SOMETIMES I FEEL OLD

This is me just about ready to join Sandra in her India dancing DVD

The isnside of the store - very beautiful things.

I feel so very fortunate that when I wake in the morning I feel very alive and full of ideas of what I want to do. Looking in the mirror reminds me that my age is showing with all those hard earned wrinkles. After a bite of breakfast, my words and thoughts for the day expressed, I start for my morning walk. The fresh air and being out in the world with so much to see and experience makes me feel young again. I can walk fairly fast so I feel good when I can pass elderly slower paced walkers.

I enjoy walking with my friends, and we talk of all shorts of things. I had great walks with Christopher and it seemed to help him talk. I have enjoyed walks with Rick, Kenny and Melina and of course Kim and once or twice with Roxy. Sandra and I walked the dogs when she was staying with us but two dogs was a challenge.

Most people are friendly that I meet and I pick up some of the mess left by careless youth who discard their junk on the path. I suppose this helps make the world a little more beautiful and gives me a purpose.

I feel young when I am with young people and although we have different ideas I am impressed at all the things they are doing and great ideas they have. A simple book club meeting can be turned into an East Indian atmosphere. We walked around a place on Scott Road where we had never been before where all the stores where full of East Indian clothes hoping to find something for Theresa. I want to go back there again. Maybe Sandra would like an outfit to practice her Eastern dancing D.V.D.

I find it hard to keep in touch with my grandchildren. I know they are all busy but I do like to hear how they are doing. I worry if I hear and I worry if I do not. Pictures on the face-book bring me great joy and I love to see them.

I am enjoying this beautiful morning and will be off striding in a moment. I pray as I walk and this morning Stephen will be on my heart especially as he is not well and going through tests and may have mono.

Years ago I was put in hospital, actually I had taken Sandra to the doctor and he noticed I was looking jaundiced and was very tired and my throat was very sore; so sore it was hard to eat or talk.
My blood was very low and I was given lots of tests. They were worried about the liver. I was extremely constipated and exhausted and depressed.
They called it mono and built my blood up and gave me other stuff. I think I was in the hospital about a week, a long time for me.

Even with all the tests they have they do not always know for sure.

I did recover and I had forgotten all about this until now.

I will be praying for you all on my walk, that Rick will have a safe return from his holiday, and Mary returning from Edmonton with her new "bling bling"; Michael John will be thrilled to meet her. Randy I do not knoe who you and Sandra are going to bring that big, huge table home, you must be expecting your family to keep growing.

I pray that the birthday girls will be able to come on Sat. I do hope Leah will be able to come and that Tasha does not have to work. My plan is to go to the park and have games and run around and eat sandwiches and finger foods.

One of the blessings of maturing is that everyday is a holiday and we have a beautiful places to go out to enjoy lunch.

Dad still has to see the doctor for his lip quamish cells so we hope that will be soon. I have finally ex-rays Sept. 27 but am enjoying many good days with some pain in the evenning.



I am happy that it is Sunday and will be attending church with Larry at my side and hear some good news. Somehow I think God sees me differently than I see myself and that is good because He sees the best, the young me still with hopes and dreams and a purpose that encourages me to live each day with faith and laughter. After all wrinkes are just laugh lines.!

SEEING THE INVISIBLE

We look at the amazing bright eyes of baby Matthew and wonder just what he sees as he gazes all around. All our great-grandchildren and grandchildren have such beautiful eyes. Our children too. Each one so different, some just full of mischief and others seem to be already deep thinkers.

Science is telling us so much more about our bodies and how they work.

I am now reading a book about the spiritual world of children. In some way children have the gift of imagination that brings many questions to their minds. Children have seen angels but often keep it secret. They have the gift of believing that there is more to this world than we can see. Flowers can hold faeries and rainbows pots of gold at the end. The clouds are an endless display of faces and forms if we only took the time to lie on the groud and gaze at the sky.

Life is a great and awesome mystery that we are often too busy to examine or ponder. Prayer and meditation has the gift of opening us to an awareness of a spiritual world of great beauty and light. Some of us find it hard to turn off our critical judgment for a moment to enter into the mysterious possibility of things unseen.

I remember as a child my grandparents, especially my grandmother's deaths. I did not really know them having seen my dad's mom when I was one and they came from England and my mom's mother lived with us for months at a time until I was about three.

I remember sitting there thinking about death. At first death seemed like a dark and lonely place and everyone was so sad to have lost their dear ones. But, as people talked about their loved ones I became more aware of how real they were and their presence had brought joy to their family. So I know longer saw the darkness but real people who would live on in our memories and in a place called heaven.

The poet W.B.Yeats called the moment of suspending disbelief as "radical innocence."

I have an African violet that was given to me when our little angel Madeline died a year ago. This plant has not bloomed until now and to me that is a sign of life and hope and mystery.

What a joy it is for us now to spend time with our family. They help us laugh and love and believe.

It is interesting when I visit the old folks at the nursing home they look upon me as being so young. They love to hear about my family and I always feel better after visiting because old dull eyes become open as they listen and my stories awaken their stories and we laugh together.

These Shoes were meant for Walking

That is a funny picture of me going out the front door.

I am so thankful that I can enjoy my walks.

Also I am healthy and I know I will get better.

To night we are going to a very funny movie with Carol and Theresa and Kim and maybe Panteli. We will enjoy it I know. It is always good to laugh.

THE RECEPTIONIST WHO HEARD IT ALL

It was a busy morning at the Physiotherapy clinic. I signed in and Laurie, the receptionist gave me a form to fill out. She was taking a payment, answering the phone, talking to Kay as she walked by.

Larry quietly said to me "well phone me when you are finished" and left. I was amazed how this woman was able to multi-task, as the center of this busy office. I was even more surprise that when I was finished she handed me the phone and said "Did you want to phone Larry?"

I certainly was impressed. Evidently she also helps Kay at times along with all her other jobs.

My book on the brain stresses we do not multi-task well but there is always an exception. We read about terrorists that turn to violence because of religion. Recently Salim Mansur, a political scientist who travelled in the far east came to a different conclusion.

Muslim terrorists have shut their "interior disposition." For them belief is reduced to outward rituals of conformity, in pursuit of power over other men, rather than an awakening to the infinity inside of them. They were created to be filled with the image and goodness of God's love.Hence they do evil for they are insufficient in goodness, despite their insistence on calling upon God according to their faith tradition.

Many good people have been influenced to help others and live a life of compassion because of their faith. We like to blame our problems on something and religion has been an easy target.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world" Mohandas Gandi.

I believe that inspiration helps us to become involved and work for change. This is the massage that Senator Obama is giving to the American people. If he is elected I do hope he will keep his promises.

DON't WORRY BE HAPPY

I went to the Physiotherapy Clinic of Kay Kennedy this morning to have a re-alignment.
\I had no choice because Larry insisted. Who could blame him he was getting tired of my moaning. Kay said she did something that should help, so time will tell, but I am glad I went.

I may go and do a bit of visiting this afternoon. Rainy days can make you feel like not doing much. Or I may just start a new mystery story.

I am enjoying taking some pictures with our camera, something I have never done much of.
I do not know if this will improve my brain power but I am having fun!

THE RETURN OF THE CAMPERS

We were so happy to see Mary and Michael John with their big smiles. Mary proudly showed us the engagement ring and we heard word by word the proposal. They are a delightful couple.

WELLNESS

The view on my walk that helps my thinking (positive and otherwise)

We are told over and over again how important positive thinking is.
There has to be more to life than what our brains can figure out.
Why do we fall in love with a certain person? Well there have been many answers.
When I was at that age when I feel in love with love and wanted the romance and
the excitement I did not know anything about finding a "soul mate". Now that is what people seem to want.

I think at that time I did not understand how important my faith was to me. I did not realize that it could be difficult for others to give themselves to the seemingly unknowable.

The leap of faith is placing our lives at God's service [a God that we can believe in] We all know what an ideal world would be like but how do we create this world of peace, and love, and joy, and surrender.

We need to have faith in our doctors who prescribe our medications; especially when we read all the awful re actions you can have. We take chances with many things we do in life and most of us are willing to try whatever we can to ease pain and suffering.

The T.N.D.s really seem to be helping Larry. We are so thankful!



Life does not come with a guarantee of happiness, health or wealth but I believe that as we pray for each other we become more compassionate and merciful.

I have just discovered or had pointed out to me the spell checker so I will now try it.

Too much intellectualizing about the brain.

TWO SLEEPY --BUT BRAINY PEOPLE??

Just could not stop napping yesterday. Boy were we tired!

Larry did work on his maps of London; he is mapping out the life of Samuel Pepys in the 1600's.
The maps are now on the wall and being coloured coded. I totally agree with the brain book that our brains are wired differently. "Yes dear," I say, " that is very interesting."

I had a short walk to the Safeway. But I am pretty faithful with my walking so it should be doing me some good, brain wise.

We watched the D. V.D. of Muhammad, did not realize he was political as well as spiritual. Each religion has great leaders but often their wisdom is ignored.

We then, after a nap, watched "The Brain Rules". We need to get our sleep. and exercise, and control stress, and keep learning new things, and walking down country lanes like Rick is doing.
We live in such a beautiful world why can't we be happy and stop killing each other.

This morning we will be going to hear Doug Graves, "the preacher man", at Colebrook Church. We have a study group with him and his knowledge is amazing. He is both wise and humble.

I talked to Leah on the phone and invited them all, Bobby, Susan, Keith to the birthday bash on Sept. 6. Maybe I will ask Chris to come and help me cook.

Today I will be reading "The Spiritual Brain" a book by a Neuoscientist presenting the case for the existence of the soul.

Maybe Mary and Mikael John will be back and we will be going to Sandra's

Carol and Panteli are still getting the house ready to pain, scraping and scraping.

I will close with a quote, "Evidence supports the view that individuals who have religious, spiritual, or mystical experiences do in fact contact an objectively real "force" that exists outside themselves." -Mario Beauregard, PH.D. and Denyse O'Leary.

Enjoy your day and put your heart and soul into it!

WHEN IS GOOD NEWS NOT ENOUGH

I remember some show where they were always ask, "Is that your final answer?"

I am thankful for the good news of what is not wrong but still have no answer for what is causing my pain. The tests will continue but I think that I have to find out the solution for myself and how to releave the days and times when I feel more pain.
Certainly it was good news for Larry who was more worried than I was. I have more empthy now for the one who carries worries about the other.


Jesus said, "I have come to give you good news"; and so far we have not really discover the depth of the good news he promised. He does remind us to live one day at a time, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life"? So far I do not seemed to have grasped this vital truth. Sorry Jesus I cannot help worrying. Moving furniture was such a great coping skill.

So I did, yes I did, move a few things around in the computer room of all places!

I like the part in the book "The Brain Rules that says "we do not see with our eyes. We see with our brians. That raised a lot of questions. Also "Vision is by far the nost dominant sense, taking up half of the brains resources." Now when I read that I immediately thought of vision as being insight, or the ability to see beyond reality." I think I will have to read more.

One reason I got this book out, Sandra's book, was because I woke up wide awake at 3 in the morning remembering we had left the garage door open with all Larry's tool right in the open.
My poor brain even worries when I am sleeping!

GOOD NEWS

Dad went to the doctor with me and the back looks great so I will keep taking the pills, Advil.
There is a spot on the hip, where there is no pain that he is ordering a C T Scan for and another for the back.

I am going to have a massage. I think it is worrying about dad that has me up tight!

But who knows. Dad and Dr. Nolte had a nice chat.

Like my friend Janet said today you have to deal with what life sends you!

CAMPING JOY

The day looks better today for Theresa and Kim and children to go camping. Ron and Donna are joining them but they will stay in a cabin. Gramma Sabrien and Auntie Debbie are coming to join them from Nelson. Hopefully Morgan will be able to sleep this time otherwise she gets terribly miserable.

Mary and Mike, or Michael John as we call him, will be returning anyday; with some exciting news if Mary said yes.

It seems that nearly all of our family likes camping. Larry and I do not. Years ago when Rick was about 3 and Carol was still a baby not even crawling. we decided to drive back to the prairies. We did everything wrong. We drove too long and by the time we wanted to stop all the camping places with wood and water had been taken.

We were desperately tired and cranky when we decided to stop in a field. It had started to rain and all our camping sleeping bags were wet. I think there was a little cloud just following along with us. Anyway, we climbed a fence into a field by the road. Rick thought it great fun to collect wood, what there was of it. Carol stayed on the blanket and was content.

We got a little fire going and Larry gathered the sleeping bags close by while we set up the tent.
All of a sudden we smelled smoke and one of the bags was burning. Larry quickly grabed it and slamed his hand on it to put out the flame. His hand not only burnt but the material stuck to his hand.

The rest of the adventure is a blurr I think we ate cold sandwiches and hundled together in the tent until early dawn. We were completely discourage so the next night gave away our camping supplies and stayed at a motel.

My dad could have taught us all we needed to know. He was a great camper and a scout leader. They took along no conviences like matches and made all their meals from scratch, no tins etc.
He even went winter camping with the older boys. The thought makes me shiver.

Larry and I would like to get away, and that is the joy of camping, getting away. You leave behind all the noise of the city to find a place of peace where you can gaze at the stars at night and experience seeing some wild life, even if it is only a bunny rabbit. You may not know this but Rick is an expert at taking pictures of bunny rabbits. There is another one on his face book with a picture of The Book Store and beautiful country side.

I just want to get today over with as I have my doctor's appointment. As soon as I sit down in the little room I am preparing for flight. I have had too many bad esperiences when I was not helped. My doctor is very through and I have had three scans and x-rays on my back but I expect they will not reveal anything.

I will get some free pills that he delights in giving me for the osteophorous and get a form for a mamiagram. Being at the cancer clinic has made me more aware of how important these check-ups are.

OUR LAST DAY

It is cold and wet so I wrap a blanket around me and take comfort in my hot coffee and try to get my brain to wake up.


It is amazing that finally we will be fineshed going to the Cancer Clinic. Our first trip was June 30 and the 37 treatments seems to stretch out before us like an eternity. We did not know where to go and anxiously listened to the instructions. I only went once into the big room with the monster machine and I would be terrified to have to have all those jolts of radiation piercing my body. The outside skin was burnt so what was happening inside.

We have made many good friends; most have been extremely cheerful. Tears come to my eyes as I think of saying good-bye. The energy of love and encouragment was all around us. Gary Zukov writes that :the world is fundmantally dancing energy, energy that is everywhere in different forms."

You would think that there would be a lot of fear in this place of radiation but those who had gone before were so encouraging and so positive. Some where were back for a second round but seemed to accept it with amazing grace.

All the staff were kind and cheerful and made such a difference. I think Larry was one of their favorite patients. He wore his cheeful little Canada socks which delighted them.

Right now Larry still has stomack distress and the fatique. This is deeper than tiredness because you just feel drained of all energy and strength. He has driven everyday, yesterday we left a little late as we hunted for his wallet. Of course it was taken for granted that I may have put it somewhere or even washed it again! We took off without it and we became one of those cars sunning in and out of traffic.

Coming home after driving straight from the clinic to Tsawwassen thinking to see our great grandchildren Ben and Morgan we saw four police cars racing towards us. It was now raining very hard. Once again we were glad to get home.

Larry was printing out maps of Old London in the time of Pepts, 1600. He is finding this a challenge.

Rick, our oldest son has found an amazing book store where he is searching for lost treasures. But I bet he has not found the three books we have on Samuel Pepys.

Larry loves to talk about his life to anyone willing to listen. He brought out books and maps to show our young visitors Ava, Tavia and Gracelyn. This family of five girls has blessed our lives.

Above all our family of children and grandchildren and great-grand children keep alive the joy of being alive. Tears are coming again so I will stop.

Knowing that you are loved takes away the need to have answers but willing to except the mystery of life.


We share a love of reading with all our family.
I find great comfort and reassurrance in scripture.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love
I have drawn you with loving-kindness
I, THE LORD. WILL BUILD YOU UP AGAIN.

Our work will now be to regain the lost strength and once again fit into the flow of normal life.

DID YOU KNOW?

I am certainly learning more about China because of these Olympic Games and I am impressed with the beauty and the bigness. It is amazng what the athelites can do. It often seems that great joy often is accompanied with sorrow.

I did not know that you had to ask permission to protest. There are three offically sanctioned protest parks where those granted permission may protest. Out of 77 requests none were approved.

Larry will have to find some where else to protest but right now he is gathering facts.
Larry has been having a very difficult time getting medical attention for the cancer on his lip.
We are thankful for the good people in the medical system but waiting while something gets worse can be so stressful.

You go to your family doctor each time you want to see the specilist. Not only is this hard on the patient but more money is being used up.

Most of us just want to know what exactly is wrong with us and how it can be treated.
I know I certainly did when I was so very sick with stomach problems and fatigue for many years. All because I my re-action to wheat. My main regret was that I did not have more energy for my children. We all survived and we are so blessed to have a loving family.


We were concerned when we heard that baby Matthew was having eating problems and so happy to know everything is okay.

To know anything I have to check e-mails, face book and my blog.

For those asking Larry will not have any more hormone shots and his last treatment will be on Thrusday! Hurrah!

TRY ANYTHING AND KEEP TRYING

Larry's legs have greatly improved since we married and here is a picture to prove it. He had the skinniest legs before!

He is putting on these little electrical TENS to stimulate the nerves in his legs. He is finally doing it regularly so hopefully we will see some results. This is for his peripheral neuropathy. He tried taking pills that caused him to lose his balance and frightened me to death!

I am thinking of applying for a position on Candid Camera. I hope you are laughing along with us! Anyway we should try some new shoes or better insoles. I am sure we can improve it.

I think that Larry's spirits are picking up, finally getting rid of those nasty female hormones!

DID WE KNOW WE WERE SO DIFFERENT?

"Here, you had better find out where we are" shouts Larry as he shoves a map at me.
"What" I am even more panicked that when we first began this trip. I look at him not believing my ears. You don't know where we are?"

I am not a good map reader at the best of time, but flying miles above the earth in a small plane
I am completely hopeless. Once I sit in the co-pilot seat I freeze and do not want to move. It is like being on the ferris wheel [yes I did it once] where I tried to keep the seat still.

I try to remember the dream I had where I was flying along and Jesus was right behind me.

Prayer has helped me to have the courage to fly in big or small planes.

Larry loves maps, flying and motor-bikes I like walking!

Once a chair is in place he would never dream of moving it while I always want to move the furniture around! !

LIVING WORDS

It is a delightfully cool Monday here with a few little drops of rain.

Sunday was a quiet day with church and lunch with friends after.

The message reminded us to listen to our own words.
I FIND MYSELF SAYING CRAZY THINGS AND I WONDER IF THIS IS OLD AGE!
Maybe it is just being free to say something stupid. I think we all have moments when we think I don't believe I said that.

"The battle for good and evil is in our own hearts and we speak from darkness or from the light." words of the minister.


Maybe there is a middle ground where we are just human.

I have found great comfort in the words of scripture that I believe are living words. There are times when it is hard to find the right words to say and that is the time for living silence. You are present with another and you feel their sadness and respect their feelings.


Today we will continue travelling to the cancer clinic for the last four days of radiation.
WE WILL BE SO VERY THANKFUL TO HAVE REACHED THIS GOAL!

MOMENTS TO REMEMBER

I have many beautiful memories of Colebrook Church.
I was very grateful to be asked to give a talk.
I grew up in the United Church where I was taught that thr "secret to a life of meaning was contained in the wisdom within it's pages.
Today we have many books that contain knowledge about all of life.
I believe that we are still continuing to search for answers to the many questions
that we all ask.
I reminded people of the healing ministry of Jesus; and that He is with us everyday to heal the broken-hearted, the sick and the lonely,

MAPS AND MORE MAPS

What LARRY IS READING NOW

Larry uses maps and books of London from 1663 while reading Pepys Diary

He first started reading Pepys diary in the National post's daily journal entry.

The Titles are "The Man in the Making", The Savior of the Navy". "The Years od Peril".

If I was to be stranded on; or go to an island

I would not have any desire to have these books with me.

Maybe it is because I have little interest in maps

and I find his Pepy's daily habits a bit boring.

Faith cannot be mapped out but is a journey into the unknown.

WHAT DO PRAYING PEOPLE AND PARAMETICS HAVE IN COMMOM.

They believe they are helping people and they often spend times on their knees. They both have to listen to people and what they do and what they say depends on the person's needs.
Paramedics use energy to act quickly and when we pray from our hearts spiritual energy is being released. We feel the sadness and the troubles of those around us. We often do not know what words to say but we trust God to help us pray for He cares much more than we do. We carry our prayers with us as we go about our busy days.

"God puts His ear so closely down to your lips that He can hear your faintest whisper"
A quote from Thomas De Witt Talmadge.


EVERYONE HAS PAIN IN THEIR LIVES AND WE ALL LEARN TO COPE IN DIFFERENT WAYS.


Scripture says
there is a time for silence and a time for speech.
there is a time for humility and for wisdom
there is a time for prayer


Thank you Michael John and Mary for your prayers and for all the others who are holding me in their prayers. At times I just know some one is praying! !

THEY ARE INTELLIGENT AND COMPASSIONATE TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS.

A full house

Morgan looking for the fishies

Morgan just woke up - found new book - grama reading it to her outside

The fixed up room for little guests

Last night I had great fun making the bedrooms into a children's room where imagination could develope. I found Teddy Bears, the Kwola bear, the Kanagroo, the cat and the dolls; and all the favorite story books.
There was a small night light for Ben and the crib for Morgan.

We were in bed when Theres and Kim and Ben and Morgan arrived after visiting Penny and Scott their daughter Laela and Ron's dad; grandpa Ateah. At 80 years of age he has decided to get to know his family and share some of the stories of Scott and Ron growing up.

We love being grandparents and grandparents and love it when the children keep in touch.

Dad and I have just returned from his radiation, buying a presnt for Mary, and now we are both going to rest. Everything I try to type is coming out wrong so time for a rest.

I had a dream

I had a dream that Sandra; the daughter who does not look like me so she has been told, phoned to say we had to go to church in our pyjamies. No I told her that can't be right. Don't worry she said I have some nice new pyjamas you can wear. Just then Larry woke me up to turn on the T.V. to watch the Olmypics. I will never know what I would have done.

By the way I am sure Dr. Laura says you should not have a T.V. in the bedroom.

Late at night, at nine oclock, if I am watching T.V. I fall asleep. Last night we watched a video which I am sure I had never seen before but Larry says we did. I find that disconcerting. Our memories are so important and I know I should be doing crossword puzzles like Randy to keep my brain working. I quess I should start with really simple ones and then I would feel smart.

I look at baby Matthew and think of all the things he has to learn. Children seem so much brighter today it is really amazing. As we get older we learn to hide our feelings and not burst into tears like little Morgan. Instead we become annoyed or angry.

I believe the anger that drives us to take action can be helpful; so we can use the negative emotions and allow good to help us overcome.

I am amazed at the way the Chinese seem able to move as one. They have mastered the art of synchronizing. I think that this relates to the spiritual world in the way we learn to tune into one another. Prayer is the heart reaching out in love and compassion as we take time to feel how some one else is feeling. There are some days when one person keeps coming to my mind and later I may find out why.

Dreams are an important part of who we are. Sometimes they are funny and other times they give us a message.

Children often have bad dreams that frighten them. My worse dream was being eaten by a huge tiger. I am sure I had some happy dreams but do not seem to remember them.

I think I hear snoring from the bedroom and the T.V. is off. But my dreaming is fineshed for now.

Searching for inner beauty

Why do we all want to look good? We all want to be reasonably attractive but we all have our blemishes and imperfections. I have found that as I visit the elderly, who have often lost outward beauty, they are interesting people who love to share their lives, their emotions often anger and frustration. They are more open and honest and we need to put our fears aside if we are going to be present with them.

How would I feel if I had to face disfigurment? Larry has growth on his lip of which he is constantly being reminded of; especially when he goes to eat or drink. He desperately wants to begin treatment, whether it be radiation, kemo or surgery. The nurse say they can do the radiation but he has to wait for all the forms to be filled and faxed and filled.

Waiting for treatment knowing it should have been done earlier as it continues to get worse is causing him anger and frustration. I thought things were better than they were.

"I turn to religion [for me that means prayer] in particular because it is with religous language that human beings have most consistently, rigorously and powerfully explored the harrowing business of rescuing joy from hearbreak." Phillip Simmons "Learning to Fall"

Maybe another word for fall would be learning to surrender and trust that things will work out. Meanwhile we are responsible to do all we can.

We all could mourn over what could or should have been but it is more important is to discover what is really important in life. We are learning to love and appreciatte the goodness that is our inner strength and turn to God for help and courage.

We do not meet God in outer space; we meet Him in the inner space.

We had a very close call when we were driving when a speeding car veered over into our lane. In a minute we could have been badly hurt or even killed. I believe that God still has plans for us all and we will leave this world when it is our time.

So I advise you to wear sun screen protection on your lips and this could protect you from having lip cancer.

Bones

I have just been thinking what amazing things all our bones are!

They are dugged up years after the rest of us has decayed and there they are.

I have been having some back pain but have been diagnosed with very strong bones with osteoporosis so that I should be careful.

None of us like pain. It controls your life and absorbs your energy and is a drain on relationships. I have decided to give myself time to see if I continue to feel better.

I know that I do not like going to the doctor although I have a very fine man as a doctor but they can only do so much. Anyway, for some mysterious reason, well actually the doctor is unavailable, my appointment was cancelled. This is okay by me.

This is an update mainly for my family.

What a Difference a Day Makes

I love reading your comments which is one reason I started this blog!

Until yesterday I was dreading the worse about Larry's sore lip. [I think he as too but says not]
The news from the biopsy was encouraging and he will soon be starting treatment. If there is anything that you are very worried about it seems to take over your mind like a great big monster. It seems to be human nature to believe that we have to face the worse before it happens so that we will be prepare

It is sooo good when some one you love is happier.

Anyway the other good news is that Larry has invented a way that seems to be stopping the racoons from eating our fish. I had just decided we would not get any more fish just to be food for them.

Kim'a car has been fixed and we may; depending on how Larry feels drive out to Chilliwack which means we will have a visit with Ben[5] and Morgan [2] and Theresa [?]
Young people of all ages are amazing and have been such an awesome blessing to us.

The world news continues to be grim, explosions in Toronto, riots in Montreal. war in Georgia where Russia is envading. How I hate to see pictures of tanks on the road. These are worries I lay aside because there are things in life you just cannot change or fix.

I am glad that my life includes children, grand children and great grand children and others.
Every hug restores hope and my heart responds with happiness!
Every rainbow reminds me that I am not alone and that there is beauty beyond this world that I only get glimpses of!
Our faith grows in relationship with others; learning to be vulnerable and compassionate.

I must stopped because I do ramble on and on and on!

What a

I can't believe we forgot the pie!

The pie looked wonderful as I pulled it out of the oven. We knew that over at Sandra and Randy's Mike was cooking the roast with two kinds of potatoes. Kimberly and Grandpa had gone to the store to get fresh vegetables to make a salad.

We were chatting away as we loaded up the car with the salad, some books for Sandra to read and the dog, Cloooie.

This would add one more dog to Sandra's two and to the dog Mike and Mary brought over that was their landladies. Each one wanted attention.

Justice gave us a big hello as he headed out to pick blueberries.

Then I remembered "hey we forgot the pie"

No one wanted to drive back and get it. Sandra saved the day by baking chocolate chip cookies. It worked out well because Justice and Kim shared them with the neighbor children.

WISDOM

Our young people are turning away from religion. They are dealing with difficult questions not only about their own struggles but worldly issues. Should we interfere with other countries? Should the Prime Minister have put in an appearance at the Olimpic Games? How can we protest without violence?

Wisdom is seeing the big picture in a complex world; finding our purpose that will influence our values and our choices.

We need to keep asking questions and to keep listening to the questions of our youth.

Jesus asked some difficult questions.

What are you looking for?
What do you want me to do for you?
Why do you harbor evil thoughts?
If you love only those who love you what credit is that to you?
Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye,
but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own?
What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?
Is life not more than food and the body more than clothing?
Do you not yet have faith?
Why does this generation seek a sign?
Can a blind person guide a blind person?

My house will be called a house of prayer,
but you are making it a den of robbers.
Prayer is simply shifting our awareness and openning ourselves to the spirit
that comes as light and a sense of the presence of love.

Our minds need to find the answers that we are continually being faced with.
Our souls will discover the sense of the Holy in quietness and prayer.
We long for freedom to explore and discover our own answers.

Is it important for Sunday to be a day different than the rest of the week?

For me it is. I put aside my mystery book and read something with depth that challenges me to grow in my faith. I love the word grace. Grace is presnt where there is honesty, caring, forgiveness, giving and receiving, celebration and mystery.

There are "God" moments in all our lives when we experience moments of awe and wonder, moments of thankfulness and contentment.

What is a hero?

We see amazing young people giving all their strength to compete in the Olimpics. Only a very few will become heroes. There already has been death and tragedy that reminds us that breathtaking displays and spectacular feats do not protect us from the uglyness of hate and prejudice.

The sky in Georgia, the former Soviet republic's breakaway province, was lit up with exploding gun fire as armoured tanks and bombs destroy human life and homes and freedom. We all fear what will happen next?

There will be many unsung hero's who will risk their lives to save others in this war as there is in all wars. Our brave young Canadian boys face death daily while others at home question why.
These soldiers face the enemy within as well as without and their lives are being scared by their experiences.

Who is a hero? Not the fast riding motor-biker, not just the winner in the race, not the fearless but those who face fear in their own lives with courage and honesty and humor.

I sit with My Hero everyday at the cancer clinic among all the others. I am sure that Mr. J does not see himself as a hero but he has fought back after a stroke and now walks and talks with difficulty. Still he makes an effort to talk and is always kind and thoughtful.

Mr H. had a chance to be a hero when he went to the Olimpics in Rome as a bike rider, only to be told they couldn't compete when his team mate suddenly died. Days and months of strenuous training and his own chance of glory all crashed down around him.

I have heard many stories of people, some returning for another set of radiation.

It takes courage to face cancer, like the racer who enters the race with no hope of winning, none of us know what to-morrow will bring. We walk among our every-day ordinary hero's like mom's and dad's who sacrifice for their children, giving all their energy to care and provide.

We all face uncertainty, doubt and fear combined with exhaustion that can threaten to over-whelm us but there awaits for us a badge declaring yes, we are heroes!

I am thankful for the strength and courage and determination I see in our family.

The book "The Cloud of Unknowing" tells us that all rational beings possess two faculities, the power of knowing and the power of loving. The intellect struggles with the unknown mystery of the sacred reality and yet believers see it all around them.

Just enter the race and keep being yourself.

Early morning crazyness

Larry and I are up to watch the openning of the Olympic not really my idea.

The racoons have been again so we have to see if there are any fish left.

Racoon Watch Anyone?

Yes the racoons have been again last night. The water is all muddy and the pump is not running and I see two fish. We were down to our last four; one being a black one very hard to see. I wish I could watch and catch them and stop them. Just imagine if I could catch them crawling silently over the fence and sit down with them and explain to them it is wrong to hurt my fish. Would they get mad at me? Our family disagrees about whether racoons would hurt you.

Today Larry will have to make that new invention he has thought of to give the fish a safe place.

I grew up in a world where I felt very safe. We played, running up and down allies, for hours. We bike out to the edge of town to see the haunted houses. We stayed at the park for hours.
My world was very much a child's world and even when very young I heard talk of the was going on that was an adult concern that was far away.

I do remember the summer when all the swimming pools were closed because there was a scare about polio. It is very hot in Saskatchewan so this was very annoying.

I sometimes wonder why their our pesky beasts like wasps and mostiqoes and flys and snakes that make life miserable. Why do racoons like fish?

Healing Imagination

As I sat waiting for Larry, known better as dad, or grandpa or great-grandpa, the man across from me seemed eager to talk. He told me he had been in for treatment last summer and now was with his wife for treatment. I asked him about the side affects and how it bothered him.

He then began to tell me all about healing energy and how if you visualize your feet with roots that go into the ground and imagine healing energy flowing into your body you can concentrate on the area that needs healing and allow the light to penetrate and heal. He said that with faith and imagination or visualization you can heal yourself.

He talked about a positive attitude and I agreed.

I had shared at church in my talk about a healing room I imagine.

"Our soul is like a huge house with many rooms.
All the rooms; except one, are filled with things, with people and activities
there is noise and interruptions. We are all so busy our minds full of thoughts
with worries and doubts.

There is a secret room waiting to be discovered if you still your mind and heart.
Not everyone can see it and if you do you have to decide whether to enter or not.
Am I willing to become like a child again?
To enter I take off my shoes, my responsibilities and respectability.

At first the room seems dark with shadows. We live in the shadow of our fears and doubts and misunderstandings. We carry within our souls our painful experiences that cause us to become sick, with monor or major aches and pains.

I look for light and then I see a tree bending and moving like it is weeping and it has the form of a cross. I feel a gentle warmth like the wings of angels placed upon me and I look up into the smiling eyes of Jesus. "My child," he says "I am always with you."
He speaks with his eyes and my heart responds. I know that this is a place of stillness and peace; a sacred healing place. I relax and become one with the energy that radiates from Jesus.
The room becomes alive with the energy of his love filling me.
I prayerfully lift up my loved ones into his care."

I silently listen to the enthusiam of the man and wish I could share with him but I do not.

I am having doubts about putting my thoughts in a blog.
My belief that we are all spiritual beings that have the potential to dream and imagine great and wonderful things is a part of who I am.

Jesus said "let those with ears to hear, listen and they will hear.

Missing

Everyday something goes missing. Today is the big book of dad's stories.
I say to him we really must start remembering where we put things. Good idea he agrees.
This is especially important for me as, yes I admit, I am the one who moves things.
And in the end I am the one who finds them! This is my saving grace!

It is off to the doctor this morning and back to see old friends at the clinic this afternoon.
The hospital gowns are carried back and forth each day so it is easy to recognize those in similar situations carrying their big bags.

It has gotten 1 degree warmer since I first woke up and it will be warm today.

I see Nordell road is closed and that is the one Sandra usually takes.

Dad does not miss those drives to and from work. Neither do I although I worked only part time for a few years at the medical supply store.

All the family are home after a rainy and cool holiday. But they did see a moose!

Yes, the book has been found!

I find that I am missing the things I use to be able to do but I now see that it is a time to take care of myself in new ways and find enjoyment in doing what I like doing, does that make sense?

Tempting weeds & warm beaches

Larry and I at Cresent Beach
This picture should be at the end not here.


Everyday I am tempted when I go for a walk and see a garden full of weeds I secretly want to pull them out! Should I wear a wig? or go at night? Yes, I know it is none of my business; but every time I walk around the corner and see the once beautiful flower bed full of weeds, big monster weeds, I want to pull them all out.

It is Sandra's fault really she is always finding weeds in my garden; some I had hoped where flowers.

I wonder about the people who live there, if someone is sick, or if they are having other problems.

I think how our life has changed going to the cancer clinic everyday. This becomes the focus of your day. Now Larrry has some form of cancer on his lip that is painful and a major worry. He has to wait to get into treatment which may mean seeing one doctor and waiting to see another. To-morrow he is going to see his family doctor who we hope will take a biopsy. The eye doctor at Vancouver had been so good when he took a piece off his eye-lid and right away took it to be tested.

Yesterday we enjoyed going down to Cresent Beach and seeing the kites flying and the children playing and walking by all the houses that you dream about. Now who would not want to live there and be that close to the ocean and see far across it to the mountains. It is good to have a fantasy world!

We came home and watched our regular T.V. shows on the knowledge net work.

I guess I have enough to worry about without thinking about some one else's weeds.

Hope the family drive safely home today. Happy Holiday!

Quietness

Our neighborhood seems especially quiet this weekend. No children playing on the road; no neighbors walking dogs. A lot of people must have gone away for the long weekend. We will be deciding which church to go to and I am sure both places will have a lot less people.
I am sure somme of our good friends will be there.

We thought of driving up and surprising our family at the Lake but it is an hour away from Kamloops and we do not even know the name of the place. We all like to dream and immage

Dad is still sleeping and I am debating taking a walk as it looks like a sunny day.

Just think, our little grandson, Matthew will be a week old. My advice to Melina and Ken is to rest when he is resting.

Quiet is good because we need to be quiet at times to balance our lives of noise and busynes

Wisdom speaks quietly and gently to those who are listening.

The sacred is also quiet. We see it in each other's eyes, in the beauty of nature, the joy of music and the creativity of art. We see it in the mess of life as well.

The question of tragedy

We question why so many times bad things happen to good people and I aways wonder why people who commit these violent acts are often discribed as quiet and easy going.
Who would think there would be violence on a bus.

Tragedy tests one's faith the headline said today Aug. 2 in the National Post.

I began my short talk at church by the words we do not live in a perfect world.
In a perfect world, poverty and sickness and the violence of war would end
instead we find ourselves facing difficult questions. Maybe if we became angry enough
we would try to do our best to make our world a better place.

"Faith is not a good luck charm" that protects us from evil.

Every family goes through misunderstandings but faith that is built upon grace
that forgives and forgets can become stronger.

When we have a bad day, a day when the body aches and drains us of energy,
we have the hope that the next day will be better.

Where is that man who is sneaking around taking pictures?

.

I have an idea - I will pose for a picture showing I do act like a little Old Grama at times.

Larry will do most anything to prove that he is right; so it was with great glee he took me moving a light bookcase! I know that I have a slight compulsion to want to move things.

Dr. Nolte has now added his warning to Larry's. But I think it is beyond sneaky to peak around the corner and take pictures. Don't you?

I much perferred the picture of me watering flowers on Ricks face book.

It is hard not to do something you believe you can do.

P.S. Larry moved the rocking chair that is in the picture! !