THE MISSING WEDNESDAY

I seem to have missed a day, but I am sure I did write this morning. I know I went back to correct the spelling and maybe it all disappeared. I think Sandra is trying to confuse me; saying I have no pictures when I do, and I have not writen when I have. At my mature age enything is possible and I have earned the right to be wrong, to be forgetfuf and even cranky! I grumble and mumble to myself a lot these days.

But anything is possibe and today has been a long day. Long but good. Dad and I went to the hospital to have the cortizone injections in his knees. He thought he could just sit down and wait after saying hi to the receptionist but he was suppose to register even with an appointment; so others were getting called in and we just sat and sat. The second time I suggested he go to the desk and see what was what he did finally do it. His name was further down the list after all the others but soon he was called in. The injections did not hurt and we are hopeful.

We got home in time for me to join Jane at the church for our silent prayer time. It was extremely cold and I had been cold all morning and it was hard to concentrate.
We went out for lunch with Jane and Geof and I finally started to warm up.

I am feeling confused but I know I was up at 5 feeling very very cold and had a little time with Jesus I think. Actually I think it is Tuesday that is missing.
Oh well to-morrow is another day!

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Lots of clouds this morning and it feels cold. Dad and I are off to get cortizone shots in his knees. This will make them more painful and we aare hopeful they will help. His cold is finally better so time does heal some things!


Storm Clouds are forming as darkness enters the thoughts and minds and the very souls of the pharisees and the sadducees; the priests and teachers of the law. Jesus had known what was in their hearts from the beginning; so he was not surprised that as he rode the donkey into Jerusalem he again upset the Pharisees. The crowds had love him and flocked to hear him because he taught like one with authority and not as their teachers of the law. Matthew 7:28 He taught by telling stories which stay with us more than lectures etc.

Jesus returned to his home town and read the scripture that he had come to bring to life claiming to be fulfilling prophecy and so shocking his hearers,and in their outraged they had evicted him from his synagogue in his home town. Their anger so great they tried to throw him down a cliff. Luke 4:16.

It is so easy to get wrong ideas in our heads and taken to a great extreme this can lead to paranoia. The teachers of the law, the pharisees, were not in tune with the message of Jesus and felt threatened by his teachings. Jesus said that no matter what tune he played, they would respond like children unwilling to join in;
whether it was a mournful song or a wedding dance they criticized him. This is in Matthew 11:7.

Jesus tried to prepare his disciples that he would have to suffer and die but they may have thought this was just another parable and they did not understand it. Jesus had entered Jerusalem as a king and he had over-turned the tables in the temple, where they were selling the sacrifices and making a profit by cheating people. It had become a place of commerce instead of a house of prayer where all were welcome.

Jesus was warning they would have to let go of the outward show that is religion and see their need of a relationship based on trust not on who is right or wrong. The Universe sings a song for us to sing along with and Jesus continually said let them with ears hear. If we are always busy and preoccupied we are deaf to the magic and the rythem.


I got these ideas from my book of the Aramaic equivalant of English words
such as evil which means out of rhythem or not ready.
Then the word for sin: error, failure, frustrated hopes, what misses the mark, figurately tnagled threads. [I think a discord is a good word meaning to miss the beat or the note.] I think we all at times catch a sound and respond in side our souls.

I just discovered that I was not using the spell checker right and it did not automatically change the spelling but that I would have to retype it. This is a sour note to end on.

BELIEVING PRAYER

JESUS IS BIGGER THAN ANY RELIGION THAT WE TRY TO FIT HIM INTO.


What was the most important teaching that Jesus taught. I think the teaching on prayer that he shared with his disciples was meant to speak to us and encourage us all to learn how to pray for ourselves and for each other. We are praying to the One who says "Before you were formed in the womb, I knew you." Jeremiah 15
I WAS!
God is, God is in the moment.
God moves, God moves in mysterious ways.
God is energy, the energy of love and joy.
God is wisdom, the source of all intelligence.
God is within, one with us all.


Jesus was and is and will always be controversal. He stirs up the complancent!


Jesus prayed Jesus laughed, Jesus listened, Jesus wept, Jesus told stories
and Jesus gave us a prayer; revealing to us all that prayer meant. Prayer is praising and lifting the spirit to higher thoughs and inviting the spirit to work within our lives and in our relationships. Prayer is a refuge where we discover who we are and the blessing of forgiveness and mercy. We forgive others as we see our need of forgiveness. Thoughtless words and thoughtless deeds haunt us all.

Some one came to me once to ask forgiveness and I put my hands up to say it was okay but he took my hands and put them together as the praying hands in the picture and cuped his hands around mine. No words were necessary.

THE THREE ROUTES

There are three basic routes I can take as I head out my door for my morning walk and they vary in length and challenge. At our church we have been going through a process of deciding what route the church should take. We have three choices; join with another church, stay just as we are, or liven up our services. I attended two Saturday mornings and two Sunday mornings and my little group came up with some great ideas for different worship experiences. Yesterday I read I would not be able to vote because I am not a full member; but the hilarious part is that I probably have been attending far more lately than some so called members; and I have been very involved over the past years. I have given money and support in many ways. So we will be voting in April on these choices and I am well aware of the impractical views that a group of us presented and I was not surprised to hear that as it has already been discussed by the committee it has no hope at all of being chosen. I am not surprised but as far as the voting goes that should have been said up-front. I will not attend the final discussion group before the voting. Why bother? I laughed when I read that I would not be allowed to vote. Some one who has not attended any groups can vote? My friend was extremely upset about the whole thing but I know I should not be surprised politics are a part of church life!

Jesus and I will just hang out together both outside.

HIDDEN

The brightness of the sun almost blinds us; as it is slowly disappearing. The darkness desends and with it comes the beauty that was hidden; the stars and the moon but also the hidden night sounds around us seem to come alive.

This week for me is a time to study and search for deeper meaning in the words of Jesus. Jesus spoke in a middle Eastern language that changes the meaning of some words as we translate them. For example "Every good tree bringeth forth good fruit, but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit." {Matthew 7:17} How can a tree be evil one asks? Aramaic ears would hear ripe for good and unripe for the word corrupt. So" instead of imposing an external standard of goodness, the lesson has to do with time and place, setting and cirsumstance, health and disease." In the introduction of the book "The Hidden Gospel" we find Hebrew interpretation allows for more discusion and freedom to explore the words to produce thoughts of contemplation, devotion and spiritual practice. The Hewish scholars call this Midrash a type of spiritual-interpretation that uses the possible meaning of the words in an attempt to make a scriptural passage or a saying of a holy person into a living experience that can meet the challenges of the present. Consider the possibility of many multiple meanings. We bring to anything we are studying our own preconceived ideas and this holds true whether the person is an ignostic academic or a fundamentalist Christian.

I believe that the words and teachings of Jesus contain truth that may seem hidden but in reality they may be too honest and too strong but the truth often is.

NO TURNING BACK

Even at the beginning of his teaching ministry Jesus lived like a man who knew from the moment he started their would be no turning back. He was passionate about what he believed and he was doing this out of his love for God, who he called father, and his love for people who he considered his brothers and sisters. His own family would become upset about what he was saying and doing. Was he crazy? His mother realized that he was putting his life in danger and she tried to stop him.

Jesus was saying more and more outrageous things that were especially upsetting the leaders of the church, the rich fat cats who lived with little concern for the poor and vulmerable. The time was coming when Jesus who must be very stressed out and weary from teaching and healing the crowds that followed him; knew his death was near. He was charismatic and drew attention where ever he went. We look this man and we looked at his relationships to discover what he was really like. He had a group of men whom he called disciples and he had a group of women totally devoted to him; they all saw him as a hero. He had good friends who he could stay with after giving up a life of comfort and a home of his own. He was fun to be with and although he said some strange things they were often ignored by those who wanted him to free them from tryany. He had offended the leaders of the church by his interpretation of ancient scripture. He taught by telling simple stories that everyone could relate to; and yet he cut to the heart of the way sinfulness was destroying their lives.

Love your neighbor as yourself and then you will do unto others as you would have done unto you. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life. Build your life on a solid foundation that even when the storms of life come you will be strong. He praise those of faith even when they were like the centurion a man of a different faith; and he expressed his disappointment when his own disciples had little faith. Why are you afraid?

THE VISIT

Stopping by Sandra and Randy's house for a visit we found no one home but the doggies, who are always glad to see us, even shut away in their kennel. We enjoyed the garden which Sandra works so hard to create beauty and a safe place for the birds to come to feed, bees to fly from flower to flower, and maybe even a stray lady bug.

During this week that is called Holy Week I will be visiting my faith as writen about in the scriptures. At church this morning we had a closer look at Palm Sunday and where we would put ourselves in the crowds who thronged to see Jesus coming to Jerusalum on a donkey. No one had any idea of what lay ahead and yet for this moment in time all felt the thrill of victory that their deliverer had come at last.

I have tried to make the forty days of lent more a time of prayer and some days I have achieved a small degree of the mystical as I have tried to be a listener to the voice within, closer than my breathing or the beating of my heart. Mostly I have sensed a deeper longing for more life of the spirit. You are welcome to visit with me if you want. Comments are always welcome and I hope at least my pictures will speak to your hearts as they have mine.

LUKEWARM SUNSHINE

The sun did shine but very weakly so that it did not warm up the air very much. Dad is happy watching curling but all the shouting gets to me; but it is good he is happy. The sore thorat has now turned to a very runny nose but at least we know this is something that can get better with rest and time. I am feeling very tired and impatient and could not walk as far as I planned. Did have my pie and ice cream and can feel myself getting fat. lol

I had to take my library books back it seems some one else wants one of them. I had no inspirational thoughts or experiences just a gentle dull short of a day. Even with a nap I fell asleep as we switched back and forth from the hockey to Midsummer Murder. When dad turned off the T.V. I mumbled did the Cannucks win? The Canadian girls did not do well in the curling and it was sad to see how disappointed they were in themselves. Watched a T.V.pecial on a man dieing of cancer unable to get the medicine that may have helped. He wanted to live for his family, his two adorable little girls and his wife. He took them to Disney land while he had the strength to do it.

"Blue Like Jazz" starts out with the writers dad deserting him and his brother at an early age. He went to a wealthy church where all the other families seemed so much better than his. He fell in love with the daughter of a bank president who did not even know he existed. He would ride his bike around the grand homes in his neighborhood and imagine living in them; just like I use to do. I am more attracted to quaint than big and fancy. Years ago I was a part of a Bible study group that meant in Oakridge and we would go to different homes to eat our bagged lunch. They were older homes but they had lots of secret cupboards and cozy window seats perfect for dreaming away the hours. I wish it had been warm enough to sit out on our porch yesterday but the wind was cool and maybe I should have taken my blanket with me and put on my mitts and enjoyed being out in the fresh air.

The young fellow in my book has lots of questions but in the end decides an impersonal God served him just fine because he felt he had no need of God any way. When he gets older and has purchased a cheap gift for his mom for Christmas after having spent the money on gifts for himself he finds himself very unhappy the night before Christmas morning. Becoming aware of the happiness or unhappiness we can bring another is a spiritual awakening. But first he felt the heavy load of guilt and shame and he needed a real God, "a living, feeling God, to stop the pain."

THE ESCAPE

It was a cold and windy day when I took this picture at a Ladner Dock. It was quiet and the only activity was a man in a wet suit getting ready to go out in his Kyack. He was looking forward to the freedom of being out on the water and using his skills to navigate.
PASSOVER.
Passover is a Jewish tradition which is a celebration and a meditation on freedom. Like so many celebrations they have a story to help us remember and to relive the past. This story tells of an enslaved nation finding courage to leave behind what they knew and journey a difficult and dangerous path to freedom. The symbols of the seder table include bitter herbs to remind guests of the bitterness of slavery, a mixture of nuts and wine called charoset to represent the motar the slaves used in their forced labour, salt water for their tears, and a lamb bone to acknowledge the blood the Isrealites swabbed over their doorways so that the angel of death would pass over their homes as the final plague would devastate their captors. The innocent suffer in the hands of controlling evil that refuses to give up their power. They took with them the unleavened bread that had no time to rise.

The passover has become a part of the Christian story as we use words like the lamb of God and the cup of suffering and the bread of humility. To-morrow is a day when we remember the ride of Jesus into Jerusalum riding on the donkey while crowds shout hossanna to the one who they want to be king and to free them from being a nation under the rule of a more powerful nation. They shouted for joy in the hope that this man would lead them into victory. Their hopes would be dashed upon a cross that held their bloody savior, innocent but condemed to die. His death made his life a reality of spiritual truth that can never die.
We all have our personal challenges to face and find hope that we can embrace and live by.

"You don't have to be Jewish to appreciate Passover's message."
The Vancouver Sun editoral.

SECRET TREASURES

This old chest, that I move from place to place, holds my journals written in the books that Rick gave to me. I have lost my special pen but I enjoyed using it. I am writing because now I do not want to lose my thoughts that are like hidden treasures in my mind. There is always a part of us that we hope will live on.
How does one explain love? We know it when we allow ourselves to feel it and we treasure all it means deep in our hearts. Inspiration comes from all around us and yet it also grows within us. A secret treasure like a piece of eternity that we long to express and share. We long for words to express the unexpressable, unknowable reality that is slowly breaking in deep within becoming a part of who we are. There is a joy that comes alive in small moments of awe and worship.

Our destiny writen in the stars but being revealed to us in daily tasks and in earthly friendships. Yesterday, I walked with Cathy and Cindy knowing that Cindy wants to talk with us but finds it so hard because she does not know English. She has not been well and she is very anxious about her health. Walking in the Watershed Park breathes new life into her and she takes hold of me when we come to muddy slippery parts to make sure I do not fall. She has lost the joy her garden gave to her but her eyes come alive as we find new growth in the forest. She misses her daughter who is studying back east and she longs for her to come home.

Cathy longs for Jeff to become more like his old self that illness seems to have robbed him of his true personality and his ability to think and to do. So much in life we take forgranted, just the simple things that can so easily be forgotten when we are too tired to think or to care.

Treasure this day for the gifts it will bring to you, gifts of beauty and love!

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

We need the rain but I of little faith was watering early in the morning before the clouds took over the job for me. We can expect several days of rain. Cathy knocked on the door last night, when I was in the bath, asking if I wanted to go for a walk in the morning with her and my other neighbor Cindy. The plan is to go to the water shed park where none of us would go alone. I will take my camera along if the rain does not dampen our enthusiasum; and change our plans.

Religion, that irrational and unsecientific and emotional energy, in this modern age has become a bad word as all the ugliness is being exposed. I believe that religion, still is good when it is pure and simple, like offering a cup of cold water to a thirsty soul. "Religion persists because the wiring of the brain continues to offer believers a wide range of unitary experiences."

We are praying for parents of two adopted children now grown up who have become abusive to their parents and have left home and are now into drugs and drinking. These loving people are carrying a burden of sorrow no words of comfort can ease.
As parents we often have wondered where did I go wrong but children develope minds of their own and make their own choices in life. We cannot stop them from failing and stumbling because they have to do their own learning and growing.

MORNING BY MORNING!

Took a short walk with dad over to get his hearing checked, which is not too bad. Grabbed my camera as we headed out the door. This is the tree in bloom near the hearing place.

Saying lots of little prayers for dad as I am worried about his walking. Prayer is the heart of who I am. I think about the beginning of time and how there was a longing to communicate with the gods of nature, who sent the rain and the storms and the sunshine and the warmth. They listened to the sounds of nature, like the sound of the birds and the croak of the frog and they wanted to make noises too. They wanted to communicate with each other and share the stories they were creating in their immaginations.

Maybe they began chanting or even shouting to try to reach the god of the sky and earth. Everyday the light would vanish and the darkness changed their world and they could see the brightness of the stars and moon. Did they hope and dream that the light would return and was this the beginning of prayer.

Prayer has always seem natural to me; not something i had to do to make God happy or even to make myself better, it was more sharing my dreams and my hopes.

Prayer is like planting a seed in the ground and then letting the rain water it and the warmth of the sun awaken it and new life appears. A child finds it hard to wait for the seed to grow and is tempted to dig it up but as adults we have learned that many things in life take time and patience.

I was a good child and yet I got spankings because I did careless and thoughtless things. When I felt mean and angry then I knew it was wrong. Originally a 'sinner' was one who missed the mark and I realized that everyone failed at times and that to forgive and to be forgiven was to keep the image of God beautiful within us all!

MYSTICISM

No I am not sleeping in and was up at 5 this morning. Sometimes I put the picture on in the evenning amd write a bit if the hockey game is on and I am trying to stay awake.But yes morning is the best time for me to write. Dad is not feeling good at all, his legs very weak and now his throat is sore. He has his acupuncture this morning but it will depend on how he is when he wakes up. He is discouraged.

We are studying Relvelations in our Bible study group at Gracepoint. I am having a hard time. John, a pastor, is also a poet, fond of metaphor and symbol, image and illusion, passionate in his desire to bring us into the presence of Jesus. Revelations meaning that which was previously hidden or unknown. John the author seems to be having a mystical experience in which his first experience was one of fear. Now a days we may call this an delusional disorder with unusual thoughts and behaviors. I am reading about the scientific knowledge of mystical experiences.

Through the ages there have been many great mystics in all different religions but although they may first experience fear they then describe their experience as estatic and joyful. A mystic may long to experience this altered state because they feel closer to the presence of God.

"Karen Armstrong in her book A HISTORY OF GOD explains the goal of a Greek mystic was to gain freedom from distraction and multiplicity. By systematically weaninging their minds away from their passions__such as pride, greed, sadness or anger__hesychiasts would transcend themselves and become deified like Jesus, transfigured by divine energies."

Humans, us ordinary people, "are natural mystics blessed with an inborn genius for effortless self-transcendence. Beautiful music, awe inspiring mountain views, the wonder and awe as we gaze at a new-born baby fill us with joy that lifts us out of the everyday drugery.

We all like to soak in the bathtub, maybe with candle light and music and feel the tension in our body slowly leave; a state of calm and serenity. Reading a poem, being lost in a book or movie, rocking a baby or praying or even for long distance runners and crowds cheering on a sport; the fast or the slow has the ability to drive the brain to an altered state of consciousness. A new awareness of the beauty that surrounds us and the love that fills the emptiness. We can choose to enter into a deeper mystical state through meditation and prayer and worship. In our dreams at night we allow ourselves to go deeper into a world of fantasy.

"What we do suggest in our scientific research is that there is support for the possibility that a mind can exist without an ego. We have the ability to experience spirituality that awakens us to the reality of who we really are, children of heaven and earth, of spirit and matter,of imagination and rational thought. Instead we allow the rational mind to dominate us and govern our belief systems.

Behold Jesus says I stand at the door and knock and desire to taste the goodness of life with you.

MORNING PRAYER TIME

Jane and I will be spending an hour in silent prayer again this morning. I look at this picture and I have many good memories. I think of when Oliver and Kimberly where baby Jesus at Christmas Eve. Service. I think of all the times I have sang or said the Lord'prayer there together with so many dear friends. I believe that this simple prayer really expresses the heart of the gospels; and although there are many different denominations that range from liberal to fundamentalist we all have this prayer in commom. A universal prayer that is also eternal.

"Using this prayer regularly as a spiritual practice creates real and lasting change at the soul level, change which becomes manifest in very earthly, visible ways." Change is hard for most of us, well I know it is for me. We left our little Colebrook Church at a time when i was feeling very empty and burnt out. I think that it is very important to give back the love that one is given but I found that I was having doubts about Christianity and what I was being taught. One church will never meet my deepest needs; one of these is to keep learning.

"Every question is a good question that leads to the truth." Rumpole of the Baily.

DOWN TO EARTH

Dad is watching the hockey game with his feet in his noisy soak er tub so I came upstairs to write a few words. I am sitting at the computer looking at the picture of Mary and Michael John and who should phone but Mary needing some help on making play dough. She did everything right so I said just wait awhile and maybe it would feel right.


today I walked down to Chapters to get a book "Blue Like Jazz" which Gracelyn recommended when she and her boyfriend came over for a visit. We like him a lot.
Then Ava came over with the baby Yuri to pick them up. He was very fussy and we all took turns walking and rocking him. I was getting tired as it was getting late but after feeding him and tieing our old rocking chair on the back of the truck they sped off into the night.

In the morning we drive into town at 8:30 for dad's eye exams. It takes about two hours but I will take my mystery book along and maybe even finesh it.. We will stop to eat on the way home so that is always a treat. I actually made shepherds pie for him tonight and we both had pie and ice-cream. I dug out a few weeds as a part of my "down to earth" day!

CONNECTED

Strength comes when our faith is connected to the earth, to the sky, to the rythem of all of life.
I was extremely happy to enter into the joyous worship at Gracepoint Church; to feel free to express not only my joy but to express my exhaustion. in raising my hands and letting go of all the emotions that make up who I am. In the morning Sun Paper it says "Celebrate your exhaustion" and I think that was what Jesus was saying in the be-attitudes. Celebrate your individual strengths that have created who you are and what you have achieved. Mytholgy has given us stories and the words of Jesus that for me have spelled out a powerful basis for faith. "The neurobiology of ritual, however, turn these ideas into felt experiences, into mind-body. sensory cognitive events that "prove" their reality." No one needs to tell me that worship stirs up the deepest emotions whether it is in slient prayer or joyful singing.

I find a lot of intellectual talk wearysome and very negative. Worship brings alive the spiritual stories into spiritual experiences. Turning something you believe into something you can feel. I felt like jumping up and down at church just like excited by-standers at the Olimpics because I felt an excitment that had been draining away from me.

Celebrate your passions and let others celebrate theirs. Yes the brain has a prefrontal cortex responsible for focusing attention, generating a sense of will, and mediatine emotions. Most people get drunk with wine to free them selves of inhibitions but I will get drunk on the Holy Spirit. I know that others may watch with scorn and disbelief but that is there problem not mine.

RITUALS

Yesterday the spring like weather brought out a lot of our neighbors to garden or to wash their cars and walk their dogs. We all wanted to be outside and to forget about laundry or cleaning or cooking that needed to be done.

"Anthropologists have long understood that the rituals of early human society performed an important survival function by fostering, among a given clan or tribe, a sense of specialness and common destiny. Through the powers of ritual, clan members were constantly remimded that they were the people favoured by the particular deity they worshiped, and that they were in some sense, chosen."

Rituals and family traditions bring us together whether it is for a holiday or a birthday celebration, a sporting event, a convention political or busness related.
We come together to immerse ourselves in something greater than our individual experience.

Buddhisum is a bit different as the aim of meditative rituals is to encounter the ultimate oneness of everything by defeating the limiting sense of self generated by the ego.

Music can be the uplifting sound of an organ that fills a church, or the beating of the drums or a simple guitar but music has soul power with it's rhythmic beat. We love to sing joyously and as we listen to the sounds outside our windows we hear nature calling as birds chirp and bees buzz etc. The ocean waves have a rythem as they crash somethings gently and other times with great energy upon the shore.

We have rituals about how we greet one another, a nod and a smile, a handshake, a hug or the exchanging of gifts, are a few. Other traditions may include bowing or hands placed together as if offering a prayer or a simple high five that all the children know. Animals have their courting rituals that they seem to be born knowing.

"Our rituals are about something; they tell stories that can react the past,or meet specific cultural needs or remind us of our potential, and these stories give them power and meaning." We can feel the emotion that comes but the brain is also responding and processing as has been noted with a drop in blood pressure and the creation of positive changes in the immune system etc. etc.

Rituals like washing your car, or gardening or even shopping have the ability to make us feel better. In the sense the ritual of gathering togther at church is to help us neurologically as we hear stories that have the power to bring us closer to a divine being. I forget what I was advised to call God but whether He is the ground of our being or the source from which all life flows we are ALL looking for a way to return.

UNBELIEVEABLE!

I could not believe it when I told Peanut or was it Lucy to go lie on her bed and she did! Is this quiet inocent dog the same one that is digging holes and chasing the children in the neighborhood thinking it is a game.

I could not believe where all the ice-cream had gone when I finally had some pie to eat it with.

I cannot believe that Easter is only a few weeks away. I certainly would not have any trouble going to a sun-rise service which is an amazing and exhilerating experience. A small group of people joining together in thankful worship that each day is a new day and a chance of new beginnings.

I cannot believe I have read four chapters of "Brian Science and the Biology of Belief. I have learned all about the different parts of the brain and that we now have greater power to discover what happens in the brain in different areas in response to different experiences and emotions. Our minds want to solve problems and in ancient times myths were a mixture of reality with the immagination or metaphorical images.

A cave man comes across the dead body of his friend and he cannot understand why he died. Killing an animal was part of life but now he is faced with the loss of a much loved friend. Will he see him again? Where has the spirit of life gone? He builds a fire and sits by it to ponder and to struggle to believe. He sits there so deep in thought the fire dies down and only a few cold embers remain and a wisp of smoke rises to the heavens. He has a transforming moment of insight where his great fear is replaced by a rush of ectasy and awe. This is now called an "Eureka Response". "He feels that he has discovered a primal truth. It is more than an idea, it is a belief he has experienced in the deepest reaches of his mind. That personal myth becomes a commununal myth when it is shared with others who find meaning and power in the resolution it provides."

Belief must go deeper than rational thought and even deeper than our emotional response to life. We find many ancient stories or myths have similar themes. Why are the myths of all world cultures so strikingly, consistenly similar?

NEW LIFE

Signs of new life are all around us and the days are a mixture of sun and rain. We know we need both. Life challenges us to come alive to the present moment. Inspiration comes in many ways; seeing the sunrise,spending time in a quiet church, a few words with a friend, reading scripture and saying our prayers together in silence. New life brings new hope that in the days ahead there will be times of joy.

Joy comes as the spirit of God touches our hearts in surprising and simple ways. Joy gives us the energy to carry on through the dull days and doing the same tasks over and over again.

"There are joys which long to be ours. God sends ten thousand truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away."
Henry Ward Beecher.

Today I will take a few small flowers to the Nursing Home and I will be touched by the gracious spirit and cheerfulness of the dear people who sit and wait. I like to leave them something if I can. They seem all to relate to my simple life and we always share a smile or even a laugh.

Now after my prayer time this morning I am reading about brain science and the biology of belief; which will give me time to reflect on my way. It is a joy to walk among the flowering trees and breath in the freshness of a spring morning.

THE SHADOWS

The light creates shadows and Jesus is my light. No I have not lost my passionate faith in Jesus or in God or in the Holy Spirit. I live in a world of shadows with everyone else. In fact I am but a shadow longing for light.

I have fineshed the book "Fleeing Fundamentalism" by Carlene Cross a minister's wife
Actually she flees from an unhealthly marriage, an abusive, male dominated church, a judgmental religion based on harch scripture because it robs her of her faith as she discovers hypocricy and faksehood. There was no emotional support and no freedom. She felt betrayed by her abusive husband who becomes an alcololic just like his father.

I have experienced the wried part of religion that goes to the extreme of being emotional under the influence of the holy Spirit. People came who had been abused by the church and were very wounded and broken hearted. I was one that needed healing prayer and words of phrophetic encouragement.

"Fundamentalism gone berserk turns into an inhuman apocalyptic darkly controlling force that reshuffles common sense." Carlene Cross

INQUIRING MINDS

This old barn has been completely torn down and a new building is in it's place. Everywhere we drive now we see so many new places being built and wonder how the roads are going to hold all the cars. As we drove back from Ladner we heard on the radio there were four accidents. It was cold and windy at the dock in Ladner where dad went to take pictures to put on his blog. I took some too.

A stomack upset had cancelled my plans to go to the Nursing home; probably I had one two many prunes this morning.

I have several books to read that need to be returned to the library and one is on science and religion.
I am trying to keep my mind open to the possibilities that even in the chaos of life there is within each of us a desire to know more. I admire this is my children and even if they are not willing to embrace religion as it is now; that as it changes they may see the beauty of it's potential.

Even this old building had beauty in it's day and I am so thankful that each new day offers us new opportunities to keep asking questions because sometimes it is hard to know what to think.

CHANGING TIMES

Here I am up early again so my sleeping in to 7 did not last but was good while it did. Maybe I just like the dark but whatever causes me to be wide awake here I am again. I look out at the garden full of dark shadows but curiously beautiful.

Some changes do not last and some are an ongoing process. I think back to when I was a young married woman, busy with home and family, but wanting to learn more about the Bible. I joined a Baptist ladies group who were much more fundamental than my United Church. I was young and full of faith and wanting to learn more about the Bible; but I suppose I was naive.

I have found out since that scripture can be used to support points of views that actually cause division as we try to apply cultural standards of two thousand years ago to today. Even when Christianity was first being created as a religion there were many different opinions.

Scripture has been used to justify acts of imperial conquests, torture and coercion; it has been used to persecute the Jews and condem people as witches, and even today we condem others who are different or choose a different life style.

It is laughable to say to women today you must wear a hat to church as an act of submission to your husband; who you are meant to serve and obey.

Religion can be an intellectual reality but for me I find that that creates an emotional distance between me amd God.

Jesus turned the water into wine well aware that this was easier than changing people. I do not like change but I am finding it is the gateway to grace!


The sacred invites us to go deeper into our own inner darkness.

LISTENING PRAYER

Prayer a sigh of the soul's desire.

We begin by listening and waiting in a silent space. We want to overcome the barriers that lie within us all. Unanswered prayer can lead to doubt and despair but if we are willing to set aside our adjenda and listen to the inner rhythm that stirs within our deepest longings. Our unconscious so real during the night in our dreams can now be awakened to guide us in our prayers.

Our prayer includes confession and the awareness of forgiveness, thankfulness for a new day, awareness of the abundance and goodness of life that produces generosity and joyful faith.

"A child asks: "What must it be like to be someone else? What will I be when I grow up?"

An adult asks: Who am I? What has given my life meaning and continues to make it meaningful?

PATTERNS

I love the colours of this pattern on the ice.

We may not see it but our lives are being woven together as a beautiful pattern. As children we did so many fun things; playing all sorts of games, doing thinds with our friends, learning at school and learning our place in the family. Then there was leaving home and the colourful days of childhood behind us and learning to face hard times of little money and the worry and joy that children bring into your life.

Through it all we develeope habits that become woven into who we are. Life will continue to present us with difficult lessons over and over again as we struggle to become mature and free ourselves of unhealthy patterns. I am happy right now to be sleeping in till 7 o'clock and hope it can become a habit.

BEAMS OF LOVE

We are put on earth a little space that we might learn to bear the beams of love. -William Blake
Looking back I value the love of my parents more now than I did at the time. Love consists of so many different feelings and yet we seem to be aware of the need to be loved at an early age. We have to learn that we are separtate from our parents and that discipline is a form of love. Love certainly is action and knowing and appreciation but it cannot be defined. We are motivated by a deep force that hungers to be loved and to love. LOVING MEMORIES LIVE ON
I find that when I look at young children tears often come into my eyes. Seeing Melina and Kenny, Matthew and Jasmine on the computer screen gives us great joy but also the longing to be right there with them.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon having tea with Shirley and we laughed together as we shared some early childhood memories. Earlier I had a short visit with Chris and Belinda and Shirley and I dropped off a goodie basket for Chris. He gave me a hug then he and Belinda were off to Metro town. I FELT LOVED ALL DAY!

Today after I attend an early meeting at the church I will rush home to see Theresa, Ben and Morgan be fore Carol takes them home to her place.

We are invited to grow in our capacity of love, even though we may not always understand the deep feelings that come alive in our hearts, and to also bear the disappointments that we have to learn how to endure and allow love to be reborn as a deeper passion that enlarges our hearts.

"Love is the life of our heart. According to it, we desire, rejoice, hope and despair, fear, take heart, hate avoid things, feel sad, grow angry and exult."
Francis De Sales.

Love is a Holy Energy that has filled the earth from the moment of Creation and continues to create and multiply. Love is greater than our experiences even as God is greater than any solid images we may try to hold on to. We may be surprised by the beauty of the sun on the water, or the first flowers pushing up out of the dirt and opening into flowers, or the sound of music that awakens the soul to a deeper appreciation of all of life.

A little boy on seeing the snowfall a few days ago said: "I think God got his seasons mixed up." God and love have two things in common they are full of surprises!

THE ARMOUR

Life can seem a battle at times especially as we fight the tiredness that can come upon body and soul. Our daily lives are filled with tasks that demand doing and redoing. We may feel stuck in the circumstances of our lives at this moment but if we can say to ourselves okay in a years time will it be different. Life is not perfect but everyday gives us a chance to express love in some small way. Why am I hear? What can I learn from my situation? The armour mentioned in the Bible consists of truth, righteousness, peace, and faith that allows the grace and blessing of the spirit to flow into the tiredness.

"I don't know Who-or-What-put the question. I don't know when it was put. I don't even remember answering. But at some moment I did answer Yes to Someone-or Something-and from that hour I was certain that existence is meaningful and that, therefore, my life, in self-surrender, had a goal." Dag Hammarskjold, United Secretary General and Nobel Peace Laureate wrote these words in 1961.

Saying yes is only the beginning because life will demand more of us than we think we have the energy to do; yet we keep on. Some problems are small and will eventually sort themselves out but others are tragic and may seem unbearable. As we get older we attend more funerals than weddings but both have the potential to remind us to love each other. Righteousness means kindness and generosity and compassion all expressions of love and faith.

Tiredness reminds us to listen to our bodies and to get short rests!

FREEDOM

"Freedom is the Eagle's gift to humanity."
Carlos Eastaneda

External pressures and internal struggles must not keep us bound by time and place. We can be free if we choose to be loving and giving and full of thanksgiving.

"All our choices reflect an economy of passion: how we decide to invest ourselves in what we care about. Large and small, we make thousands of such choices every day."

-The Awakened Heart byGerald G. May, M.D.

We have been studying Esther in our Wed. afternoon Bible study [where we also bring food to donate to the food bank] and she has to risk her life and her secure position with the King to confess that she is a Jew and now wants to save her people from the evil plots of Haman the second in command to the King. She won the King's favor by her beauty but now will need to have a plan, to plot and scheme to free her people from destruction. They are already in captivity but now their lives are in danger.

Esther is told "And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this".

I think of our Governor-General Michaele John as a person of integrity, beauty and strength who has been chosen to be where she is for "such a time as this". In returniing to Jacmel Haiti where she was born and raised until she was 11; her family fled from the brutal regime of "Papa Doc" Duvalien. She takes a detour from the planned route to walk among the town's bustling street market arm in arm with her cousins and friends. She is deeply moved as she embraces her late-godmothers daughter and cups her hands around her face. Even though she is told of all the problems rebuilding and restoring she said: "I can feel the strength of the people."

Families joining other families to work together to rebuild and work for peace are the real power and strength in this country where there has been so much corruption and evil.

"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God"

Sons are not a gender but a position and women are also sons of God in His eyes.

"All our choices reflect an economy of passion:

how we decide to invest ourselves in what we care about." The Awakened Heart

P.S. Google tells me I can describe to Jewish History and learn a little each week at www.myjewishlearning.com/History.

IT"S A MYTH

"You old people have nothing to do"

Everyday I have a list of things that I need to do and an even longer list for dad!

Granted everything, and I do mean everything, we do takes longer because we are moving slower. We have time to go out for lunch and enjoy the drive into town to the Sylvia or just to a place near by. We try to keep up with who is having a birthday but we may forget. That is another thing that is hard knowing you have forgotten something but you cannot think what it is. Yes, we really need to write things down and then remember where we wrote it. We have phone calls to make, letters to write, books to read as well as laundry and house-work and gardening. We may fall asleep on the couch when we get warm and comfy but just wake us up with a loud voice because our hearing is not as good as it use to be. We still like to give our opinions about the world and what is wrong with it. Just reminds us when we tell the same things over and over again and we will do the same for you.

Us older folks are active trying to keep the church alive so that it can be a place of community and spiritual life for many years to come. We also have to keep working on keeping healthy which means getting exercise and going to doctors etc. We have our favorite T.V. shows and get very excited watching a good old hockey game. Today I took out the big bag of compost and the wind blew so hard the whole bag when tumbling down the street sending weeds and rose clippings and branches all down the street. I package it all up after I collected it all but now I look out and see the bag is not there so it must be the wrong day. I still do my volunteer work at the nursing Home and attend three Bible study groups and try to visit shut in friends and neighbors.

I do most of the worrying and all of the praying. Dad saves his prayer requests for the "really big problems" where I share all my daily concerns with a Big God! ! !

You have to make your plans with us early or we just may be too busy to come!

But on the otherhand there is always some truth in a Myth!

GOOD FEELINGS

The day began with rain turning to snow on my garden angel!

It was good to have a visit with Cameron at his mom's place. She had made a very special dinner for him but since he was late coming back from the Island we had already eaten but he did have room for Pineapple up-side down cake.

We were all happy but tired. Sandra from a busy day at work, Dad from working on his in-come tax, Cameron from doing two moves and me from being at the church twice that day. We just relaxed and found out a few interesting things about Cameron's life and his new girl-friend. It is strange how people can come back into your life after many years as he knew this girl from school days.

Dad will be having his acupuncture today and it may be helping. Carol and Sandra are looking for better health by going to naturalists. I hope that in the future doctors will combine a little more natural medicine and herbal tonics not just pain pills. We all have decided we have to take responsibility for our own health and keep informed.

LOST?

Life is a long road and it is easy for any of us to get lost. I sometimes say to dad I think you are going in the wrong direction and he is not but I feel lost.

Why do you think I think you are lost? Why are you sceptical? Why have you changed? Why an I giving the impression I think of others as lost souls? This is the danger of words and I think maybe that is why churches have rituals and sacred symbol's. I come into the church feeling the security of an old building and I am reminded of all the people I have known over the years of being a part of that community. I have found freedom there; freedom to find the map that helps me find my way as I experience life as is unfolding before me.

Just had a thought I can never refold maps the way they should be. lol

I am getting better and better at losing things so I try to collect my thoughts and write them down before I lose them. I write on scraps of paper during the day but often they seem to disappear or I will look at words later and wonder "what was I thinking?"

We all find our own way in our own time on our own path!

SPIRITUAL APATHY

An early morning walk has me gazing up at the blossoms of a cherry tree even though it is very cold and feels like snow. No worries about me going out in the dark any more now that it is getting lighter everyday. I am very thankful that I can do my walking and it is nice when I have some one to walk with me; like yesterday morning Rick and I did a 45 minute walk.

There seems to be a lot of sickness in our family; Sandra has a cold and Mary is very sick with what may be mono [she is going to the doctor today] and Chris has the flu so was unable to join the party for Carol. Dad is hopeful that going to the acupuncture doctor will help his numb and painful feet. We had a good drive into New Westminster to pick up the gluten free bread today and made a very quick trip. Sandra is now added to the list of those who are eating this bread.
Maybe I should take Chris some.

More and more people are discovering they have no need of church and that they are comfortable with their spiritual apathy. They may have an interest in Buddhism or other eastern religions or psychology or philosophy but since they have little interest in God they have little need of faith. Religion has been guilty of abuse and misinformation. "Any movement of spiritual vitality is in constant danger of developing eccentric and centrifugal tendencies" but when we are caught up in the excitment; in eating the apple we forget to look for the worms that maybe God was trying to worn us of in the Garden. We have been taught by those who have appeared to be superior and I for one have fallen under their spell. We have all had a wrong picture of God which causes us to doubt there is even a God!

I will continue to search and to learn, hopefully with an open spirit and an open mind.

TOUGH QUESTIONS

I am glad that when we get together as a family we can laugh together and try to encourge one another. Friday started out for me asking myself some tough questions; like can I carry through with plans to help at the church or is it more important to enjoy the day with the man in my life.
I will be very careful about volunteering because I am not sure just what I can be available for.

Over breakfast with Rick and supper at Carol's and Panteli's my children also asked me some tough questions. What good does what you are doing do?

Daily we are faced with situations that seem hopeless because we ourselves feel helpless to be able to change the way things are going. We live in hope but sometimes we are caught in the silence of God.

THE JOURNEY

The journey of our lives is not always smooth but like the pond the wind blows and the ripples come and we take time to reflect on where we are and where we are going.

We both felt we needed just to get away. It did us both a world of good just to take a slow route to drive to Chilliwack; to enjoy the beauty of the greening fields and the clear view of the mountains always in front of us. A perfect sunny day just right for a drive. We wanted to drop off a card and a little gift for Mikie whose birthday had just slipped by us. Theresa and the family all had had bad colds and they were getting ready to journey to Salt Spring to celebrate more family birthdays.

It is good to give the mind a rest and the body a change away from all the things that need to be done; but especially the soul needs just to take time to enjoy and appreciate life. The soul takes us on a deeper journey as we gradually come to realize what is most important in life.

Loving God means loving my family, my friends and my neighbors. It takes time to become aware of what lies in the depths of our souls and I need to stop and think before I take steps that

lead me away from surrendering to the simple tasks of loving-kindness, compassion and honesty.

We had a very short visit with Ben and Morgan and they took great delight in showing us the new lacross gear as Ben is going to start next week. Morgan does her swimming and dancing and Theres is into kick-boxing. When we got home we had a visit with Melina and ken on the phone and we could hear baby Jasmine and Matthew making noises in the back-ground. They now have been told to wake Jasmine up so she gets tired at night.

Meanwhile I am waiting to hear from Rick if he is coming down for the week-end for a family party to celebrate Carol, her trip to the Grand Cayman and her birthday that happened while she was up in the air on her homeward journey.

THE ROADBLOCK

Spring flowers are amazing, they just seem to bloom so quickly. What was a hard barren branch now glows with colour and life!

We all our finding that we have to accept the things that we cannot change but we have to keep making an effort to find solutions. In life we face detours which force us to take another path and this may seem impossible at first but then we adjust. A road block is different as it is when we are stopped, unable to move in any direction. Even the most brave and daring can feel helpless and trapped. What do we do when God seems far away, our bodies are not healed, our tiredness is still with us when we wake up, and our hearts break when we see our loved ones in pain; that is the hardest part of all!

Walking with God doesn't spare us from hard choices or guarantee that we will make the right choice. Prayer can help shed a little light and it can be very humbling to admit to others we are in need of prayer. Our health is so important and especially being able to get around; go where you want to go and enjoy the freedom of being out walking or riding a bike etc. Dad's legs are very bad right now so it seems like we are stopped by the pain and the numbness. There are many painful battles that we have to go through in life and for me prayer has been a lifeline and also listening to advice from family and friends. The Bible says it is not good for man to be alone and yet often we can feel alone and the road may seem long and weary but God is faithful and he can show us the way if we are willing to listen and adapt.

We hear of amazing stories where people's life has been changed when they hit bottom but none of us want to experience it ourselves. Yes, I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and i believe that an unseen hand may come and remove the roadblock and we will find a new purpose and a deeper meaning for our lives.

Jesus said when troubles come lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.

We are being redeemed even when we do not feel like it!

THE HEART OF A WOMAN

This is Lee's mom who I am getting to know as I visit with her.

One of my great joys in life is visiting the elderly and sharing the story of my life with them. This started because of the years I spend visiting my mom and my dad in the nursing home.
I was blessed to have a wonderful mom who loved and cared for us and prepared me to embrace this calling on my life. She was a loyal friend and a faithful wife but I wonder now if she lost something of herself when she married. This is so easy to do when we get caught up in being a wife and then a mother.
God has given us each different gifts and we discover who we are is not the role we play but in finding the true passion of our hearts. Today the world offers new and better opportunities in the choice women have in careers and in life-style. With freedom comes responsibility to share our joys and our worries. I have been reading about some of the women in the Bible and I have been impressed with the strength that I have uncovered. Their voices were often unheard but yet their actions speak to us today.
I have found that their lives have helped me to discover the heart of Jesus that even the male writers of the Bible were often unaware of. I am thankful for the honesty of scripture that reveals the weakness of character in both male and female. I believe that women are now bring new questions and new strengths to enrich the reading of scripture. We are equal image bearers [Genesis 1:27] called to be soul mates not only to reproduce life, if we are fortunate, but to reproduce spiritual life. We have all been invested with dignity, worth and purpose that is a design for women and men to work together. We need each other. We need our children to also help us think and grow together.

DISAPPOINTMENTS

The promise of spring is blooming all around us now. I am seeing new little bulbs emerge from the barren wet earth and it gives me joy. A tiny flower can be every bit as wonderful as a tree coming out in great bloom.

There were many personal achievements of the athletes during the winter games here in Vancouver. There was much to celebrate yet in the midst of the celebrations were those who had hope and dream of greatness but had to face the disappointment of losing.

As I gather up my little prayer book this morning I wonder where do all the unanswered prayers go? It is so easy to give up when faced with difficult prayers realizing that many people are fighting a losing battle for health and even for life. We search for inspiration and realize that to pray is really the only answer.

I had thought dad and I would go to the store and get a few extra things because it is 10% day off. But his feet where to sore and as the day wore on I was getting too tired. We had enjoyed a visit from Carol seeing all her pictures of her visit to the Grand Cayman. She, too, is experiencing leg and feet problems. I am realizing that life for us is changing and we now will live day by day.

Others in our family are dealing with struggles of their own and I feel sad for them. We would all like to be the ones that can reach out to help but gradually realizing that we also need help makes us feel vulnerable.

We ended up taking the car and going out for Chinese food; so that ended my worry what to have for supper, and stopping to pick up the groceries on the way home. We ended up both going to bed early.

I am looking forward to a quiet morning at the church, together with Jane, we will sit in the scantuary joined by the presence of all who have blessed this church, and will pray for those in need and for those struggling to make decisions and for those weary and worn out.

A JOINT EFFORT

The Wearing of gold scarves was an idea that has come out of a group of people who have joined together to strive to bring awareness to the plite of B.C.'s poor and homeless, particularly those who sleep in the sanctuary at First United Church in Vancouver's girty East Side. Whether we support or oppose the Olympics, the efforts of VANOC have proved that we have the ability and resources to overcome massive obstacles and achieve significant outcomes. There are now a group of people starting to work on this project.

I have only worn my scarf to church and to Bible study and I am praying that the small group of people who are committed to this will have support of those who objected so loudly to the games.

I was thankful for a more peaceful day. The Bible talks about peace like a river and the soul that knows peace knows God.

REST

Resting in the beauty of God's amazing love that grings new babies into the world and guides the hands of surgeons as they operate on our friend Ron's heart to keep it beating qietly. God's healing presence is with us all.

Monday has become for me a day to rest which makes me aware that Sunday can become too busy. I am trying to balance my need to rest with things that need to be done. Today is a day to just relax and enjoy the quiet beauty of my home and the awakening of the beauty in nature as I walk and see new trees coming out in bloom and signs of spring everywhere. This beauty comes after a time of resting and even hiding.

"Whatever we make of ourselves we will make it by the durability we bring to the passage of time." On Saturday night we celebrated a 45th wedding anniversary with friends and lots of good humour. Sunday morning we were asked questions about how to make our church more spiritual. We talk about change but are we willing to change. I have been to many different church services and I have met some wonderful Christian people in all of them. I think I said too much yesterday morning although there were many who nodded their heads and seemed to agree with me. We get bogged down in words. Faith so easily can become a quagmire and that is why people turn away and feel it is too much effort. Yes, I can say my prayers and find peace in my quiet morning as others do among nature or studies or just being busy.
Change takes time and we have to respect where others are in their spiritual life and I would not want to make others uncomfortable. We have been formed by our past and I am happy just to rest in the love that has been given to me by friends and family.

The Sabbath heart within me needs a Sabbath rest to allow my soul to be able to respond with calm.

At the baby shower yesterday the new little boy was passed around. The first time I held him he started to cry and I soon let his mother have him again. I would soon be crying myself if I did not. He will need so much care and attention and he will change the lives of the whole family.

Yesterday was a day of great emotion for those who watched the hockey game and I would have been happy just to do that. It is wonderful to win such an exciting game and as I drove home there where cars honking and people out on the street waving flags with great excitement.

Today it is all over and the streets will return to normal and the noise and celebrations will now become memories. I am thankful just to rest and be still.