thankful
Happiness is letting hope guide your life.

Happiness is letting others bring you joy.

"Human spiritual longing is finally, the humility
that we have forgotten who we are. . . .
There can be times in the process of seeking
that we are reassured that we are even more devoutly being search for,
and that we have already been found."  Gerald May

Dad and I went to church with a light snow falling.

We had a visit from Sandra and then went to Carol's for supper.

QUESTIONS

                                                          My early morning walk.

                           "Questions are lanterns we swing ahead of us to see in the dark."

I went to visit Joan at Surrey Hospital on Friday.  I had to figure out how to get to the south side from the north side where we parked. and everyone was so kind answering my questions when I got lost several times.

Joan looked so tiny in the big hospital bed.  She had fallen and broke her arm and it also had broke her spirit.  She told me she was afraid and then asked what did she have to live for.  A difficult question.  I told her I could understand why she was feeling so down when the future is uncertain.  She is very weak and frail.  I tried to comfort her and remind her we just have to take one day at a time.  I promise to pray for her.

Saturday we drove into Ladner to have fish and chips at the pub.  It was very crowded and noisy bur lots of interesting happy people.   It does us good just to get out.

Both days we were going to stop and buy groceries but were too tired.

The main question in my mind now is whether I will continue to visit at the home.  I will if Joan is well enough to return there but it looks very doubtful at the moment.

Every life is important no matter what the age or ability is.

ORGANIZED

organized

I did walk in the rain.

Now I am trying to organize our day.  I get dad to look at recipes to try and figure what to shop for at the store.  He is not too helpful.  It is no wonder we eat out so much we do not like deciding what to cook.

First there are things that need answering on the computer.  His parking permit has to be paid for and be here before his birthday.  A declare Now form has to be filled out and sent away or we will have to pay more taxes.  I like to get these things done before we lose the notices.

Dad's pants have to be returned to the store as they are too big for him.  He has no receipt but I am sure Mark's will do it because the girls there really like him.  Hopefully he can get the right size.

Next we will go to the hospital to visit Joan who was sent there from the Home.  I would like to know what happened but at her age things can happen so suddenly.

I read from my devotional book.

Self-knowledge and self love are the way prayer can open our hearts and our minds to God.

Spiritual knowledge can be very healing.