THE UNCERTAINTIES

No more uncertainty about whether  I have a cognitive impairment.  Sandra says definitely I do.  Who needs doctors.  No matter how my brain is functioning I want to be able to laugh and enjoy my life!

It seems to me being too serious is worse.

Other people forget their wallets and are late for doctor appointments they really did not want to go to.  I am not mentioning any names but it is one of these two.  Thanks for a fun visit.  Dad slept through it all.The  weather feels uncertain.  Dull or Sunny?   
   
"Probably the worst and the best part of life is its uncertainty.
Never knowing what challenges and opportunities just being alive will give each one of us".   Judith A. Billings

Dad continues to cough constantly and noisily.  This is what my dad would do and why I decided never to smoke. Dad is sleeping a lot so that should help him get better.   

I am trying to disinfect any place dad has touched..  I am praying Kim will not get sick .
 She is so busy going places no self-respecting germ can catch her,.

 Pray for her too!

Talking about prayer here is a true story.    Mr. Rogers met a young lad with cerebral palsy and instead of praying for the boy  Mr. Rogers asked the boy if he  would pray for him.  The boy was thrilled and decided his life must be important if Mr. Rogers, who he thought must be close to God. asked for his prayer that  meant his life must be important too.

On the other hand Mr. Rogers thought anyone going through such difficult hardships and keeps going mus1t be close to God

I enjoyed a walk to the park with Haiti where  I meet the nicest dog people.  Everyone loves Haiti!

NEXT

For my appointment there was no friendly chatting at the doctor's office but a hurried a hurried visit which was not all that helpful.  But I must say he is a good doctor and I value his opinion so I will try to be more cheerful myself.  So next time will be better!

 I cannot believe she is leaving for the Cayman on Thurs.  She is busy as ever playing soccer Monday night and now off to Chilliwack to stay over night.  The house seems very quiet especially no Haiti following us around and no running footsteps up and down the stairs.

Next we found a walk in clinic where they wait was only 45 minutes,  A very friendly young lady listened to his chest and agree he may have pneumonia and started him on drugs and sent him for an x-ray.  We got everything done and then came home to fall asleep again. I have a feeling recovery will be slow.
He is coughing even more tonight..

I was awake at four and after I got up,  dad seemed to be sleeping better.  I am not really sleeping much.  Usually it is me that gets these nasty bugs but they have decided to find a home in his chest this time,, although I would rather it was me.  A good friend, Dorena .phoned last night to say her mom had passed away with pneumonia, she was ninety

The day begins for me in the quiet of the early morning prayerfully.

I am trying to remember that one of the most important things I can do early and all during the day is to take two deep breaths and turn inward prayerfully.

Prayer or any other benediction like meditation without love and awe is like a bird without wings, -
--Rabbi Schneur   Love and gratitude carries me through the day, especially when I feel stressed like I
do now.

Buddhist prayer expresses an aspiration to pull (allow) something in your life within  inner capacities of strength, compassion and wisdom to renew us and for me it is shutting the door to fear and worry and anxiety.  If even for a moment I can replace the negative and reach up to capture the positive it helps. 

"As a tree torn from the soil, as a river separated from its source, the human soul wanes when detached from what is greater than oneself.  Without the holy the good turns chaotic, without the good, beauty becomes accidental".  -Abraham Heschel

One cannot escape all the tragic things that are happening in the world.  It seems to grow every day
I am thankful we have each other and have good doctors.  I may not be making sense but. . . .

IDENTIFICATION

The problem that was bothering me was cleared up and identified at the doctor.  I have some pills to help me sleep if I need them as once again I am waking up too early and not sleeping so well with dad's coughing.  So last night I had a choice of another bed or a pill. 

Dad has agreed to go to the walk in clinic today and then we go to see the Cancer specialists about his P.S. A. number going up

Tavia will drop by on Friday instead of Wed. and we hope dad's cough will be much better. If not he will just have to rest in his room while Tavia I have a visit.

Wed. is freed up to spend time with Sandra.  Soon she will be going away again and we miss her visits..

If I look back over my life I identify my experiences as stories.  This stories do not always carry accurate details but they are what I remember and how that memory has effected me.

Dad and I met at the skating rink when I was about 16 and he was 19 and he knocked me down.  He helped me up and took me to the bench.  Afterwards he drove me and my friend home.  He asked for my phone number and our first date was driving around seeing Christmas lights.  My parents liked him as he was and is very likable.  We went together for three years and then got married in Regina.  The last year we lived in separate places and saw each other infrequently.  I went to my grade 12 prom with a boy I hardly knew at a school I had only been there for six months.  I did get asked out but always refused.  Dad was taking his air-traffic control class in Winnipeg and he changed from the boy I knew into more of a party goer.

He probably would have anyway.  We both wanted a family and where very happy when our four children ages 1 to 5 came along.  I was a busy mom and dad had a stressful job.  There were many good times but also difficulties.  My faith help keep me secure and stable. We had a difficult start with me not being able to start my job I had obtained as I had a tubule pregnancy.  Dad's worry for me hurt his concentration at work so it look like he may not pass his course.  A lot of adjustments for a young couple far away from home with  no family no friends, although dad made friends at work.

There is a story about three ministers, a Catholic, a Baptist, and a Methodist.  They got into the boat and headed out to the middle of the lake.
The Catholic realized he had forgot his hat so walked back to shore to get it.
The Methodist said I forgot our lunch so walked back to shore on top of the water just as the Catholic had done.
The Methodist realized he need to get something back on shore but he stepped out of the boat and sank.
The Baptist turned to the Catholic and said do you  you think it is time to tell him where the stepping stone are?

Humor is important in every part of our lives and in religion especially.  I always think I have had a good visit with people when we laugh together!  Dad is a good story teller that can makes us laugh although some times they appear exaggerated.

ANNOYANCES

A day full of little annoyances.  I realized while working with a person who was annoying me that I needed to get over it and  also be willing to forgive.

 This was not the first time.
“forgiveness is letting go of one’s justified feelings of resentment .”Bishop Joseph Butler

There can also be serious and hurtful annoyances,

“we forgive once we give up attachment to our wounds.”
 not always easy to do but lifts a burden from our shoulders we do not need to carry.

Then there is self-forgiveness which involves a shift from self-estrangement to a feeling of being at home in your own heart and soul.  Yes each one of us at times said or done hurtful things.  It is important to acknowledge one’s one humanness.  My annoyance did not last long.

Today  am worried about dad’s nasty cough.  He should be going to the doctor not me.

If I had got the cold I would have had an excuse to not keep my appointment because I was too sick/

Yesterday dad and I enjoyed a visit from Ava.  She is busy working and the big thing is finding a school for Uri to attend that both parents agree on.  She has some real problems because they share visitation rights.  One lives in Walnut Grove and the dad lives in Surrey.  /they are going to go to court.

Kim went out to a barbecue party looking lovely as usual.

/there have been times when I have allowed small annoyances to overwhelm my life.  I can only hope that I learn from these things and let them go.  I have to stop and think should this annoy be and the answer is always no.

The question I have is that I be allowed to know what to expect as far as my health is concerned,
especially as far as cognitive impairment is concerned.  I will drive myself there as dad is too sick and needs to stay warm and rest.

ATTENTION

I worry and I pray and I hope!


"We cry ourselves to sleep,
gratitude wits patiently to console and reassure us,
there is a landscape larger than we can see".
-Sarah Ban  Breathsach.

I am thankful for a sunny day.

Another story:

There was a man playing his violin at the Metro Station in Toronto on a cold January morning.  Most people just hurried by, a few gave him a coin or two but the children were fascinated and wanted to stop and listen but parents were always in a huge hurry.  No one applauded and no one recognized him as violinist Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world.  He played at the best theatres and people had to pay a big bucks hear his music.

Another story also true:

I met Gundy coming home from the store where she had bought some groceries but did not have her credit card to pay for them.  I talked with her for awhile and then suggested she looked where she had put groceries away with her mind not on what she was doing.  What a relief when she found her card

I know I can do things without paying attention to what I am doing..

I was late getting to the sale at the church and volunteered to stay and help them clear up.  They insisted I leave.  I was feeling very weary and maybe I looked it.  I had one of those days you do not even bother to look in the mirror.

Dad is coughing a lot so I may not watch the game with him.

"To attend the inner meaning of another's experience it is important to pay complete attention."
-William James

(They tried their best but the best team won!  !  !  )

MISSING

Sorry we missed your phone call Ken I just listened to the message Friday morning.

Missing the early morning sunshine, opened the door to a blast of coldness  I am walking Haiti because Kim has gone to Seattle taking one friend from the Cayman to meet with another down there.

Haiti and I just got back in the door when it started to rain, then pour and then hail and thunder.  It was good we were home as Haiti would have tried to jump into my arms if we had been walking. My garden white with hail.

Many things seem to go missing around here as now both Kim and  move a few things around.  The trouble is  I forget where and why I  did it, usually things turn up soon or later.

I am missing a good exciting book to read so I am reading an old one again.  I think I missed  some things in the first reading.

I missed seeing Gundy last week so busy doing the junk throw away so I went down later in the morning. She was telling me stories of her childhood digging up sugar beets to barter as they hads no momey..

Dad did not do a lot of coughing in the night so I was thankful for both of us.  His cold is in his chest now that is for sure.  We did get a midnight phone call which woke me up with a start, my first concern was for Kim.

I have to keep well to be over at the church selling books for several hours.

Kim brought Brittany home for a visit on her way back to Victoria.  We miss visiting with them as they went out and then left early in the morning.  But they had a fun visit together I am sure.
Somes I think what I am missing is good news as what you read in the paper and on T.V.  is very disturbing.

"The past is gone
Today is full of possibilities
With each breath I will be aware of
the strength  at hand.   _  -WF.

Things change and I need to accept and build on what dad and I have and cherish it so that the present can bloom with promise and hope. 

"Acceptance when it comes begins to bring relief
As healing hope renews our soul and strengthens our belief."  -Hilda L. Sanderson

STORIES

Stories are such wonderful way to learn.
So interesting to find a hidden message or two.
Some stories touch our hearts and our deepest feelings.

Like this one from the book: "Experiencing Spirituality."

"A young boy ask his daddy how much money he made in an hour.  This annoyed the father but he finally told him he made twenty dollars an hour.  This annoyed the dad even more as he explained how hard he had to work to earn his money.
The little let to go back to his room but left the dad wondering why his son needed the money.
Now he was interest not annoyed.
He went to the boy's room and gave him ten doors.  Immediately the boy pulled out ten dollar bills from under his pillow and started to hand it all to his dad.
" Asking in n a small voice he said, daddy could I have an hour of your time?"

Now that makes us all stop and think about the story and how often do we take time to really listen to what is being said and how important a small amount of time can be the most  treasured gift to some one else.

After going to the church to once again sort books for our up-coming big sale I dtove over to the seniors home with mixed feelings about seeing Jim.  As usual after picking up the milkshake I sat down to have a visit with him.  He was quiet and sad and then turned to me and said,   "do me a favor and do not bring me any more milkshakes."  I was taken back  but then I figured he had a reason about which he did not want to talk.   He said no more.  I sat quietly for awhile and then left to visit some others.

Later heading out the door  he look right at me and said, "goodbye and thank you."   In a very loud voice and a wave of his hand.
On the drive home I start to think does he know he is going to die or even take his own life. 
Yes, he has talked about it.  I wonder?  I feel sadness.

 In the morning I drove over to the church to was sort through the books and put them out for sale. We are all getting older but if everyone helps a little it works out.  We have a gun ho leader full of tremendous energy and a happy spirit.  Her husband has just had a stroke so she will be at the hospital but as we are the same old group we know exactly what to do.  It helps to get to know each other better as we work together.
So no more taking things out to the end of the drive way now  I am taking things over to the church.  It is fun to work together and listen to stories of what is happening in their lives.

Dad has a miserable cold and spent the day resting mostly in bed not in The Chair.  That was after he had a visit with Carol and Kin but no stories as talking made him cough.  Kim wants to learn how to drive a standard so Carol was giving her lessons.  Kim had lunch reading for us all  when they got back and then it was shopping at Winners.

Some times it is listening to what is said but some times it is listening to the silence!

Glen came over to watch the game.  I predicted a win and they did!  Go Van.  Go!

COLD

Started to the park but came home to put on a warm jacket as it was cold.  It is surprising when the sun starts shining I automatically think it is warm.

Our bible study was a little subdued as our substitute minister joined us, which was very kind of her, but she was more serious about the correct answers.

My thoughts Christ crucified was a combination of history and metaphor.
A straight forward historical fact
a revelation of God's love for us
a sacrifice to fulfill the law?
a path to fulfillment

The death of Jesus like his message and his mission brought together the political and the spiritual.
Paul was writing about death and resurrection so you can understand why it was a difficult lesson.

I arrived home to find a nice red plant on my doorstep.  A thank you from Linda, Mary's daughter.
After a rest I went over to thank them and have a visit.

Dad had a long bike ride,  interrupted when he stopped for a hamburger at the golf course.

"For the vision of one man lends not its wings to another.
And even as each one of you stands alone in God's knowledge,
so must each one of you be alone in his knowledge of God and his understanding of the earth."
"The Prophet"   -Kahlil Gibran.

We are not complaining about the cold it is just surprising when you feel summer has arrived.

HARD WORK

Early morning sunshine will turn to rain by later in the afternoon.  Made the house feel damp and chilly. The pile of junk is growing outside each driveway and looks very sad in the rain.  There could be many stories told by the items we see of children growing out of toys and into bigger beds.  T.V.'s are replaced with bigger and newer models.   After another hard day of work for dad he is ready to rest in his favorite chair.  We agreed it would not be put out  again this year.  It really looks the worst for wear and tear and I cannot remember a time we did not have it. 

Another hockey game disappointing for the Van. fans.
Always a few hero's and some aggressive bullies made for a fast game and hard work for all the players.

Looking back into our family time Saturday night was stew and hockey night.  Good times!

Haiti had a wonderful day at the beach with Kim and her friend but tried to hide when they got home and she heard the bath water running and knew it was for her.  She hoped that dad or I would protect her but not this time.

I did some hard work trying to answer questions for our bible study today.  We are making some goodie bags for mothers of poor families who come to get clothes for their children from our store.
The ladies who work there work extremely hard sorting the clothes that are donated and so gratefully appreciated.

Went to sleep listening to the pitter-patter of rain on the roof.

DISCOVERY

So nice to wake up and discover another beautiful morning. 
One of the virtues of spirituality is to be open to discovery.
“Spirituality flourishes in discovery especially when stories are shared and community is formed."   -E Kurtz

There is much to be discovered as we listen to each other:
"We are here to listen
     to the cry of a broken heart
     to the outrage of injustice
     to the pain of poverty
     to the whisper of empathy
     to the silence of loneliness"  - Rabbi Reb. Yrachmiel

There has been a lot of abuse in religion and we think of the residential native schools and other abuses.  Often the abuser has been abused and in turn uses and controls others in a fierce individualistic need to survive.  Forgiveness and humility set both free when there is confession and recognition of the damage done to the other.

Spent the day popping in to check on our 93 tear old neighbor who was going to be alone for the day as her daughter had to work and the grand daughter had a bad cold.  Sat out on the front lawn and had an enjoyable time listening to her reminisce.  I could keep an eye on dad working from there.

Had two short walks.  Cut the grass and the day flew by.  A warm evening for Kim playing soccer.

Hope I have slept in a bit today.  Dad is putting out a lot of old wood but the hard part is making sure there are no nails in it.

LIGHT FOR THE PATH

"Jesus simply held up  the truth as a beacon of light for all to see and hear."

Did some reading from the book “The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived” instead of going to church.
 I think we would have made it on time but for my upset stomach.

Actually the life style Jesus lived wandering from Place to place not carrying along a lot of material possessions appeals to me at the moment.

So the question the author asks is what was the purpose of all that Jesus did ( and of course answers)  is Jesus wanted to save humanity by giving their lives purpose and meaning.  His stories were ones they could relate to and even find healing as they listened.  Jesus was the kind of a man who would speak his mind.  I happen to believe the church should still do that today.  Yes, we are a mixed group of people who have their faults but I know I speak for myself when I say Jesus changed my life in many ways. 

The girls Carol, Kim and Theresa  took Haiti for a nice long walk at the Serpentine Fen. As soon as they got back to our house Kim fixed up a quick snack and some drinks.  After they were going to the play where people read funny stories from their diaries.  They all looked so lovely how could I forget to take their pictures.

 It was time for dad and I to rest our sore backs and feet.  I know I was tired.  Then hockey again!

BURIED TREASURE

There our a lot of things I admit to not knowing but the one thing I did know, which turned out to be true, was that when we started looking for junk to put out for our collection day that instead of junk dad and I, mostly dad, find buried treasure instead.  So progress has slowed down because of that and also because dad needs to rest his painful feet.  So it was a lazy hazy day for us
.
Carol dropped by to help but maybe another day.  Dad and her had a good chat about solving Sudoku.  She was planning to start digging in their secret garden where they will be growing healthy food for us all.  It is a community garden.

Haiti has decided to dig a big hole in our back yard and is having great fun.  She likes to lie in the warm dirt.

Rick stopped by to check out some comments I made, on the day to meet a friend.

After all is said and done I believe that God has some wonderful moments ahead for each one of us to treasure!  !  !

UP AND DOWN

Some people say look on the bright side so that is exactly what I want to do.

I have sent out cards for healing and am also sending out prayers.

My hand written prayer manuals helps me to focus when I pray.  I am following an ancient path that has helped others to be honest with God and admit our unloving thoughts.

Dear God,
Today I pray for those who have a song but cannot sing.
For all who have a burden they cannot bear
For all who wander homeless, hungry and feeling so alone
For all who are sick and worried about what they may have to face

For those who feel misunderstood and for those who misunderstand
For those who long to hear the words that tell them they are loved.
For those sick of living but afraid of dying.

God for each one in my prayers this night may you bless them with a faith that comes from your heart of love for all your dear ones.  Remind them of your power to sustain them when they are at their weakest,
Heal their bodies, their minds and their hearts.
Help them to discover the good that comes out of the times of shadow knowing that one day the light will shine and new purposes revealed.

God You work in mysterious ways beyond our knowing so that we are blessed  by putting our faith in You!

So each day I am reminded to enjoy the beauty of the day and to let go of fear and my prayer is that each one of us can do this!   God is Good! Awesome! A Helper but not a Fixer!

Dad did a good job cleaning out the crawl space in the garage.  Very hard work.

Sandra dropped by for a short visit.

LISTENING

I love to hear the birds singing when I first wake up and on my walk through the park.  We now have a bird building a nest in our bird house and last year it remained unoccupied all year.  I use to wonder why.  Also saw my first red robin today always a cheerful sight.  As I type early this morning I can hear Kim’s alarm going off and it is an irritating sound so it would make me get up that is for sure. 

This is the group of young people who won the same award as Kim.  They are all busy hard working students who took time to listen to the needs of others.  Both dad and I had trouble hearing the speeches because of the poor quality of the sound and they where speaking quickly.  I also had trouble hearing at the round table we were sitting at because of all the noise around and I was in between two groups who knew each other.  It was a joy just to be there and hear all the happy young voices.

So different than my visit with Jim he was in a very bad mood.  He tells me he hates being there and hates all the other people because he looks down on them.  I tried to help him have some positive thoughts but he was not listening.  He was too angry and miserable and I was annoyed at him thinking he is better than the other dear souls who are trying to make the best of things.

Jesus told his listener to listen with complete attention to his words.  "Let those who have ears hear."

According to Kierkegaard the ear is the most spiritually determined of the senses.  Today I appears that seeing has become more important and affects our way of looking at others and can determine how we feel about ourselves.  It takes a mature person to hear in the silence. 

Listening means giving our whole attention to what another is say, not having to feel the need to "fix" their problems but just to listen.

Compassion is the art of listening so that the person expressing their pain and suffering knows that someone has been present and really heard what they were saying.  Yes, we are all vulnerable in some ways that reveal our weaknesses and powerlessness.

On my walk I met another lady I had not seen for awhile.  We usually just smile and say hello.  This day she tells me I look like I am walking better and that is very affirming.

Compassion is hearing the real emotions behind the words, the deeper meaning.

Then there are the humor when we hear wrong as in the story of the little boy who doing his math would say: "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven."  His mother found out that the teacher was really saying:  The sum of which is seven."

I wish I had written down all the funny things my children said.  You think you will remember but you do not.  Today I will try to be a good listener but I refuse to listen to hate or to gossip.

EXCITING

Very exciting to be at Kim’s award banquet.

She was given an award in appreciation of all the work she has put into planning the soccer group and other various group activities.
I wish the pictures had turned out better but both Kim and her very young looking mom looked radiant.

Hearing about all the volunteering these young people had been doing was inspiring as well as exciting.  Their work at school and in the community was varied and all so worthy in helping other young people achieve their goals.

Kim got a big hand of applause as she so graciously accepted her award.  It was a night of huge smiles and lots of laughter.

The years have seemed to fly by since our own children were graduating.

Kim arranged that there was a lot of excellent gluten free food for me and also for herself but mainly she was concerned that I had lots and the  assortment at the
table where we could help ourselves.

THE GOOD LIFE.

Dreams do come true and our lives are enriched as we share in the lives of others finding their true self and fulfilling their dreams.
Kim
Get ready, this is only the beginning of the future that promises to bless you and use your gifts and talents to make the world a more beautiful place.
God loves to do great things in your life and dad with your mom will be excited and so happy and richly blessed to be able to celebrate your achievements tonight at your school.
You certainly deserve your award.
We are proud of you!
Love you

DARK

Joys and sorrows are woven into the existence of every life.

We can all go through difficult times.  The young boys in the movie we saw where destined to continue to work as farm labourers just like their fathers.  A long comes a bitter beaten man to be their coach.  As he watches them run around the track with great speed and not even tiring he gets the brilliant idea that they can change their lives and their futures by becoming famous as long distance runners.

Not all goes smoothly of course but after many false steps the way opens up for them, as they work hard to achieve their goal.  The whole small town gets behind them to cheer them on.

These young boys came from the same hard background so they knew they would have to sacrifice and work extremely hard to reach their goal.

. . . .spiritual love is born of sorrow. . . .for we love one another with a spiritual love when we have suffered together and fought together to overcome our difficulties and suffered the same common anguish.   -Miguel De Unam

This explains how the disciples bound together and become stronger through their sorrow and grief.

A question we often ask is why do good people suffer?  I know I do not know the answer and being with some one through difficult times is not a time to give answers anyway, but to just be present and help in any practical way you can.

"The chief sanctity of a temple is that it is a place to which we can go to weep in common.
....Yes we must learn to weep (I know that tears have come to my eyes during a worship service) and perhaps that is the supreme wisdom.  -M. De Unam

Grief invites us to hold each other closer.

Dad had a good bike ride after baking a cake and making a doctor's appointment for me.  This is for me to get an accurate report from the two tests I have had on my head.  I had a short walk did some shopping and more laundry.  It is unending.  We both had naps which we seem to need now.

Now it is time for hockey!

To-morrow is a day to celebrate Kim's award at school!  !  !

LOOKING

Looking for warmth
Looking for beauty

Looking  for sunshine
Looking for hope to conquer feelings of fear and worry
Looking for renewed faith
Looking for healing for myself, dad and others,
Looking for confidence and renewed strength.

Looking for wisdom for the day, for vision and guidance.
Looking for peace in all my relationships and in the world.
Looking and listening prayerfully for God’s presence.
Looking for answers that do not always come but trusting in help that comes when needed.

Looking for a pen to begin my writing down my many distracting thoughts.



Looking at my garden as I start out on my walk.  Thankful it is not raining but it feels cold to my old bones anyway.
Looking for new growth.
Looking for new eyes to see the unseen
Looking for the grace of unmerited favor, that forgives and forgets, and loves unconditionally.

"The best and most beautiful things in the world ..must be felt by the heart,"  -Helen Keller

Kim insisted we go to the movie MacFarlane and both dad and I were inspired and touched by the story of these young runners.

FRESH AIR

It is incredible how mush better one feels when they have an early walk in the fresh morning air.

"Just for today I will strive to recognize the beauty within myself.
I will escape discouragement and replace it with virtue.
I will offer compassion and forgive my faults
I will bury self doubts
And plant seeds of optimism.
I will cast out bitterness and treasure purity
Today. . . . .
I will embrace every good thing
and surrender myself to God."  _  L. A. Neilson

I needed to read and take in these words today.

I have decided that no news is good news!  I have been waiting for news of my last test.

Both dad and I were a little tired and discouraged but today we are going to look for a new suit for dad to wear to Kim's reward dinner.  I got this idea as I was walking Haiti over to the park at the end of the day. 

LIFE

I do not expect to be happy all the time, but it has gotten beyond that somehow.  Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.-I will need them all.-Anne M. Lindbergh

Healing prayers for several in my family who also need strength and courage.

Monday morning-no need of sun screen so far.  Very cool
Sunday church and visiting.


Some of the message from church.  How could Jesus help them live victoriously when he has left them and has died.  Jesus had walked with them everywhere and every day was exciting.  They listened with the others who crowed around him to hear his teachings on how to live life in difficult situations and times.  Now his death has made cowards of them all hiding in darkness and fear,

Who would have thought that out of death could come a new courage, strength and wisdom to renew them spiritually and physically.  A new light dawns and new adventures await.

Now all I know is that there is an unseen energy that stirs us on from within and nourishes the life of compassion and quickens the mind and desires to bring comfort to others.

There is a fascination with the simple beauty of everyday.

Wonder is the experience of mystery.  Memories keep loved ones alive!

WONDER

The wind has blown most of the blossoms off our cherry trees and I walk on a path of blossoms when I go for my walk.  It also tries to blow me away.  It is a wonder my feet stay on the ground!

There are many other flowers, so colorful and happy.  They wave as the wind blows on them too.


Tiny buds of green are starting to show.  Growth is everywhere.
All these are signs of hope.

"When I feel threatened or believe myself to be a failure, give me the courage, Lord, to enter my still center, the place of buried treasure, and sunshine and beauty and solitude, where you are Lord, and where it no longer matters who approves of me or how successful I am, because You are there and in your Presence I rediscover the confidence to be me."
written by  -Angela Ashwin

Children help us see the world with new eyes of wonder.  We all have the ability to see and to explore all that is around us.  Children help us as they model learning with each new thing they are able to do.  Each new day is full of possibilities if I open myself to them.

I am thankful that I can go for walks and enjoy all that I see and breathe in the freshness of the air and the miracle of love and new hope.  I have learned to trust in all that I believe, not that I know for certain, but I put my faith in the love that has created and is still creating me and the world around me.

Faith can be defined as the ability to trust our beliefs, even without proof.  Victor Frankl, a survivor of a Nazi death camp, said that that the most important thing that keep a survivor alive was faith, and this would give our lives meaning beyond what we can see or understand.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."   Ecc. 3"11

Sad news from my  brother who phoned to say his wife's breast cancer has returned.  Traudl  has an appointment on Wed. to decide how to proceed.  He asked me to pray.   It is hard to pray for yourself or loved ones at these times so the prayers of others is important.

RADIANT ENERGY

Believe God watches over you
 and that he will sit beside you durung the long hours
 and bless you with whatever strength you need,
-Sharon Hudnelle

It is such a joy to see our children and grand children and the great grandchildren grow and develop their own personalities, gifts and strengths.  We had a delightful time at Carol's talking and laughing and eating and then going for a walk.  Dad was there too helping with some more of the electrical sockets.  One appeared unfixable to his knowledge anyway.

It is nice to know Sandra is back and busy doing all her activities like Pilate's and also her school work.  She seems to have shaken off most of the cold and cough.  Amazing!

I had felt a weight lifted off my shoulders when we read the medical report that all was normal aging.  I like to believe that even as we age  we are  precious and that no matter how our aging determines to take a hold of our minds and bodies that we can try to live a thankful and cheerful life for all that we have been given.

I have come to the conclusion that the most important element in human life is faith,  From faith, there radiates a energy that helps us to come to a new understanding of ourselves and all the world about us.

(The wisest people are those who unrelenting in their quests for answers, trustingly leave some of the answers in the hands of God who knows the whole.  -Rev. D. Turner)

It puts everything into spiritual focus. . . so that love and joy and happiness, sorrow and loss, become a part of a large picture that extends far beyond time and space -  Rose Kennedy

Time for church and once again I am like the white rabbit running around looking at my watch say: "I'm late,  I'm late
I'm very late.  Maybe I should stay home?

SPIRITUALLY AWAKE

Going to be another sunny day so will do a bit in the garden and maybe walk to Boundary Park.  All the trees are in blossom and the green leaves are bursting out too.  It seems over night.

Our little local pub called the Sun downer has closed.  So sad for the little old man with his cane who walks there every day for a beer.  He is going to try Brown’s Social House which is a noisy up-scale place.
So much building going on around here with Townhouses sprouting up like mushrooms seemingly over night.  Our new fence when we get it going will be the talk of the neighborhood.

One good thing about being awake early is it gives me time to pray and meditate since it is a quiet thing to do I can do it while others are sleeping.  Soon the noise starts outside with the garbage trucks making their stops, a chain saw cutting away and later the lawn movers will start up.  Time to go for my walk

We put an old dog bed outside for Haiti and the cutest thing was seeing a little bird one by one picking up dog hairs and flying away to put them in her nest.
  
There is now proof, because they can see what your brain is doing now, that prayer and meditation is good for your brain and probably your immune system.  Both need energy!

Thank you Tasha for your Easter prayer.

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for all the pain and suffering You endured on this day so many, many years ago.  I know that there will come a time I will be in heaven bowing at your feet thanking you for forgiveness. . .
I look up at the beautiful paintings made for us each day in the sky.
Thank you for saving me and everyone else.

Thank you for my life You live each day with me.
Your voice is in the sound of the birds,
Your kindness in the colours of the flowers,
Your warmth in the embrace of the sun
Your blessings pouring down in the rain
Your whisper of guidance in the wind
Your laughter in the thunder
Your energy in the lightning
Your love in the air I breathe
And I sit with your glowing comfort in the light of the moon!

I give thanks to You Our Father in Heaven for You (your love) and all the other miracles that have been gifted to me in my life!  That you for smiling Your Radiant smile upon me in the twinkle of the brightest star.
Thank You!  I love You! I am eternally grateful!  Amen

Leah arrived just as the results from the M.R.I. arrived and my brain is looking good so I guess I will continue to be the brains of the family! !  lol
Dad and Leah and I drove in to spend the day with Carol devouring fruit salad and banana bread. 
My favorite!

ACHIEVEMENTS

I am amazed at all the achievements  our family is making.
They are improving themselves and the world.

Congratulations to all:
Melina for being the best employee of the month.
 Tasha gets our vote for the best bus driver
Theresa for sacrificing her own plans to help Ben with his new challenges in soccer
Kim for her Eagle Spirit award.
Dad for doing some heavy lifting in the garden
Carol and Sandra for being the best grama's
Leah for her cheerfulness and perseverance in obtaining her goals
Michael John for his awards
And for each one of us who do the daily tasks that need to be done everyday, like Craig and Shawna and Stephen, and Oliver and Christopher, and Cameron and Shandel. 
For Rick and Ken and Pentali and Randy who work hard and are not always rewarded.
 For Craig and Mikie and Christopher for their hard work!

I almost forgot baby Madeline, our miracle baby, who was with for only a few short months.

Thank you for being my family.!  !  You are appreciated!

I would rather stay home and do a little work in the garden and have a nap but off to the Senior's home where Jim and others are so appreciative.  One lady was telling me she had to stay home from school at the age of 12 to look after 6 younger brothers and sisters.  Her mom had 12 children all together.  She was number 5.

Meanwhile dad had a big bike ride and he is now stopping off at Value Village on his way home.  He is filling in for Sandra.

The when Kim went to soccer dad and I took Haiti to the dog park for a run.  There were four adorable puppies for her to play with.

Hockey is on but dad wants to watch Calgary not Van. 

Now it is Friday morning and I am awake early!  Yuk!

MISTAKEN

It is funny reading the writer describing what she thinks she hears as –The Voice Within-calling her to be a nun.  Did that voice really say nun, or maybe it was run,or even fun meaning get some sun.  She has her doubts.

Now Paul on the other hand says that what he is writing to the Corinthians is the Lord’s command.  I can understand Paul’s concern about the noisy worship where people were speaking out of control and even in tongues.  Sure most of us, especially United Church people like an orderly, calm worship service.

Then he writes that women should be silent in the church.  Yes, our little group was not pleased about that although we realized he was a product of his time.
Where he to visit our church he would see that there are far more women attending and even preaching now a days.

I find it hard to know what voice to listen to in my head but I know that the one encouraging me is probably the right one.  I have at times taken risks in progressing in my walk of faith but have felt the benefit of doing this.
There is going to be a review that will be suggesting significant changes to the structure of our denomination, which will affect us all.  I hope that those who are proposing these changes are not mistaken in what they believe God is calling our church to become!

Can't believe it is Thursday all ready time to go visiting.

NUNS

Another sunny day today.  Tuesday

Neither dad nor I were feeling all that sunny because of pain in dad's feet and my legs were hurting.  We talked about shopping for a baby present but neither of us could do much walking.  So instead dad suggested a drive to White Rock and quiet meditation on a bench like two logs.

We parked near a store full of hats.  Dad bought me one and wants to go back when there are a bigger variety of summer hats for him.

Home in time for another hockey game which seem to be getting more exciting.

Along with my Bible study I an reading "And Then There Were Nuns" a funny true story. 

 Lots of good stories and insights to be gained in both.

The author Jane Christmas has always has a stirring in her soul to be a nun and is even feeling that the spirit is prompting her.  She is in her fifties has been married and divorced and is tired of the rat race of work so is  ready to take a risk fulfilling her dream that has never left her. So she decides to enter a Convent to see if she is nun material.  She also had become tired with the religion attitudes and upheavals.  She wants to experience the life as a nun.  She learned to listen in the silence, to enjoin others in long prayers and become part of a choir than sang chants.

First she joined at a Convent in Toronto, then on to the Isle of  Wight, to two different Convents.
then to a Cloistered Castle in England.  Like most things you get the most out of something when you put a lot into it.  With these words I realize I must start on my Bible study so I will get something out of it and hopefully be able to share with the others.
   
It is interesting as she goes to four different convents, all very different in style where many different characters pop up and surprise her and us readers too. 

NORMAL

Not quite sure what normal is.

Woke up looking at myself in the mirror wondering where  all the wrinkles came from.  The worst part is feeling old and tired. I guess this is my new normal so I had better get used to it. 

I like to have a good appearance but not become obsessed with weight or fashion.

No walk but a trip to the store to look at baby things but it was unsuccessful but dad did get a new mouse for his computer as it quit working.  We both seem lost without our computers.

Dad and I now have to become more aware of our diet and make an effort to eat healthy.

I could make more of an effort to shop and cook healthy food and some days are better than others.



Later in the afternoon I and Haiti went for a delightful walk at the Boundary Park, the baby ducks will soon be arriving and they are so cute, 

Meanwhile dad went to the store to find some new potions to put in his blender,  I say we need to get some tips from Kim and Randy. 

Today I have some fish to prepare so that is good.

Loved the pictures of Mary and her little family.  What a great time of life!