Front yard at Sandra and Randy’s.
Dad sitting at the table with Lucy and Peanut at his side.
Maybe Haiti has told them dad always makes crumbs when he eats.
A picture of three waiting to be fed.
“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well,
but the certainty that it makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.” - Vaclav Havel
Often it is hard to feel hopeful especially when I feel impatient and things are not going well.
I continue to need to learn a clear-eyed acceptance of getting older and what it will mean. Relationships have ended and the loss of friends has saddened our hearts. My biggest hope is that dad and I will grow old together. We will face continuing sickness and illnesses and disorders and even a lessening of our mental faculties. We have already lost physical attractiveness of youth and the strength and agility that goes along with this. Now I have gray hair and a sagging body but I hope I will be able to laugh at myself and still regain a sense of dignity.
Will others look into my eyes to see the soul that is trying to live hopefully with the promise of being able to share with others this new stage of life.
I must not give in to feeling like a victim of old age but recognize I am still captain of my fate. It is up to me to make choices that will help me regain strength.
I fear the loss of independence, will I be a burden to anyone? will I matter to anyone?
I do not know the answers but I do know that as I continue to have the energy and grace to continue to love that love will surround me. It has taken me years to realize that we love hopefully wisely, but free from the need of attachment and approval. In the past our hearts have been broken but the future can be a time of awakening and opening our hearts to all that is good and beautiful.
Each moment is precious no matter what age we are. Wisdom and compassion and love grow with us as we ripen into spiritual maturity. We have known disappointments and losses which are apart of being human. We have known busy days of exhaustion and stress and now there is time to meditate and pray and talk and walk on forest trails together.
Everything we long for can be beyond the wall of fear.
Gundy shared more of her life story with me which included the tragic death of her mother. Every person has a powerful story to tell waiting for the right time and a listening ear. We end up laughing together in appreciation of friendship.
"Love recognizes no barriers.
It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it's destination
full of hope."
"Because in this marathon of Hope" we go on loving life until it is time to pass the torch to the next generation. This destination lies beyond death.
5 comments:
Yes, every age has it's benefits and it's draw backs. With out being the ripe old age of 55 I would not have the pleasure of being a grama, It also brings aches and pains but that is OK, I don't feel them when I have a grandchild's hand to hold.
Very honest and profound blog, Beth. It say what most every senior thinks but don't have the courage to say.
Getting old is darned scary.....we feel the loss of control and cannot do a thing about it.
You are very brave to speak out and it is reassuring for others to know that they are not alone in their thoughts.
To give love freely without approval or attachment is very wise advice because often we are disappointed when we do not receive the expected approval and attachment they we desire.
We are going to the big city today....I need some art supplies for an upcoming class on using india ink and watercolour washes. Also need some illustration boards.
Finally it has warmed up here and we can think about gardening.
Our gravel roads are very dusty which makes it hard to walk the dogs...we have to duck in the bush to try and avoid them vehicles and then we pick up wood ticks. I can walk the trail through the bush but there is a large bear in the area so it is a difficult choice...bears, woodticks or dust. hmmmmmm Hopefully our municipal men will put dust off on the roads soon and it will solve the problem.
You would think drivers would slow down when they see someone walking with their dogs instead of leaving them in a cloud of dust. I feel like wearing a sign saying SLOW DOWN.
OK enough kiviching for today....
I wish you a wonderful day and thank you for your honesty in your writings.
Love, Nancy
Yes, I love being a grandmother and a great grandmother too.
I am so fortunate to have several nice places to walk and the walk to our park where we meet lots of four-legged friends is only a few blocks.
I cannot imagine facing dust and cars and wood-ticks and bears. I take my hat off to you Nancy!
love beth
Yes doing things together and going downhill at more or less the same rate makes the journey bearable and if fact often when we laugh at each other very enjoyable.
BUT I STILL WOULD LIKE TO BE 30.
Yes, you will always matter to dozens and dozens of people, including me!
All things considered, I wouldn't mind be 30 again either.
Love,
Rick
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