OLDER

Yes, we are all getting older and it is wonderful to have a shawl to put over my shoulders.  We all at times feel tired and exhausted but I am finding there is a new dimension of feeling that is defined as getting old.  I make foolish decisions at time and wonder later what was I thinking?  I fall asleep easily every time I start to read.  I cannot keep up to those who are younger than me.  I have to be careful going down those stairs especially in the morning when it is still dark.  My memory never the greatest is now getting worse. 
I think the most noticeable is the reality that I do not regain my strength and energy as quickly after I have had a busy day or two.  This is another area of where I am having to learn patience.

Thank God for paper and pencil to write things down.

I recognize that I am slower and yes dumber than I have ever been.  I am refusing to let it take away my enjoyment of life.  I love to walk and to laugh and to see beauty in my life.  I am also finding that I am willing to let go of some of the things I once believed because I am finding belief beyond dogma and ritual. 

This world needs compassion and peace that can tear down religous walls of pride and prejudice.  Some of the critical remarks made by atheists are based on the arrogance of fundmenalist beliefs.  I find that I can very angry when I am confronted with the judgmental attitude of some who call themselves Christians.

There is much I do not understand and although I do not condone certain behviors I am not the one who will judge them; because it is only what is in our hearts than matters.  Young people live together now and no one thinks too much about it.  We were very young when we got married and very imature in many ways of what married life demanded.  Saying "I do" was a risky step of committing ourselves to love one another above all others.  Over the years we are learning what this really means.

I have had a simple faith that rests in the promise of Jesus that says "I have come to give you abundant life."
I need the reassurance that I am loved even when I am totally unlovable.  Life can rob us of that confidence and make trusting is  a hard thing to do.  As a child we become an individual as we start saying "no".
We want to make our own decisions and choices in life even though we do not always know what we are getting involved in.  I continue to learn to love with forgiving grace that often has to begin with myself.

Jesus said,
"Believe in me" and in the quiet of my own heart I say yes and as I read his words there comes a presence that fills my soul with wonder and joy.  I experience the lifting of burdens and worries knowing the comfort of scripture and prayer and the acceptance of Jesus.  I know that to others faith can seem strange and risky but for me it has saved my marriage in times of brokenness and given me strength to live each day at a time.

At times I feel remarkable alive and my faith keeps me wanting to be young at heart even as I feel the aches and pains of growing older; and the impatience that I feel with myself when I find it hard to learn something new.  I was sure that I would never be able to write on a computer after years of writing in my journals but now I find it not only possible but enjoyable.

The body slows down but the spirit that sets me free allows me to soar to greater heights.
I am not happy with that sentence because words fail me. If you close your eyes then you can imagine all sorts of wonderful things.  We bless each other with our words and as the good book says "the word became flesh" which means to me Jesus is real,  human like me but with wisdom far beyond mine.  It is through the words of Jesus that I discover the love of God.  It is at the cross that I am reminded that love demands sacrifice and humility.